I seem to be coasting thru life. This is not good, this is not bad. I have many a worries on my mind as of late, I've had a hell of a time getting back into the swing of things after returning from a different dimension. My trip to Illinois was fantastic, as some of you read previously. Coming back home was rough - again as you all read previously.
I took Tabitha to the vet to have her hormones tested. (Dr. Herrara, my lovley vet, suggested it may be that she was spayed incorrectly and may be going thru heat). WTF!!!!! All of you parents of animal companions - NEVER GO TO DOVER SHORES IN COSTA MESA. This is the vet/animal shelter I adopted the girls from. They spayed the girls before I took them home. I dont like the vet side of these people. They give me bad vibes. If Tabitha's tests come back positive then I'm right. I love my vet - Newport Harbor Animal Hospital..fyi. Sadly - these results could take up to a week. Fuck me. It also cost me $150. If she was spayed incorrectly I have no idea what the next step is, but I'm sure I'll have to take out a loan to pay it. They seem to be a little better tho yesterday and this morning. They still hiss/growl at each other but it seems to be lessening....please god please let it stop.
I paid my bills yesterday then cried. Its not news or anything, but I'm fucked. I HAVE to find some ways to make money. I'm back from vacation, and back to reality. I dont have enuff money to get me to my next paycheck. Nice.
The other issue on Jami's wacked out mind is my lack of creativity. I have not felt the least bit creative lately. The only writing I've done is these blogs. I'm not itchin to get back onstage like I should be. I wanted to be all artsy and take some fabulous photographs in Chicago and it seems I lost that knack. This is a problem. I have to have creativity. Its my lifeline as you all know. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it a rut? A phase? Something has to kick me back into gear. Something. Anyone?
I might be out of work in a couple of years. There's nasty rumors about OP shuttin down. It is possible. I'm not worried yet. I've survived worse then this. There is a chance of bye bye, but there is also some valiant efforts right now to prevent this. Cross your fingers. The shitty thing is tho, it makes me think. Say we do shut down. What the hell am I going to do now? 10 years I've been here. I have no degree. What am I going to do? I dont have a career. I'm an artist. Meaning - I cant make shit financially. Not only that - but at the moment I'm a stuck artist!!!! Am I worthless? This makes me wonder. I dont like it.
I wont take for granted tho, the good things going on eithier. I may be broke as hell, but I'm still on my own. I love my lil place. I dont want to lose it.
I'm not depressed. Just frustrated. This is a good thing.
I have a certain someone whose feeding me and being quite nice to me. Not really used that that. Makes me smile.
My friends really missed me. I felt out of the loop being gone, and apparently so did others. I feel so loved. Its truly nice to be so missed!
Its summertime. So much good stuff comes with summertime.
So folks....coasting along I suppose....
2 comments:
Ok- so...
I am glad you are being fed. :-)
Temp agencies are a great way to get a good job and with your expierence- and my expierence with temp agencies- we can make a great team getting you a permanent well paying job. - in a couple years if necissary. :-)
i am soooo on the same page with the creative thing. I have been reading A LOT. I have an entire library in my living room- and honey you can borrow anything you want- there is so much inspiration in words; it fills the soul with a creative flush.
I'm also working on my fairie backyeard project. If you go to Michael's they have these white clay fairie figures- they also have sparkly paints the colors of easter baskets- and glitter!
This summer and beyond I plan to buy one with each paycheck- paint it and put it outside- then I'll have a fairie wonderland- yes it costs money- but not that much. Go to Michael's -there is a world of crafts and creativity you can do all on your own. I also have watercolors and a big note pad of canvis- I paint flowers and hearts- cheezy yes- but to some good music it frees the soul, makes one feel at peace, and can be relaxing. See you at 1:15. :-) XXOO
I believe in you.
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