And so I was tagged....

My beautiful friend Rebecca "tagged" me. Damn you.

Here I am, tonight about 5 or so minutes ago. I just got home from trying out a Medatative Flow Yoga class (Blog on this research comin later...). No make up. Sigh.

The rules are that you have to take a photo of yourself as soon as you see you've been tagged and you're not allowed to primp at ALL. Just roll with it...obviously I did.

I'm taggin:

Rose

Margaret

Jess B

Amber

Enjoy!

Bella and others...

Tell me she's not perfect!

I'm also constantly amazed when dear friends of mine bring another person into this world. I've only had a handful of close friends have kids, but its always a trip. I really do think I lack that "Maternal Instinct" or "Biological Clock". I've never had that urge for children. For a long time was dead set against ever having kids. I will say I'm not dead set against anymore, but lets just say its really not in my plans. I really dont see kids in my future. BUT - I loooooooooooove being an Auntie!

My 1st experience was Robin. We were VERY young when she had a bit of a surprise. Lets just say I almost crashed my truck into a tree killing us both when she told me. I then got the call at 1am one morning after not sleeping for about 3 days (At the time I was working, going to school and in tech week) from her dad saying "COME TO THE HOSPITAL!". I did a few shots of expresso and was out the door. I was there all night with her. Visiting, dozing, etc. When the time came for delivery - me and her sister stood outside the door with our ears pressed up against it and listened to my godson being brought into the world. I cried when I met him.

Next came Cori. It was a hard process, but she finally was able to bring little Logan into the world. I popped in the hospital that night to check in, and the next morning met the precious little bundle. I never hold newborns as I'm terrified I will drop them, but daddy insisted - sitting me in a chair and placing him into my arms. Lets just say I looked like a comic routine trying to hold this little one whilst complely freaking out.

3rd was my best friend in the whole world - Libby. When I walked into the room and saw little Haley I cried again. She was perfect. I wouldnt hold her, but I reached into the little container she was in and she grasped onto my finger and looked me right in the eye. I made a ridiculous face and she smiled. I almost died right there. Libby laughed and said "She knows your voice". She is to this day one of the most beautiful little girls. And best of all - she adores me! She's always so happy to see me. Libby says she kisses my photo sometimes. It makes me so warm and fuzzy inside.

Now we have Bella. My amazing friend Jenn had this perfect little girl yesterday morning. Mom and I threw a perfect high noon tea party baby shower for her a few weeks ago. Everytime I'd see Jenn I'd kiss her tummy and say hello to Bella. Yesterday when T and I walked into the room to a BEAMING papa holding his precious little girl I was overcome. There she is. There's our little Bella. Headful of hair, and the cutest little upper lip. When we saw Jenn she looked beautiful. What is it with my girlfriends and looking fabulous after having a kid! All of em! Robin, Cori, Libby and now Jenn - radiant. I'm sorry - I will not look that way if I ever went thru that! :) Anywhoo - Jenn shared a moment with T and I and I teared up again. I'm becoming such a fucking sentimental sap as I get older!

Another very close friend whom I love dearly is due in August and I cant wait to meet him as well. (Punk baby shower in planning) Its really a trip when your watching your close friends around you form families. Some of these people I grew up with, played with as a child, went thru hell with, etc. And here they are - bringing a new life into the world that will be going through the same things we all did as we grew up. I have friends I"ve met a bit later in life who already have kids and its also a trip. Miss Wombat has 2 darling little twin boys whom I think are the cutest. I love looking at little ones and seeing miniture versions of thier folks. I dont know what the world is going to be like when these little ones grow up, these kids, babies, the next generation that our generation has brought into the world. What a fucking trip.

I have the utmost respect for you parents out there. I cant even begin to imagine what its like - in the meantime - I'm just goin to spoil the shit out of all my little ones!

Transition after transition...

This seems to be my life as of late. Well as of about 7 months now actually. Jesus. Job of 10 years. Gone. Nothing to show for it. My cute lil Costa Mesa bunaglow. Gone. Old roomie still there with a new roomie whose making it way cuter then I ever could and has an adorable dog. I am but a memory. Grandparents. Aging. Yes this is normal I know, yes they are 90 and 94, but it rips my heart out to watch them slow down. A couple of ER visits over the last few months but they are ok right now. My theater. Gone. Something else will ressurect, but still, RG. Gone. My attempt at a relationship. Lasted 6 months. Gone. We're still friends, this is amazing, but still, single again. AGAIN. Moving back into the place I grew up. Weird. My body. Soft. I've gained weight and I'm ridiculously out of shape. My creative urge. Tearing at my insides. My now current job. Blows. But its a job. Friends. Continually changing - closer to some, drifting from others.
Its bizzare. I trying extremly hard to take stock of my life. I have goals - sort of. I plan on having the bastard's debt paid off in a year at most. Hopefully my car as well. I also hope to save some dough so that I can move back out on my own with a mini nest egg. Just like before I got married! Ahhh, those times you look back and wish you said HELL NO instead of I do. Once our new roomie moves in (yup mom's house is housing another) I want to excersise - really get back into some sort of routine. Yoga. Walking. Biking. SOMETHING. I have to. As for my creative nagging...I'll get there. I'm trying to be patient. Trying to take things one thing at a time. I've never felt so off before. My entire life is upside down. Its a start over point I suppose. Its just really really really fucking weird. And its not just me.
I'm surrounded. And its all different...I have friends getting laid off, friends in same situations at me. Then I have friends starting families, starting relationships, marriages. Then I seem to have another round of recently single girlfriends. It seems 2009 is a very weird whirlwind of weirdness. I say weird because its awful but yet starting a new. I mean hell - our economy is in the shithole - unemployment is at its highest rate and even the companies still in biz are crossing thier finger and toes hoping to make it thru this. Yet, people are cutting back - this is good and bad. People are learning to be more creative with thier time and money, going back to the basics. We have a new Pres - history was fucking made! He's stepping into a world of chaos and hopefully going to make some good changes. So far so good it seems.
I have one major problem - patience. I dont have it. I never will. I want everything fixed NOW. Dont worry, I know its not possible. I know I have to be patient (said with extreme sarcasm) but it aint easy. It'll be better. It will. I'm going to start over. I will. I'll be back on my feet. Its just so godamn bizzare right now I cant even explain it. Its like life has smacked me in the face to the point I'm sort of laughing...somewhat slap happy I guess? I'm kind of bouncing around in a circle, fists held high yelling "Bring it Bitch!" Altho I would prefer no more "Broughtin". I'm tired. I would like to just focus and try to get my dumb ass on track. I will. Its just taking too much damn time. Sigh. So - in effort to keep my chin up and hopefully make you all smile a bit as well, here's a happy list (inspired as usual by Ber) as of late:

• Kickball
• My girls twitching and squeaking at the birds outside
• The hot tub
• Wine
• A faboo baby shower tea party
• Mom's ridiculous excitment planning said tea party
• My bday at District Lounge
• Some great nights with girlfriends
• Seeing old friends
• Spending more time with fam
• Feeling Bella kick
• Sushi
• Butterflies and birds
• ANTM
• Waking up to purrs and cuddles
• Mom's jasmine and calalillies
• Seeing my other baby bro

Lets all hold on. We'll get thru this odd time I'm sure. I have to admit I'm anxious to see how we all end up. I have a strong feeling its gonna be fucking amazing.