Oh Online Dating...

Another update for all ya'll.

This may be the last one for a while.  I'm taking a break.  Yup.  I'm already so over it.  The routine is - I go on once a day - go through my "Matches" that are sent to me and either "Hide" or "Block" (sorry dudes I accidentally blocked due to my trigger finger!!!).  Then I try to pick a couple to "Start Guided Communication" with.  Forget it.  I'll still go through and Hide and Block but no more starting convo with these dudes.  If they're interested they'll start it with me.  I'm pretty jaded already so I at least need to just step away from caring so much for a few months.  It's starting to make me feel bad.  But here's a recap of the latest fails.

Went on a date with Broseph.  I referred to him as this because he kinda seemed like a frat boy douchey dude.  But the stuff he put in his profile and our email exchanges weren't douchey so I scolded myself for being judgmental.  But yeah - Broseph.  We don't text to much when he suggests meeting up for happy hour.  Great.  We make a date for a Tuesday night.  He chooses the Circle.  GREAT!  I can walk!  I recycle my Alaska date outfit.  I arrive.  He's late.  Why are they always fucking late?  I'm standing out front of Citrus.  He texts me he's parking.  A couple min later I see him drive by me.  You liar.  You're not parking you asshole.  I recognize your car because you have a picture of it in your profile.  Convertible Corvette. I'm already annoyed. (He may not be a douche, he may not be a douche).  All I'm thinking is

DOUCHE.  Anyway.  He arrives.  He's short but I knew this.  I was prepared this time.  I wore flats.  He was at least stocky unlike the wee man from Dating Blog #2.  We have an awkward hug hello. He seems to have trouble making eye contact.  We sit on the patio.  He's kind of an ass.  Not hugely, but makes a snarky comment to the waiter that thankfully I don't think the young waiter heard.  He orders Jack & Coke.  He won't make eye contact with the waiter.  It's weird.  We talk, he warms up.  I seem to surprise him with most of what I say.  I think he was expecting an idiot and was surprised by this interesting super cool chick that is Jami.  Deal with it jackass.  I order us hummus because the waiter keeps asking us, and he says whatever, and I feel bad because we sat at a table rather than the bar which I would have preferred. Ugh. It's so apparent we're not into each other.  I want to leave.  Bill comes.  He doesn't take it.  Sigh.  I grab it and whip out my card.  I'm talking about something else and trying to be cool and not mention the bill hoping he'll say "I got it".  Nope.  I wait for him to throw his card in which he finally does after an awkwardly long time and the waiter takes it.  It's split.  My half was only $10 because I got the happy hour shit.  He didn't so his was way more but yet we split the bill.  Ugh.  We walk out together.  Awkward hug goodbye - he doesn't look me in the eyes.  He keeps looking around like something is going to jump out of the bushes.  It's like he's uncomfortable. WTF DUDE?


He mumbles something about maybe going to a comedy show.  He blocks me the next day.  Whatever dude.  0 for 8.

Mr. "Too Good Too Be True".  OMG.  A cute one.  Like this guy is really cute!!  He's not very responsive via the e-harmony chat crap.  I start to think he's just going to not respond like most of the dudes then out of the blue - BAM his phone number.  OMG!



We start to text.  It's easy!  Like, we fall into easy texting convo. (Is that a thing?)  He's funny, we discuss cute animals, emoticons, food (OMG HE COOKS), I ask about his current project he tells me he's a lead archaeologist on a solar panel project in Paso Robles.  WHAT!?  I'm in love.  I start imagining us holding hands and smiling at each other and all my friends so happy I finally met the one!  This lasts about .02 seconds because of course my over thinking brain starts to freak a bit.  This guy can't be for real.  We talk about meeting on a Friday.  I'll take work off.  (He lives far so a day date would be ideal)  OMG!  I'm excited but I'm worried that I'm excited.  The texting is joyous for a couple days - then - he mentions open relationships.  Um.

Wait. What?  I tell him I have no problem with that but it's not my thing.  He says he's not necessarily looking for that again.  Um ok.  The texting takes a weird turn.  Hi red flags.  A few days later he starts coming up with excuses to back out of the date.  Yup.  Too Good To Be True.  Fucker.  I blow it off.  I don't hear from him for 3 days.  It's cool.  I make my day off an awesome day off.  I get my oil changed, I buy a wedding presie for The Bennett's, I hit the beach and Mitzy and her little join me, then I have dinner with my rad friend Tully.  Fuck you non date.  He actually text me that day - I was stunned - and said he still wants to get together.  Uh Huh.  I respond nicely.  Sure!  Of course it's not going to happen.  I give a shit now anyway.  We're mutually ghosting.  0 for 9.

Mr. Clinical.  This guy was very "Here's exactly what I want" kinda guy.  Now, he's been around the bend.  He's got a couple of kids.  He was very straight forward but not a jerk about it so I did appreciate that.  I was a bit annoyed when he complained about paying.  Look dude - I'll meet you for like coffee or froyo or something.  Can you spring for a fucking yogurt?  Anyway - we text/email not to much and he wants to meet.  He's willing to come to me.  I suggest A La Minute.  I forgot this was Ice Cream not yogurt.  He makes a comment how unusual it is to have dessert before dinner.  Live a little dude.  Besides ( I don't mention it to him) but I already ate.  Because I'm a fattie and I knew you you weren't springing for dinner.

He's late.  Of course.  But only by a few minutes.  We get our ice cream.  FYI - the grapefruit sorbet with some reduction on it - not good.  I was trying so hard to smile and chat and eat this nasty ice cream.  So this date sort of felt like a job interview.  He would say "So on your profile you said...XXX"  Um - yes.  Can you stop mentioning profile?!  It's already so obvi we're on a 1st date.  The counter kids are amusingly watching and listening to our awkward convo as it is!



He was nice.  Not a jerk.  But it was weird.  We head out and he say's he'll walk me to my car.  I walked to the Circle so I explain I'm about a mile away.  He says he'll walk me part way.  Um...how bout I give you a tour of Chapman?  That's sort of on my way home?  I guess?  So we wander over to campus.  Now here's what I found odd.  He kept stopping me (like physically stopping me walking) to ask me about something - like the Olde Towne Architecture or a building or the history.  Now that's fine and all but he kept touching me.  Like - he'd stop me then put his hand on my back and leave it there for a second.  Again - not necessarily unusual but he KEPT DOING IT! 



It was weird.  As we strolled around campus I kept dancing around him making it look like I was super tour guidey but really trying to avoid his weird touching.  So - we got to a good parting point, we said goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek and said "Let's keep in touch".  Yeah ok. 0 for fucking 10.

So there it is friends.  I officially have no other prospects now.  No one is emailing me.  Dating gives me anxiety.  I'm signed up until March 2017 and I'll check it but I'm not participating as much as I was.  Can Norman Reedus just call me already?!