2009...

Time for my year end review.
I'm not going to lie, its been hella rough - in fact the damn year started off horribly for me - New Years Day - woke up with a HORRIBLE stomach flu and had to miss rehearsal the DAY BEFORE WE OPENED. Happy New Year to me. Ouch. 2009 has been a rough year. So many of us - more then ever - fighting the crashing economy, unemployment, etc etc. It blew. It blew hard. I dont think alot of people are going to be sad to see 2009 go - Dont let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!!! But anyhoo - It aint all bad - so here's my year end review:
January
I was in a show at Rude Guerrilla - Love Song. It did ok. Wasnt one of my favorite experiences, but I do always love being onstage. I think my favorite part of January was I had signed up for Kickball! I played for 2 seasons, sadly we're not playing currently but there is talk of starting back up again in the Spring. I met some fantastic new people and have made some more great friends! Kickball is a blast, you play (yup-same game as when you were 8!) then head to the bar afterwards and play Flip Cup. Our team was the Drunken Degenerates. No - we werent a great team, but we certainly always had the best time!
February
Superbowl Sunday - partied at Marky's, but sadly later that night I ended my relationship with Shawn. We're still friends, he was a great guy but we just were not meant to be. So of course - Valentine's Day brought my Anti-Valentines Day Bowling Bash! A group of friends met up at Strike OC and had a great fucking time! Later on that month was my bday. 33. It was a rainy crappy day so a bunch of my faboo friends met up at District Lounge in Orange and celebrated me. Good times!
March
I got a job. Out of desperation I took a job at the Symphony. I cant say I'm happy there, but I'm doing the best I can. March also brought a fantastic OCC reunion at Bistro 400. We had a great party that night and saw some old faces I've missed so much. A sad part of March brought the closing of Rude Guerrilla. We did a reading that night and closed our doors to a full house. The theater was filled with laughter, tears and overwhelming emotion. I had gone through the closing of the opera a few months prior and closing down the theater I'd been a huge part of for so many years was almost too much for me to take. That was a tough month.
April
April of course always brings Easter! We had our usual bash - lots of friends this year and our annual "Adult Easter Egg" hunt. The war was a good one this year - lots of laughter and a few bruises. We also had a fabulous Tea Party for Miss Jenn's baby shower. Wonderful turn out, lots of lovely ladies - hats and all - for a darling Tea Party - mini sandwiches and all. Later that month April brought us our beautiful little Bella. Welcome to the world little one.
May
May of course is Doheny Blues Festival. This year Shane and D joined Dad, T and I for a day/evening of amazing music - topped off by BB King and an earthquake. Yup - he rocks that hard. Another fabulous concert was Gogol Bordello - as per usual! A handful of us got a hotel up in Pomona and watched Gogol tear it up as always.
Had a faboo kickball BBQ that month as well at my bro's house - lots of drinking, games and people getting thrown in the pool. Later on in May I headed to Havasu with the boys. Drove myself this year and got a mobile home with 3 other ladies. The weather was perfect this year and we had a blast!
June
Most of June was spent at the Bro's house lounging in the pool with friends and fam. Sunday Fundays are the best! There was a Kickball Bike Pub Crawl somewhere in there, some hiking in Irvine Park and a very chill Daddy's Day. This was the month I also attended Jenna's wedding. This is a little one I used to babysit - watching her walk down the aisle aged me slightly. She of course made a beautiful bride and the wedding was gorgeous. We also had a surprise party for our friend Mr. Dorman - huge turn out, great night. Mom, Petey and I threw a Beach Themed Tea Party this month as well. Wonderful food and wonderful friends.
July
Fair Time!!!!! I only went twice this year. Jay took me one night and treated me like a princess. Dad and I went, this year joined by so many more and had a drunken good time. More Sunday Fundays. July was also the Punk Rock Baby Shower for one of my best friends Mitzy. It fucking ruled. I think mom and I have moved up even higher in the party throwing world. Dammit I love that we know how to throw a party. I also accompained Miss Ber to Mighty Mighty Bostones that month - had never seen them live and was so glad I did - They rock! But the biggest highlight this month was Kelly's Beach. There is a prior blog of course, but Holy Hell - talk about a crazy weekend! 105, 6 hour float down the river, more booze then I've seen in a long time - so much fun - little nutty - little overwhelming - but I'm totally in for next year and I'm sure Miss T will be right there with me!
August
This month was a bit brutal. One of my dear friends had a massive stroke. It was one of the toughest weeks of my life. It took everything in my power to be the rock they needed and not fall apart. He's doing amazingly now and I am so thankful for that. It brought alot of us closer together, but was quite trying to say the least.
Later on that month I drove to Texas. Yup, a comrade and I drove to San Antonio for a conference - the day by day blog is here, but lord - never again. The start of month was a good one for sure - we had our (whats becoming annual) trip to Vegas with the girls. So much fun as we usually do and I did quite a bit of damage in the shopping sections as well....
And of course August brought us our beautiful little punk rocker Simon. Welcome to the world rockstar!
September
Was a month of shows. Saw Paulo Nutini and Airborne Toxic Event in concert and saw a handful of friends of mine in theater productions. September of course also brings Street Fair Weekend. I beleive I partied the ENTIRE weekend. Drinking, eating, bike riding, etc etc etc. So much fun!!!
October
October began with a weekend away at our San Clemente time share. So relaxing and just what the Dr. ordered. T came down and we did a spur of the moment concert trip - saw The Agrolytes - never knew em, now love them. We also saw Gogol again that month and got to bring the bro - he now loves them as well. This was also the month I threw a very successful fundraiser for Petey. We raised tons of funds and had a lovely time. And what would October be without Halloween!!! Our usual crew got together and went to Haunt - this time hotel style. So much fun. I also threw my annual Halloween Party here at the house. Costumes were fantastic!! I love love the creativity my friends bring!
November
Rollin into the holidays. Thanksgiving was perfect. Nice and chill and humourous. Monday night football at Tommy's Pastrami becoming a regular occurence.
December
Here we are. Christmas has come and gone. It was very nice and very mellow. Julie/Gabe threw a great holiday party earlier this month. I get a few days off next week and plan on bringing in the New Year with my bro and friends.
So there it is. 2009 is pretty much done. This year has been full of good and bad, and the weird thing is - extreme good and bad. I suppose it balances out? I've met some fun boys, had some dates, have some crushes but I'm still single. Happily single though, no pining right now. My job has been excrutiating, but I'm hoping something works out in that area - thats a tough one that will take some major soul searching I believe. My body is terrilby out of shape and angry - but thats my next main focus. I dont make resolutions, but I do plan on getting off my lazy ass and taking care of it asap. I've made some really great new friends, I've become closer to some of my friends and grown apart from others. This of course is always bittersweet but things always happen for a reason right? I'm broke. I'm no sooner moving out of here then I was this time last year, but then again - who isnt. So its time. Time for change. Time for a new year and new possibilties. I'm cautiously optomistic for 2010. I think its going to be good. I really do.

Happy New Year my blog readers! I appreciate you all paying me a visit here, and following my wacky writings. I love you all and wish you the best in the upcoming New Year!

My wedding diamond...

My wedding ring is now a necklace.
I would have probably sold it, or hocked it or even burned it but it was my mother's diamond. One of the most special things about my wedding ring was that it was my mother's. No, her marriage didnt work out eithier, but she always kept her ring. She then passed it on to me when I got married.
After the divorce, people asked me if I kept my wedding ring. Yes, I'd say, because my mom's diamond is in there. I'd pull out the ring every now and again and have those painful heart tugs at what could have been. The white gold of the ring started to tarnish after time and not taking care of it, and I'd gaze at the symbolism of my tarnished marriage. The betrayel, the lies, my financial ruin, and more lies.
I told my mom one day I'd like to melt the ring into something else. I want to hold onto to that diamond, its special. I'm sure my mom gazed at that same jewel after her divorce feeling similar pangs of loss. We share this, mom and I. This diamond is special.
So mom took the ring to a friend of hers who had a jeweler. It was gone for so long I had honestly forgotten about it (which I'm sure mom had planned). The other day she said "I know we're not buying Christmas presents for each other this year (aaah the economy) but I wanted to give you this."
There it was.
My ring. Now a necklace. The teeny tiny emeralds have been removed and the diamond is set in a round setting with little diamonds surrounding it. Its beautiful. And so sparkly!
I took the necklace out today and gazed it. Maybe this can be a symbol too. I took a painful memory of my past, a life changing moment that still stings and had it turned into something new and beautiful. Maybe, like my diamond, I can become something new and beautiful too.

The holiday season begins...

Turkey Day has come and gone, Xmas lights and decorations are amuck, everywhere you go the holiday music is playing. I'm always a mixed bag around this time of year, but I will say this - its better then last. Granted I'm broker then broke - Thank GAWD we decided to draw names this year so we only get one gift. I have a handful of angel gifts I'll be spending most my holiday monies on - my heart breaks for these people who have no one. I was thrilled when 10 of my friends jumped on board and participated....still hopin they all pull thru...otherwise I"ll be getting a few more...
Last year at this time I moved back home. Thanksgiving weekend to be exact. It was an awful year, gramma was ill, I was down, D and I both recently unemployed. Our Turkey day was a bittersweet gathering of us eating bad prime rib and drinking. ALOT.
This year has been rough. I'm still not where I need to be, but I'm trying. Trying so hard. But the best thing as always is being surrounded by friends and family. The holidays may get commercial, and make people crazy, and some days I do just want to throw a Xmas tree thru the window, but there is the good.
We had a typical McCoy Thanksgiving this year.
D and the bro hosted and decided to attempt to deep fry a turkey for the 1st time. The entire process seemed a little too much work in my opinion but was comedy to watch. Bro with the giant rubber gloves, dad shouting instructions then both of them staring at the fryer wondering what was going to happen next - but of course playing it off like they knew what they were doing. Gramma didnt make again, but I did pick up my 94 year old Papa. He happily had a couple of beers (gramma not there to nag him) and watched the game and the deep fryer comedy. Mom brought so much stuff as well and our friends Nat and roomie were there also. Our holidays tend to always include a few of our friends whose family isnt local and I love it. We all ate too much, watched the Cowboys win and laughed the night away. The later crew - Nat, bro, D, me and another friend joined us later - played cranium. We did drink alot again this year but topping it of with hours of cranium was just the entertainment I needed.
The rest of the weekend was lovely. I drank mimosas while I watched mom and the roomie decorate for Xmas, I got alot done, I slept, I ate.
Going back to work was rough. I'm so unhappy there and I'm waiting and hoping this economy will turn around. I need something that makes me happy.
Still no answers from my shooting star, I'm a little frustrated but I'm trying to be patient. Life goes on. I'm battling the bad days but embracing the good ones. Now if I could just find a little motivation I'd be golden....

Coincidence...?

I dont know what I believe in.
I pray to God. I ask things of the universe. I want to say I dont believe in coincidence...but I'm not sure.
Tonight was too interesting not to at least write here...

Mom and I were sitting in the hot tub.
I've been extremely frustrated with my life lately.
I try to be positive. I honestly do. I've tried so hard.
I'm a good friend, I've done alot for others, I'm a good person. (Thank you to those who have told me lately...).
I'm still frustrated.
I'm at that point where I'm not sure if this is the right thing to say at this point, but I really need something good right now. Some significant positive change, etc. I could go on and on...I wont.
Here's what happened:
Mom and I were talking as we do sometimes, sitting in the hot tub. We were talking about life and religion and work and friends, etc.
I got frustrated. I vented. I told her how I feel, and that I'm unhappy and its getting more and more frustrating each day.
We laughed like we do, she teased my sarcasm.
I told her I need something. Something positive. A job I love. SOMETHING.
I shit you not:
I turned up to the universe or God or I dont know and shouted -
"THROW ME A FUCKING BONE!"
Mom laughed.
I saw a huge shooting star. Seriously. Like 1 second after I shouted.
My jaw dropped.
"I just saw a fucking shooting star"
Mom laughed again.
"See - there's your answer" she said. "I've never seen a shooting star out here, and that happens".
I could only blush.
That was fucking weird.

I can only hope.

The too close for comfort little hummingbird...

Such a random occurrence I had to share.
T and I were chillin during one of our normal Wed eve’s together. We came out onto my patio to have a cig before ANTM.
Buzz, buzz.
T looks at me. “You hear that?”
“Its probably just a bug” I reply.
Buzz, buzz – this time louder.
I too realize its something other then a bug.
I notice the sound coming from a netting overhang above the papsan.
There he is. A little hummingbird with a red chest, caught in the netting. This is the 3rd little bugger this has happened too. I holler for my mother, not in the mood to dodge a freaked out bird like the last 2 times. She comes out and frees him.
He darts through the patio and lands on the plant stand a few feet away. Mom returns inside. You’d think this would be the end.
No.
As T and I are sitting out there, this little dude flies back and forth, freaking out. He’d either land on the plant (RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD), the plant stand or the stand up fan that’s standing pretty much between me and T. We also have bloody handprints on the kitchen window for Halloween that he seems to think is food. Back and forth. Back and forth. This is a little unnerving, if only for the fact he could care less that there’s 2 people chillin out there with him. T and I continue to dodge him but are fascinated. I start to feel bad. We’re thinking he wont leave due to the fact that its dark and he has no idea where he is. This continues on for quite a while. After another attempt at the hands he falls to the ground for a moment, but then back around.
At one point, when he’s on the fan – his long clear tongue comes whipping out. Now, I’ve never been this close to witness this sort of thing. I stare in awe as T is mortified.
My guilt takes over, so I climb up to unhook the hummingbird feeder that he cant seem to find and I hang it over the plant stand he seems to favor. It takes him a few flutters around but he finally finds it. He drinks and drinks and drinks. This seemed to be the answer. He lands again on the plant stand and actually does a little happy dance.
T and I mosey back inside to watch our show and when we return he’s gone. Hopefully the little bugger found his way, but I must say it was quite an interesting thing to watch.

Our bodies...

Yup.
I'm gettin older.
I'm 33.
Life isnt quite where I planned it on being at this stage in my life, but I continue to roll with the punches.
I'm trying to motivate myself, hell force myself to start taking better care of myself physically and emotionally. Obviously I'm failing miserably at the moment - but I'll get there.
A dear friend of mine had a massive stroke. He is 37. He's recovering wonderfully but still - slap in the face. I read the news all the time about people's lives snuffed out at such a young age. Gone. Death scares me. I'll admit it. I'm afraid to die. I dont lie awake stressing about it, but I certainly would like to avoid it if possible. At least for now. You think that would be a good kick in the ass to take better care of myself. Alas no. The funny thing is - I'm not all that unhealthy. I eat decently, I dont drink myself into an oblivion every night. Yes I smoke. I smoke heavily. I was at an oral surgeon today filling out paperwork (I'll get to that in a minute) and I had to write down that I smoke. For how long it asks. I thought about it and guesstimated 15 years. Jesus. Yet I plan on having one after I write this. To sit outside and ponder life like I often do. Yes, smoking is one of those things I need to stop.
I seem to be finding myself a little less invincible these days. I worry more. I dont want to die. I'm seeing a new dentist now. Apparently my prior dentist my mom worked for most of her life sucked, and now I'm seeing a good one that she works for now. I have cavities on both sides of my mouth. I got the right side done already - actually survived my very 1st shot in the mouth and massive drilling. I dont recommend it. I need to make an appt. for my 2nd side. Still have yet to do so. He referred me to an oral surgeon because I have a little flap of gum on my back wisdom tooth (Yes I still have them). Could be a pollup. Mouth cancer. I honestly wasnt worried, nor was my mom and the oral surgeon confirmed that. Its just a tissue tag, no big. But it makes me think. What if it was. I also have a doctor's appt this friday because I've been having stomach issues for over 2 weeks now. My grandmother died of colan cancer. I cant help but worry a little. I'm sure its stress related and I probably have IBS. But still. I worry. I also need to make that damn appt. with the dentist for the other side of my mouth. I also need to make a dermatologist appt for some angry freckles. This getting old stuff blows.
I had planned on this week starting into really trying to take better care of myself, especially by excersising. I cant because of said angry gut. (And the fact that Gogol Bordello 3 hour bouncing makes for very pissed of calves)
I dont know why I wrote this blog really, I just think our bodies are odd. I hear of these super health freaks dropping of a heartattack at 30. I hear of smokers dying at 98 years old. One of the oldest men in the world is quoted when asked what his secret is to saying "Whiskey, smoking and women". I mean who or what is to say makes it all better? If I quit smoking, become a vegetarian and stop drinking - I could still drop dead. Yet, I know filling your lungs up with smoke cant nessasarily be a good thing. I dont know. I think I'm just more annoyed that being "healthy" seems to be a pain in the ass. But I will make the attempt. I will. These extra pounds I've put on are not flattering, and I really want to "feel better". I'll just have to wait until the doctor tells me I'm ok I suppose.
Stupid gut.

San Clemente Photo Play

San Clemente

Ah Day 1.
Arriving in one of the few places I can find a bit of peace. A bit of relaxation. A bit of ahhhhh.

Waves crashing onto shore. The screech of the train in the distance as it arrives loudly and feverishly. The sound of children laughing. The taste of the sweet red wine. The buttery magnificentness of the bucket o mussels. The lone electric guitar player filling the evening with his sad songs. The look of pure relaxation on mom's face. The excitement of Keri's brief escape from her harsh reality. The local kids surfing in the dark blue ocean. The shimmering pink shock of the sunset. The familiar condo that is starting to feel like a 2nd home. The colors, oh the colors of the blue sky, the puffy white clouds, the harsh sunlight that eventually fades into a beautiful pink, the sharp white moon, the dark shimmering blue ocean, the lush green palm trees, - its like a photograph. I try to shoot what I can. Capturing the essence of one of California's unknown cities. Its a perfect first day. Sigh.

Photo Fun

San Antonio Trip Day 9 and the last....

I'M HOME I'M HOME I'M HOME!!!!! It was so nice when B and I stumbled in the door and mom and roomie were so happy to see us and my girls came a running! Smokie was also quite happy to see me! :)
Last day started quite groggy after our long day then long night of Tucson partying last nite. We headed to downtown to grab some breakfast and realized Tucson Brueggers Bagels is not as good as SoCal Brueggers. We hit the road. We're both tired, done and somewhat cranky I'd say. We trekked through the desert listening to Mo-Town and stopped for lunch at some truck stop. We had an absolutley horrible meal that reminded us both how healthy we need to eat when we return to town. Dont have anything really interesting to post for today except the long long long driving throught the desert. We both perked up and were so happy to see the Welcome to California sign.
I would say this is one of the longest times I've been away. The conference was fine, did learn some and met some great people to network with now when we need each other. B and I shared some fantastic random adventures. I got to see Texas and I doubt I'll ever be there again, unless I head out to see my girl N. I'm exhausted but so very happy to be home. Hope you all enjoyed the random bloggings of my adventure.

San Antonio Trip Day 8...

So we groggily stumbled out of bed this morning in Fort Stockton TX and headed out after a decent free breakfast and getting gas with a bit of a dragonfly battle. Today was our longest drive, we also lost 2 hours so that made it seem even longer...lord. Lots of long desert driving and me realizing I have a bigger case of ADD then I thought. We stopped at a few random spots...the Aleka tourist spot to get gas where we checked out random chotchikes and I purchased my bag of skittles. This place has a huge set of flats set up to make it look like a town...it was cheesyily awesome. We then finally had to stop at another tourist attraction...there were a bunch of billboard advertising "The Thing". It was the same company as Aleka and others we had passed but we had to see what this one was all about. We paid our $1 to check it out. It turned out to be a 3 building set up in the back of the store of random artifacts of junk and old cars...lots of weird torture set ups..um....what was the weirdest was we realized there was a whole house...er mobile home set up as well meaning someone actually lived here. B and I decided that was actually "The Thing" and started having memories of really bad horror flicks where these teenagers are checking out some random tourist spot and get massacared. Ya. Awesome. We headed back out and finally arrived in Tucson AZ. We got a decent hotel and decided to check out the town. For dinner we braved the all you can eat sushi place (yup-sushi in the desert) and the place was f-ing packed. We actually had decent sushi and totally overdosed since it was all you can eat and decided to still check out the night life. B had noticed a band Heather Hardy that was playing at a place called The Hut. I must point out - downtown Tucson is a total hippy/college town. The place is swarming with kids in "Wildcat" shirts and other artsy indie people. Its awesome. Sort of like a mini downtown Long Beach. We waltzed our fat asses into The Hut, had a drink and after I started getting extremely annoyed and tired that it was starting way later then planned...the gal and this dude started in. They were ok. I wanted to beat the sound guys head in, but I did realize the gal was awesome. Talk about a fantastic fiddle player. We then realized they were the opening act and Heather and her band would be playing after. I seemed to get a 2nd wind ( I honestly think its just I was so past tired I was now in a weird slap happy phase) so we stayed. They were fucking awesome. The guitarist was great, Heather was great, they played some fantastic blues. There was also an adorable old couple that kept cuttin the rug everytime and upbeat song played. They were so great and romantic! Damn can they dance!!! I also would like to point out the really weird long gray haired dude that was in his own world dancing as well...he was quite entertaining. We listened to the majority of thier set and the fullness set in for B since he kept drinking beers, so we headed out. I definately plan on looking her up when I get back, cuz that gal needs to play Doheny. Now I'm over exhausted, slightly tipsy on wine and saki and ready to crash out. We head home 2morow!!!

San Antonio Trip Random Trivia...

So on the long stretches of boring driving B and I would come across things that peaked our curiousity and he of course has a magic phone. Here's what we've found:
> A Mesa is the cause of hard rock staying solid while the rest of the thing erodes away leaving the flat top.
> DWI stands for Driving While Intoxicated
> Mexican Jumping Beans are caused by moth larva being laid in the bean and they cause the thing to jump.
> The Salton Sea history is fascinating and horribly sad...
> NYC is the highest populated city, LA comin in 2nd, Chicago comin in 3rd...
> Left Lane for passing only isnt nessasarily a law, but your encouraged to stay in the right lane and only use the left lane for passing.
> The "Tiki Unvealing" that is happening at The Hut is a 50 ft tall Tiki statue that was built in 1971 that The Hut has saved and is revealing 2morow night.
> There are porcupines in Texas. We have yet to see an Armadillo.
We've also learned a hell of alot about each other, listened to plenty of classic rock, reggae and other road music. I crave skittles while driving. Both of us get bored as hell when we're passengers. Bugs hitting your car constantly gets old real fast. Texas has really nice rest areas. According to my gf, during St. Patricks Day they die the entire river on the Riverwalk bright green. When you get stopped at the inspection point in Texas they will stop you and look in your car for illegals. The size of raindrops vary whilst driving thru a storm. "The Thing" in Arizona is a weird collection of old junk, but there is also someone living there and we both thing that may be the real "Thing".
That is all for now. 2 more day blogs and I will be home....yay!

San Antonio Trip day 7...

So getting up this morning was not pretty. I wanted to cry when the alarm went off. I stumbled out of bed partially hungover and showered. I get a txt from my boss "Lets meet for breakfast at 8:30". Sigh. I figure I have time to pack and load the car before I meet up with her. I txt B while I do this and finally head down to meet her. As B rounds the corner he looks only slightly worse then I do. My boss sees the 2 of us and laughs. We force down some breakfast and I skip out on the "morning session" to buy a new pair of sunglasses since mine somehow got scratched the hell up in the evening before. I also find my cowboy hat. Yay. I'm back in time to meet our cfo to check us out and we roll into our last session. B and I doze in and out while they drone on and on. We head to lunch with our crew and listen to a much too long conference wrap up. The minute we're done B and I are out the door, in the car and on the 10 fwy. Nothing to exciting to report on the trip, but we did hit some rain and saw some beautiful clouds, sun rays and a little lighting. We make it to Fort Stockton in one piece. We've checked into a Quality Inn...much less bugs then Van Horn. We grab some dinner at K-Bobs since we are dying to have some TX steak before we leave this godforsaken state. This place looks like a rec center. Its amazing. B gets ribeye and I get NY Strip. It was pretty damn good thats for sure! The highlight of our dinner was listening to some real life Texans visiting with each other behind us. The thick drawls and random conversation was amazing. Our waitress was a peach with her "Ya'll's and Darlin's". As we head out we see the craziest lighting storm starting. Not as cool as the Decatur storm I saw last year, but watching this desert sky flash and light up and huge lighting rods striking the ground is pretty f-ing cool! We're drinking our wine in our plastic cups and watchin the storm. Ahhh TX.

San Antonio Trip Txts...

This may not seem funny to you readers...but this was our txting at the conference over 4 days or so...if you read thru super fast it makes us laugh anyway.....
J Are you on your way?
B Here
J Where
J What time did we check out on Sat morn
J What time are you goin down?
B What do you have in mind?
J 20 min
B OK
J C u down there
J Keep me posted on tonite
B Do you need a pack of smokes
J I'm ok
J I just fell asleep
B Are you done?
J Ya
B We are meeting in the lobby in the bar about now
J I'll have to meet you guys later. Is everyone going?
B Just Frank and Lorraine
B Are you sure?
J Ya I wont be ready for an hour, just let me know where you are at I guess later
B Are you napping?
J No I"m straighting my hair so I wont freeze the next few days
B Should that make sense?
J I'll explain later
J Are you guys coming back for dinner
B Yes but we'll be a little later probably about 630
J Wow
J Where u
J I cant find anymore wine
J WTF
B Spirt
B This is your people's song
B Did you hook up?
J You look like your hooking up
B Where are you
B Help
J You look like your enjoying yourself
B Your a big help
J She loves you
B Probably
J I could save you but I already told married british guy I was leaving. Just tell her you have a hot date with a cowgirl
B I hate you
J You love me. I'm just chilling in my room with a glass of wine not dealing with drunk tessiturians
B I hate you
J Hey maybe you'll get lucky, she wants you
B Did I mention that I hate you
J Have fun
B Its still happening
J Thats awesome
B No
J Just leave then
B You think its that easy
J I was just out front to save you but didnt see you
B You lie
J I was!
B Do you have an extra glass?
J What?
B of wine
J Ya. But your already drunk and have a lady to take care of
B 1521?
J What time you going down?
B Who are you?
J Very funny. Are you hungover?
B Tired
J Me too
B What time are you
J 20 min
B Its always 20 min
J I know but its always true aint it?
B Ok
J I'll stop by your room
J You have internet?
B You have Q-Tips?
J Yes I'll bring them, I'm on my way in 5
J Where you
B Lynch room. And u?
J Level 4. Wheres the lynch room
J Which 4 oclock are you going to
B I"m trying to find you
J I"m way in the back
J Where u?
B Not done yet
J Us eithier
J I'm surrounded by geeks
J I'm smoking on level 3
J I mean level 1
B I'm done
B Hello
J Where r u
J are you doin a breakfast session
B are u
J no but I"m down here now
B why
J cuz i want coffee and they have normal breakfast too
J you goin to the main lunch room
B sure
J when, i'm at for havin a cig
B I'm ready
J I'll come down now
B down where
J main lunch room i'm at the other end from breakfast
J I'm coming
J hello
B drinkin wine by yourself
J bout to crash, you hooked up with your wife yet
B I'll tell you in the morning
J Ohhh
J Down at breakfast
B is that an invitation
J if your hungry
B where praytell
J i hurt

San Antonio Trip Day 4, 5 and 6

Well, figured I could combine the main conference days into 1 blog because believe me - not much happens when your at a conference. Especially a conference about a computer program. Especially a conference that has alot of geeks. No offense to these folks, they are quite proud of their geek status actually, but I just have a hard time trying to have a conversation with someone without it going into computers or how AWESOME Tessitura is. Sigh. I need a different job. But - I have a job. Blah blah. Anywhoo...
Monday was the sort of start of the conference. I realized later it wasnt the "real" start - it was a "pre-session" day. Whatev. We got up early, had a decent breakfast and headed off to my 1st session. Tuesday was actually the 1st day apparently. They had a big ol presentation after breakfast on Tue, starting with a film with clips from The Alamo and shots from the history of TX. Yawn. Then went on for waaaaaaaaaaaay too long about stuff thats just waaaaaaaaaaaay too boring to get into. This is basically how my days have gone:
I signed up for yoga, but I"m so f-ing exhausted every day I cant get up to go - so scratch that. We have breakfast, then we go to sessions. Some of these sessions I doze in. Some I do get good ideas and notes to take back with me, etc etc. We have breaks in between where they serve coffee and snacks. Then we have lunch - sometimes lunch sessions. Not a fan of these. I want to eat my damn lunch, not discuss event planning with someone having a carrot hanging out of their mouth. We then have more afternoon sessions until about 5 or 6 and then that part is done. Nights:
Monday night - B and some other co-workers left to meet a friend, me and my boss decided to go to the Tessitura dinner. We thought it was dinner. We were hungry. NO. It was a weird "block party" networking thing. We had cocktails (which of course I didnt mind) then were sent off somewhere for snacks and "networking" then to dinner and "networking". I was trying to be polite due to the fact that I was with my boss, but I loved the moment after we ate and she mentioned how sad she was she hadnt seen anything yet. I said "Well we could just go now..." Women was out the door. So we ditched out and did a little sight seeing on the Riverwalk, we did make it back to see one of our co-horts sing in the "Tessitura Chorus". Afterwards a few of us went to the hotel bar and drank and chatted with other folks. I chatted it up with a lovely fellow from London who had a nasty sense of humor like I, and we shared stories. I headed out to go back to my room when I got a panic txt from B "Help". I did notice a little gal was chatting him up when I left. I of course enjoyed this thoroughly and let him hang for a while before he somehow escaped. Ah, comedy. Tuesday night was "On our own in San Antone". Sigh. The humor of these people.....
Our CFO took us all to dinner. We found some lovely little Italian restaurant on the riverwalk, had some fab wine and fab food then wandered around a bit. Half of us ended up at the hotel bar again. My lovely co-hort consultant from Chicago was now here, so her and I shared some stories and drank. I headed back up my eyes weary from the whole thing. I think the drive was starting to get to me. Its a long damn time. Now its Wed evening and I'm bleary eyed and stupid from sessions all day and waiting for my girlfriend from HS to arrive. She's apparently a local and we insisted we had to meet up while I was here. SO, I'll be saving this as a draft and wrapping up this blog hopefully with some fab adventures from this evening....
Ok...back and slightly tipsy! :)
My high school gf and I met up at my hotel, caught up over a glass of wine and headed out. She suggested a place on the Riverwalk called Dicks...its somewhat like Ed Debevics...they are sarcastic and fun - I was of course game. We rolled in to an obnoxious gal who sold me on some pink "I love Dicks" panties...thats right and we sat down for drinks and snacks. Our waitress was fab. She's apparently moving to San Diego in October, so I totally plan on visiting the Dicks down there and showing her the photos she took of her own boobs. Yup. This place ruled. I ordered the "ghetto wine" which turned out to be some blue shit in a nasty bottle that tasted like candy. I ordered ribs, we chatted and caught up on each others lives. It was awesome. Like none of those years had past. I love her. She then dropped me off at our final Tessitura networking event where the "Tessiturians" played. Yup. We're apparently all artists who didnt quite make it and these folks put together a band. I will say this - the gal did one of the best impersanations of Janis Joplin I've ever seen. I met up with B and some fellow friends from the Center and drank even more. We hiked back to our hotel and right to the bar. We chatted and laughed and the night got late. Here I type in my last nite in a nice hotel with one more day of conferencing then off to the long ass drive home. I'll keep you posted on B and I's adventures as we trek back across a few states to my own bed I've been longing for since I left.

San Antonion Trip Day 3...

Wow is this hotel way nicer then the last 2!!!! Guess it should be since I'll be here until Thursday night. We made it to San Antonio!! Woot!
Today started with B & I takin a gander at the grasshopper situation...still pretty bad. So B loaded our luggage and gave me the go ahead to sprint to the car. We rolled out an on the road. We stopped for coffee/water in some random town. Chatted with a lovely lady from New Mexico whose car had broke down and was a quilter. She's done shows in CA so I'm sure my dad's wife has met her at some point! :) We were being swarmed again but this time by little yellow butterflies - way cuter and this I could handle. Back on the road. We stopped in Oxana or Ocana (sp?) for lunch at Sonic burger and listened to the Texan drawls around us. We also heard there was a Davy Crockett monument so of course we had to go see it and I take a picture! On the road again. Long long long drive, but we got excited when we started rollin into the city of San Antonio. Between our AAA directions and B's magic phone we made it to our hotel. We checked in, then checked into the conference where the very excited Tessitura people gave me all my stuff and my badge with a giant ribbon that says "1st Timer". After we got settled B and I booked over to The Alamo. It was closing in a few minutes but I wanted to at least check it out and take some photos which we did. It was certainly a trip walking around that area and remembering what happened there many years ago. The also have a really beautiful garden area in the back that we strolled thru. We then hit the Riverwalk. Its quite lovely. I was trippin out that there's this random pretty river that runs thru the middle of a main city! The little tour boats would go thru with the happy tour guides telling the folks about the history of the city. Sadly I dont think I'll have time during our conference week to actually take one of those tours even tho I'd like to. We had dinner at a fantastic mexican restaurant right on the river and shared a liter of sangria and chatted with our sweet waitress. We then strolled around some more takin in the sites. We found a drugstore where we stocked up on snacks and what not and I got some fun chotchkies for mom and the roomie for lookin after my girls! I'm now chillin in my nice hotel room about to open a bottle of wine and try to get organized for this conference!

San Antonio Trip Day 2...

B and I groggily wake up Saturday morning, to of course the bathroom light not working. As I’m marching into the bathroom with the lamp for light, a dim fizzy light appears…well…this will do. Sigh. I head down after to check out the continental breakfast…its decent. I make an English muffin and grab some coffee and fruit and head back to the room. We pack up and head out back on the 10. B has a plan to stop at Saguaro National Park as a slight detour. So we pull off and drive into the middle of nowhere. We turn on the dirt road to where supposedly this national park lies..well…lets just say I’ve never been on a road so bad it makes the entire car shake. I tend to panic slightly when stuff is happening to cars that I don’t understand. Even tho B tries to convince me its ok, I cant do it. So we pull over, and I take some nice photos of the Sagauro cactus that’s closer. We stop a few more times taking random photos then get back on the highway. Benson seems like a good place to stop and grab a bite to eat. A&W sounds fun! We wonder into the combined A&W, pizza, chicken, gas station kitchy central and eat our lunch. Bad idea. Oh lord was the food bad….ugh. So we head back out now with rocks in our bellies and trek on. We cross into New Mexico. I’m starting to fade. We trade off and B takes over the driving. Not much to report on the drive really…there’s a whole lot a nuthin out there!!!! We eventually make into Texas. We breeze through El Paso. Not a pretty city. It’s a mish mash of industrial, weird things. The houses on the side of the mountain you pass look exactly like Mexico. My heart tears a bit wondering what its like to live here. Our current goal is Van Horn. We figure it’s a bit past El Paso and should help make tomorrow’s drive maybe a little less brutal. We drive and we drive and we drive. We finally roll into Van Horn and head straight to Chuy’s Mexican Food. The place is full of sighed photos of celebrities – especially John Madden – and all kinds of random things. We get our order to go due to now its 10pm here (Time jumped ahead 2 hours on us) and head back to our Econo Lodge. Now. I had noticed a few large grasshoppery things flyin around the restaurant. A bit creeped out, but whatever. B and I pull into our lodge. They are everywhere. I wait in the car and B runs to check in. As we roll around the corner to where our room is there is a fucking swarm. We pull up to our door and they are all over it. I’m of course squealing like a little girl in the car, not wanting to get out at all. B runs out and deals with the creatures so I can make a sprint to the door with our dinner. God love him he gets our luggage while I stand at the door opening and closing it strategically to avoid any of them getting in. Of course, squealing every time. Ugh. I’m not exaggerating – these are the size of small children. I’m so creeped out. But – I took the bed away from the window and I’ll cross my fingers and wish for the best!! B and I are now drinking bottled mojitos – the only alcohol available in this town and regretting Chuy’s Mexican Dinner.

San Antonio Trip Day 1

Well, here I sit in Phoenix, drinking wine out of a Best Western paper cup. Thats right - I'm all about class. But I have my compadre B here with me sharin the other half of the bottle. Sadly I have to admit I was not looking foward to this trip whatsoever. I work for PSO and they have sent me to the Tessitura Conference in San Antonio Texas. I told them I dont fly because I usually barf thinking this would be my get out of jail free card. We talked about driving and they said "We'll get you a rental car and your on your way!" Well....I'm in now. Luckily B is drivin with me-bein an apparent fan of roadtrippin. I'm going to attempt to blog daily now that I actually have a laptop- but we'll see. We dont really know where we're staying or what the hell I"m doing for the most part, but we'll see! :)
Its day 1. I rolled out of bed trying to think positive about this whole thing and quelling the damn anxiety burrowing in my belly. I"m giving extra attention to the girls hoping they wont freak out while I"m gone.
I'm packed and ready to go. The lovely bro drops me off at National rent a car to meet our CFO and my co-hort. Of course they're late. Of course said co-hort has to finish a few things at the office and of course said co-hort has to drop is damn car off in Balboa. Sigh. We finally hit the road about 1:30. We head out in our Chevy Impala. As we trek out we realize...why are there random ants appearing. Whatever...we kill them move on. We of course hit the brutal 91fwy traffic but finally are on our 10 stretch. More ants. WTF!!! We stop at a random Wendys in Moreno Valley somewhere when both of us realize we havent really eaten yet. We trek on. We decide to stop in Blythe to gas up, pee, smoke, walk around etc. This is when we realize both sides of our doors have ant colonys...ANTS FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!!! We try to get rid of what we can but they're coming from somewhere we cant get to. I fight off the visual I have of why they are there...and we move on. Of course the whole drive we find a little fucker and kill it and it seems they're getting more frequent. Whatever. I get quite excited as we start to see saguara cactus and I'm bound to stop and take a photo...I have yet to. As we're rolling into Phoenix we see flashes. B thinks I'm crazy but happily he sees I"m right and super excited...we're watching a kick ass lighting storm. It starts to rain a bit but the lightning is sick! After a slight battle of B looking for a hotel..(why did this seem like and old marriage couple squabble) I pull off the hwy - whip out the tour book and find us a hotel off the 10. Best Western it is. Aside from a funny smell coming in, and a bit of a battle with the bathroom light - its do-able. B and I are satisfied. We head out for some Claim Jumper grub, plan on going and getting some bug spray tomorow and are finishing our bottle of wine here in the room in our fancy Best Western Paper Cups!!!! Tomorow we head out again!

Friendships...

Family and friends.
The most important thing in ones life in my opinion. Family and friends helped me through my bitter divorce, and the hurt and anger I felt years afterwards. Family and friends helped me through moving back home after my 10 year job went under. Family and friends are always there when I’m sad or hurt or struggling or celebrating.
I’m very lucky – I have an amazing family. I’m not a person who comes from a wacked out childhood, I’m not a person who was abused by her family. My family is very close. No, we’re not perfect. Yes, we have our quibbles but we love each other unconditionally. My family still loves me after I went through my “dark years”. I’m lucky. I’ll never ever take that for granted.
Friends are different. Friends come and go. We do have those certain friendships that will last a lifetime. It’s interesting to me to find out who these people are as life goes on. I have been surprised and disappointed. I have a wonderful circle of friends right now I can trust and rely on. Some of those I’ve grown closer too. Some of those know me so well it’s freaky. Some of those know exactly what I need when I need it. Then there are those that have drifted away. Those friendships I thought would turn into a lifetime bond but sadly did not. People change. Lives change and they move on, without me. It hurts, but its life. I consider myself so very lucky to have as many lifetime friendships that I currently have. I love those friends so very much.
Then its times like this past week, when something tragic happens to a dear friend. A stroke crippling my 37 year old friend. I do think he’ll come through. I do think he’ll be back to his sassy self, but it’s hard and it’s sad and I’ve cried so much. Its going to be a very long frustrating process. My other dear friend and his partner I’ve watched. I showed up to be his right hand wo-man. Any support I could give. Anything I could do. He’s relied on me for a lot because he knows he can. He knows I’ll be there. I’ve known and loved these two for 13 years. (Hell maybe 14 now…). Its hard to watch a strong figure crumble when someone he loves is so vulnerable right now. But I’m there. And so are so many others. Its truly been so amazing to be a part of the out pouring of support. The love, the offers, the friendships. Why – because we’re family. I’m the daughter and granddaughter of fireman. Fireman families are just that – family. We all do whatever we can for each other, whether we know each other personally or not. We’re family. The theater community is family. The Rudies are family. We take care of our own. I know its touched the hearts of my boys to see the outpouring of love and support. And its touched my own heart when some of those people, those dear friends of mine call me as well. Ask me how I am. Ask me how I’m holding up. Telling me what an angel I am for what I’m doing. It means the world. I’m doing it for my friends, my family. I’m doing it because I love them, and I would do anything I can for those I love. Its beautiful to know I’d have the same in return. I never expect that, never expect rewards or recognition, but it touches me. It just proves my point – I’m so very lucky to have wonderful friends and family. Yes, I’m over sensitive and over emotional right now, but its still so great to know we have each other in these shitty times.
As I said earlier, its interesting and sad and beautiful when friendships grow or falter. But knowing how many lifelong bonds I have makes me smile.

Kelly's Beach Friday....

Every year for I dont know how long, my brother and about 50 or so of them go to Kelly's Beach. This is about a 3-4 hour drive up north and a part of Kings River. They drive up Fri, float on Sat and come home Sun. This was the 1st year I could join in the fun and my fellow adventurer T-mow came along for the ride.
We were to meet at the bro’s at 4am. Yes. 4 Am. For those of you who don’t know, this is way before the sun rises and its an ungodly hour any normal person to be anywhere. Of course this meant I had to get up at 3. After some grumbles and stumbles and clumsy packing, T and I headed over to Shane/D's. There was 7 other half asleep friends attempting to load up, and we finally all rolled out. After ALOT of coffee and the sun rising, I started to feel somewhat human again. After 31/2 hours or so, and a couple of missed exits we rolled into Kelly's Beach. Now this is a ghetto campground pretty much made for partying. The campsites are enormous, they line the river, there's a general store with a sign says "We open at 9 or 10, sometimes as early as 7, sometimes as late as 10". A bar/restaurant, nasty bathrooms, and a staff that’s...well...interesting.
After an extremely long check in, we get bracelets attached that we have to wear the whole weekend (Are we on spring break?) and are assigned our campsite. One of our peeps has a trailer, so Mr. angry man who works there has to back it in. In the meantime the rest of us are setting up our tents and the rest of camp. We also notice we’re breaking out in a sweat in the early morning hours…oh lord. Most of us are set up by 9am. It feels like 2, so we start to drink. Hmmmm why am I getting a buzz already. Someone says its only 10am. Wow. Hair of the dog right? Throughout the day, our party grows bigger, eventually totaling up to about 50 or so of us. It’s a trip. Friday consists of drinking before 10am as prior mentioned, and then the rest of the day, playing games, eating, chatting, drinking, etc...Did I mention drinking?
I mosey down to the river to test the water and realize it’s about as cold as something...oh maybe in Antarctica...um we're floating in this shit tomorrow??!! It was a little odd...hotter then Satan's living room outside, yet too cold for Miss Jami to get in the water. There were alot of angry flies, so between the "Repell" bug spray, sunblock, and sweat you had a nice layer of grime on your body the entire time. Lets just say no one was "dressed to impress" in these parts. Our friend with the trailer had air conditioner and a bathroom so that was a nice bonus to the trip. Highlights of Friday:
Getting a whole day. At noon it seemed like 5pm.
Drinking before 10am - who does that!?
Nat/Court's 3am giggle fest – would normally piss everyone off, but T-mow and I found ourselves giggling along with them. I’ve never heard 2 girls laugh so damn hard for so damn long….
The bean bag game
Shaun bbq'ing T & my sweat kabobs
Seeing my bro in rare form
Visiting with friends and falling into a haze of vacationI'm sure there's more...but I'm surprised I'm even blogging now... Saturday was a little more interesting...

Kellys Beach Saturday...

I have come to realize I’m just not much of a camper anymore. Sleeping on the ground/eggshell or not hurts my back. You can hear everything in a tent and it’s really fucking dirty. But its cool - I can rally. I got up Sat morning only wanting to take a shower....as I stood in the doorless shower, naked, with other ladies waiting and watching (some watching very intently I may add…) - I stood trying to wait for the scalding hot water to not burn off a layer of skin...this did not happen. Now - side note - when I am over exhausted I tend to get a bit over emotional. All I wanted was a fucking shower...I gave up, shouted at T I was leaving and stormed out. I ran into the bro who asked the wrong ques, I went into my tent and proceeded to cry. After composing myself I had a thought...I threw on a bathing suit took my shower stuff went back and stood next to some hungover fellow in the 2 outside showers and took a "sort of" shower. At least I rinsed off. I headed back to the site - apologized to my bro and headed to the coffee bus where T had already ordered my coffee knowing me all too well. The funny thing was - the coffee was AMAZING. Who knew a white trash coffee bus could make such good coffee. I sat down at the site and Shawn and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the rest of the party wake up and stumble out of their tents. (Note to self...if I make it next year I'm videoing the waking up after a nite like that series) The rest of the morning consisted of everyone making lunches, travel booze drinks, blowing up rafts and getting ready for the big float. Did I mention it was about 105 again? Our noon bus was late...but finally arrived and we boarded the white school bus lookin thing that towed a giant rickety trailer for the floats and was probably about 100 years old. Our driver was Wayne - a large man with a confederate bandana and very sweaty. Oh and it was his birthday. I sat in the seat behind him scrunched between the wall and Ronnie and D on Ronnie’s lap. This gave Wayne ample view of D’s chest. I think Wayne got quite the b-day gift with the amount of times I counted him looking in the rearview mirror. The bus was filled to the brim, some others on laps and we headed out. Happy Birthday was sung to our buddy Todd and our driver Wayne. We were dropped off and we carried our rafts and all our crap down this dirt road (The kind of dirt when you walk it puffs up into giant dirt clouds) in the very very hot sun. Now.. I wasn’t sure what to expect on this float. We arrive and there's other folks there...a very large group of people trying to walk through trees to hop in the river. When I can actually see where we're going...I watch as our fellow party slides down an embankment, throws their stuff in the raft, leap in and disappear in the current. Um...where's the beach...I thought we'd wade out and this be an easier task. NO. Shane warns me this is the hardest part then its smooth sailin. Um...what?...and he disappears. The water was going so fucking fast!!!!! Ok. I can do this. I have an oblong raft, our lunch bag, my ziploc back of cigs, sunblock, etc, an oar and my bubba keg of Madres. I slide down the embankment, onto my ass of course, maneuver my stuff in, toss in the raft and jump in. I was told to stay to the right. I'm instantly flying to the left. I'm on my knees in my raft trying not to topple and also trying to row to the right. I hear friends screaming "to the right! to the right!!" For some reason rowing seems to be spinning me in a circle and I can’t seem to get it right. 'Then I hear screams and 2 girls in inner tubes - also out of control grab onto my raft. I can’t pull these women, but they don’t let go. "Help us!" they shout. I panic. Yup. I haven’t felt like this..well…I don’t think in my whole life. I have no control. I glance up to see the rock beach ahead I'm supposed to stop at, and Shane yelling at me "TO THE RIGHT!" Fuck this. I throw my oar into the raft, flop half way into the water and pray to God my upper body strength is as good as I think and start to paddle for my dear life. I manage to fight the current and get to rock beach before slamming into the left side with all the trees and shit that would have punctured my raft and sent me flying. They pull me and the other girls in; I stumble out, heart racing and turn to Shane - "FUCK THIS!!!!!! " He laughs - "That’s the worse part". The girls I “saved” hug me and move on. Bitches. I realize I don’t know how T did...she's on an inner tubey sitting float, I spin around and there she is. Fine. Big ol’ smile on her face. She sailed right to the damn beach. I look around and watch fellow rafters crashing into the rock beach, some laughing, some a bit pale like me. After a bit, a cig and some swigs I calm down. We head out. Now I can latch on to people, you can’t when you first get in - obviously! So I latch onto Shane/D's army like raft and figure they can do the work. Shane does - god love him. I help paddle and kick when needed, but the rest of the day I'm staying with them. The 1st part was just us; poor T was on her own but handled it like a champ. We all met up at beach 2. This was another embankment but an open space to stop and chill sort of. It was so damn hot. We took the Kelly's Beach group photo here, ate our lunches, drank, laughed and kept reapplying sunscreen. Then I saw a rope swing. Most people were too scared to do it. Hell, I can handle anything now! "I'll fucking do it!!!" Some folks ahead of me did not fare well, but one fellow back flipped. Ok...I can do this. I grab the bottom of the rope and swing out over the river and launch in. I rule. I got cheered by so many people. Yup..little rush. SO I did it again. 2nd time...not so graceful...swung into the tree branches a bit, but still pulled it off. I think I made Shane proud. We head out again. Now there are about 4 or 5 of us attached to Shane. Heading down the river was fun, it was relaxing in parts, but there were parts that needed work. You have to constantly be aware and row or paddle away from the current sometimes. Beach 3 was some dudes house. Ya – huge beautiful house right on the lake with an abnormally large front grassy area. Some other partier was telling us the dude sometimes grills for the river rats. We all hang there for a while, waiting for our party to get together again. Some think it’ll be fun to have a “roll down the hill race”. People are dancing, drunk, eating, laughing. I’m in an out of the water it’s so damn hot. We head off again. This time our group all attached to each other is probably about 10 people. We float down the rest of the trip. One of our buddies is passed out and richcochets off a wall – that made for comedy. About this time I have to admit – I was over it. 6 hours floating down the river was about 45 min too long. I was starting to shiver at this point; my alcohol level must have worn down. We roll right up to our site, climb out and pull the rafts onto shore as I go sprinting for a towel and some warmth. We all get ourselves together, rinse off make some grub and start drinkin some more. Most crash out early this night. I stay up for a while listening to “campfire” stories then call it a night. Right as I doze off, I’m awaken by about 15 people surrounding my tent with flashlights – some not even our people. “Look at it! It’s so cute! What’s it doing?” For the next 10 minutes or so I listen to people ogling over a baby raccoon apparently. I want to get out of the tent but its right outside my door! I then hear its musical noise followed by “Its raping that shoe!!!!!!!!!!”. Sigh. That’s my shoe. Those are my river shoes. Apparently getting violated by a baby raccoon. The little bastard then moves on I guess raping other shoes. Lord. A couple of hours go by and I cant sleep, so I get up again hoping to not come across this little creature and everyone else is out. I’m alone. So I wander around the whole campground, then by the river, then sit for a while contemplating life. It’s so quiet, so serene. I finally attempt to sleep again to no avail. Sunday we’re up, packin and out. We’re all tired, dirty, and happy. It certainly was an interesting trip

Bubbles...

I admit - I'm one of those people who refuses to let go of my childhood innocence. I mean - of course - I'm an adult now, and there aint much innocence left in these old bones, but I'll always hold on to a small portion. A little piece, a little hope, a little...well fun. That is also one of the things I love most about my mother - she has always held on to that as well. I think it makes for happier people if you just keep a little. Reality blows, growing up is hard, life is strange but as long as you never forget what it was like to be a child, a little one, no responsibility, everything was new and exciting then it cant be all that bad.
I love when little things remind me of this. They may be silly to some, but that doesnt stop me from enjoying them in the least bit! Tonite I was outside for an evening cig, the reminants of our beach themed tea party still spread about. I was watching the girls peer out at me thru the screen door like they love to do when I'm outside and noticed the giant bottle of bubbles my mom had got for the party. I thought it would be entertaining to see how they would react to a few bubbles floating in the air. Of course it fascinated them, but I found myself enjoying it just as much. I was concentrating on trying to make a really big bubble, I was swirling it around to see how many I could get in one swing, I was inhaling and exhaling to see if I could make the bubbles breathe. I ended up giggling and completly enjoying myself out there all alone blowing bubbles.
Its that. That childhood enjoyment. Dont ever let it go. I dont care how ridiculous you may look - its priceless. It happens in moments. Walking in a park and you find yourself skipping. Stopping to smell a pretty flower. Laughing until your sides hurt, seeing something that excites you and squealing at a pitch only dogs can hear, or finding yourself blowing bubbles. We cant ever let that go.

She breaks again...

My heart breaks for Iran. My heart breaks for the friends and family of Neda, whose horrific death was caught and spread across the world via the internet. I watched. I shouldn’t have watched, or I should have. I’ve been reading and following and crying. I saw that and felt sick to my stomach. It turned over and knotted as tears rolled down my face as I watched this girl die. My heart breaks for all the people who are in the midst of everything, dealing with death and violence and poverty every day. I tried to escape last night through my weekly kickballin followed by drinking probably more then I should have afterwards. I was trying to dull the pain. My brother and I began talking, discussing, my eyes started to well up again. At the bar, in front of everyone. “I wish I could fix the world”, I said my lip quivering, trying to fight back the tears. He moved from the talk of Iran, to the talk of war. I know he was trying to shift my focus, but forgetting my feelings on war as he watched the tears start to roll he shifted the conversation to include some of those around us, taking the focus off me. I don’t believe anyone saw except him. He playfully batted my cheek as I composed myself and turned around with a grin, pretending nothing was wrong and performed one of my best acting moments yet. Smiled, laughed, smoked talked about anything but. Sadly tho the truth is I have these moments. These times in my life when the world seems to be crashing around in turmoil. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could stop the hatred. The violence. The arrogance, ignorance, the anger. It tears at my soul. I feel so helpless and useless. I struggle with my own issues, yet they seem so f-ing pathetic in comparison to what’s going on in the world around me. It consumes me. As I parted ways last night he said “Don’t think too much on it kid, you know you”. I do. A Dr. told me that once. “Jami, you can’t take the world on your shoulders, you need to concentrate on you”. I’m trying. I’m doing better, but a piece of me is screaming out for the violence to stop. R.I.P. Neda. My heart goes out to those in peril across the world…

Patience and humor...

Patience.
One of my least favorite words. I am not a patient person. At all.
I have learned to control my hair trigger temper I used to posses. I’m actually quite mellow these days aside from the fact that my life is a circus. But I’m not patient. I get antsy. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone doesn’t get back to me. Via email/phone/whatever. I can seriously get annoyed if I email you a question, and you don’t write back immediately. I am realistic of course, but I can’t help that little impatient demon that lives in my soul jumping up into my brain and dancing around. Again – I control these things much better then when I was younger. Work tests my patience hourly. NO ONE gets back to you around here. Whatever. I do have a point. Which is this. I’m seriously having my patience tested. So f-ing much right now it’s ridiculous. I’m living at home now, yes I have a job but it pays crap – not allowing me to survive living on my own right now. I’m single. There are some fellas that seem to peak interest every now and again – but I tell ya – If I don’t see some sort of action on their part within oh…a minute, I assume its nothing. BUT, if I was patient – I could accept the fact that I’m home finally paying off the ex-bastards debt. I will be debt free before I move out again. By the time I pay of said debt I’m hoping the economy will have turned around somewhat and I can get a better paying job, or move up financially here. Then move back out. Debt free. That will be AMAZING. I’m also meeting new people, joining different circles of friends, which means I’ll meet more boys – maybe actually “date” more. But again – this all requires PATIENCE. Fuck me. So I’m being tested. I’m also being teased. Who says the universe doesn’t have a sense of humor – I’m driving home from somewhere that should have been a fun satisfying time, but wasn’t and now I’m annoyed. When I get annoyed I tend to bitch at myself in my car whilst driving. Yup – I’m the crazy lady talking to herself in the car. (Altho now-adays people think I’m on a Bluetooth – but now you all know I’m actually just insane). So I’m driving along bitching out load to myself, “My life sucks!”. “I’m 33 and living at home”. “I have no real relationship with a man!” “I have no money!” “I hate my job!”….these sorts of bitchings, but of course more humorous because apparently my little tirades can be entertaining. Anywho, I then sigh…It’ll all work out RIGHT!!??? I stop at a light and look to my right and there on a bustop is a giant sign with the title PATIENCE. It’s yellow, with blue writing. I don’t even know what it was advertising or what else was on it, but I saw that and burst out laughing. “Ah ha you son of bitch! Very funny!” I then shout at the universe, pointing my finger at the sign. (Of course the woman at the bustop thought I was pointing at her and I think I miffed her, but that was just one of those moments.)
So yes. I’m trying so very hard to be patient and to be positive. I’m doing it. But I’m not going to say I’m liking it. I’m taking it with a grain of salt, and most of the time things get so ridiculous it gets funny…but ah such is the life of Jami right? I hope you can find joy and laughter in my circus.

Havasu 09

Sorry no photos as of yet....I did not take any but Tish and Keith did so hopefully I'll be getting those sooner rather than later.
I'm back from a weekend at the desert! The weekend started off with our attendance to Gogol Bordello on Thursday, but I shall wait for photos from T as I believe the photos will tell some faboo stories...Anywhoo -
Friday morning, driving home from Pomona after about 2 hours maybe of sleep I rush into the door and pack. I get the call that we're leaving later then planned...more like 2pm...I cringe...Memorial traffic...lord. And LORD was it! Tish and I drove, Wendy riding with Tish, Sonia riding with me. We hit the road and crawled to Havasu. We were supposed to meet at a mid point - this mid point being the last stop before a looooooooong ass desert drive with no services for 65 miles. We missed it. Yup. No one seemed to know the name, Tish saw it...we missed it. So the next hour or so I was eyeing my quarter of a tank praying to the gods above we didnt run out in the middle of f-ing nowhere. We barely made it. Sadly the google maps gave us wrong directions, so after filling up we went the wrong way on the 95 and knocked another half hour out of our way. We rolled into Black Meadow Landing 7 hours later after dark. Fuck me. We unpacked, got settled, tried to find some of the other crew that was there, gave up and crashed out about midnight. We rented a mobile home that "Sleeps 6". No - barely sleeps 4.
I get the trendle bed...uncomfortable, noisy, ugh. I knew I wasnt going to be sleeping.
Saturday morning us ladies had breakfast, then I started wandering around trying to find cellphone service to no avail. But did run into Robert/Pierre as they pulled in from driving thru the nite. We helped them set up and decided to take the boat out. The weather was around 100 or so, and I was quite excited that I could probably go on the boat this year and not get ill. Sure enuff, we all headed out, put putting around the lake and anytime the boat stopped I'd hop in the water and float/play until we moved again. Pierre was my water buddy. We shot water blasters at each other, laughed drank and enjoyed life. That night we all sat around the campsite drinking margarita's and fading fast from long drives and sunshine. Sunday morning the day started off the same, Anna/Sergio/Keith rolled in. Lots of waiting around trying to get the boats launched, in order, etc and we were off again - the 2 boats headed out to London Bridge. Grasping on the to boat as to not launch out, we laughed, took breaks to dip in the lake and drank. When we arrived Keith and I were dropped off at Naked Turtle since sicky little Jami here cant make it thru the canal without yarfing all over everyone. They headed out, and we stayed at the bar drinking and catching up, and making fun of the people around us. Sadly our plans for all of us meeting there for dinner later didnt pan out due to the fact that 2 of the youngsters on Anna's boat forgot to tell thier folks where they were...sigh...we headed back. More stopping in the coves, swimming around, laughing, drinking, etc. That nite we met up with all the rest of the peeps that were there...totaling maybe around 40-50 or so. This is when the massive drinking occurred. Lets just say we initiated one of our gals by getting her topless into the lake. I think I sold her when I said "Come on...I've jetskiied naked!" (Didnt know that about me did ya...) She did. She made us proud. Later that night Wendy and I popped a squat on the beach and bonded and watched the stars. The stars are so amazing out in the desert as I'm sure you all know, and I cannot go there and not see my stars. Such a beautiful night. The next morning a bit of drama ensued trying to roll out, but we got out of there at 11am and didnt get home till 6:30. The 10 fwy came to a complete crawl. Needless to say sitting in traffic in the middle of the desert SUCKS!
A somewhat uneventful trip, but a wonderful time. I do plan on doing my usual by staying a bit longer next time around. Love you Havasu!

Doheny Blues 09...

I’ve blogged about this before, and I’ll re-blog when events like this kick ass as they usually do. Doheny Blues Festival 2009. Dad and I started going about 4 years ago and got hooked, now going every year. T joined up with us last year and has become a regular as well. This year my bro and his wife joined us. Its usually in May and it’s a 2 day event of killer blues music. We usually just attend 1 of the 2 days, this year being yesterday with BB King as the headliner.
We got there earlier then usual, hoping to get a closer parking spot and a closer spot in line. We did. Killer spot, and not far in line at all. Not many people are as insane as we are and got up at the butt crack of dawn to get down there. We sat our chairs down in line, drank our coffee, read the paper/books/magazines and chatted the 2-3 hours away. When the gates opened we headed for the mainstage to grab a prime spot. People did seem a little more psycho this year in the mad entrance rush – I almost lost my elbow to a very determined old fart. Anywhoo – we got a good spot – very close to our spot last year – in fact recognized 2 groups of people from last year (The crazy mom with zillions of kids, and the flag chair boys). Our neighbors seemed very cool and the day began.
First out was Porterhouse Bob and Down to the Bone. The singer wore a top hat, had a pimp cane with a skull on top and donned a shiny trench. Fab. They were fantastic. We were all thrilled to see the very 1st band kill it. Dad and I wandered down to the merchandise booth and had Mr. Bob himself sign a CD that dad decided to purchase he dug them so much. About this time T and I headed over and got ourselves some Italian sausage…yummmmmy, and a giant bag of kettle korn. Of course we have already begun our drinking as well. I’m stickin to the red wine booths. We stopped by the small stage to catch Keb Mo up close and personal. As we mowed down our snacks, chatted and laughed we listened to Coco Montoya in the background. Next up on the mainstage was Tommy Castro Band featuring Kenny Neal, Janiva Magness, Magic Dick and Ruthie Foster. Amazing. Tommy Castro can shred a guitar like no other. During Buckwheat Zydeco, T and I wandered the booths, purchasing some small goodies and then of course stocking up on more food (Did I mention I love festivals for the food too?). Next up was The Derek Trucks Band. Again – SICK guitarist. Derek Trucks is phenomenal. After this, T dad and I headed over to watch Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. Dad had never heard of them, and was blown away. T and I didn’t stop dancing for one second. The photos I’ve included are from the promo guy who shot us at one point – my other photos will come later. After shakin it, we headed back for the master – BB King. In between this dad bought me a 2nd cowboy hat so I’m now set for more festivals and river trips! BB of course was outstanding. He chatted up the audience as much as he played. Watching the King of Blues is always amazing. His smile, his laugh, his skills – I love him. 83 and still a fucking master.
After the show as the MC was thanking everyone and the crowd was packing up their stuff, I had a battle with my chair – I handed it off to D to try to close it and as she slammed it onto the ground the ground shook. Shane and I looked at each other – yup earthquake. That’s right – this festival was so amazing it shook the earth! Ha ha ha ha!
The fun didn’t stop there – on our way home tipsy, sun kissed and happy Dad blasted oldies on the radio and when “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” we all broke out into song. Yup – it was hysterical – Dad, Shane and I were the “Weem Aways” D singing the main and of course Miss T had the opera parts. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I do believe my bro and sis-in-law are now hooked and will join us for future years.
This is one of my favorite events of the year. T went as far as to say best day of 09 yet. It was amazing. Great food, great company, ocean breezes, lots of booze and out-fucking-standing blues music! A huge thank you to my dad for always making this possible.

May Santa Ana Art Walk

The true Dr. Doolittle...

I love animals. I truly do.
But Oppossums. Not a huge fan. But they're everywhere, we all know this. You run across them, they hiss at you, they resemble something that would remind me of a pet Satan would own. Last week my mother opened the drawer of our extremly old refridgerator and screamed. I was in the back of the house and I came running out to see what the fuss was. "There's a opposum in there!!! Get it!". Get it. Right. Please mother. My mom's groomer apparently was who to call, she came over - the roomie and I and Dr. Doolittle searched high and low and couldnt find the fucker. Whatever. We moved on.
So this evening - yup about 10 minutes ago - ergo this blog because what I witnessed was hysterical. I'm outside enjoying an evening cig and I hear something moving around in the drawer. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Mom calls Dr. Doolittle (my new name for her mind you...) She's here in 5 minutes. The search begins. Mom and her and searching high and low again, I'm watching safely from the living room window inside the house. "There it is! Oh there's 2". Ew. I watch as this woman plucks these 2 little baby opposums from behind the fridge. She then proceeds to hold them too her chest, cooing them and talking to them like they're 2 little kittens. I'm watching in utter discusted amazement, yet at the same time do have an odd respect for this woman to show such affection for these ugly little creatures. She's chatting with my mom about the history of these little guys while holding them to her chest. My mom is trying to hide her creeped out factor by smiling an nodding. She inspects them closer to find out its a boy and a girl. "Oh how sweet!" she squeals. Ugh. She puts them in the carrier she brought over and continues to chat with mom. I venture out now that they are safe in the carrier. She pulls one out again to examine it. I return inside. As she's chatting with mom now inside, with the little creatures in the carrier IN OUR HOUSE. I shoo my girls into the room to keep them away. After she leaves I scrubbed the floor with clorox. Yes they were in a carrier, but ew.
Anyway....
As much as this incident was somewhat disturbing, I do believe that I have met the true Dr. Doolittle. *shivers*

Yoga'ing...

A little backstory….
Back in the day (Lets say early 20’s or so), I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Whatever. I also had a problem with “relaxing”. Whatever. This was causing me and my body an extremely difficult amount of badness. (Mind you I was working almost full time, going to school full time and full time in the OCC Repertory Theater and pretty much sleeping – oh - maybe 1 or 2 hours a night). So ya – I was a bit nuts. So when my doctors/physical therapists/chiropractor/mom/and others were frantically trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, why I was always sick, why I was a nut, why I couldn’t sleep or relax or calm down, etc etc and etc. I was sent to massage/yoga/acupuncture/acupressure/pills/I could go on and on with all the crap we tried. I was pretty much deemed an “Extremist” at this point. (I did EVERYTHING to the extreme – drugs, working out, theater, etc). It wasn’t until one of my injury visits to my chiropractor that he finally flipped out on me. “That’s it!!!! You’re a mess!!!! Your going to yoga!!!”. Now – I had done the yoga thing as I told him…. “No – this is different – this is bikram yoga, one of the most difficult forms of yoga, and its hot yoga – so its done in a hotter then hell room. Its perfect for you. It will kick your ass. If it doesn’t help I’m throwing you into a padded room and we’re going to box it out.”. He handed me a mat, the yoga lady’s card and shoved me out the door. I arrived at the studio a few days later quite skeptical. I aced my 1st class. I loved it. I took it pretty regularly (2-3 days a week) for almost a year. Everyone noticed a difference in me and I loved it. Life has gotten in the way since then (all you readers know) so between that and finances I haven’t gone really much anymore. I went a few months ago and almost died. This is when I realized how pathetically out of shape I was, out of sorts, out of everything. I made a goal to get active again. SO – T and I started doing some yoga research. I had heard about this place thru a friend and a sweet deal they were offering so T and I decided to check it out. Its called Soul at Home in Tustin. It offers a crapload of different classes, is a day spa, a store and just plain adorable. So we signed up for 2 weeks unlimited to try all the different classes and see if we want to do the amazing year deal they got goin right now.
Now. I was prepared not to have my ass kicked like I’m normally used too. But I have now come to the realization that I will never be a true “Yogi”. Our 1st class we took was the Beginner/Level 1 yoga class. Soon as our flustered little instructor started in T glanced over at me and mouthed “I’m sorry”, knowing I was already bored out of my skull. Lets just say I wont be taking that class ever again. Class 2 – Pilates. I’ve never taken pilates. I’ve heard about it and always wanted to try it. I liked it! I would have preferred the class go longer, but it was fun – I felt I got a bit of a workout – especially on this leg lifting bit when I felt that fire rush thru my thighs that I haven’t felt in years…(that sounded so dirty….). Anywhoo – Class 3 – Candlelight Flow Yoga. Now by the name of this I knew this was a mellower class but I’m trying to be open minded. We were up on the wall half the time, which was a bit bizarre to me, but whatever. I find I do like the “flow” aspect and I hope to maybe find a class that just keeps flowing and doesn’t pause so fucking much. Our instructor was a doll, she was nice, her voice beautiful, a total hippy yogi but not the kind you want to beat down. She rang these little bowl thingies above each of us at the end of class and read us a little passage. Nice class for chillin. Class 4 – Medatative Flow….Right? This was not quite was I expected. When the dude said “We’ll be holding some positions for about 3-5 minutes.” WTF! We started off doing pretty much “flowy” stuff which I liked but then did 4…count them 4 poses. THAT’S IT! Ok, ya meditative…whatever. He did the bowl thing too at the end, but his was super f-ing loud. It was kind of a trip and I’m sure it’s a lovely experience if your not near the door listening to annoying little bitches laughing and talking right outside. Class 5 – Tai Chi. Loooooooooved this. Its so beautiful and I’ve always wanted to try it. T had done it years ago and gave me a bit of an idea. The class was an actual “I’m going to teach you this” class. The 1st hour or so we’d move ever so slightly and stop and the instructor would adjust us. Then we worked on footwork, then we did the actual pattern once. Then he told us about the martial arts aspect and basically made us realize he could kill someone with his pinky. Oh and bonus – the instructor – HAWT. He had the perfect body…lean, muscular, his voice was awesome, when we did our hip rotations…lets just say my mind ran away with me….oooo…ok anyway. The crappy thing is – there’s only 2 more classes! I hope it starts up again, but I’m not sure. Class 6 – Level 1-2 yoga. This is when I realized I’m never going to get a workout and no I’m not about meditating and breathing and yes I’m really good at it and can do it and yes its nice and I get stretched out and what not but I was hoping for a good class last nite. It wasnt bad mind you – really at all. The gal was adorable, she gave us orange oils and read us a story and I learned what “binding” poses are….WTF!!!! Altho I think I shocked her when I actually did the thing. That’s right – little newbie can do a “Bird of Paradise!”. Its weird, but I did it! Anywhoo….I like it, I do. I just want more of a challenge…but the hot tai chi guy said there is one instructor that’ll kick my ass – so I’m looking forward to trying her class out. There’s also an “Oceana Hula” coming up which sounds interesting and I'm sure there's all kinds of different classess and I love variety...., so I will be signing up for the year deal because its such a great deal – but when I do think I’ll be popping back into my hot bikram yoga maybe once a week……