As you also may know - I really hemmed and hawed about online dating. I don't like it. It's weird. It's like car shopping or as one of my "dates" said - "It's sort of like Fantasy Football." I've dabbled in the free sites and usually get inundated by creeps and unsolicited dick pics. Yeah - no thanks. So I thought paying for a site may bring along a better quality of man. Sort of. No dick pics Thank GAWD. But I'm still not a fan. People have been asking me to blog about it so here's my update on month 4 of being signed up on this damn thing.
Got through the hoops with a couple of dudes we'll call Construction and Alaska. Both seem nice. We got to the point of exchanging numbers. Construction wants to talk on the phone. I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. To anyone. Seriously. Unless your my mother or a friend/family that lives far away, I don't want to talk on the phone. I'd rather meet up face to face or share snippets via text. So - I buckle down and talk to dude on phone. It's awkward but not as bad as I thought. This was a Thursday. We make a date for Tuesday. He says he'll get back to me with a time and place. Great.
Fri - Nothing. That's cool. We just talked. Sat. Nothing. Sun Nothing. Again - not a needy girl, it's cool but I hope I get some deets soon. Monday - Nothing. I send the "Hey - are we still on for tomorrow night?" FUCKING NOTHING!
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Is this a thing?! Awesome start. 0 for 1. Move on.
Alaska seems promising but he works out of state every couple of weeks. So I got him right as he left. We'll have to wait until he returns.
I've been talking to an LL Cool J look a like. He also wants to talk on the phone.
Alaska. He's back. We never talk on the phone. I like him already. I've been told and agree, that it's best to meet for a drink or coffee (let's be real - always a drink. Never coffee) rather than dinner. That way if you don't hit it off you're not stuck through an entire meal. Well - Alaska has agreed to come to me to meet up. The man lives in Pasadena. I feel bad making him drive all the way out to OC for just a drink so we make a dinner date. I'm nervous - but after Construction I'm not sure it'll happen. But he's texting so I think it is. OMG it's gonna happen. OMG MY 1ST DATE!
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I - again being nice and thoughtful - suggest a restaurant in Newport. That way he can make a day out of it if he wants since he's driving all the way down here and I'll meet him for dinner after work. Grand. He's in. I'm freaking out all day. I pick out a casual but nice outfit - maxi skirt and tank. But a nicer tank not one of my race tanks. I'm so nervous. I get there. I wait. He's texting me now - he's running late. What happened to coming down earlier? Didn't work out. MAN IS ALMOST 45 MIN LATE. But - I give him a pass. He hasn't lived in SoCal for a year yet and isn't used to our shitty traffic. It's cool. Awkward hug like greeting. We head in. Now - I've already been strategically planning my meal. You all know me - I'm a fattie. I inhale my food. I purposefully chose a food I had to work for - a bucket of muscles (He liked seafood too so we're good there) so I had to actually work to get my food in my mouth, thus slowing me down. Smart right?! No guy needs to see the way I truly eat on the 1st date. Something more like this:
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SO, I eat like a normal person. And I only have 1 glass of wine. (He's not drinking) It's fine. It's a bit awkward but not horrible. He's nice. He pays for dinner (yay!) we then walk around Newport a bit. I'm yammering on. He's nice. It's fine. He walks me to my car. We talk about going out again. Maybe to a rock climbing place. Awkward hug good bye. That's that. I go home feeling a bit underwhelmed but glad he wasn't an asshole. But no sparks. I'm still down to go out again - because is sparks really a thing? He was a good 1st date. Kinda vanilla but nice. It was fine. We continue texting for a few weeks. He sends me pretty pictures of Alaska. But I now haven't heard from him in about a week. He's been back. We text a bit when he came back but now nothing. He hasn't mentioned the rock climbing date we talked about. I'm a little bummed but I haven't reached out either. I figure this will turn into a "ghosting" on both our parts. 0 for 3.
Art Teacher Dude. Hey an Art Teacher! That could be cool?! He's not too responsive but we get to the exchange numbers part. We text a bit then he calls me. WTF?! No warning on the call, just calling me? Just like that? No, no no. I don't answer. His message is "Just saying what's up?" We don't know each other. It's so weird. But then I think - Jami, don't be an ass. People still like to talk on the phone. It's not weird. So I schedule a phone call with him the next day. I tell him I'll call. Next night - I do. We talk - it's so awkward!!!!!
Horror Guy. OMG - this guy loves Horror, loves Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and love the Cubbies!! WHAT??!!!
Robert De Niro look a like. So we text. It's fine. But he keeps calling me beautiful and my favorite - "Show that beautiful smile". It's too much. You can say hey beautiful once MAYBE twice. But when you start saying it too much it's a line. Plus - you don't know me. It's such a fucking line. Especially that "Show that beautiful smile.". At 1st I thought he was actually complimenting me, but no. It's a line. It's annoying. But I'm still trying to be open minded. He has said some things that keep me interested. We make a date for a Saturday around 4ish. Unfortunately that was a week that some family issues took priority. In fact, a major thing in my life right now, is my gramma is on hospice now. She has up and down days. I needed to help my sis in law, whose losing her damn mind trying to pack up her house, and I wanted to get over to gramma. The weekend was getting out of control. So - I don't totally blow him off because I want to give it a chance, but I have to cancel our date. I text this - "I'm so sorry, I have to cancel Sat. My gramma isn't doing well (on hospice) and I'm needed that day. Rain Check?" 1st of all - I'm not lying. Yes, I could have squeezed in the gramma, date, and helping my sis in law but it was just too much. Plus I said Rain check - I'm still interested right? He texts back a no biggie and wishes love to my family. I go on e-harmony the next day - He deleted me!
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Ok. Again - not super heartbroken but still - DICK! I'm sorry that my sick gramma got in the way of our date. I - Unlike You - don't use "lines." Whatever. But me...being me...had to send one last text. So - "Hi there, so I see you deleted me off e-harmony. I guess that means you've moved on. I enjoyed our conversations and wish you luck in your search." I wanted to say - MY GRAMMA IS REALLY ON HOSPICE YOU ASS. But I didn't. Whatever. Fuck off. 0 for 6,
Baby Face. Ok - this dude DOES NOT look his age. Like at all. He's 43 and he looks like he's 15. I jokingly mention this to him. He says he gets carded alot. I'm thinking he gets carded for R rated movies. Anywhoo - we email, we exchange numbers, we text for a while. Ok - he seems cool. He's funny via text. Bit of snark which I always appreciate. The texting is going well. We talk about meeting up after Bottlerock. Cool. Going well. We set up a date. We'll meet for drinks on a Wednesday evening. I begrudgingly give up boxing class. But I need to compromise right? I paid for this crap for a year - I should keep trying. I shoot for another maxi skirt tank outfit. I arrive early. As ALWAYS. I wait. He's late. Not too late though. But guys. Dude is TINY. Like wee. Like I didn't even stand up out of my chair when he walked up afraid I would tower over him. We say hello, he grabs a drink that is on my tab. I offered to buy the 1st round (I already had mine in hand). He felt bad but I was like "It's $5". We chat. It's awkward. I start to wonder if he shops at the children's clothing section. He offers to buy the 2nd round. I feel it's not because our date is going smashingly but he felt he should buy a round. He stands at the bar. FOREVER. I think it took so long because they couldn't see him. It was SO AWKWARD. We finish our drinks. Again - very nice guy. Not a douche at all. But so awkward. I feel if you "Click" with someone, convo should be easy right? Am I stupid? We are parked in the same structure. We walk together. I notice my shadow towering over him. I curse myself for wearing wedgie sandals instead of flats. We hug goodbye. No talk of another date and I haven't heard from him since. I believe this will be another mutual "ghosting." 0 for 7.
So there we are folks. Month four. Not doing too hot. I'm also super annoyed with the site. They have no help chat/lines/etc. So when I want to ask a question I cannot seem to get an answer for the life of me. I'm curious if the "Matches" they send me also get sent my profile or is it just one way? I also cancelled my auto renew because I've given myself just a year and ever since I did that there is a constant "RENEW TODAY" banner along with badges everywhere. Plus - every damn time I email a dude I get a stupid window - "Don't Break his Heart! Renew Today!". Listen assholes - I'm signed up until March 2017!!!! So annoying.
I'm not giving up. I'm giving it a year. But man is this a bit disheartening. Most of the guys I send the start of communication to don't respond (but they don't block me so I'm not sure what the deal is), if I get to email it seems a lot of time we'll start and then I don't hear from them. Now I get it - there's multiple people and it's alot and it's work. I'm not totally taking it personal, but you can't help feeling a little sting once in a while. There's ups and downs. I'm in a bit of a lag right now it seems. I have date tonight actually and I'm texting with a guy I'm trying not to get my hopes up for but that's it. If anything - I get to share my journey - hopefully humorously with you all!
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