Still on the e-Harmony.
For a while I wasn't "starting the guided communication" with anyone. Had the notion that - If they're interested they'll reach out to me.
Then. Crickets.
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Then a dude reached out. This is dude I mentioned in this BLOG. Was hopeful remember?? Sigh. Alas no. But - I feel good I made it to 4 - count them - 4 dates with someone finally. I've been signed up since March. It's September. Yeah. So I'll run down this latest fizzle.
He was the only one to reach out to me when I stopped my initiations. He was kinda cute. Seemed kinda cool. I was slow in responding to him, but did. We did the usual...made it to email, then made it to text. Texting went well. He was nice, funny, we set a 1st date. He suggested a Wine Bar. Um - right?! It's like he knows me already.
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1st date went amazingly well! My only complaint would be he suggested we split the bill rather than picked up the tab, but I'm still controversial on these feelings of the paying thing. Should guys pay? Most say yes. I feel kinda bad, but I don't know. Anyway - we fell into easy convo. Had a couple of drinks each. Laughed. Got a long. It was fantastic! He then asked when he could see me again. We made plans - RIGHT THERE! Like on the date you guys! He walked me to my car, gave me a quick peck and off he went. I was thrilled! I drove home so happy that finally a date went well!
He text every day, we had some days where we would text all throughout the day. Our 2nd date was to be a hike followed by dinner on a Saturday. As you read in the previous blog, our dates were few and far between which was a little weird but it was scheduling and he was still in contact with me so I didn't worry too much about it. In between the 1st and 2nd date is when gramma passed. He was very understanding when I asked if we could just do dinner, I knew I'd be tired after dealing with all the emotions. The day before he suggested we meet earlier. I think he just didn't want to drive home. (He worked in Irvine, lived in HB and we were meeting in DTSA). We met at 4th Street for a couple of drinks. He paid - I said thank you - and he said "You can buy me a sandwich". Really dude? You can't just pick up the drink tab?
Whatever. We hit C4 Delhi - I paid - it was a lot more than the 2 drinks lemme tell ya. He did pick up another round for us, but again - I still paid more. Sigh. But again - that was my only bitch. Everything else was going fine, nice convo, getting along - then he was like "Ok, we should probably call it a night!". Um...it was 6:30. But...we met at 3....so I guess that's a long enough time for a 2nd date right?
After this his texting pretty much came to a halt. Now - let me be clear - I'm not a "texter". I don't need to have texting convos with you all day, nor do I need to hear from you every day. But when you go from texting someone constantly to almost nothing it's weird! I was trying not to overthink it but I'm me.
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I kind of bring it up, he plays it off cool. I try to be cool. Date 3. The OC Fair - which you read about in the above blog. Again - went well I thought. Details in the above link if you didn't read that one.
Date 4. Now - let me mention something here...I'm the one that made Date 3 and Date 4 happen. Not him. I don't know if that's important but someday when I go back and re-read these wondering where shit went wrong this may mean something. I don't fucking know. Date 4 was cool. We met at his house, rode our bikes to a bar, then hung out at the beach, then grabbed some sushi.
I mean look at the collage I made! (Mom was brekkie but the rest is our date!)
I brought up the paying thing and he seemed mortified he hadn't paid. Odd, but ok. This was a Sun. We talked of getting together the following Sunday for date 5.
Now here's where it goes downhill. Again - the texting is super sporadic which I don't get, but evs.
Sometime during the week I try to nail down details for Date 5. He says he has to cancel. He has a friends kids party at 1pm and there's people he wants to see. "Um ok"...I think..."but it's at 1pm. There's the morning and there's after". I mention (as we talked about on Sat) I'm rolling into heavy rehearsals and tech week the next couple of weeks so it'll be difficult to get together. He knows. I suggest a drink on his way home. (It's in San Clemente) He's not sure.
The next few weeks go as such:
He does text every day but he never asks me out again. A few times I mention I was surprised he didn't try to see me. He says he knows I'm busy with my show. But I told him (many times) my free days. There are also a few times he text some very odd/inappropriate texts that made me wrinkle my nose. I'm now at the point where if he was really actually interested in me he would at least try to see me. I tried to make it happen a few times. Now - I normally would think - fuck it, he's not into me and move on. But he keeps texting me! I'm like -
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This is also when I'm also thinking - I actually don't really care. Now - I know "sparks" are over-rated. But shouldn't you feel SOMETHING after a 4th date. Like I should miss him, or really want to see him, or get happy/butterflies when I think about him? I mean SOMETHING?? Well - I didn't. I was just sort of indifferent. And maybe I would have felt differently had he actually tried to make another date with me (Have you read/watched "He's Just Not That Into You?!" I have!). There has been a few more red flags here and there but this blog is getting long. Then it became kind of a weirdly long time since Date 4. My responses to his texts became pretty short and I thought he was getting the hint. He wasn't texting me every day so I thought he was ghosting. Nope - he text again after a couple of days. I finally had to text a white lie because I didn't know what to do. I said "I don't want to lead you on, but it looks like I'm stepping it up with someone else.". His response - "I figured, since you got really busy." WHAT!? I was busy dude! I told you my rehearsal nights and performance dates. I told you I did have free time though, and was hoping we could get together - BUT YOU NEVER ASKED ME OUT AGAIN! UGH!!! I of course didn't text all that - I just text "You're very cool, and I wish you luck in our odd dating world." I mean that too. He's not a dick but he was certainly not into me like AT ALL. I do hope he meets someone. I'm just not it.
Here's the thing - I'm happy single. I'm not depressed and desperate for a relationship. Yes, it would be nice to meet someone but I don't need someone. I would like to have someone. There's a huge difference between needing and wanting I feel. So I'm not lowering my standards (Yes, I'll compromise). But come on - at least act like you're interested in seeing me for fucks sake. I'm not a needy person but give somewhat of a shit!
So - 0 for 11 friends.
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I'm now actually "starting the communication" again because why not. I actually got to texting with one dude - I text my opening "Hey it's Jami from the online world" intro. He said hello then asked what show I was doing (we had discussed a bit in email). I told him. I never heard from him. Guess he hates DeathTrap.
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So - still at it. There's some cuties but of course THOSE GUYS never respond. I'm not as into it as before, but I'll check it every couple of days and email if a dude really sparks my interest but lemme tell ya. Dating blows.
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