Patience and humor...

Patience.
One of my least favorite words. I am not a patient person. At all.
I have learned to control my hair trigger temper I used to posses. I’m actually quite mellow these days aside from the fact that my life is a circus. But I’m not patient. I get antsy. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone doesn’t get back to me. Via email/phone/whatever. I can seriously get annoyed if I email you a question, and you don’t write back immediately. I am realistic of course, but I can’t help that little impatient demon that lives in my soul jumping up into my brain and dancing around. Again – I control these things much better then when I was younger. Work tests my patience hourly. NO ONE gets back to you around here. Whatever. I do have a point. Which is this. I’m seriously having my patience tested. So f-ing much right now it’s ridiculous. I’m living at home now, yes I have a job but it pays crap – not allowing me to survive living on my own right now. I’m single. There are some fellas that seem to peak interest every now and again – but I tell ya – If I don’t see some sort of action on their part within oh…a minute, I assume its nothing. BUT, if I was patient – I could accept the fact that I’m home finally paying off the ex-bastards debt. I will be debt free before I move out again. By the time I pay of said debt I’m hoping the economy will have turned around somewhat and I can get a better paying job, or move up financially here. Then move back out. Debt free. That will be AMAZING. I’m also meeting new people, joining different circles of friends, which means I’ll meet more boys – maybe actually “date” more. But again – this all requires PATIENCE. Fuck me. So I’m being tested. I’m also being teased. Who says the universe doesn’t have a sense of humor – I’m driving home from somewhere that should have been a fun satisfying time, but wasn’t and now I’m annoyed. When I get annoyed I tend to bitch at myself in my car whilst driving. Yup – I’m the crazy lady talking to herself in the car. (Altho now-adays people think I’m on a Bluetooth – but now you all know I’m actually just insane). So I’m driving along bitching out load to myself, “My life sucks!”. “I’m 33 and living at home”. “I have no real relationship with a man!” “I have no money!” “I hate my job!”….these sorts of bitchings, but of course more humorous because apparently my little tirades can be entertaining. Anywho, I then sigh…It’ll all work out RIGHT!!??? I stop at a light and look to my right and there on a bustop is a giant sign with the title PATIENCE. It’s yellow, with blue writing. I don’t even know what it was advertising or what else was on it, but I saw that and burst out laughing. “Ah ha you son of bitch! Very funny!” I then shout at the universe, pointing my finger at the sign. (Of course the woman at the bustop thought I was pointing at her and I think I miffed her, but that was just one of those moments.)
So yes. I’m trying so very hard to be patient and to be positive. I’m doing it. But I’m not going to say I’m liking it. I’m taking it with a grain of salt, and most of the time things get so ridiculous it gets funny…but ah such is the life of Jami right? I hope you can find joy and laughter in my circus.