Walk Hard & Juno

Since I TOTALLY lag when it comes to watching movies, I figured I'll write about them, if I think of it, when I see them. Why the hell not right?
Lets start with Walk Hard. We watched this during our movie night in Havasu. They projected the movie on the side of the RV. I have to admit - thats a cool way to watch movies. Too bad the movie wasnt that great. Now, I'm not a huge fan of these types of movies anyway, but I've seen some I do dig - Talladega Nights, 40-Year Old Virgin for example I thought were hilarious. This one just didnt hit it at all for me. I'm a HUGE comic critic. I like good comedy and timing and delivery have got to be on it, or I probably wont enjoy it. Walk Hard was just stupid. I saw where it was trying to go (the "spoof" movie) but it just didnt cut it. It drug, the jokes werent that funny and I rarely actually laughed. Pretty sad considering this is a comedy right? I'm a huge fan of John C. Reilly. When he sang Mr. Cellophane Man In Chicago I wanted to die, so I did enjoy him singing in this movie. He did just fine as the character, but the movie just blew. I do want to give props to Jenna Fischer tho. She played the part of Darlene and she was quite funny. The cartoon acid trip scene was cute. Otherwise - thumbs down. I wasnt the only one who thought so eithier. A few of the people in the group I overheard making comments that they didnt really care for it eithier.
Now - Juno. I watched this last nite and absolutely adored it!!! I can understand now why it had so many Oscar nods. Ellen Page (Juno) was so cute, real, fantastic. Almost the entire cast was outstanding. Michael Cerna (Paul Bleeker) was darling. Jennifer Garner (Vanessa) was so sweet. She was totally OCD yet you felt for her. Allison Janney (Bren) played Juno's step mom and she was an absolute kick in the pants. Her character was fantastic. Right there with her was J.K. Simmons (Mac) Juno's dad. You completely fell in love with him. The way he handled the situation, the perfect dad. I also want to point out Olivia Thirby (Lea). She played Juno's best bud, and she was hilarious. Both Ellen and Olivia captured the high school attitudes. I think I'm getting sappy in my old age, because I found myself crying a few times during this flick. Happy tears of course. The only one I had a problem with was Jason Bateman (Mark). I like him, and have wanted to see him get more work, but he just didnt do it for me in the movie. I guess I'd call his performance flat. The story is about Juno gets knocked up by her HS boyfriend, and decides to put the child up for adoption to Vanessa/Mark. You then follow her thru her pregnancy, high school woes, crushes, finding herself, etc. I loved it. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside after the movie was over. I found myself longing for puppy love once again. The acting was fantastic, the screenplay was fantastic, the directing was fantastic and the music was fantastic. If you havent seen it yet I highly recommend it! A very feel good movie! (Did I mention the fantastic part? Apparently my word for this blog...)

Dreaming....

So last night I dreamed of Colin Firth. Ya, he's a hottie. He's not one of my main top hotties tho, but for some reason he popped up in my dream last night. We were at a lake (Havasu like) but it was surrounded by a forest. Trees, grass, flowers, birds - it was beautiful. I saw my friends on the boat. Colin and I were standing in the forest watching. Then we started kissing. I felt it. I felt it in my heart, my soul, my...well you know. We ran into the forest together to find a place to....well....you know. And we did. Oh did we. I woke up. I was so bummed when I woke up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried so hard to go back to sleep, but as you know once your up thats it. I wanted to cry because it wasnt real. I think I was sad not for the fact that it was nessasarily Colin Firth (not that he was a problem in any way shape or form) but for the fact that I miss that. I miss kissing. I miss having a man in my life. I miss being held, wanted, loved, touched. I was so disappointed when I woke up. Sucks. But, I've moved on. But had to blog about it. Because now all day I have been fantasizing about him. .....sigh......

Fairie Readings

Continued from before......
She gave me a Fairie reading. It was a trip. The day before Sonia and I for fun were just flippin thru looking at the cards, this is a large deck mind you. I came across one that said Peace of Mind. "I want that one" I told Sonia, then didnt think twice about it. That morning (Day 3) Tish gave us our readings. You shuffle, then pick 3 cards. The 1st one is your immediate past - mine was Kick up your heals. It proceeded to tell me that I need to be with friends, have gatherings, throw parties, have fun. I loved it. I was cracking up because as you all know me - this is me - to a teeeee! Each card comes with an afirmation - this one was "I am spirited, playful and fun to be with. I create ways to celebrate with my friends" How perfect right? The 2nd card is your current. Now, this one I pulled out upside down. Apparently if you pull one out upside down that means you are blocking this and need to work on it. Its not a bad thing, but the fairies want you to be aware that you may be blocking this situation and to be open to it. Mine was New Opportunity. Of course - THATS the one I'm blocking. As you know, I've been struggling so much lately with my life - where I want to be, what I want to do, trying to find myself and figure it all out, trying to be positive, etc etc - and there it was. Right in front me. Its there guys!!!! Its right f-ing there!!!!!! I need to unblock, to be open - to see things! Why is this so difficult right now? Ok, enuff of the side rant - anywhoo - Tish was excited when I pulled this one and told me be as well and this was the afirmation I really needed to work on. So every day I need to step outside and ask my fairies for guidance. This afirmation is "I notice and embrace the new opportunites that are now in my life". Friends I'm asking your help on this one!!! The 3rd card is your immediate future. Are you ready for this - I pulled the Peace of Mind. I almost cried. Even Sonia exclaimed - "Thats the one you wanted!" Tish smiled. That afirmation is "My mind is now peaceful and I know that all of my needs are automatically taken care of. I can rest easily, assured that all is well". So there it is folks. I really believe that if I do embrace these new opportunities that are coming my way, I will finally have a peaceful head! Help me friends! Help me see these opportunities! I really do think that my battle for being positive is helping. I handled the Havasu trip so much differently then I could have, I came out with wonderful new friends and this really interesting reading. Help me keep an open mind....

Havasu

I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually cursed in the vacation department. Now - Havasu wasnt nearly as bad as Yosemite, but it sure wasnt what I was planning on.
We'll start with Day 1.
I arrive at Robert/Pierre's at 6:30am. So early. Keith/Katrina already there. We drive out to Norco to his parents place where the motor home is. Sonia/Tish arrive, the 7 of us pile into the motor home and head out. We're excited. It'll be fun. As we're driving its getting colder. Its raining off and on. I'm telling myself - it wont be this way in Havasu, I mean come - its Havasu! Wrong. We arrive in the rain. Yup. Pouring. We all separate to get set up in our different locations. Me to my own room, S/T to theirs, K/K to theirs, R/P to set up camp with the RV. The rest of the crew is arriving separately - Anna/Sergio, The couple with the little baby named Tatiana (but cant remember thier name...Carlos I think is the guy) & Ben. We get all set up. Its cold. Its pouring rain, I mean waterfalls comin off the canopy of the RV. Whatever. We drink the night away. K/K I'm realizing are going to be interesting- this is something I may blog on later, but right now lets just say I'm glad I got my own room for multiple reasons. Guess getting fucked over last minute worked out fine. S/T and me trek back to our rooms wet and tired, I say goodnight to the ladies and crash out.
Day 2. Sun is peeking thru my window. I get excited, I roll out of bed make my coffee in my little coffee maker I just bought for the trip and get ready to shower. No hot water and no water pressure. Fabulous. I take a freezing cold shower, hopping around, cursing then warming up with my coffee. I walk outside in my suit and shorts - its clouding up again. WTF. I take a walk, stroll down to the ladies room and we chat. Its now cold. I change. Its raining again. Fuck me. Day 2 consisted of visiting with people, eating, drinking and napping. The rest of the group arrived. Art/Raina and thier 3 boys. Another couple (names...jesus) and thier 2 little ones - a little girl (name...fuck!) and a little boy named Julio. The little girl befriended me, and sold rocks. She made a killing. I told her to hide her money and never ever let boys see it. Also during the entire portion of Day 2 R/P were working on the boat - yup - boat broke. I mean from 10am till 6pm those poor guys were at it. They eventually did fix it, but my god. I was back and forth to the boat and the site trying to mingle with all. I'm also back and forth with the BlackMeadow Landing people trying to get my hot water fixed. This takes about 2 hours of my day. S/T have now also informed me that one of thier wave runners is broken as well. Fabulous. This is starting to be a fanfuckingtastic time. I drink alot that night, go to bed.
Day 3. Sun is out. For real. Thank GAWD. My routine is the same, but now there is still no water pressure - but at least its hot. I wander down to the S/T room.
I'm going to interject here now and say that the best thing to come from this trip is I made 2 great new friends. Tish I've met quite a few times at the Bistro, but really got to know over the past 5 days. She's older then me, maybe in her 50's. She reminds me so much of my mom's neighbor Isabel. She's an amazing person. Sonia is a couple of years younger then me and very driven, confident and fun. We definatly plan on going out together in the future. Maybe we bonded cuz we were the 3 single women of the crew, but whatever it was these 2 women became wonderful friends and I'm looking foward to future experiences with them. Tish is also into Tarot cards, the intuitive and all that jazz as well as faires - yup. She gave me a Fairie reading. As I started blogging about it here, I realized its going to take another blog so look for that one next.....continuing with Day 3. Our little RV crew took the finally working boat out. When we stopped I got a little woozy so I hopped in the water. Freezing. Keith and Pierre roared with laughter at my face as I leaped back out. The boat was beautiful and fun to ride when it was moving, but when I got back to land I had to lay down due to my equilebrium issue. The rest of the afternoon I hung with the crew river front, chillin and drinking and chatting and napping. At some point Ben brought us a sampling of this pork loin Raina had made. Best fucking thing ever!!!!! That night we projected Walk Hard on the side of the RV and had movie nite. Stupid movie, great crowd tho. I go to bed dizzy and tired.
Day 4. Sunny again, still not that hot. This time we take the boat to London Bridge. This day blew. We get there, lots of waiting and no one making any decsions. We're waiting for some Brian dude and his crew. They decide to move again, this time with the slow boat moving combined with the fuel of the million other boats around us, I was done. When we docked I was sick, and I started crying. Tish and Sonia of course were right at my side. I eventually made my way into the restaurant we decided to eat at, and did feel somewhat better but never got 100%. The crew then ended up at the bar. (Naked Turtle). They were there for 4 fucking hours. I dont understand why. Its a bar. We have bars at home. Why the hell are we at the river at a bar?! We have free booze back at camp. I broke from the crowd shortly into the bar fest and found a quiet little table in the shade and sat alone for hours, just wishing we'd leave. Finally we did - I mean it was getting dark after all. Jesus. We get back, I still feel like shit. K/K are really under my skin. I was just not thrilled, nor was a few others. Whatever. Wasted day. They took the boat out for a little longer, and I found myself with our group at camp wishing I'd been there all day. This was the night that the stars were really out. My shitty day washed away as I gazed up into the night and saw so many stars. I saw at least 5 or 6 shooting stars. Art got to see his first one ever. Sonia and I went down to the lake and sprawled across the floaties staring up into the heavens. It was truly breathtaking.
Day 5. I'm so ready to go home. Of course we dont leave till noon because they take the boat out again. Whatever. I enjoyed my alone time, packing up, visiting with Anna, wandering around. Saying hi to the burros that finally decided to show up. We head home. All tired, but relaxed. Sonia, Tish and I exchange information. We load, unload, load, unload. If I decide to go again, IF. I will drive myself and bring a friend and only go if the weather will be what I like to call Havasu hot.
All in all, the trip was nice. I got away for 5 days. Didnt think about anything. I did find myself crying alone in my room a few times, and cursing at myself for doing so. I made some great new friends, saw some beautiful scenery, spent quality time with Robert and Pierre who always will hold a special place in my heart and realized some things about myself.

Life cut short

I came into work today and recieved some tragic news. Our web guy died. His name was Gregory, he was 35, married, lived and worked in South Carolina. Our relationship was pretty much always via emails. He did come out a couple of times, and I met him both times he was here. Quirky guy, computer geek, funny, nice. He and I always worked fine together. He lagged on getting back to some of my co-horts often, but for some reason he was always quite quick getting back to me. Maybe its because we joked, made funny comments to each other, I dont know. We got along fine. He was 35. Only a couple of years older then me. Emily tells me she got an email from his wife today, saying he passed away Sunday. I looked his name up online, and found the story. He fell. He was trying to close a window and he fell 2 stories and died on the scene. It was a total freak accident! My heart breaks for his wife and his family. You hear about tragedies every day. Horrible things that happen to good people. Then something hits closer to home. I didnt know Gregory well, but he was nice. He was funny. He was so young. Life is so precious. I know we're not all going to live forever, but you certainly think you have a little more time then that. Anything could happen. Your life can be snatched from you in a heartbeat. You never know. Apparently the funeral is today, so please send your love into the universe for his loved ones today. And always, ALWAYS treasure life. Its just to godamn short.

Across the Universe

*Spoliers!!*

I'll start out with the picture blogging first -

I cant seem to figure out how to put pictures where I want them, so I'll start from the top! #1 - I pulled this only for that fact that its such a beautiful romantic photo. It should be in my previous blog. #2 - Dana Fuchs - fucking amazing. I loved her voice, her attitude - its the part I would want to play. #3 - Jude - Amber's boyfriend - and a beautiful shot. #4 - One of my favorite scenes in the movie. The art and the passion in this scene was put together stunningly. #5 - Another favorite scene. I admit I'm a big fan of artsy water stuff, this was that. They all looked like dancers, it was lovely. #6 - A shocking cameo - Bono. I almost fell off the couch. I had no idea he was in this! #7 - The movie poster. Just cause. #8 - This scene sent me to tears. #9 - My boyfriend...the blonde - Max. Ya - I fell for that hottie. #10 - Another favorite scene and I fucking love this picture. #11 - Shocking cameo number two - had no idea Eddie Izzard was in it, and on top of that - his scene was my favorite Beatles song.

Ok then - Across the Universe. I've been hearing so much about this movie, but as most of you know me - I lag on watching the damn things. Amber came over last night for one of our movie nights and she brought this. I was so excited because I had wanted to see it, and so many people came up to me saying "Jami of all people you will love this movie". I never knew why. Now I do. I remember when Mel saw it, she said "It made me want to paint!". So here's my little mini review/synopsis/whatever - I'm just now writing about movies I see and books I read cuz I think its healthy. *Spoliers*

The voices in the movie were lovely. The artistic value was beautiful. The take on the sixties sent me over the edge. They hit so many different aspects - the Detroit Riots, the Columbia protest, the war. The all lived in an artistic commune - Sadie (Dana Fuchs) who had a raspy fantastic rockstar voice - very "Janis Joplin", Jo Jo (Martin Luther) a guitar player - very "Jimi Hendrix", Prudence (T.V. Carpio) a darlin little asian lesbian, then the main ones - Max (Joe Anderson) my new boyfriend, Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood) and Jude (Jim Sturgess). Max and Lucy are siblings and Lucy and Jude fall for each other. Max gets sent off to war. This hurt my heart. All the "war" stuff they did of course brought tears to my eyes. I have an extreme hatred and emotional reaction to war. I will NOT watch war movies to this day as a matter of fact. The choreography they had when Max goes to get drafted was amazing and fucked up. Uncle Sam was singing "I want you". They took this Beatles song to a whole other level. The "She's so heavy" chorus part - the new drafted kids were carrying the statue of liberty. Throughout the rest of the movie when they'd show the brief war moments with Max I'd cry. When he was in the hospital they had an amazing choreography set up like Russian Roulette (each soldier...its like russian roulette) I absolutly loved the symbolism they had in this movie. They showed a brief scene from the Detroit Riots - a little kid singing "Let it Be", voice of an angel - also made me cry. But moving on to the fun stuff - I think one of my favorite parts of the flick, was when they all meet up with "Dr. Robert" played by Bono - this was totally reminiscent of Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters - psychodelic bus and all. They also stopped at "Dr. Geary's place" very reminiscent of Timothy Leary and the odds Leary and Kesey were at back then. I about died - I'm a HUGE fan of Jack Kerouac, Ken Kesey, Timothy Leary, William Burroughs, Allan Ginsberg - that whole scene - that whole time. Following that scene is a wacked out acid like trip to a traveling circus headed by Mr. Kite played by Eddie Izzard - you cant get better then that - combining my favorite Beatles song, Eddie Izzard and a flashback I didnt need one drug for! There was another scene I loved when Jude was upset and having a flip out session in is room with paint and strawberries running the same time with war shots with Max. The music, the cinematography, the passion of this scene was incredible.

SO - all in all - I fucking loved the movie. No there's not a whole lot of thinking or depth in this flick, but its stunning to watch, fun to listen to favorite Beatles songs, so so beautiful and hit on all the aspects of 60's - which as most of you know was the era I should have been born in (both my parents have told me).

Romance....can I have some please?

Obviously I'm not busy at work today, so of course I find myself daydreaming, fantasizing, longing for love, blah blah blah. Maybe its because I'm in a major dry spell. Maybe its because I haven't had a real relationship since my divorce, maybe its because I'm just horny, maybe its because even though I dont want to admit it - but deep down in my little romantic soul I really do want a little romance. I do. Not a lot. Just a sprinkling please. Just a little something...just something. So - in the meantime - some of my favorite love scenes are here. These scenes stick out to me for different reasons. I'll explain each (in no particular order btw):

1st - Jeremy Northam and Gwyneth Paltrow in Emma - when he confesses that he's loved her all this time the look in his eyes....I could just die.

2nd - Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale in Underworld - maybe its just because both of them are incredibly H.O.T. but damn.

3rd - Brad Pitt & Gena Davis in Thelma & Louise - if you've seen it you'll know. SMOKIN HOT

4th - Winona Ryder and Gary Oldman in Dracula - talk about romantic....rawr! Gary Oldman makes you melt. He can bite me anytime.

5th - Donna Reed & James Stewart in Its a Wonderful Life - that proposal scene is one of the most romantic things I've ever seen. I really dont know why.

6th - Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge - brilliant actors - they just make me want to break out into song.

I'm sure they'll be more to come, but for now there ya have it. Maybe someday I can be kissed like that.......

Seth started it...

I dont think a whole hell of alot of you actually read this blog page, but those of you who do and want to, for fun or boredom or what not - here:

Ok I will tell you things
A) tell you why I friended you
B) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
C) tell you something I like about you
D) tell you a memory I have of you
E) ask something I've always wanted to know about you
F) tell you my favorite user pic of yours (or whatever pic....)
G) in return, post this in your blog

Oh and here's what Seth said about me:
A) I friended you so that you could read my blogs the same way i can read yours.
B) Grateful Dead Fandom...possibly Scarlet Begonias.
C) Acting talent and freckles.
D) That one time when we went to that Brewery restaurant and then to the coffee shop. Good times.
E) What got you into acting?
F). How about that one myspace pic where you are making the "rock!" face?

Doheny Blues Fest 2008

This is the 3rd year. Dad and I stumbled upon the Doheny Blues Festival 3 years ago. Tower of Power was playing (BEST LIVE BAND EVER) and being the huge fans we are decided to go. It was the day after my brother's wedding. Yup. Daddy and Jami - hungover - Blues Fest 2006. We fell in love with it. Despite the fact that it was FREEZING, and I came home sick with a cold. We loved it. We decided to go every year. Last year - freezing. Fell in love with Blind Boys of Alabama and The Charlie Randolph band. The thing about blues - I usually dont know most the bands playing. I dont care. There's something about blues that just takes you away, takes ya back. You can drink and chill and get lost in it. Blues is about life. Blues is the one thing that is American. Blues comes from here. The Blues musicians have to fucking rock. Have to. You have to have heart and soul behind those songs. Blues is life. I love the blues. I mean I FUCKING love the blues. And nothing tops it then going to an outdoor festival with my dad whose also as big of a music whore as I am and listen to the blues all day long. This year:

As per usual, I dont know most of the bands performing this year. Neithier does Dad. We always just pick a day and go, knowing will dig whoever plays. We chose Saturday. The headliner was Johnny Lang. This year Miss Terri came along with us - who is also a huge music whore, so of course she was welcome. For the first time the weather was actually nice! In fact - hot as hell. Like surface of the sun hot. I aint complaining. I'd rather be hot then freezing. Dad lasted the whole day too. (We usually head out before the headliner due to dad's back acting up, but the warm weather helped this year). We rolled in early to get good parking....sort of did. We walked the shorter beach way to the start of the line (which was way longer then last year...warm weather I assume). The 3 of us parked our chairs and started chatting and people watching. When we eventually got inside, we found our spots at the mainstage and set up our little area. Beer, snacks in hand concert began.

First up was Elnora & Sumpthin' Cookin. The band started jamming and this large african american woman comes out. She started belting out the blues. Fantastic. Next up was Pinetop Perkins, Hubert Sumlin, Willie "Big Eyes" Smith. Holy shit! Ok - first of all Pinetop is 94!!!!!!!!! The other 2 are in thier late 70's. These cats got up there and tore it the fuck up! Willie ripped it up on the harmonica, I mean RIPPED it up! Willie & Hubert were out there for the 1st few songs w/o Pinetop - being the youngins and all I'm sure....then here comes Pinetop. Maroon suit, sits down at the piano and started playin and singin. Now these guys were Blues at its best. Loved, loved loved them. Then next was Robert Cray Band. Now this dude has got to be one of the top 50 Blues artists in the world. They were certainly one of the bands dad was looking foward to and they did not dissappoint. Robert Cray is so similar to BB King the way he plays and the facial expressions he has. They tore it up thru an incredible set. "That was worth the whole ticket price right there" said my beaming father. Last on the mainstage was the headliner for the evening - Jonny Lang. Now I've heard of this kid, but never actually listened to anything he's done. It just didnt make sense to me that some 15 year old white kid could have burst onto the Blues scene. His 1st too songs...I sat thinking...whatever, I'm not that impressed. Well. This 27 year old pretty boy warmed up and the rest of his set was SICK! I couldnt believe that kid - KID - was tearin up the guitar like that. I think what I loved the most was how he got into it. You know a good musician when they look like they're eithier crying or having sex when they're playing. I swear he actually came during one song. Ha! He also sang his licks!! I love that.... His entire band was outstanding. All had solos at one point and all tore it up equally. I couldnt believe it. This kid fucking rocked!!!! We stayed for the entire thing. In the midst of these bands I listed, we did hear other ones at other stages - BB & the Blues Shacks, Eric Burdon & The Animals (His House of the Rising Sun was awesome), JJ Grey & MOFRO (From Germany mind you) all sounding fantastic.

There were two things that did dissappoint. First - I learned the hard way that sunblock can expire. So as much sunblock as I slathered on throughout the day - I got fried. I mean - scary I probably have skin cancer now - fried. Second - the sound. I dont know if it was the heat, or if they had some dumb fuck running sound but the power went out during Elnora's set and Robert Cray's set. I mean totally out! The screen kept goin in and out throughout the day and it took them at least 3 songs to get Lang's sound sounding right. That was bullshit. I was ready to walk in there myself and take over. Dad's writing a letter.

But otherwise - Fantastic day. We ate some good food, drank some decent booze and listened to some amazing music. Dad, Terri and I chatting all day about life, music, etc. Watchin people, laughing at people, bakin in the sun. As per usual The Doheny Blues Festival did not dissappoint. Cant wait for next year!!

CAT-tastrophe

This is my life.
I've lived in my place for almost 4 years now. I want my carpets cleaned. I want to have some summer gatherings and I want the place to look half way decent. So after many calls to the landlord its happening today. I decide its best to board the girls at my vet while this happens. I assume I can do all this before work, then pick them up after.
My morning begins with my usual routine with the added chore of putting everything "loose" up. Its hot this morning. I'm now sweating like a whore in church and its not even 8am yet. I'm also not feeling my best, I'm a little emotional and over-sensitive this morning, women will understand why.
I have the cardboard cat carrier that I got from the shelter when I adopted the girls. I just now realize they both cannot fit into this anymore. They've grown. Alot. Luckily the vet is not far, so I decide if I hurry I can take one then come back and get the other. Tweaks is first. She's pretty easy. She hollers the entire drive there, but thats the extent. I get to the vet and explain my situation. The gal says (and I love these girls mind you) "Since your in a bit of a hurry - just take this carrier for now to go get Tabitha instead of waiting for us to bring this one back up after taking Tweaks to boarding." Fabulous. I head back home.
This cardboard carrier is not as sturdy as mine. Tabitha is also the more sketchier of the two. The battle of getting (a freakishly strong) Tabitha into the box begins. I succeed, or so I think. Right before I open the front door I hear the sound of the box exploding. I look down. Tabitha is gone. She came out the bottom! I also didnt even see her bolt. Literally vanishing cat. I'm now a little close to tears because this morning is not going as smoothly as I planned. I start to duck tape the box back together. This is not easy. Whoever owns this cat carrier must have a 5 pound little waif kitty. I track Tabitha down and we begin the box battle again. Its now worse. The box is not holding well, she's now more freaked out then before. Its a good 5 minutes of a struggle, tears are now actually running down my face. Mark gets up - the 2 of us manage to get her in. I get in the car with a screeching cat and a box that I'm praying holds to the vet.
Now. I have had cats not enjoy the cat carrier. But she was flipping the fuck out. (If any of you have seen National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - picture the scene when Chevy Chase is holding the present that old woman has wrapped her cat in...remember how the box flipped and turned....yeah.) So I get on the road and head over. Now here is where I almost died. Yes ladies and gentleman I had a near death experience this morning involving a garbage truck and a comical cat routine. The garbage truck is taking up my side of the road, I'm patiently waiting to go around. Just as I begin - Tabitha explodes out of the box. Saw that comin didnt ya! Imagine me - driving around a garbage truck, a flipped out cat exploding out of a box in my little truck cab. Not pretty. I slam on my breaks, catch the flying cat out of the air and swerve to miss a car and almost crash straight into the garbage truck. The look on the garbage truck drivers face was priceless - I'm sure he wasnt quite sure what to make of the little gal in the little white truck that almost just crashed into them clutching a crazed black cat on her chest/neck. I pull over to a point where I'm not blocking anyone or going to kill anyone and Tabitha is panting, heart racing, screeching and clutching on to her mama for dear life. I try to calm her down, as I calm myself down. Tears are streaming down my face but I'm also half laughing at the ridiculous spectacale this has all become. I realize she's not leaving my lap. So I continue to the vet (once my hands stopped shaking and my eyes cleared) with Tabitha holding on to me.
I arrive at the vet. I call the lovely ladies from the parking lot and explain the wacky situation I'm in. She comes out to my car with a carrier, we stuff Tabitha in and I follow her, carrying the now completly destroyed cardboard cat carrier into the offices. She was so sympathetic. (Did I tell you I love these girls?) "Are you ok?" she asks. I can see my reflection in the window and I laugh. My hair is sticking on end, I have cat fur everywhere, my tank top has been pulled so my bra is hanging out and I have an odd wild look in my eye. "I'm fine" I say.
I head to work. I call my mother. I cried again. Then I laughed hysterically. At least my near death experience today had some humour to it right?
So at lunch today, I'm going to Petco to spend my life savings on a real cat carrier. Jesus what a morning.

1 Year

On September 14th, 2007 I wandered into the Newport Harbor Animal Shelter just to take a peek. I had a few months prior lost my sweet girl Gizmo to cancer, the last of my 3 animal companions (Gizmo, Panther, and Harriet) I had moved out into the big world with. I was devastated. Months passed and I found myself missing the love/companionship animals bring into your life. So, I figured I'd just take a peek.

They gave me freedom to wander thru on my own. I was there for over an hour, stopping at every cage, petting the cats/dogs, talking to them and of course crying. I wanted to take every single one of them home. I found myself drawn to a brother and sister pair that were about a year old. I wander some more. I finally decided I would go home and from there have a clear mind and decide who to adopt. As I was heading out I noticed a cage I seemed to have missed. So of course I had to go and see who was in there. I opened the large wooden door and I saw a large black clump of fur. As the door squeaked on its hinges, the clump of fur moved and split into 2 little kittens. They both gazed up at me at the same time and met my eyes. Tweaks let out a little mew and that was it. I marched right up to the front desk and said - "I want them." and pointed to the girls. "Both of them?!" The gal asked. "Yes" I answered as I wiped ridiculous tears away. "Oh I'm so glad" she squealed, "They're 2 little sisters that were abadoned in a alley! We really didnt want to separate them!". I wrote my check (asking that she not cash it for a few days....) signed a few papers and walked out. I was to come back in a week to pick them up, after they got spayed and thier 1st round of shots.

I called immediatly called my roomate screaming "I adopted 2 kittens!!!!!!!!" He was thrilled.

The next day I went and bought all the supplies I needed and set up a little nook in the kitchen. I brought them home and sat with them for hours watching them explore, playing with them, loving them and naming them.

They've grown into lovely little ladies with each having thier own distinct personalities. Tweaks is the less gracefull of the 2, wacky, chatty, fearless and fluffy. Tabitha is my little princess, sleek, cuddly and with the longest tail that goes from question mark to corkscrew. They sleep with me every night, their loving, they love thier bellies scratched, they're crazy, sweet, sassy, hilarious and have truly been the sunshine in my life.

I love them so much. Happy Birthday to my girls!!!!

Life at the moment...

If someone were to ask me - "Are you happy?" I'd say no. If someone were to ask me "Are you depressed?" I'd say no. I seem to be at this odd crossroads of nothing. My personality, my lifestyle, the way I look at life has altered. I think I'm not sure how to deal with it yet. Its for the better - dont get me wrong - but still. I dont feel "right". But I do like it. I dont let things get to me. I take bullshit and deal with it. I handle many things waaaaay better then when I used to. I'm more laid back. I'm more mellow. I actually honestly dont sweat the small stuff (no I havent read that book yet) Positive thinking - yes.
Money will flow thru the universe to me. Bastard ex's loan will be gone by the end of this year. All 20K of it. I'll be able to start a savings account again! Money will flow. Visualizing...visualizing...
A wonderful man will come into my life - also soon. He's going to be all that I asked for in my "Ingredients to the Universe" I blogged about a while back. He'll be my sweetie. In between my man arriving - a few "hookups" would be nice....hmmmmm...Hello - Universe? Uh - I think my cherry grew back. Ya. Its been that long. I really dont want to be a virgin again. Lord.
Happiness. This is the most important. I want to be happy. I want to answer "YES!" when someone says "Are you happy?". I want to be a good person. To help others. To be that girl that people talk about saying "She's really got her shit together." "She seems so happy". Etc. etc. etc.
So where am I at the moment? Limbo. Thats really the best way I can describe it. I'm not unhappy, but not happy eithier. I'm just there. I get up. I go to work. The same job I've been at for 10 years. Time draaaaaaags. I go home. After work consists of spending time with friends, piddling around the house, being a good RG board member, or random other occurances. Hello - right there - thats pretty good! I dont go home and sit in front of the TV like most of our fellow americans do! I should be happy. Hmm.
I'm not in a show. I haven't been in a show since Beirut. Beirut was a shining moment. A show that racked me emotionally and physically and I loved every second of it. A show that was a success. A show everyone loved. A show I'll always be proud of. But here it is...May. The longest I've ever been not invovled in a show. Its going to be longer. There is not a damn thing in the foreground for me. No shows. Nothin. I think - get new headshots - start doin other shit. I sort of am....slowly....baby steps.
Is that it? Do I need to just learn to have patience - to take baby steps? One thing at a time. Probably. Yet why do I feel so stuck. I feel in a rut. I feel - nothing really.
What do I need?
Oh Universe.....hellooooooo?

No wonder I'm crazy....

I got this tattoed on my back, because I was fascinated by who I am. This is just a snippit of what I really got into a while back and researched. I've left out the fact that I'm a "Fire Dragon" and a "Yang" sign...that's for another blog. There are of course some that I'm a little more like and a little less like, but if people think I'm crazy - this is why....
(Maybe the answer to my happiness is to just travel....I'd be a good circus performer....)

The Fish born in Dragon cares greatly for her own advancement. This person needs to feel progress. Standing still renders her nervous and edgy. So, when there is no progress, if she is not moving ahead, she travels. One thing is sure, the Pisces/Dragon is a mover. She may be running or walking, swimming or taking a train, but the Fish born a Dragon ambulates.
From the Pisces side of her nature, this subject gains perspective. For a Dragon, who knows better than anyone how to brag about herself into first place, the tepid waters of Pisces are a boon. Pisces cools the Dragon's exaggerated gusto and dampens her fire to a smoulder. In certain cases, Pisces slows the Dragon too much and the green scaly monster becomes an appealing but rudderless wastrel, a shadow of her Dragonly self. This last state can be dangerous to the Pisces/Dragon's well-being, as dampened Dragon spirits may increase the Pisces' "don't give a damn" attitude.
What should be emphasized for the benefit of the Pisces/Dragon is self-discipline and perseverance. Both of these signs are past masters at slinking out of practice sessions. This person will surely try to have herself excused from drills and rehearsals. The Dragon born in Pisces thinks she knows enough already and were others to ask her advice, a lot more could be accomplished in a shorter time. So why hang around being bored?
Pisces/Dragons always think they know best. They barge ahead in almost every situation they encounter, doing exactly as they please. They may think they are barging in the name of some ideal. But they give no thought to whether the rest of us agree with said ideal. In other sign combinations Dragons, who push and shove and take over, can be told off. But it's very difficult to tell off a Pisces/Dragon. She is narcissistic and defensive in the extreme. She is unsure of herself and may compensate by designing and constructing emotional storms, the tears from which might extinguish the sun itself.
This person spins a web of charm so attractive and convincing that even she believes in it. She will come on so strong with an idea or plan that you cannot possibly doubt its feasibility. Pisces/Dragon doesn't know about halfway measures. She will be going to do it all.
Now what is so exciting about this character is her charm and good health. The Pisces/Dragon may be bumptious and a bit too plucky at times, but the real Pisces self, that Lucy-in-the-Sky-with-Diamonds faraway look in the long-lashed eye, the laughs and the jokes and the giggles and pokes - ah, there is what makes a Pisces/Dragon a joy to be around. She's always got a quip for you. She's always on the verge of dashing off to do her jogging and then to the health club and afterward to the vegetarian restaurant in a flourish. Pisces/Dragons (when they don't lay it on too thick) are adorable companions.
But they are not world-beaters. They can live quite happily in the background once they get it through their heads that skyscrapers in backyards are impractical and overblown. They can rely on advisers and live from dispensing smiles to people who love their dolce far niente approach. Pisceans born in Dragon years will be touchy and argumentative until they finally stop trying to prove themselves. Then they will become efficient in a chosen profession, stay in a pleasant rut, and cruise around all day dreaming about what to make for dinner.

Love
The Pisces/Dragon is not constant in love matters. Very often these people are born smashingly attractive. They don't have an easy time growing up with their beauty, since their ego needs a bit of taming in the first place. So the beauty feeds the ego and vice versa. But, and this is a breakthrough but, Dragons, especially Pisces/Dragons, are enormously sentimental. They may indulge in adventure upon sexual adventure and engage in the most rococo of emotional turmoils. Breakups and reconciliations galore pepper their diaries. But they always return to the scenes of their emotional crimes. Once a Pisces/Dragon has loved, she always loves - forever. Sentiment is this person's most powerful quality. Because of it, she forgives and excuses and goes on loving - and never forgets the good times.
If you are smitten by the wiles of a Pisces/Dragon person, I think I can give you some good advice. First off, don't ever nag them. Cajoling is the method best utilized in the case of Piscean Dragons. They love to be coaxed. Be as much of an "up" person as you can, laughing at their jokes and telling them how hilarious they are, but don't ever fall completely under their spell. As they get carried away with their own marvelousness, you (of all people) must keep your feet firmly planted in reality. The trick is not to show it.

Compatibilities
Oh, you Dragons and your popularity charts! Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio and Capricorn give you Monkey admiration. Tiger love comes from Taurus, Cancer, Libra and Scorpio. Then of course there are the Taurus/ and Scorpio/Snakes, who go mad for you. Not to forget both Scorpio/ and Capricorn/Rats who adore you, too. You won't get much applause from Gemini/ or Virgo/Cats, who fear your rashness. Virgo/ and Sagittarius/Dogs don't appreciate you much either. Alas! Virgo/Pig and Sagittarius/Ox think you are for the birds.

Home And Family
The Pisces/Dragon is not a homemaker. She will be happy to live in modest but decent surroundings. The territory that interests this person is elsewhere, outside the home, in the world. Pisces/Dragon is inordinately idealistic and can spend her whole life dreaming of having her own place in the sun. But for the moment, she's off to Greece with a friend who's got a house on an island. Poor old Pisces/Dragon, she sometimes waits to go after what she dreams until it's patently too late. But never mind; she didn't really care in the first place.
As a parent this person will be fun-loving. The Pisces/Dragon will enjoy kids, and their shenanigans will delight her. As she takes great pleasure from being the leader of a group and doesn't often get to the top in adult life, parenting is really a dandy outlet for this character. She must be careful not to overindulge kids in wild schemes. But otherwise, she can be a loving and very affectionate parent.
This Pisces/Dragon child will not be easy to raise. She is by turns enthusiastic and lackadaisical. This child will seem, vocally at least, to know what she wants. She will be vehement and have a strong will. But getting their own way is just about the worst thing that can happen to these darling Pisces/Dragons. Instead, they must be patiently and carefully guided. Don't leave them on their own to decide for themselves; they cannot always steer a straight course. If you neglect them they will never forgive you.

Profession
Does the Pisces/Dragon really want a profession? That is the question. I know this sounds insane in a world so drowning in the tenets of ambition and success, but unless I miss my mark, I feel that Pisceans born in Dragon years would rather sit back and watch the parade go by. They like activity. They are not lazy people. But there is something other-worldly about this character. Something noninvolved. I reckon her best shot is independent work, but then she'll need a watcher and a guide.
It's useless to talk of this person as a boss. She can get to be a boss by inheritance or fluke, but although she can be bossy, I cannot imagine her seriously coveting the head honcho's job. Too much flak. Of course the Pisces/Dragon can be employed. But she'll want a job that gives her room to breathe and not too much direction all at once.

Careers that might please the Pisces/Dragon are: philosopher, professor, photographer, producer, cinema-tographer, writer, linguist, roadie, traveling salesperson, circus performer.

Famous Pisces/Dragons: B. F. Skinner, Irving Wallace, Edward Albee.

Nice Weekend...

Luckily I had a nice weekend to make up for my shitty week last week. Friday night about 10 lovely friends all got together in Long Beach for some damn good sushi. It was so fun and the sushi was soooo good. Nice long chats with my lovely date to and fro. Saturday I got up before the sunrise to join everyone at the Anaheim Stadium for the OC Aids Walk. It was really fun! I have to admit I was a bit dissappointed that me and the 2 people I brought on were the only ones on our team to raise any money. I'm also a bit dissappointed that none of our people who weren't walking came out to cheer on the 6 of us who were. I'd like to do this next year, but I'm going to rally up my own team of people who are truly dedicated to the cause. But that aside, it was truly a fun time. Saturday eve Mel and I found a truly divine little restaurant called Old Vine. Small portions, a bit pricy, but amazing wine and a lovely atmosphere. Sunday was all about mom. I arrived with a large tray of meat (Pig Pack from Newport Rib Company) and the entire family ate, watched old slides and caught up. I stayed late into the eve with mom enjoying our conversation.
Its a new week - and it better rock. I'm still working on this whole positive attitude thing. Putting out there into the universe that money will be coming my way, that I will truly find happiness, that I will find a hot guy in Havasu to hook up with (tee hee). So I'm workin on it folks. I'm workin.
Segway.....
In this midst of working on myself, trying to figure things out I'm finding that I seem to fight alot with myself. I'm truly trying not to let little things bother me anymore. Its hard tho. Its hard when people I keep thinking I can trust, betray me. People I think are friends are only friends when they're alone with me. People in my life who seem to have to portray all the fun they're having like its a fucking broadcast. Is this insecurity? I think it is. I'm pretty fed up with all the bullshit, the dishonesty, the lies, the jealousy, the anger, the meaness that seems to be floating all around me - plastered across photos, written in remarks, put on for others. Why do people feel they have to prove something? Why do people have to put on a show? Seriously. I'm starting to find I separate myself from these people. I just cant do it anymore. I have alot of friends, I'm truly blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. But its really time to start finding out whose truly there for me. I'm having a tough time trying to find my road. Find my happines. Find my way. I need only positive people around me. No more bullshit folks. Its time to get real or get the fuck out. We're adults.

Mom

Since Mother's Day rolls in this Sunday I thought I'd write a special blog to mom. So mom - Happy Mother's Day!
It's true, I'm bias because you are MY mom but you are truly one of the most amazing people ever to walk this earth. You've had your share of financial mishaps, and struggled your entire life but you still gave Shane and I a fantastic childhood and give me to this day all the love and support one could ask for. You have the patience of a saint. I'm not the only one who says you can walk into the middle of a NYC Subway and make all those around you feel calm. You have this soothing energy about you that is so unique. I have never met someone like that in all my years on this earth. Alot of my friends and Shane's friends too (and still do), call you for advice, come over for visits, ask your thoughts on decisions. Everyone loves you. You have a heart bigger then you can afford sometimes. Your beautiful inside and out. So here's some fond memories I'm passing on to the world of bloggers:
- We used to lay out on the grass and you'd point up to the clouds asking me what animals did I see?
- Every summer we'd take a big white poster board and make a calendar. It would be filled with book clubs, sports, scouts, amusement parks, vacations and more making me so excited everytime I'd look at it to see what adventure was coming up next. The fact that we did all these crazy trips and what not on little to no money amazes me.
- Driving up to Oregon and groaning when you said for the 50th time "Look at all the trees!!!!"
- Our almost daily phone conversations
- The fact that you were invovled in every committee Shane and I were in. You were a Girl Scout and Boy Scout assistant leader, you were on the PTA, you were on our grad committees, you were always always invovled.
- You've been to every single play I've ever been in (sans 1 or 2 I told you not to bother coming to).
- My surprise 30th birthday party that you and Jody threw for me when I needed it most. And - actually shocked the hell out of me.
- When I wanted to play piano, you and dad got me piano lessons. When I wanted to play drums you and dad got me a beat up used drum set and got me drum lessons.
- When I was tiny (I dont remember, but I see the photos) you had me in dance classes.
- Your mortification when you slipped about my engagement ring.
- All the blood, sweat and tears you put into my wedding.
- The fact that the day I knew my marriage was over you were at my house within the hour helping me deal with everything.
- Your help with my move into my current bungalow, lining my shelves, helping me unpack, decorating my place when I was too distraught to think straight.
- Our holiday trips to Disneyland.
- How you love to decorate. If I threw a "Pimps & Ho's" party you were picking out gold coins and condoms. If I threw a Halloween party you were calling me every day telling me the newest horror creature you found on clearance.
- Your addiction to clearance sales
- The way you completely screw up phrases - a couple of my favorites being: "I'm stuck between 2 rocks" or "Its one dozen and a half to another".
- When you get the giggles and it makes you cry.
- That your house is a zoo. Yes you have your own kids (Smokie, Harley, Gallagher) but also that fact that its home to a zillion birds, lizards, bunnies and other creatures. I've always imagined you walking down the street like a godamn Disney Princess with little animals walking/flying all around you.
- Your obsession with Russel Crowe
- The fact that you can make anything fun. If it kills us all - we will have a good time!
I can go on and on. Mom you have made my life full of wacky, silly wonderful memories. Thank you for always being there for me. My life would not be complete without you in it. I love you.

To counter the rant....

Because even tho this week has been majorly fucked up. I am bound and determined to stay positive - GODAMMIT!!

So - got it off my chest last blog somewhat - here's the highlights from the week I had mentioned:
Monday night, support A in his game. Actually had a really nice time with he and his buddies, we then sat outside the front of his house talking. This is why he's still got a warm place in my heart. Those moments like Mon night are why I still luv him. Its 95% of other times I want to strangle him. But, thus is our friendship.
Wednesday night, T came over and we rooted on our girl on ANTM then had a shared cheer when the Tranny was finally voted off. Miss Jay - "The cover brings out the man in you". Sent us to the floor in hysterical laughter. Too much wine and fun chats the rest of the night.
Last night, as much as I felt ignored by 2 of my company - it was great to see Norm and catch up. He's truly a sweetie.
Tonight I'm pickin up my girl and we're headin up to the LB for some sushi, sake and good friends. I'm hoping for only laughs and loves and no drama.
Tomorow morning getting up at dawn to do my AIDS Walk. I'm so proud I raised almost $700. I'm the only one on our team that raised this much.
Sunday - mommy day. Still trying to figure out what to bring over for dinner but it'll all come into play I'm sure.
Next week better fucking rock.

This week can bite me

Warning - this is a rant:
Is it possible to control positivity? As you all know and are probably sick of hearing me say it - I've been trying to be positive. I know that most of my crew is thinking to themselves "Right...Jami...Positive. You just keep thinking that, whatever Jami". I know this is true. I've been a pessimist all my life. I've fought with being a very negative person. But those who know me well, know I have seriously been putting considerable effort into this newfound look on life. All of you who dont think I've actually been trying - Go fuck yourself. Yes, I'll always still have that feisty streak in me - thats not going anywhere. But I have truly been making huge steps and efforts to be positive. I'm reading The Secret - which is actually starting to piss me off even more. I did The Artists Way. I've read a few other books that have been about positivity, inspiration, etc etc. I'm fucking trying!!!!!!! I wrote down what I'm grateful for. I thank the universe daily for what I'm grateful for. I'm putting all the positive energy I can possibly hold out there in the universe!!! I'm not half assing it people!!! This week has been quite a battle. The whole godamn week has fucking blown. There have been highlights - but for the most part it has sucked. And if the fucking Secret tells me its because I have put those kinds of "thoughts" into the universe it can fuck right off, because that is BULLSHIT. I'm chalking it up to this right now - I took my bc pills last month - skipping the "power week" one to try to push my cycle back a week. I've never done this before. So - next week will be my "power week" after skipping a month. I think I'm having a massive case of PMS - this is what I'm blaming for this week. So I'm going to just bitch, because positivity isnt fucking working, so I'm just going back to my old faithful - "Get it off my chest" blog. So watch out.
I'm so over emotional this week!!!!!!!!!!! I handled my Havasu debacle with amazing grace - I was actually quite impressed with myself. Although I cant help but be absolutly LIVID with a certain person because of how fucking stupid/immature he's being. I'm not going to get into with him, because it'll be a waste of time - he'll never get it. Thats the most frustrating part of the whole thing. I'm furious - he totally screwed me over and doesnt even give two shits nor does he see that he's done anything wrong. The only validation I have is I'm not the only one pissed off. Thats bitch one. I'm also watching situations at home that infuriate me, but dont even know really what to do about it. People are going back to old habits, not caring, drinking too much, hanging on to things that are fucking lame, lying. I hate it. I fucking fucking hate it. Yes I said fucking twice in a row - did I mention this was a bad week? Bitch three. So this "Secret" bullshit tells me to visualize checks in the mail, feel that money will be coming to you - gave you all this stuff to do - WHICH I DID mind you. I didnt even flip out when I paid bills a couple of weeks ago and had like $20 in my account. I just thought - "Money will be coming to me this month, money will be flowing into my life, etc etc". Ya - what flowed into my life this week - Getting FUCKED with the Havasu situation and now having to pay more then twice then what I had planned. My rent got raised for the 1st time in 4 years. And my car insurance landed in my mailbox. Um - thats not money flowing into my life. I now want to punch "The Secret" right in the face. I want to dare it to tell me I "asked" for that. I dare you asshole!!!! I'm ready for a brawl now - bring it! Bitch 4. We girls always have "back ups". Boys in our life you always just think will always be around or available at some point in your future. They usually dont even know, but we do. Its what girls do. Well - I had 2 (sort of) and they're both gone - why do you ask? Because they are selfish assholes and I'm trying so hard to see that. I'm forcing myself to see what pricks they really are. I need to wipe them from my life, I really do. They are unhealthy for me. I hate what they turn me into. Ugh. Bitch five - This whole positive thing. I know this is probably just a bad week, I'll be over it next week I'm sure - but godammit if I'm fucking tired of trying to hard. You know what I want Universe - This is what I fucking want and its not asking for much - I want my ex-husbands debt fucking gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its still like 15K - can you please just send me 15K so it can go the fuck away!!! Please!!!! I dont need to be rich - just out of this god forsake debt THATS NOT MINE!!!!! Second - I want a man. Yes - I'm ready. I want a lovely sweet funny hot passionate man. I'm a good person! I'm not crazy (this blog may lead to think that...). I want someone to come home too, and curl up in his arms when I'm having a week like this and he hold me and kiss my neck and tell me he loves me and not to worry about a thing. Please dont send me anymore lovely men that may be an option but just turn out to be another guy pal. Another platonic relationship. Last but not least - I want to be happy. I dont need to be Pollyanna. But please remove this anger, this depression this sadness that I fight daily and replace it with happiness and love and warm fuzzies. Yes I'm better, yes I'm happier then I used to be but I'm so tired of fighting. So there it is. My shitty fucking week. I'm so overemotional that on my walk (My walk thats supposed to be helping me and good for m) I start crying - because as I'm walking a guy is walking towards me with his happy black lab - I smile like I always do and then smile down at the dog - the dog jumps on me to say hi, I do my usual smile and give him some ear scratches, but in his excitement his paw catches me shuffle and rips it out of my ears and off my pants and it flys onto the ground. No it didnt break, it was fine. The guy was mortified and said "I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" "Oh its fine" I mutter, and force a smile, grab my shuffle, and scurry off. Once it get it back on, and know its working fine, I start crying. Hard. I'm trying to walk and I'm crying. I'm praying that no one sees me. I walk faster and curse myself for being an idiot but the tears flow.
I'm a fucking mess this week.