I made a purse...

Like actually made a leather purse.

My mom's longtime friend Belen has an artist Hubs who always has a booth down at Laguna Art-A-Fair.  I guess a few weeks ago she took a class to make Leather Purses.  She told my mom about it who got all excited and signed me, her and Danelle up for it thinking it would be a fun Sunday.

I was warned to come with a design.  I am no artist.  Like at all.  I can barely draw a stick figure so I hit up Pinterest and looked for ideas.  I saw a cute kitty purse and thought that could be fun, so I printed out the pattern and brought it along.

We got there early enough to grab some breakfast at a coffee house down the way then hit up the Fair.

The class was in 2 parts.  10:30 - 12:30 then a break for lunch then 1:45ish to 3:30.

The gal who taught was also an artist at the Fair.  She had cut up some pieces for us and we got started.

We were told to start "designing" our purse.  Lord.

Did I mention I can't draw?

After my sad attempts at drawing, I decided on a shape and cut it out.

Looks kind like a purse!

Mom and D at work

The teacher and I decided it would be easier to have the cat on the purse rather than as the top part so I cut out the cat (was actually ok with my shape) and got ready to punch the holes.

Not bad actually

I was then to punch holes to sew.  This was hard on your hands.  I'm actually still sore from it!

Now, when I started trying to sew this damn cat head onto the purse it was awful.  Leather is not easy to go in and out of, my back was screaming and I was just not having very good luck.  I got to a stuck point and the teacher stepped in to help.  Thank GAWD.  We talked about what she was going to do and my growling stomach and aching back were like "Do whatever" and she sent us off for lunch.  When I came back she had finished the cat.

After a delicious lunch and a couple of glasses of wine I was ready to re-tackle the thing.  I then finished sewing the purse together, added the top part, added the strap and added the closure.  All with her guidance.

Here's the 4 purses all finished!

D made the clutch, mom's purse has the little flower and Belen has the square one

We took an after shot with our teacher and we are all now official purse makers!

Purse ladies!

Afterwards we then wandered the Fair, I picked up a few gifts and we took a photo booth shot of course.

Yay for Art!

As frustrating as it got a few times, and as tolling as it was on my back and neck, it was a super fun day!  I actually am pretty happy with my little hippie leather purse I made!  I really enjoy doing things I wouldn't normally sign up to do.  Thanks mom for treating me to a fun day and letting be pretend I'm a bit of an artist. 

Stop & Smell the Rose'...

In the midst of all the pain of heartbreak, I'm keeping myself busy with adventures worth sharing.

Let's start with a wine pairing dinner I attended last week!

I almost didn't go, because I'm quite a heartbroken mess.  But honestly it's better for me to be out with friends doing something I love - eating.

My friend Keith is manager over at Ruscello.  They are starting to do these pairing dinners.  I'm told this may be a monthly thing and will range from beer pairings to cocktail pairings to wine pairings.  You know I'm always down for the wine pairings!

The 1st one was last week and at $40 a head, a ridiculously great deal.  It ended up being a great evening with a wonderful girlfriend and watching Keith in his element.

It was outside on their patio (It's a bit breezy, so even on a warm night you may want to bring a sweater).  The set up was darling.

My hot date

Each time the food came out, the chef would come out and talk about what he made, where the ingredients came from and how he went about doing it.  Then the sommelier would come out and talk about the wine we were tasting with our food.  I love this so much.  I love learning about food/wine and listening to people who are passionate about it talk about it!

There was a surprise course before the actual 1st course.  It was a sparkling non alcoholic tomato juice.  Totally interesting flavor!  Very refreshing and the perfect palette cleanser to start the night.  On top was a little mini tostada with a delicious crab mixture.  Yum!

 

1st Course was Apricot Lane Grilled Stonefruit Crostini Buratta, Boar Prosciutto, Arugula, Raspberry Rose' Gastrique, Smoked Olive Oil.  Holy fucking shit you guys.  DELISH!  The Raspberry wasn't too strong and the flavors together were perfection!  It was paird with a Malene Central Coast, CA Rose'.  Crisp, delicious and not too sweet.

2nd Course was Sweet & Spicy Glazed Duck Wing, Ponzu Slaw and a Sweet Soy Drizzle.  This may have been my favorite course.  The meat fell off the bone.  It was so tender and yum.  Again - all the flavors meshed together perfectly!!  It was paired with a Jean Luc Rose' from Provence France.  This had a trippy after taste. More fruity than I'd prefer but still damn good.

The 3rd Course was a Salt Baked Branzino, Sunflower Dill Pesto, Saffron Cauliflower, Cipollini Onions, & Raisins.  My GAWD.  This fish falls into the Sea Bass family.  We started eating before I took a picture because it smelled so damn good.  We were warned to be careful for little bones since this is how it's served, but I had no trouble.  The fish was so tender and again - just fell apart.  The Pesto was amazing and had a bit of a tang to it that was so yum.  I almost licked my plate clean.  This was paired with a Conundrum Rose' from Napa Valley.  This was my favorite Rose'.  Just the right amount of crispness and not sweet at all.  So good!

Dessert was Cardamom Panna Cotta, Rose' Macerated Apricte Lane Grilled Stonefruite and Rose Water.  This was paired with a Strawberry Rose Cocktail that Keith made up.  The Panna Cotta was amazing but I could only eat a bit of it, my tummy would have killed me if I ate the whole thing.  I so wanted to though!  Friggin delicious!  The cocktail was a bit strong so just a sip or two of that, but super good!

After the last course the chef brought out his staff and thanked everyone.  I loved that the Chef and the sommelier would walk around after each course and chat with anyone who wanted to.

The evening was a really great event and I look forward to attending many more! It was the perfect thing to help me through my heartbreak.  Thank you Cristina for being a great girlfriend and ear and thank you to Keith for always making sure my glass was full and for putting together such a delicious evening!  The Ruscello staff was amazing!

He broke my heart...

Didn't think you'd be seeing this blog right after 3 blogs of what looked to be a good road trip did ya?

Yea.  Me either.

Let's back up.

A little over a month ago, I noticed he started acting distant.  I was hearing from him less, making plans seemed like more of a big deal, and I just knew something was up.  He was different.  I asked him about it 3 or 4 times.  "Are we ok?"  "Are we good?" "Is there something wrong?  You're acting differently".  His answer was always yes it's fine I'm just busy sort of answer.  I tried to back off but something in my gut was telling me otherwise.  I figured with this road trip coming up, we would have ample time to talk about it.  I mean all I was really looking for, was for him to act like he did before.  Before this weird change.

Road trip came and went as you read.  The fact that I got so sick dampened the chance to really talk about our relationship.  We talked a little bit.  I brought along the book The 5 Languages of Love, thinking that would be a good topic and maybe something we could try.  Find out each other's "love language" and be better for each other.  A win win right?  He chuffed about it but glanced through it and found out his "language" and we talked about it.  Mine is Physical Touch, so I asked if he could maybe show a little more affection towards me.

After the trip I mentioned when we could see each other again.  When he said it's not going to be for almost a month I was surprised and sad.  When I voiced my sadness he got rather defensive talking about being busy, it was lucky we've spent the time (weekends) we did, blah blah.  After a day or so I just couldn't imagine that working, so I started mentioning maybe just meeting half way in San Clemente for dinner or something.  Just to at least to see each other.  We were going to do this about a week and a half after the trip but Tuesday night August 22nd (Ironically the date of my would have been wedding anniversary mind you) things went south.

It started out with a text string that got heated and I was noticing mis understandings happening.  After it got too much, we got on the phone with each other that turned ugly.  He started accusing me of ridiculous accusations which I won't get into here and it came out that he had been festering on something that happened a month ago that he couldn't let go.  Something fucking ridiculous. Something I didn't even (and no normal person would think) realize upset him.  I about dropped the phone a few times out of pure shock and it spiraled from there.  He then went on to talk about how it shouldn't be this hard.  I came back with all relationships compromise sometimes and I wasn't asking for a lot.  And he said some offensive things to me.  And I cried alot.  And near the end, which I was thinking we could still work on things, thinking this was just our 1st fight and we could move forward, then came the heart breaker.  When I calmed and started talking about how we can work on this he started saying comments that made it sound like he was done.  I said "Don't you want to work on it?"  He said "I don't know".  I said "That's not an answer" and he said "Well then no".  And that was it.  I was shocked.  It was like throwing a dagger into my heart.

So basically - none of the good times we had in the 6 or so months we've been dating mattered.  Basically he can't be a fucking adult and actually work on something.  Everything I thought he felt about me was apparently bullshit because if you actually cared about someone you don't throw the relationship aside like a dirty rag.  He didn't even want to try.  I couldn't fucking believe it.  HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TRY. I said so that's it?  I guess so, he says.  And after my stunned crying silence we hung up.

All that time of falling in love with his daughter, of fun times and adventures, of getting him into photography, of meeting my family and friends which you all know are fucking awesome people, by going on a trip together (that is now tainted), by bringing him into my life and opening my heart up to him was all for not.  He made up some crazy notions in his head that flipped a switch in him and decided that was it.  He just threw me aside like I was trash.

I tried harder than I've ever tried this time.  I'm 41 years old.  I have been through ups and downs of relationships and marriages and learning about myself.  I know I'm the type that if something gets too hard I usually run.  But I wasn't this time.  I really liked him.  I really cared about him.  I could see myself falling in love with him.  I knew we had very different personality types but that was ok because we could learn from each other.  I was patient and didn't let myself knee jerk react to ANYTHING.  I would stop and think about it before responding.  I read up on ways to be a good partner.  I talked to my therapist who helped guide me on the path of my 1st really serious relationship in years.  I opened my life and my heart to him and his daughter.  I did everything I could, and I know this one is not on me.  But goddamn if it doesn't hurt like a mother fucker.  I honestly don't remember how you deal with a broken heart.

I stayed home from work a few days crying my eyes out, lost sleep and am still struggling.  I'll slowly remove pictures from my social media because seeing the cute pictures of us, and all the wonderful love and comments from my friends who were so happy for me is just too heartbreaking to bare.  I'm not deleting my blogs and photos here and on my photo blog though.  Those were truly good times and I want to remember them and will go back and read them when I can handle it.  But gone from the social media, gone from my phone because looking at those sweet times we were together daily right now is just too hard, because it didn't even matter to him.  Baby steps.  I have an amazing support system of friends and family that will help me through this and I'll fill my calendar up to stay busy.

I refuse to leave this relationship without learning something though.  I am growing as a person and I know you can always learn from things.  What I learned is I can fall in love with someone's child.  I learned that I am capable of being patient and putting forth my all into a relationship.  I really don't think I've been able to do that before.  And I've also learned that I want to be in a relationship for sure.  I was going back and forth there for a while, especially with how horrible the dating scene is, about whether I really want this or not.  And I do.  Those months before his switch I was so happy.  I was so happy to have someone in my life.  I was so happy that everyone was so happy for me.  I thought about him all the time and got butterflies.  I was excited when I met some of his friends that I really adored.  I loved when I brought him in to my world, he liked everyone and they liked him.  I was always excited when we had plans.  I loved seeing little things I thought his daughter would like or he would enjoy.  I was happy.  I was happy having a person.  So once I mend from this shattered heart I want to try again.  I'm terrified and I'm dreading it, but I know it's really what I want.  I really want to find someone to share my life with.

My heart is broken.  I wish so much this could have worked.  I wanted to try.  But the way he flipped and the cold, harsh way he ended it with, I know he's not the right one for me.  I'll miss his daughter and I'll miss what he was in the beginning.  It's going to be hard to get over this one.

3 State Road Trip 2017 Vegas...

On the road again!

Again - the goddamn elevation seemed to fuck with my already stuffy coughy head so that wasn't fun.  Sickies still tinkering around.  But nothing as bad as the Grand Canyon Day.  We rolled in Vegas and checked in to The Mirage.  I hadn't actually ever stayed here and it's a pretty cool hotel!  We got a corner room with a view of the Volcano.  The room was awesome but being a corner room - all the way at the end of a very long hallway.  We joked everytime we had to walk the trek to and fro.

Seriously. Miles.

We chilled for a bit but had ticket to an evening show that night at Planet Hollywood.  Our show was for 10pm at night.  It was taking everything in my power to rally up the energy for that.  We headed out to Hash House a Go Go  that the boy had wanted to revisit.  I was not feeling 100% so I couldn't order what I would have liked so ended up with quite a yummy warm spinach salad.  But The boy got the biggest damn order of chicken and waffles I had ever seen.  It was hilarious and according to him - hella delicious!

We finished dinner early and wondered if we could exchange our tickets for the earlier 8:30 show...hey worth a try right?  (Come on..we're old and tired. Ha!)  We could!  Yay!!!!  The show we were seeing? Zombie Burlesque.
You guys....this show...AWESOME!  The boy had never been to a burlesque before so I filled him in on what to expect.  They did not disappoint!  It was sexy, hilarious and so much fun!  The cast could sing, dance and were gorgeous zombies.  They even passed out jello shots at one point!  The boy partook and they were apparently quite strong!  I would totally recommend checking out this show if you find yourselves out in Vegas.  Such a good time!

Back to our room where we promptly crashed from exhaustion but not before catching the nighttime view!

The next day was the lazy day.  It was also the most human I felt since I got sick.  We didn't even leave the room until after noon since we were enjoying resting and recovering from the week.  We hit the pool which was awesome and I had my 1st glass of wine since the plague hit me.  It was so nice and not super crazy since most folks check out and peace out on Sundays.  So awesome to relax in the sun.

So chill!

Afterwards we cleaned up and headed out to dinner at Buddy V's Ristorante.  So we were really just looking for something close and this was right across the street but holy shit - GO THERE!  The food was delicious!!!!  Service was awesome!  We had such a great waiter and the tiramasu comes in a mason jar!  It was so cool!

After this we were full so we decided to wander around.  We strolled the Venetian and saw some neat art displays and then wandered back to our hotel for a couple of drinks to toast our trip.

Love the sun burst!

Always

Back up to the room in time to see the Volcano Show from our window and closed our eyes to the last night of vacay.

The next morning we headed out and were back home in the afternoon.

Aside from the major bummer of my sickies it was a really nice trip.  I was so happy to be there to witness my baby brother retire, and got to see some absolutely beautiful countryside!

That concludes the 3 State of 2017!

3 State Road Trip 2017 Utah...

After we left Jacobs Lake we drove for a long damn time to Utah.  My ears/stomach/cough was not having it and I battled the sickies a bit as I drove the beast truck.  Again though - the drive was so pretty!  You forget how full and packed it is in SoCal until you're driving through vast parts of beautiful countryside randomly passing through little towns.  FYI  - Panguish...I swear it's a little town that looks super cute on the outside but has horrid stuff going on behind closed doors.  Ha!  I love making up road stories.

Anywhoo...we pretty much just drove through stopping in Fillmore for a not so great lunch.  The whole place seems under construction so maybe skip that place if you're driving through.

We arrived in Utah and check into our Air BnB. Super cute cozy little place in a gorgeous neighborhood in Ogden.  Since my sickies were still pretty prevalent (oh and I managed to cough my rib out at this point as well so I was dealing with searing pain everytime I breathed/coughed) I wasn't sure I was going to make it over to say hi to the fam, but luckily after a little break and an easy dinner at place called Zupas that Jon had suggested, I felt a bit more human so we headed over to Jons.

It was so great to see him!  Dad and Lori had just arrived.  Introductions were made to those who hadn't met the boy and we just hung out for a bit.  Dad and Lori brought the dogs and with Jon's 3 dogs it was quite the dog house!  Lori is also the dog whisperer.

Baby Bro!

Early back to our bnb and ready for the big day tomorrow! 

So the next day we got gussied up and met up with the fam for the Retirement Ceremony.  It was held at the Hill Airforce Museum.  The boy was having a ball looking at all of the planes and filling me in on all the random information about them.  It was really a cool location!  Jon was dressed in his dress blues and looked so handsome!!!!

Could not be more proud

My heart was beaming with pride!

Jon informed us that the ladies will be escorted to their seat!  Giggle....ok.

The ceremony was very formal.  They talked of his entire career and all he had accomplished.  He saved the Air Force so much $$$!!!  Fellow co-workers presented him with gifts.  They gave him all sorts of different signed documents from different parts of the Military.  They presented his wife with a document.  Angela pinned on his official retirement pin.  They thanked the family.  It was really interesting to watch.  When they all started singing the Air Force song I couldn't help but giggle when the Viking started singing along.  Jon then presented Lori, Angela and me with flowers and thanked everyone for coming.  My eyes welled up with tears I was so proud and so happy knowing that my baby brother is now no longer going to be deployed.

The beautiful flowers Jon gave me!

There was some blushing...

Jon made his own Shadow Box!

His crew was called the Axe so they gave him this really cool ax!

There might be something in my eye

I love love love this picture!!!

After the ceremony was cake and punch.  I'm told there's usually much bigger parties/dinner/etc but Jon is a very laid back chill person so the family hit dinner instead.  We all went to Texas Roadhouse for an early steak dinner.  Holy shit was that good!  First of all it was the 1st real meal I could eat since I got sick and 2nd - outstanding steak!  Outstanding everything!  So good!!!  It was a really great gathering of family and some of their friends and a big toast of course to Jon.  Later on we hung at the house for a bit but everyone was fading so the boy and I headed back to the Air bnb.  We found ourselves wanting to maybe grab some dessert somewhere so we hit the 25th street downtown area of Ogden, that I guess is a pretty popular area.  It was a perfect night and so nice to be feeling a bit better.  The cupcake place we chose sadly wasn't so great but the walk around the town with the cool random statues of artistic horses was a perfect end to the night.  The weather was lovely, was just the kind of summer evening I love.  I felt a bit better and it was a nice time to just chill in a beautiful area!  That night we got a pretty cool thunder and lighting storm! I was so excited and staring out the window at the constant flashes of brightness.  I keep shrieking to the boy to look but he was not as excited about weather as myself.  This little SoCal girl is always fascinated by storms.

The next morning we checked out of the bnb and met up with the family for breakfast at Kneaders.  This place was adorable and holy shit was the food good!  Lots of hugs goodbye and off to Vegas we go!