The three D's of Dating...

Another Dude. Another Date. Another Disappointment.  This has become my reality of dating.

You've all read my dating woes.

After a break from online dating for a couple of months, back when I probably shouldn't have jumped back into it so soon because I was still reeling from my break up that left me stunned and hurt, here I am again.  My decision was get through the holidays and sign back up after Christmas.

Which I did.



After Christmas I signed back up on Bumble, because it was easy and I was familiar with it.  After the usual matched with dudes, emailed dudes, maybe 2 of the 20 emailed back, then 1 kept emailing and we made a date!  BAM!

Went on date.
Meh.
We met for drinks.
He didn't pay for me.
He wasn't an asshole, but there just didn't seem to be a connection.
He walked me to my car.  Kissed me goodnight - not a good kisser.
Sigh.

The next day I signed up for Match.com.  That was a chunk of change. UGH!  I signed up for 6 months.  Figured - why not give another paid site a go.  Haven't done this one yet....
Already hate it.
It's cluttered, weird, hard to navigate.  I actually had to spend some time on the Live Chat to get some guidance.  I have found they don't really match up you with shit.  Most guys are creepy.  It sucks.  But I'm stuck on it for 6 months.

It's been a couple of weeks now - and I made one date with one guy which he canceled the morning of saying "Not to be a dick, but I have to cancel.  I feel I should be nervous or excited but I'm neither.  I don't think Online Dating is for me.".  Mind you, this dude had already been whining about how weird Online Dating is.  No shit asshole - no one likes it but it's a necessary evil.  Dodged that bullet I suppose.



Decided to go on a 2nd date with 1st Bumble dude.  Maybe I'm jumping to quick into writing him off.  I mean he wasn't a jerk.  1st dates can be awkward.  I want to be fair and give him a fair chance.  If date 2 doesn't work out, then forget it right?

So Date 2:
He paid for dinner (I had hinted for him to do so earlier).
It wasn't horrid, but it wasn't great, but I still wanted to be fair.  So I suggested we wander over for another drink (which I would buy).
Done.
It was fun.  But just no spark.  No connection.  No nothing.
He was into me though, so I felt bad.
He walked me to my car.  Kissed me goodnight.  Still not a good kisser.
Sigh.
I went home and thought long and hard about it and asked advice of friends.  Everyone agreed - if it's not there, it's not there.  You can't force these things.  So I had to send my very 1st "Sorry I just didn't feel a romantic connection" text.  He never responded.  I felt bad, but what can ya do.



More matches on Bumble.  Many many more dudes not responding.  Emailed a few.  Never went anywhere.  Why the fuck are you on dating sites if you never want to meet up you jackasses?!

Emailed a couple dudes on Match....never heard back.

Added CMB again.  I know, this app was stupid, but it's easy.  You get sent a handful of dudes a day and you like or pass then that's it.  Figured it can't hurt. No real work involved unless you actually start emailing someone which is rare.  Also re-signed up on Meetup...maybe that's the direction I need to go?

Got another date off Bumble.

Went on date.
Meh.
We met for drinks.
He didn't pay.
I actually thought maybe this guy could turn into a friend if anything.  He was cool.  I didn't feel that spark but he seemed alright?  Maybe it would grow into something if we went out a couple more times?
Text him the next day.  He did respond once - but haven't heard back now.
I think we're mutually ghosting.
Sigh.

Matched with a dude on CMB.  Seemed pretty cool.  We were having some decent emails back and fro on the app.  I hit him with my usual "Whatcha lookin for in a lady?  "What are your deal breakers?"  I gave him my deal breakers (Conservative Republican, Crazy Religious, Allergic to Cats, Live in your mom's basement, Serial Killer, Meth Head...)
CMB Dude: "I'm not conservative, but I am a Republican."
Me: "Ah ok, but you didn't vote for Trump, did you?"
CMB Dude: "Yes I did."
Me:



Matched with a dude on Bumble.
Sent my opener email (FYI I always try to grab something off their profile and address that).
My opening email:
"Hi there!  That's a super cute dog you got there!" (He had a darling brown lab in like 3 pictures)
Bumble Dude:
"Thanks.  Unfortunately he's dead now."
Me:

So there you have it folks.
2018 is not starting out very successful in the dating world that's for damn sure.
So my advice to those of you jumping into this world:

Already taking a break from online dating...

 This blog was originally going to just be a collection of WTF's of dating.  That was going to be the title, but I'm too jaded and too bitter to continue right now.  I thought I was done with online dating.  I thought I had met a really great guy earlier this year and I found my person and I was so fucking giddily happy.  I finally had what I've been longing for, for so damn long.  WELP - that was ripped away from me when he turned out to actually NOT be the wonderful man I thought he was.

So I dove back into the online dating world to try again.  Back to square one.  Honestly I was hoping to meet someone before the holidays come around because I can't bear to think of yet ANOTHER holiday season without my person.  But here it is, November, and I'm finding that I'm just done.  If I read another goddamn profile that says "Love to Travel!"  "No Drama"  "Living life to the fullest!" or see another picture of a dude holding a fish, or so many people in the picture you can't tell which one the dude is, or the dude covered up in hats and sunglasses, or pictures of the fucking scenery, I'm going to break my phone in half.  If another asshole emails me, then texts me and it seems we're going to go out and sometimes even make an actual date then ghosts LIKE THEY ALL SEEM TO FUCKING DO, I'm going to actually start just stabbing random men because they have a penis.



So - I need to pause.  I need to not online date for a couple of months.  The holidays are going to be hard enough so let's not throw the depressing, anxiety ridden HellHole that is online dating into the mix.  I'm not totally quitting - I will go back after the new year.  I may try Match.  Haven't given that one a go yet.  But unless that wonderful man who is meant to be my person shows up in a fucking Santa Suit and makes my Xmas the best Xmas ever - I'm not giving up.  I will go back at it.  But not now.  I just don't have it in me.

So in the meantime - enjoy the WTF's I collected below and realize why you'll never hear someone say "I just love online dating!"


So here is a couple of moments in the Online Dating Hell that has made me or my friends go:




This isn't dating app/site specific - just moments.  So here ya go:

Jami WTF moment #1 - dude on Bumble.  We're chatting a bit.  He's got a cutie patootie little girl.  He's pretty tatted, bearded, longer hair but I dig me some scruff.  After maybe 2 days of chatting (we never exchanged digits thank GAWD) I get the "Is a head tattoo a deal breaker?".

I ask "Are you getting one". He says yes.  I say "Are you shaving your head then?" He says yes, but will grow his hair back after that tattoo, then proceeds to explain it's like having tattoos under your clothes. I'm thinking...ummmm not really at all.  He says he wants to get one cuz it's cool.  I waited a day or two on this (because am I too vain?), but no.  I just can't.  I love tattoos but head/face...little much.

Girlfriend WTF moment #2.  This friend of mine is goddamn hilarious.  I call her Wonderfully Weird.  She's fucking amazing and has a quirky awesome sense of humor that always has me in stitches.  She's handling douchebags just fine.  Take a look:

This is the "Tits" pic she sent

Jami WTF moment #3.  So you all know about "ghosting".  This happens 99.9% of the time it seems whether you've met up or not.  Dudes ghost.  Period.  Well - I met the opposite.  I went on a date with this guy who had made the comment that he would never "ghost" and was surprised how much I expected people to do so. (This guy must be new).  So we went on a date, he text me later saying I was cool, etc but there was no spark.  I text back that I appreciate the honesty, etc.  He lived up to his word.  Didn't ghost.  But then...the next day I get a text "Just wanted to drop a hello so you wouldn't think I ghosted".  Umm.....WTF?  So I text back "You didn't and again, I thank you for your honesty but you basically said we didn't click".  Seriously dude?  You blew me off.  Thank you for not "ghosting" but go away.


Girlfriend WTF moment #4.  My wonderful friend I refer to as my mini me sent me her addition.  Um.  This guy. 

Date WTF moment #5.  So I went on a date with this guy, and we were talking about bad dates.  He told me a gal he went out with farted every 10 minutes, loudly, and acted like nothing was happening.  He actually started timing it.


So there's a few tidbits for you.
See you next year.
I'm done.

Coffee Meets Bagel...

Yup.
That's the name of the latest dating app I tried.
I'm already over it.
My takeaways:

First of all the name...I mean, ok I can kind of see the cute factor but really?  I was trying to look at it for the originality of the name but let's be real.  It's lame.  You should have see the eye rolls I got when I told people the name of it.



It's a free app, but you can buy more "beans".  Get it?  Beans.  Sigh.  It pulls from your Facebook but you can edit it.  When someone looks at your profile it'll list your Name (only given to you when you "match"), Age, Location, Ethnicity, Height, Religion, Occupation, Employer, Education.  Then you fill in the "I am..." the "I like..." and the "I appreciate when my date...".  You can put up to 9 pictures.  It will also tell you if you have mutual friends on Facebook but you have to pay with "beans" to find out who that is.

Then at noonish each day your sent 1-6 "Bagels".  You can like or pass and if they like you too you're matched.  You have to send the 1st email and you're timed.  If the dude responds back then you have a chat window in the app that only lasts a week.  It basically pushes you to exchange digits.  I did like that part.  I mean shit or get off the pot right?

Then you're also sent a bunch of other "Bagels" that if you're interested in them you can buy them with beans.  Lord.  It will tell you if they "liked" you but you don't see much on these.  Plus you only see the main picture which half the time you can't even see the damn guy because he tried to get creative.

There are other features, and a lot of other features you can purchase but it's a bit confusing and I didn't bother trying to figure all that shit out.

Coffee Meets Bagel:

• There are ALOT of Asian men.  I don't know why.  Maybe they like bagels.
• There are ALOT of religious people.  I got mainly Christians.  I assume that's because my thing says Spiritual not Religious so maybe I didn't get the hardcore religious dudes.  Maybe religious people like bagels.
• I will say this did not feel like a "hook up" site.  The dudes at least filled out all the stuff and had plenty of pictures so that shows me they put in the effort.
• Sometimes the dudes I could buy with beans would pop up on my free daily 6.  So if you're patient they may come back.
• I didn't "Like" a lot of people and I rarely heard from the dudes I did.
• I matched with a dude who worked at Chapman.  We didn't seem like we'd be compatible dating wise, but I figured we could be work friends.  So we met up for a drink and BAM - possible work friend, so that's cool.
• There's a filter to set to choose preference of age, distance and ethnicity for the dudes but it's only for the ones you have to buy with beans. So the handful they send you daily is a total crapshoot.  It also resets every day - because according to CMB they want you to keep your options open.  Really CMB?  You want to tell me what I want? 
• I did go on a date with a British Dude who was really cool and I enjoyed our date, but he wasn't interested in me.  So I did get one date out of it. (Funny side note - I told him about Bumble on our date, he said he wasn't familiar with that one.  Guess who showed up my damn Bumble today.)  I'M RUNNING OUT OF MEN!
• The site emails you and sends you notifications on your phone.  It's kind of annoying.  
• It has a "Tips" section but it's literally the same tips all the time. 

So, Coffee Meets Bagel - FAIL.
I got bored with it really fast.  They did not send me good matches at all.  Most days I passed on every one.

I think my next venture before I dive into a paid one will be OK Cupid.  I haven't really tried that one yet.  So - you'll probably see another blog.

Fuck.

Where is my person?!

This is why online dating is the 9th Circle of Hell...

I was explaining the levels we have to go through during the online dating process to a friend the other day, and she's of the geek culture and referred to it as "Leveling Up".  A perfect analogy.



Here's how it goes once you've signed up on a dating site or app:

Now, this 1st level depends on what site/app you're on.  You're either swiping through the deck of cards that are dudes, or sorting through your dudes that are daily sent to you based on the site/apps algorithms, or some other way dudes are presented to you to like or pass on.

You then may "Match" with someone. - LEVEL UP!  (This usually means both parties "liked' or "swiped right" on each other)

Then hopefully you start a conversation via the site/app.  Some of them the women has to initiate (Which BTW - if I matched with you, I liked you for some reason, and I will ALWAYS initiate. Not every woman is a ghost) and some it doesn't matter.  Some are timed.  But this next step is the emailing/chatting via the app/site.

Dude actually responds to the emails/chats and you two keep a conversation going (note - keep a conversation going) - LEVEL UP!

At this point you will hopefully dig each other enough to exchange digits.

Then you text each other or *gasp* a phone call happens - LEVEL UP!

You actually text more than one day. - LEVEL UP!  (Yes. Actually another level here)


Now - yet another level falls here - you actually consistently text (or call, but let's be real 98% of the world texts now) with the thought - ON BOTH PARTIES - that this is leading to an eventual meet up.  A lot of the time things fail here, you find out if you got yourself a pen pal.  But if not - LEVEL UP!

You make a date.  With details.  - LEVEL UP!

There is where you may actually get a bit hopeful.



Date actually happens.  Like you go to the agreed place and your date shows up and you have an actual date.  - LEVEL UP!

Now here's another crucial time.  The date either bombs and the courting ends here.  Or it goes really well - or so you think.  Both of you actually have to have that chemistry or spark or something.  You may think it goes well but the dude ghosts or let's you know (which is super rare) that he didn't feel it.  So I will say here - the next step is you continue contact and schedule and go on and actually have a 2nd date - LEVEL UP! 

You schedule and go on an actually have a 3rd date - LEVEL UP!

From my experience if you can successfully make it to 4 or 5 actually successful dates that it really does look like it's going to go somewhere you can officially say you have now passed the needed levels to fall into actually possibly dating someone.  So consider yourself promoted - to another set of levels.



Unfortunately I can't say this means you're done or have found the one, but you've at least got past the beginnings.  Does this make sense?  Seem like a lot of work?  It is.

Welcome to the 9th Circle of Hell which is Online Dating.

He broke my heart...

Didn't think you'd be seeing this blog right after 3 blogs of what looked to be a good road trip did ya?

Yea.  Me either.

Let's back up.

A little over a month ago, I noticed he started acting distant.  I was hearing from him less, making plans seemed like more of a big deal, and I just knew something was up.  He was different.  I asked him about it 3 or 4 times.  "Are we ok?"  "Are we good?" "Is there something wrong?  You're acting differently".  His answer was always yes it's fine I'm just busy sort of answer.  I tried to back off but something in my gut was telling me otherwise.  I figured with this road trip coming up, we would have ample time to talk about it.  I mean all I was really looking for, was for him to act like he did before.  Before this weird change.

Road trip came and went as you read.  The fact that I got so sick dampened the chance to really talk about our relationship.  We talked a little bit.  I brought along the book The 5 Languages of Love, thinking that would be a good topic and maybe something we could try.  Find out each other's "love language" and be better for each other.  A win win right?  He chuffed about it but glanced through it and found out his "language" and we talked about it.  Mine is Physical Touch, so I asked if he could maybe show a little more affection towards me.

After the trip I mentioned when we could see each other again.  When he said it's not going to be for almost a month I was surprised and sad.  When I voiced my sadness he got rather defensive talking about being busy, it was lucky we've spent the time (weekends) we did, blah blah.  After a day or so I just couldn't imagine that working, so I started mentioning maybe just meeting half way in San Clemente for dinner or something.  Just to at least to see each other.  We were going to do this about a week and a half after the trip but Tuesday night August 22nd (Ironically the date of my would have been wedding anniversary mind you) things went south.

It started out with a text string that got heated and I was noticing mis understandings happening.  After it got too much, we got on the phone with each other that turned ugly.  He started accusing me of ridiculous accusations which I won't get into here and it came out that he had been festering on something that happened a month ago that he couldn't let go.  Something fucking ridiculous. Something I didn't even (and no normal person would think) realize upset him.  I about dropped the phone a few times out of pure shock and it spiraled from there.  He then went on to talk about how it shouldn't be this hard.  I came back with all relationships compromise sometimes and I wasn't asking for a lot.  And he said some offensive things to me.  And I cried alot.  And near the end, which I was thinking we could still work on things, thinking this was just our 1st fight and we could move forward, then came the heart breaker.  When I calmed and started talking about how we can work on this he started saying comments that made it sound like he was done.  I said "Don't you want to work on it?"  He said "I don't know".  I said "That's not an answer" and he said "Well then no".  And that was it.  I was shocked.  It was like throwing a dagger into my heart.

So basically - none of the good times we had in the 6 or so months we've been dating mattered.  Basically he can't be a fucking adult and actually work on something.  Everything I thought he felt about me was apparently bullshit because if you actually cared about someone you don't throw the relationship aside like a dirty rag.  He didn't even want to try.  I couldn't fucking believe it.  HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TRY. I said so that's it?  I guess so, he says.  And after my stunned crying silence we hung up.

All that time of falling in love with his daughter, of fun times and adventures, of getting him into photography, of meeting my family and friends which you all know are fucking awesome people, by going on a trip together (that is now tainted), by bringing him into my life and opening my heart up to him was all for not.  He made up some crazy notions in his head that flipped a switch in him and decided that was it.  He just threw me aside like I was trash.

I tried harder than I've ever tried this time.  I'm 41 years old.  I have been through ups and downs of relationships and marriages and learning about myself.  I know I'm the type that if something gets too hard I usually run.  But I wasn't this time.  I really liked him.  I really cared about him.  I could see myself falling in love with him.  I knew we had very different personality types but that was ok because we could learn from each other.  I was patient and didn't let myself knee jerk react to ANYTHING.  I would stop and think about it before responding.  I read up on ways to be a good partner.  I talked to my therapist who helped guide me on the path of my 1st really serious relationship in years.  I opened my life and my heart to him and his daughter.  I did everything I could, and I know this one is not on me.  But goddamn if it doesn't hurt like a mother fucker.  I honestly don't remember how you deal with a broken heart.

I stayed home from work a few days crying my eyes out, lost sleep and am still struggling.  I'll slowly remove pictures from my social media because seeing the cute pictures of us, and all the wonderful love and comments from my friends who were so happy for me is just too heartbreaking to bare.  I'm not deleting my blogs and photos here and on my photo blog though.  Those were truly good times and I want to remember them and will go back and read them when I can handle it.  But gone from the social media, gone from my phone because looking at those sweet times we were together daily right now is just too hard, because it didn't even matter to him.  Baby steps.  I have an amazing support system of friends and family that will help me through this and I'll fill my calendar up to stay busy.

I refuse to leave this relationship without learning something though.  I am growing as a person and I know you can always learn from things.  What I learned is I can fall in love with someone's child.  I learned that I am capable of being patient and putting forth my all into a relationship.  I really don't think I've been able to do that before.  And I've also learned that I want to be in a relationship for sure.  I was going back and forth there for a while, especially with how horrible the dating scene is, about whether I really want this or not.  And I do.  Those months before his switch I was so happy.  I was so happy to have someone in my life.  I was so happy that everyone was so happy for me.  I thought about him all the time and got butterflies.  I was excited when I met some of his friends that I really adored.  I loved when I brought him in to my world, he liked everyone and they liked him.  I was always excited when we had plans.  I loved seeing little things I thought his daughter would like or he would enjoy.  I was happy.  I was happy having a person.  So once I mend from this shattered heart I want to try again.  I'm terrified and I'm dreading it, but I know it's really what I want.  I really want to find someone to share my life with.

My heart is broken.  I wish so much this could have worked.  I wanted to try.  But the way he flipped and the cold, harsh way he ended it with, I know he's not the right one for me.  I'll miss his daughter and I'll miss what he was in the beginning.  It's going to be hard to get over this one.

Holy Shit Online Dating Almost Worked...

 ***UPDATE***

I want to keep this blog up, because before he turned into an asshole it was pretty damn cool.  So - this just turned into a practice relationship run.  Apparently all the fun stuff you read below was just part of the beginning courting phase.  I really thought he was a good guy but alas no.  Turned out to be a very cold person with some unresolved issues.  You can read about the demise here.

But for a few glorious months, the below blog was real.

I can officially say it now.
I have a boyfriend.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!



I can't friggin believe it.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you I enjoyed Online Dating.  OBVI - you saw my adventures.  Not great.  Anxiety ridden.  BLAH.

But just as I was about to throw in the towel here came the Viking.

My e-Harmony was just about to run out.  I had gone on my brief stint on Tinder to write about it, then was convinced by my friend to do the same for Bumble which I did.  I was so friggin jaded by the time I did these two that I was actually kind of an ass because I just didn't care.  The Viking was apparently intrigued so we made a date.

The night of my birthday my friends suggested I take a break from online dating for a while since it was really turning me quite bitter towards the male species.  I mean I was at the point of thinking all men were cowards.  And/or Assholes. And/or children.  And/or crazy.  I was so fucking done and my friends were feeling it.

I agreed and said THESE WORDS - "I will.  I have a date with this guy on Sunday and after that I'm turning off all my dating apps and throwing in the towel."

Welp - I did - but for a good reason.  I actually met a decent guy!

He doesn't live close, bout an hour/hour an a half away but he was willing to come my way for date 1.  I suggested DTSA.  He researched (He actually researched you guys!) and started suggesting places.  He got points for that alone.  Not being familiar with the area he was suggesting places that were closed.  Me, knowing DTSA well as it's one of my favorite places to hit up, I offered up Robbins Nest Wine Bar.  One of my favorite joints and an easy date spot.  We agreed to meet for a drink and if we hit it off we'd have dinner.  Our date was for 5pm on Sunday February 26th.

Now  - his epic beard and Viking like haircut is what stopped me when I was flipping through the deck of dudes on Bumble.  Then our brief app convo/into texting was good.  He mentioned something about being on the short side and as I walked up I saw this nice looking fellow standing outside looking at his phone.  Hmmm.  Not bad.  Not tall but not a midget either.  Height doesn't bother me all that much anyway but presence is important and he had it.  Then he looked up at me and smiled.  I was super nervous and my usual jittery self on a 1st date, but that smile made the butterflies flutter more.  He reached out his hand and I went in for a hug.  "I'm a hugger!" I said nervously. 

We headed inside and the poor guy almost got punched by me because he came up behind me to...are you ready for this guys.....PULL OUT MY CHAIR!



Yes.  I was that blown away.  He almost got smacked because I didn't know what he was doing.  Holy. Shit.

The rest of the date went swimmingly.  He is super chivalrous, very cool, respects women (alot), paid for everything, made me laugh, easy to talk to and I could get lost in his eyes.  We had our 1st kiss (which he actually asked permission for) before we headed to dinner and yes - chemistry was definitely there.  Dinner was at Eat Chow after I gave him my usual tour of Downtown Santa Ana.  Um - also - he walks on the street side.  Chivalry is not dead friends!

I drove home happy but not getting my hopes up at all because - well - we all know my constant dating fails.

Date 2 we met down in San Clemente which is a good halfway point for us and had dinner at my favorite - Fishermans Restaurant and Bar on the pier.  We then walked around for a while and ended up sitting on a picnic table on the beach and chatting with of courses kisses in between.  Delish.

After we parted ways this time there was going to be a big break in between our next date since he had to go to Alaska for work.  A month.  I was so bummed and totally ready for it to go south because that's exactly what happened with Sleeves.  2 really great dates - he goes a way for a few weeks - comes back and HELLO ASSHOLE.  You all know where that went.  This guy was going to be gone even longer so I was really trying not to get too excited but it was hard because I dug him.

The whole time he was gone we stayed in touch.  He sent me pictures from his trip which was rad and it really seemed like he wasn't going to ghost.  I had a few freak outs via text but he took it well.  We were really getting to know each other through our phones.  I really missed him and wanted to see him again and was hope hope hoping he wouldn't ghost!

When he returned I had planned for our date 3 at Descanso Gardens up in Pasadena.  I was really looking forward to this date because we would be together all day (and possibly all night...wink wink) and could really see if we click ya know?  1st of all I'd like to point out that HE BROUGHT ME PRESENTS!  That's right.  Not a bottle of wine or something like I thought (he had been asking me about my tastes in wine so I had a feeling I had a bottle coming) but presents - plural!  2 bottles of wine, a fun little snow hat and wine opener that says Alaska and a scarf.  He said he got the scarf because I wore a scarf on our 1st 2 dates.



Holy. Shit.  You paid attention to what I was wearing and then got me something?!!?!?!?!  Apparently thoughtful dudes still exist.

We then had a lovely date at Descanso (which you can see pics here), followed by Portos, followed by dinner in Fullerton, followed by....well....you know.

We have since gotten together every weekend since his return from Alaska.  Another lovely gardens trip you can see here.

The second time he came to my house for a date he brought me FLOWERS!

The 1st time I went down to his place he had a bottle of wine for me.  He also has a pint of my favorite Non Dairy Ben & Jerry's ice cream in his freezer for me.

WHAT?!




Since we don't live close, and he has split custody with his little, and our jobs etc we are limited in our time with each other but we really shoot for at least once a week.  He joined me for moms annual Easter Party (which we had to stop on the way because he wanted to get flowers for her!!!) and got to meet some of the fam and some of the friends.  I have met a couple of his friends who I adored.  I'll be meeting a few more of his friends in a few weeks and I'm hoping to introduce him to the rest of my crew soon.  We have a music festival coming up and a road trip to see my lil bro in August and guess what - we are FB official!  The amount of love that blew up for me on that made my soul and heart smile.  I do love that so many people are happy that I found a good dude!  My friends and family make me feel so damn loved.  Thanks you guys!

It's a total trip.  I know I'm super public with my life, hoping that my stories and adventures can relate to you readers on some level and make you giggle and so far it seems so with the awesome feedback I receive!

But the Viking seems to be a real guy.  I question him sometimes and all he says is "You can pinch me if you want."  He respects me, is honest with me, pays for stuff, has included me into his life more and more (I met the little last week and she's so cute!), is thoughtful and my latest experience which has made me adore him even more is HE PLANS SHIT!  He's already been researching and planning our road trip when all I've done is look at a map and think..."Hmm..the Grand Canyon isn't that far from my little brothers place".  He's an adult.  I'm dating a fucking adult you guys!!!!  Plus we even talk on the phone.  That's right.  You all know how I feel about the phone.

So it's true.  I'm currently a smitten kitten but I'm being careful too.  I try to check my emotions now and again.  I have no idea where this will go, but right now it's awesome and I'm taking it day by day and enjoying every minute.  I have a boyfriend.  I can't believe it.  As always:

Some good dates...

So I felt I should throw out a blog about the very few good dates I actually had via this online hell.

We didn't work out romantically, but it's not that the guys were assholes or anything - we just didn't click.  Just...I don't know...

Remember I'm not very good at this.



So ladies - there is hope for a few good dates at least!

Good date #1: Disney Dude.  He lived in San Diego so that was already a flag, but you never know.  If you really click I think you'll make a distance thing work.  I've seen it done.  I mean think about it, you can be all like "I miss you!!!!"  Lots of creative texting.  You know.



Anywhoo - he had talked about being a Disney fan on his profile so of course I had to promptly give him shit for it.  He invited me to a party in LA, but I wasn't comfortable going somewhere with someone I didn't really know to a party with no one I knew.  I made the suggestion of meeting up beforehand for a drink or something on his way.  He was down.  We jokingly talked about Disneyland and guess where we landed.  Yup.  Totally random.  But a first that's for sure!  Could be a good story?

We met up and ended up spending the whole friggin afternoon, night there.  He skipped his party.  We pretty much just bar/food hopped a bit then went on a few rides near the end of the night.  The thing is - I had a feeling it wasn't going anywhere.  We had a fantastic time.  He's also an actor so there's that. (You non-actor folks may not get it but we usually all just get along).  There were a few things I raised my eyebrow at and he was already hemming and hawwing about the distance so I just had a feeling.  We had great chemistry and had a really fun, awesome long epic date.  It's the only dude I've ever invited back to my place on a 1st date and no we didn't DO THAT!! (Get your mind out of the gutter)



 But we did have fun.  A few days later I sent the "Let's call a spade a spade text" but I went on to say how much I dug him and could we stay in contact as friends? (We also had already Facebooked each too!).  He said I took the words right out of his mouth.  So there it is - a new friend!  And a new friend in the biz.  He's already chatted with me about an audition.  Totally a dude I could see myself hanging out with again.  This hadn't happened yet in the dating world, but I'm really glad it did.

Good Date #2: Weirdly enough, 2 of my better dates came out of Tinder.  This guy we'll call Moby.  He was also another one that lived a bit far, but he came down to meet me for dinner/drinks.  We spent a couple of hours together chatting about life, politics, art and more.  He was very cool and we got along well but just no spark.  I had a feeling it was mutual but I wasn't sure.  I mean we all know how clueless I am with men.



So we ended the evening with kind of an awkward kiss and off he went.  A couple of days later I got the "You're just a bit too far distance wise" text.  I thanked him for actually not ghosting.  I mean this guy actually had balls.  At least not every single man I meet is a coward.  I was starting to wonder.  But again - super cool guy, we had great convo and I would totally go like to an art show or something with him if that ever came about.  Just didn't click romantically.

Good Date #3:  This guy happens to be a Professor at my work.  Look at that!  Local!!!!  We went out a few times.  Super smart guy.  Very passionate, very political.  But again...I just wasn't feeling that click I guess.  I was thinking of going out with him a few more times to see if something got stirred because not a jerk!  But it just didn't happen.  So, I did the "Can we be friends" bit and he seemed down with that.  Because AGAIN - met a new cool guy I'd love to have in my life on a friendship level.  I have a lot of guy friends, so it's not like that's unusual and I guess some of them were dudes we tried to date, didn't work out but stayed friends.  So I guess these good dates turned friends is the same thing?

But anyway - I'm loving that so many of you lovelies have really enjoyed reading about my dating adventures.  If my mis steps can make you laugh - I have done my job.  :)

So here's a good one.  I wanted throw a shout out to these guys in this blog because you're all awesome and thank you for giving me hope that not every man is a total asshole.

My Bounce with Bumble...

I did Tinder for a month or so, why not do a blog on Bumble?

Apparently this is like the Feminist Tinder they call it.  It's set up in the same style as Tinder with the swiping left or right if you like a person but the difference is if you both "swipe right" the woman has to email the dude.

You're also timed.  Like if I match with a dude, I only have 24 hours to send him an email or he goes away.  Then the dude has 24 hours or something to write you back.  Um - this is an OCD girls dream! Ha ha ha!

On Valentine's night my girlfriend came over and we got to talking about dating apps.  She's on this Bumble and convinced me to do it.  So, with her help, we set up my Bumble account and I was ready to go.  Here's what I've learned.

• The dudes on Bumble seem to be way hotter than the dudes on Tinder.  I don't know why, but there is just a whole lotta better looking fellows on there!
• My friend showed me a date she'd been on with.  She said he was a little odd.  He text her a picture of baby quails he just bought.  Seriously like 10 of them.  She asked if they were pets.  His response - yes!  And I can eat the eggs.  Quails.  Not chickens.  Quails.
• My girlfriend was recognizing a bunch of the dudes I swiped as dudes that showed on on hers too.  
• There's also a "shake" quality to Bumble.  Apparently if you accidentally swipe left you can shake your phone and he'll come back.  Let's just say this turned into a very hilarious display by me trying to get a few dudes back.  Think:   
• This dude I went out with from this blog has now popped up on my e-Harmony, Tinder and now Bumble. Ack.
• I love the theme - Bumble...so when you're looking for dudes you push the little hive.  When it's thinking there's little bees.  It's so cute.
• Guys still pose with fish.
• We're running out of men.  I see the same dudes on all these different dating sites. 
• Some dudes only know how to email in what I would assume is text language.  All kinds of acronyms and what not.  I admit I may not have the best grammar but at least I can make a fucking sentence.  You know...with actual WORDS!  
• I "run out of people" all the time.  Either not a lot of dudes are on Bumble or I've literally run out of men.  It tells me to check back later.  I have to wait a couple of days if I don't want to "run out of people".  WTF.  
  
• I made a date with one dude, but had to cancel because I got a cold.  His response  - "Are you sure it's not just anxiety to meet me?"  Um - don't flatter yourself asshole.  So I tell him of course not, I have a cold.  How about we make a date over the weekend?  Guess what - GHOSTED.  

• I did get one good date out of it.  Fingers actually still crossed on that one but trying really damn hard to not get excited, because last time that happened it was with Sleeves, whom you read about a while back and you know how bitterly that ended.

So in conclusion - Bumble is pretty much like Tinder but with hotter guys and less guys.  I've already turned it off, but it was a fun jaunt.  I may actually go back on later for funners but I'm taking a break from dating apps/sites for a bit.  I'm getting too jaded so I think I should step away.  But I'm not giving up dammit!

My Tap Dance with Tinder...

Yeah I know.
Online dating has been nothing but heartbreak and anxiety for me.  But - it's made for some funny blogs so why not keep going with it!

So I signed up on Tinder for purely research purposes.  I looked at it this way - if I actually do meet someone - dope - it's like a bonus.  But, it's Tinder.  I mean.  Tinder.  The hook up site.  In fact - some of the dudes snark at people looking for a serious relationship on Tinder.  One guy's profile said "Looking for fun - seriously those of you looking for relationships?!  Get off my hook up site!"
Legit.

The cool part about this site is, since it's such a fucking joke, I'm not at all invested.  I'll "match" with someone - we email a bit - he's gone.  Nothing personal and I'm not surprised.  I'm just like - and NEXT.

So - things I've observed:

• It feels like a total hook site.  Most dudes are like - "In town for a week!"  Or "Looking for a good time, you serious types swipe left!"  Or my favorite - "My girlfriend and I are looking for a playmate - no drama!"
• I swiped left so much.  I actually got a thumb cramp.  I am officially a vain asshole.  Tinder turns you vain.
• There's a few married guys on there saying they don't get affection at home so they're looking for a woman. EW!
•  Lots of dudes like to pose with their shirt off.  Which brings me to my next point:
• Lots of eye candy for sure.  Of course I swipe left but hot damn.
• I've seen some of my e-Harmony dudes on there.
• I saw my friends boyfriend on there.  UGH.  That was an awkward text to send to her.
• Girls must always ask about height because almost every dudes profile had their height and a snarky comment following it like "6'2 because apparently that's at thing" or "5'11 since you always seem to want to know".  
• I found I was very forward on Tinder. If we got to emailing I'd say "Are you a conservative republican?  Are you super religious?  Are you allergic to cats?"  Shit like that.  Some dudes found it refreshing.
• One of my dude friends let me swipe through his Tinder when we had dinner one night and for some reason most girls have a ducklips pose.
• Some dudes are straight up like - "I'm in town once a month - I'm great in bed!" or "I love to eat pussy." Yup.  Not kidding.
• I actually did exchange numbers with a few dudes for funners and got some great wine and movie recommendations!
• Some guys have a great sense of humor - this guy said "I have a naked shower picture in my profile".  You scroll and find this:
  
  Well played David 38.
• I exchanged #'s with 2 guys named Matt.  The way these online dudes go in my phone is James - Eharmony, etc and for this - Matt-Tinder.  Well I got confused so one dude was Matt Beard Tinder since he had a big ol beard.
• Do all guys fish?  I swear every other picture is a dude holding a fish.
• I've also been told the gals are always posing with Tigers?  Is this true fellas?  
• There are some dudes who have pictures of their junk.  Undies on because I'm sure Tinder wouldn't allow THAT but still.  Are you fucking kidding me? 
• When I was emailing one dude I said "Are you looking for a hook up or a serious relationship?" he said "Strange Question".  I said "It's Tinder".  His response - "Touche" Thank you Brian 38.
• You're only matched by age and distance. It's amazing the freaks that apparently are around me.
• I'm sharing an experience from a friend - she had a date with Tinder dude...showed up - Missing most of his teeth.  She said "He looked hot in his photos but he never smiled!"  Oh my.
• I actually did get a couple of dates out of it - and guess what - better than most of the E-Harmony dates I went on. I feel I literally swiped through 100's to get to these two though.
• If a dude actually emails you - you may get a few emails in and they stop.
• If you get to phone # exchange, which was really rare, all (but the 2 dates I had) eventually just ghosted.
• I'm already over it.  I think I lasted a month.  Deleted it today.

In conclusion - Tinder is weird.  I feel it's very impersonal and strange.  I would definitely say it's a hook up site.  You can probably meet someone you can have a relationship with but you have to put a lot of time and swiping into it, but I only lasted a month.  If I continue with the online date, I suppose I'll stick to the paid sites.  At least they try to match you based on algorithms and what not.  Although as I type this I'm still single.  Sigh.  Dating in this technology age is hard.

Another blog on dating...

"Bitter table of one?"
That's me you guys.
Bitter and will be at a table for one for the rest of my damn life.

This morning in the shower I started having a lot of thoughts on dating.  (The shower is where I do my best over thinking) so I decided to jot them down in hopefully in a humorous way with pics and memes and ways other ladies may be able to relate.

How I feel right now:



WHAT THE FUCK?

I have literally tried it all now.  Friends have supposedly been looking for someone to set me up with.  A sparse few actually came through.  One I actually dated a year back in 2007.  I know right?!  The one and only dude I dated more than a nano second since my divorce.  The only reason we lasted as long as we did was I was bound and determined to try to make it work.  Even though I wasn't into him. (I mean he was a conservative republican you guys!)

I have a bunch of different social circles.

I have tried to meet people when I'm happy go lucky Jami.  The few years right after my head issue I was like:



I met people before that when I was more of a Negative Nancy and I have now met people with where I'm at now which is still grateful, loves life Jami but the Irish kiss my ass sarcasm has returned.
Henry Rollins reminded me that you can still be a tough bitch and practice kindness and love unicorns and shit.

I have volunteered places.

I have tried to approach dudes in public places and smile and make eye contact and have a conversation even though most of the time it's more like this:

The one thing I hadn't tried was online dating.  I dabbled in the free sites but never gave it a go.  So last year - as you all have read because I wrote 4 blogs about it - I did it.  Has it worked?



All I've learned is how much I HATE DATING.  I have also learned some new terms - "Ghosting" and "Benched".  I'd like to say I don't ghost but I have mutually ghosted which I have found isn't that bad because dude did it 1st.  Example - text text text - nothing.  So I don't care enough to keep trying.  Or - date - date blew- I ALWAYS send a "thank you or had a nice time" text because I'm not an asshole but if I don't hear back I don't reach out either.

BUT - if I think things are going well via texting or dating I have constantly been shocked when I get ghosted.  I'll go back and re-read texts to see if I said something or seemed too needy or to short or something and I swear I can't see where I went wrong!  This last one hurt.  2 fantastic dates (I thought) with Sleeves.  Even though he's been traveling we texted here and there.  All of a sudden - nothing.  I've been fucking GHOSTED AGAIN!  People wonder why I am so jaded.



Maybe he was robbed, or left his phone somewhere or whatever fucking excuse - but goddammit if I don't believe there is a way to get a hold of a person if you really want to. Borrow a phone, find a computer.  When I was in the mother fucking ICU and a dude I hadn't been out with yet text me "Are we still on for Thur" -  I RESPONDED!  (He sure wasn't expecting that excuse) but still.  I have the common courtesy to find a way to at least let someone know whats up ya know? I just can't believe in our current world there isn't a way to just say - "Hey - not dead" or something. And the thing is...with this one in particular...if it's going well (like I thought) don't you try? This hurt my heart. Alot.  Am I crazy?  Am I too nice?  Too gullible?  Too stupid?  Too jaded?  Maybe I am.  Maybe that's why I'm still single at 40.

I have an update on Sleeves.  So - I heard from him...like a week later.  Yup - Oh I'm so busy, blah blah blah so I figured fine - You don't have time for me.  It's cool.  You're not into me like I thought.  I was already chatting with another e-harmony dude and had gone through my tears and anger for you.  Moved on.  The next week - he asks me out.  I wanted to say no - but remember - I really liked this guy!  So I said "Ok great! Sunday night?"  He was like "Great!  I'll figure something out and get back to you."  I was cautiously optimistic.  Sadly of course though I started thinking how excited I was to see him again.  I could look past the ghosting and too busy.  I text him a day or two before Sun asking what the plan was.  Guess what - FUCKING NOTHING!!!!  This is even worse than ghosting I think!  I had gotten past you and moved on - you pop back in and make plans and then you ghost again?!?!?!?!?  What the actual fuck dude?!  I text once more and nothing.  How dare you get my hopes up again and then be an ever bigger jerkLet me tell you about "Benched" which I just recently learned and figured that's what the goddamn Ginger did.  Benched - like in baseball - you're put on the bench until someone hotter doesn't work out.  FUCKING REALLY?! 


I mean I guess I knew...but didn't realize it had a name.  So that's what so many dudes have done to me in the past.  I can't tell you how many times I got ghosted then weeks later a "Whatcha doing?" text from long gone dude. Boy have I fell for that one alot.  And here I thought "Oh...maybe he really likes me and just realized it?" UGH!!!

I put this out there in the world, showing my vulnerable side, which used to be really hard for me, in hopes that other women can say "YES!  I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!" Or at least get a chuckle.  Or maybe even have a solution for me I have not thought of yet.

So hear I am friends.

Please don't tell me "It'll happen when you least expect it."  There have been times I have not been expecting it and he has not arrived.

Please don't tell me "You'll meet someone someday".  I'm fucking 40 and any chance of having a kid is pretty much on it's way out the biological window.

Please don't tell me "You're so awesome, I don't understand why you can't meet anyone."  ME EITHER!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't talk to me about cookies fucking baking, Mr. Right is right around the corner, You just need to be patient (FYI it's been 14 years), he's out there you just haven't met him yet, it's a numbers game, BLAH BLAH BLAH.  I'm here right now.





Can someone please teach me the secret to not want to be in a relationship?  To not get lonely when I'm surrounded by couples and families?  To be perfectly happy being alone the rest of my life?  Can I please be Samantha from Sex and the City?!

How about another dating update...

So.
Wondering how I'm doing with the e-harmony journey?
Wondering if I've found love and it's been so fun and so rad and just lovely?
Yeah.
No.

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So the last you heard was this right?

So a month or so after that - that guy TEXT ME AGAIN!  I get this "How's the new fella?".  Well, I had deleted that guys number so I had to text back "Who is this?!"  It was ginger!  WTF?!  So we text a bit...I was totally up front and told him why I peaced out.  He's like well if you want to go out again I'm here. (AGAIN WITH THE NOT COMMITTING)  Bite me.  He then texts me again a few days later so I thought - you know what?  It's not like I'm having any luck so why not?  I text back "In!"  DIDN'T HEAR BACK!

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So there's that.

The latest trend (which I've learned from other poor saps trying to online date) is we get to texting, we hit it off, we're having some good texting convo, but then the second I mention trying to get together they're busy, or have to check their schedule, or I don't know it's kinda crazy right now.  So basically - I just want to fucking text you and keep you hanging on a string but I never want to actually go out with you because I have no balls and I'm a fucking loser who likes to hide behind my phone.  Eat a dick dude.

I'M SO FUCKING DONE!!

Also - random side note - why do guys send selfies?  I just start texting you and I get a "Hi!" followed by a selfie.  Or "Happy Friday!" followed by a selfie.  I mean - It's not a horrible thing but isn't that weird?  "Hey I'm walking around the city - here's a selfie".  Did I ask for one?  I guess I should be happy it isn't a dick pick.

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So - I'm pretty much done.  And want to cry. And I wish I could just turn it all off, but I paid until March.  But then......

Went on a date.

It was a good one.

He was cute and nice and we have stuff in common AND HE PAID FOR MY DRINKS!

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We've only been on one date.  We have not committed to another one, but we have a tentative talk of one.  We'll call him sleeves.  (Yup.  Tattooed dude.  Love it.)  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, even though I drove home after the date and thought "Just fucking marry me and be the one so I can stop dating because I really really really don't want to fucking do this anymore and you seemed nice and normal and it was only little awkward and please please please!!!!!""

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Sigh.
Take a breath.
One date.
One date went well.
OMG.OMG.OMG.OMG.

Seriously though.  This is exhausting.  I changed my shirt like 10 times because this is a date in cold weather.  I don't look as cute in cold weather.  It'd be weird to go on a date with a beanie right?  I don't want dress up but don't want to be too casual.  I straighten my hair.  I start stressing and having tummy aches.

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It's exhausting.

I swear it's harder when the date goes well because then the over thinking and over analyzing starts in.

So here's to hoping.  Fingers crossed.  Accepting good vibes.  OMG.

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Dating Update...

Welp.

Still on the e-Harmony.



For a while I wasn't "starting the guided communication" with anyone.  Had the notion that - If they're interested they'll reach out to me.

Then.  Crickets.

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Then a dude reached out.  This is dude I mentioned in this BLOG.  Was hopeful remember?? Sigh.  Alas no.  But - I feel good I made it to 4 - count them - 4 dates with someone finally.  I've been signed up since March.  It's September.  Yeah.  So I'll run down this latest fizzle.

He was the only one to reach out to me when I stopped my initiations.  He was kinda cute.  Seemed kinda cool.  I was slow in responding to him, but did.  We did the usual...made it to email, then made it to text.  Texting went well.  He was nice, funny, we set a 1st date.  He suggested a Wine Bar.  Um - right?!  It's like he knows me already.


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1st date went amazingly well!  My only complaint would be he suggested we split the bill rather than picked up the tab, but I'm still controversial on these feelings of the paying thing.  Should guys pay? Most say yes.  I feel kinda bad, but I don't know.  Anyway - we fell into easy convo.  Had a couple of drinks each.  Laughed.  Got a long.  It was fantastic!  He then asked when he could see me again.  We made plans  - RIGHT THERE!  Like on the date you guys!  He walked me to my car, gave me a quick peck and off he went.  I was thrilled!  I drove home so happy that finally a date went well!

He text every day, we had some days where we would text all throughout the day.  Our 2nd date was to be a hike followed by dinner on a Saturday.  As you read in the previous blog, our dates were few and far between which was a little weird but it was scheduling and he was still in contact with me so I didn't worry too much about it.  In between the 1st and 2nd date is when gramma passed.  He was very understanding when I asked if we could just do dinner, I knew I'd be tired after dealing with all the emotions.  The day before he suggested we meet earlier.  I think he just didn't want to drive home. (He worked in Irvine, lived in HB and we were meeting in DTSA).  We met at 4th Street for a couple of drinks.  He paid - I said thank you - and he said "You can buy me a sandwich".  Really dude?  You can't just pick up the drink tab?

Whatever.  We hit C4 Delhi - I paid - it was a lot more than the 2 drinks lemme tell ya.  He did pick up another round for us, but again - I still paid more.  Sigh.  But again - that was my only bitch.  Everything else was going fine, nice convo, getting along - then he was like "Ok, we should probably call it a night!".  Um...it was 6:30.  But...we met at 3....so I guess that's a long enough time for a 2nd date right?

After this his texting pretty much came to a halt.  Now - let me be clear - I'm not a "texter".  I don't need to have texting convos with you all day, nor do I need to hear from you every day.  But when you go from texting someone constantly to almost nothing it's weird!  I was trying not to overthink it but I'm me.



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I kind of bring it up, he plays it off cool.  I try to be cool.  Date 3.  The OC Fair - which you read about in the above blog.  Again  - went well I thought.  Details in the above link if you didn't read that one.

Date 4.  Now - let me mention something here...I'm the one that made Date 3 and Date 4 happen.  Not him.  I don't know if that's important but someday when I go back and re-read these wondering where shit went wrong this may mean something.  I don't fucking know.  Date 4 was cool.  We met at his house, rode our bikes to a bar, then hung out at the beach, then grabbed some sushi.

I mean look at the collage I made!  (Mom was brekkie but the rest is our date!)






I brought up the paying thing and he seemed mortified he hadn't paid.  Odd, but ok.  This was a Sun.  We talked of getting together the following Sunday for date 5.

Now here's where it goes downhill.  Again - the texting is super sporadic which I don't get, but evs. 

Sometime during the week I try to nail down details for Date 5.  He says he has to cancel.  He has a friends kids party at 1pm and there's people he wants to see.  "Um ok"...I think..."but it's at 1pm.  There's the morning and there's after".  I mention (as we talked about on Sat) I'm rolling into heavy rehearsals and tech week the next couple of weeks so it'll be difficult to get together.  He knows.  I suggest a drink on his way home. (It's in San Clemente) He's not sure.

The next few weeks go as such:

He does text every day but he never asks me out again.  A few times I mention I was surprised he didn't try to see me.  He says he knows I'm busy with my show.  But I told him (many times) my free days.  There are also a few times he text some very odd/inappropriate texts that made me wrinkle my nose.  I'm now at the point where if he was really actually interested in me he would at least try to see me.  I tried to make it happen a few times.  Now - I normally would think - fuck it, he's not into me and move on.  But he keeps texting me!  I'm like -

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This is also when I'm also thinking - I actually don't really care.  Now - I know "sparks" are over-rated.  But shouldn't you feel SOMETHING after a 4th date.  Like I should miss him, or really want to see him, or get happy/butterflies when I think about him?  I mean SOMETHING??  Well - I didn't.  I was just sort of indifferent.  And maybe I would have felt differently had he actually tried to make another date with me (Have you read/watched "He's Just Not That Into You?!" I have!).  There has been a few more red flags here and there but this blog is getting long.  Then it became kind of a weirdly long time since Date 4.  My responses to his texts became pretty short and I thought he was getting the hint.  He wasn't texting me every day so I thought he was ghosting.  Nope - he text again after a couple of days.  I finally had to text a white lie because I didn't know what to do.  I said "I don't want to lead you on, but it looks like I'm stepping it up with someone else.".  His response - "I figured, since you got really busy."  WHAT!?  I was busy dude!  I told you my rehearsal nights and performance dates.  I told you I did have free time though, and was hoping we could get together - BUT YOU NEVER ASKED ME OUT AGAIN!  UGH!!!  I of course didn't text all that - I just text "You're very cool, and I wish you luck in our odd dating world."  I mean that too.  He's not a dick but he was certainly not into me like AT ALL.  I do hope he meets someone.  I'm just not it. 

Here's the thing - I'm happy single.  I'm not depressed and desperate for a relationship.  Yes, it would be nice to meet someone but I don't need someone. I would like to have someone.  There's a huge difference between needing and wanting I feel.  So I'm not lowering my standards (Yes, I'll compromise).  But come on - at least act like you're interested in seeing me for fucks sake.  I'm not a needy person but give somewhat of a shit!


So - 0 for 11 friends.

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I'm now actually "starting the communication" again because why not.  I actually got to texting with one dude - I text my opening "Hey it's Jami from the online world" intro.  He said hello then asked what show I was doing (we had discussed a bit in email).  I told him.  I never heard from him.  Guess he hates DeathTrap.

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So - still at it.  There's some cuties but of course THOSE GUYS never respond.  I'm not as into it as before, but I'll check it every couple of days and email if a dude really sparks my interest but lemme tell ya.  Dating blows.

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Oh Online Dating...

Another update for all ya'll.

This may be the last one for a while.  I'm taking a break.  Yup.  I'm already so over it.  The routine is - I go on once a day - go through my "Matches" that are sent to me and either "Hide" or "Block" (sorry dudes I accidentally blocked due to my trigger finger!!!).  Then I try to pick a couple to "Start Guided Communication" with.  Forget it.  I'll still go through and Hide and Block but no more starting convo with these dudes.  If they're interested they'll start it with me.  I'm pretty jaded already so I at least need to just step away from caring so much for a few months.  It's starting to make me feel bad.  But here's a recap of the latest fails.

Went on a date with Broseph.  I referred to him as this because he kinda seemed like a frat boy douchey dude.  But the stuff he put in his profile and our email exchanges weren't douchey so I scolded myself for being judgmental.  But yeah - Broseph.  We don't text to much when he suggests meeting up for happy hour.  Great.  We make a date for a Tuesday night.  He chooses the Circle.  GREAT!  I can walk!  I recycle my Alaska date outfit.  I arrive.  He's late.  Why are they always fucking late?  I'm standing out front of Citrus.  He texts me he's parking.  A couple min later I see him drive by me.  You liar.  You're not parking you asshole.  I recognize your car because you have a picture of it in your profile.  Convertible Corvette. I'm already annoyed. (He may not be a douche, he may not be a douche).  All I'm thinking is

DOUCHE.  Anyway.  He arrives.  He's short but I knew this.  I was prepared this time.  I wore flats.  He was at least stocky unlike the wee man from Dating Blog #2.  We have an awkward hug hello. He seems to have trouble making eye contact.  We sit on the patio.  He's kind of an ass.  Not hugely, but makes a snarky comment to the waiter that thankfully I don't think the young waiter heard.  He orders Jack & Coke.  He won't make eye contact with the waiter.  It's weird.  We talk, he warms up.  I seem to surprise him with most of what I say.  I think he was expecting an idiot and was surprised by this interesting super cool chick that is Jami.  Deal with it jackass.  I order us hummus because the waiter keeps asking us, and he says whatever, and I feel bad because we sat at a table rather than the bar which I would have preferred. Ugh. It's so apparent we're not into each other.  I want to leave.  Bill comes.  He doesn't take it.  Sigh.  I grab it and whip out my card.  I'm talking about something else and trying to be cool and not mention the bill hoping he'll say "I got it".  Nope.  I wait for him to throw his card in which he finally does after an awkwardly long time and the waiter takes it.  It's split.  My half was only $10 because I got the happy hour shit.  He didn't so his was way more but yet we split the bill.  Ugh.  We walk out together.  Awkward hug goodbye - he doesn't look me in the eyes.  He keeps looking around like something is going to jump out of the bushes.  It's like he's uncomfortable. WTF DUDE?


He mumbles something about maybe going to a comedy show.  He blocks me the next day.  Whatever dude.  0 for 8.

Mr. "Too Good Too Be True".  OMG.  A cute one.  Like this guy is really cute!!  He's not very responsive via the e-harmony chat crap.  I start to think he's just going to not respond like most of the dudes then out of the blue - BAM his phone number.  OMG!



We start to text.  It's easy!  Like, we fall into easy texting convo. (Is that a thing?)  He's funny, we discuss cute animals, emoticons, food (OMG HE COOKS), I ask about his current project he tells me he's a lead archaeologist on a solar panel project in Paso Robles.  WHAT!?  I'm in love.  I start imagining us holding hands and smiling at each other and all my friends so happy I finally met the one!  This lasts about .02 seconds because of course my over thinking brain starts to freak a bit.  This guy can't be for real.  We talk about meeting on a Friday.  I'll take work off.  (He lives far so a day date would be ideal)  OMG!  I'm excited but I'm worried that I'm excited.  The texting is joyous for a couple days - then - he mentions open relationships.  Um.

Wait. What?  I tell him I have no problem with that but it's not my thing.  He says he's not necessarily looking for that again.  Um ok.  The texting takes a weird turn.  Hi red flags.  A few days later he starts coming up with excuses to back out of the date.  Yup.  Too Good To Be True.  Fucker.  I blow it off.  I don't hear from him for 3 days.  It's cool.  I make my day off an awesome day off.  I get my oil changed, I buy a wedding presie for The Bennett's, I hit the beach and Mitzy and her little join me, then I have dinner with my rad friend Tully.  Fuck you non date.  He actually text me that day - I was stunned - and said he still wants to get together.  Uh Huh.  I respond nicely.  Sure!  Of course it's not going to happen.  I give a shit now anyway.  We're mutually ghosting.  0 for 9.

Mr. Clinical.  This guy was very "Here's exactly what I want" kinda guy.  Now, he's been around the bend.  He's got a couple of kids.  He was very straight forward but not a jerk about it so I did appreciate that.  I was a bit annoyed when he complained about paying.  Look dude - I'll meet you for like coffee or froyo or something.  Can you spring for a fucking yogurt?  Anyway - we text/email not to much and he wants to meet.  He's willing to come to me.  I suggest A La Minute.  I forgot this was Ice Cream not yogurt.  He makes a comment how unusual it is to have dessert before dinner.  Live a little dude.  Besides ( I don't mention it to him) but I already ate.  Because I'm a fattie and I knew you you weren't springing for dinner.

He's late.  Of course.  But only by a few minutes.  We get our ice cream.  FYI - the grapefruit sorbet with some reduction on it - not good.  I was trying so hard to smile and chat and eat this nasty ice cream.  So this date sort of felt like a job interview.  He would say "So on your profile you said...XXX"  Um - yes.  Can you stop mentioning profile?!  It's already so obvi we're on a 1st date.  The counter kids are amusingly watching and listening to our awkward convo as it is!



He was nice.  Not a jerk.  But it was weird.  We head out and he say's he'll walk me to my car.  I walked to the Circle so I explain I'm about a mile away.  He says he'll walk me part way.  Um...how bout I give you a tour of Chapman?  That's sort of on my way home?  I guess?  So we wander over to campus.  Now here's what I found odd.  He kept stopping me (like physically stopping me walking) to ask me about something - like the Olde Towne Architecture or a building or the history.  Now that's fine and all but he kept touching me.  Like - he'd stop me then put his hand on my back and leave it there for a second.  Again - not necessarily unusual but he KEPT DOING IT! 



It was weird.  As we strolled around campus I kept dancing around him making it look like I was super tour guidey but really trying to avoid his weird touching.  So - we got to a good parting point, we said goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek and said "Let's keep in touch".  Yeah ok. 0 for fucking 10.

So there it is friends.  I officially have no other prospects now.  No one is emailing me.  Dating gives me anxiety.  I'm signed up until March 2017 and I'll check it but I'm not participating as much as I was.  Can Norman Reedus just call me already?!