is gone.
Yup. Totally gone. Its the weirdest thing.
SO....I'm a bit furious because I'm sick AGAIN. Yes AGAIN!!!! I'm even more furious, because I do everything your supposed to do...I eat antioxident rich foods, I take vitamins, I get my rest, the second I feel just a little sick or off - I take airborne, echinacea I sleep more - I'M DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!!! I'm f-ing healthy right now! I excersise pretty regularly, I'm eating decently and yes I actually sleep now!!! I admit - I didnt used to - I lived the rockstar life, worked full time, went to school full time and was full time in theater - I'm smart now!!! But does it matter?? NOOOOOO!!!!! Because last Tue/Wed when I started feeling a little off...nothing big, little scratchy throat, kinda stuffy - I downed the airborne, took Zicam went to bed early - Took care of myself!!!!! Did it matter?? NO GODDAMMIT! Thursday rolls around I feel really crappy - I cancel my Thur nite plans and go to bed early - wake up Friday - sick. I call out of work, I cancel my Fri nite plans. I have a big weekend planned!!! I stay in bed all day, nursing myself, taking care of myself - DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS. Saturday comes - I feel better...still sick but better. I get my hair did. I come home and take a nap (like a good girl), I keep my Sat nite plans. I come home - die. I woke up about an hour after going to bed puking. Awesome. Sunday comes I'm half dead. I'm puking up mucus (yes I know...GROSS!), I have a splitting headache, stuffed nose, sore throat and no voice. I do not leave my bed all day and dont eat. Mom is actually feeling bad for me at this point and takes the best care of me she can. Monday comes - I call out of work and call the Dr. He's calls me in an antibiotic. I take it easy all Monday with no voice. I cancel my Mon nite plans (Poor kid - same one I cancelled on Thur!) I also cancel Tue nite plans. Today comes - I feel good enough to go to work. I actually still feel ok, but I have a knarly cough and STILL NO VOICE!
I have lost my voice before, or had that lovely man sounding voice for a day or two - but this is ridiculous. Mid conversation with a couple of my friends Sat nite the voice goes and its still not back. I'm getting a bit worried. You should have seen me at work today...thank GAWD I dont have to talk alot, but its hard! People are coming in with questions and laughing at my no voice or feeling sorry for me. I share an office with a fellow and we usually have small chit chat throughout the day - well thats gone. My mom keeps forgetting and shouting things at me from the other room...I have to walk in to mouth things at her and she laughs and shakes her head apologizing for forgetting.
Its so weird! I literally try to yell and this sad little gaspy noise comes out. Everytime I cough you hear the sad little horn sound that is now my sad shaky little voice that cracks or doesnt even make a sound. I thank the heavens I'm not in a show right now.
I miss my voice. I talk to myself alot - I'm not gonna lie. I talk to my cats. I talk to my mom. To friends, I call my brother at lunch. I call my grandparents every day...I havent been able to do any of this! I guess you never realize how much you love something until its gone?
Please...please all you energies in the universe...please let this be the last time I'm sick. I dont have time for this shit! I havent worked out in 2 weeks!!! Oh yeah - DID I MENTION I BROKE MY TOE LAST MON!!!
Seriously.
I actually start feeling good, getting my shit straight - training, eating good, etc etc etc and WHAM. Last week fucking blew.
Sigh.
I miss my voice.
I kinda want to yell right now.
