Coasting...

I seem to be coasting thru life. This is not good, this is not bad. I have many a worries on my mind as of late, I've had a hell of a time getting back into the swing of things after returning from a different dimension. My trip to Illinois was fantastic, as some of you read previously. Coming back home was rough - again as you all read previously.

I took Tabitha to the vet to have her hormones tested. (Dr. Herrara, my lovley vet, suggested it may be that she was spayed incorrectly and may be going thru heat). WTF!!!!! All of you parents of animal companions - NEVER GO TO DOVER SHORES IN COSTA MESA. This is the vet/animal shelter I adopted the girls from. They spayed the girls before I took them home. I dont like the vet side of these people. They give me bad vibes. If Tabitha's tests come back positive then I'm right. I love my vet - Newport Harbor Animal Hospital..fyi. Sadly - these results could take up to a week. Fuck me. It also cost me $150. If she was spayed incorrectly I have no idea what the next step is, but I'm sure I'll have to take out a loan to pay it. They seem to be a little better tho yesterday and this morning. They still hiss/growl at each other but it seems to be lessening....please god please let it stop.

I paid my bills yesterday then cried. Its not news or anything, but I'm fucked. I HAVE to find some ways to make money. I'm back from vacation, and back to reality. I dont have enuff money to get me to my next paycheck. Nice.

The other issue on Jami's wacked out mind is my lack of creativity. I have not felt the least bit creative lately. The only writing I've done is these blogs. I'm not itchin to get back onstage like I should be. I wanted to be all artsy and take some fabulous photographs in Chicago and it seems I lost that knack. This is a problem. I have to have creativity. Its my lifeline as you all know. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it a rut? A phase? Something has to kick me back into gear. Something. Anyone?

I might be out of work in a couple of years. There's nasty rumors about OP shuttin down. It is possible. I'm not worried yet. I've survived worse then this. There is a chance of bye bye, but there is also some valiant efforts right now to prevent this. Cross your fingers. The shitty thing is tho, it makes me think. Say we do shut down. What the hell am I going to do now? 10 years I've been here. I have no degree. What am I going to do? I dont have a career. I'm an artist. Meaning - I cant make shit financially. Not only that - but at the moment I'm a stuck artist!!!! Am I worthless? This makes me wonder. I dont like it.

I wont take for granted tho, the good things going on eithier. I may be broke as hell, but I'm still on my own. I love my lil place. I dont want to lose it.
I'm not depressed. Just frustrated. This is a good thing.
I have a certain someone whose feeding me and being quite nice to me. Not really used that that. Makes me smile.
My friends really missed me. I felt out of the loop being gone, and apparently so did others. I feel so loved. Its truly nice to be so missed!
Its summertime. So much good stuff comes with summertime.

So folks....coasting along I suppose....

Illinois comes to a bitter end....

First of all - this trip was fucking amazing. A HUGE thank you to Dad and Lori for taking me. They spoiled me rotten. I love them both so much for this and will be eternally grateful. As most of you know, I could never afford to do something like this on my own. The rate I'm going I may never, so I"m so thankful to have had such a wonderful week vacation seeing family, seeing the country and seeing Chi-Town. I also want to send a thank you to you all for loving my little blogs! It really makes a girl feel special! :)
Day 7:
We arrive at O'Hare Aiport at 9am. Dad gets dropped off at United (He's going back to Decatur for a couple of weeks) and Jon, Lori and I get dropped of at American. The usual. Check in, security, etc. Little airport shoppin. Quick bite. I'm starting to get upset since my flight out was awful. I pop 2 of my motion pills. 5 min later our flight is canceled. WTF? (Now, you all know I've only flown 3 times - this being my 3rd - so I am not an experienced traveler). Lori and Jon jump up and take off to the "Rebooking" place. I"m still sitting there with a shocked expression on my face. I come to and join up with them. Jon's already on the phone trying to get us another flight. We get one. At United for 8:10pm that night. WHAT!!!????
SO ya. I spent all FUCKING day at the airport yesterday. I've seen more of O'Hare then I ever care. I also want to add that I'd taken 2 pills - so I was also fucked up and gorked. Oh - and ALSO our tickets were flagged so everytime Jon and I went for a smoke we not only had to go thru the regular security but had to GET SEARCHED. Needless to say we only smoked a few times. I was miserable all day. We finally get on board. I pop 2 more pills. Now I"m REALLY fucked up. I did handle the flight ALOT better then I did coming in. I think part of it was because I was so out of it. We land. I"m so happy I didnt barf. We go to get our luggage - mine's not there. Jon and Lori's is. Not mine. I also call Mark to see if he can pick me up and he informs me that the cats just starting trying to kill each other. Not in the "thats just cute sibling rivalry" but trying to kill each other. So he cant pick me up. I take a cab with Lori/Jon they drop me off I come home to utter chaos.
Its Monday morning. I called out of work last nite due to not knowing what was going to happen with flight crap and thank gawd I did. I'm checking the baggage info every 10 minutes. I'm watching the cats like a hawk and actually have a call into my vet to see how to handle this situation thats SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!! Oh - did I mention I dont travel...so everything is in my luggage!!!!!! Right now I have no bras, no tolietries, no retainer, no BC pills no phone charger...I could go on. Oh and did I also mention that since I was on so many meds yesterday I had a nice weird 4 hours of drugged out sleep last nite.....
I'm a bit freaked out right now and really hoping this day works itself out. God help me.
I want to go back to Illinois - but I"m driving.
Love to you all!!!!!

Illinois Day 7...

Today is the Cub Game. This is pretty much one of the main reason's dad wanted to bring Jon and I - to experience Wrigley Field. Now - let me all give you a quick background - We are Cubs fans. My family looooooooooooves the Cubs. I love live sports period. I dont even have to enjoy the sport all that much, but if its live I'll love it I'm sure. I'm an ex-athlete and still very competitive. Cubs fans are thier own species. These people are die hard baseball fans - die hard cubs fans. They would probably kill if it would help thier team win. Its how they are. Its Chicago Cubs. Anywhoo - we eat a quick breakfast at the hotel and head out. Dad wants us there early so I can attempt to get a signed ball for Shane. I get my new cubbie shirt and hat from dad and we head in. Wrigley is actually quite small and intimate. Our seats are the 2nd section back from the 1st base line. Brilliant. I head over to the section to try to get a ball signed. The boys warmed up. This was really ok for me to be watching I might add....love those baseball players! ;) I stand out in the blazing sun for an hour. Sadly that attempt turned into a bit of an issue. There was this drunk guy. I mean really drunk. I tried to ignore him, figured all the kids around me it'd be fine. Nope - I got accosted. Yup. Dude grabbed me. About this same time is when security escorted the man out. He was causing a bit of a scene, sadly they didnt get to him by the time he got to me. Whatever. I stormed back over to my family, bitched and got over it. Moving on. The stadium started filling up. Wrigley also has apartment buildings that people have built seating on top of. It was fantastic. Place was PACKED. We got our "Chicago Dogs" (BEST HOTDOG IN THE WORLD MIND YOU), beers, peanuts and got ready for some real baseball. I'm sorry but Angel Stadium is lame with its waterfall and panda express and shit - Wrigley is what baseball is all about. The game starts and I'm in awe at the crowd. EVERYONE is in cub attire (Cept the damn Marlin fans...but they were few and far between). The crowd would jump up and cheer anytime the Cubs did anything! When it was 2 outs and 2 strikes (Cubs as defense) the crowd would jump up and cheer hoping the pitcher struck him out. Everytime the cubs hit a ball the crowd jumped up. My favorite - is if the Marlins hit a homerun (Into the bleachers seats) and someone caught the ball - THEY THREW IT BACK! I was dying! I also got to witness Lou (Cubbie Coach) go off on a shitty call by the 1st base ump. This guy is famous for his temper tantrums and it was happening right in front of me!!!!!! The whole crowd was up and screaming. I was hoarse by the end of the game. Unfortunatly the cubs lost (IN THE 12TH INNING MIND YOU) but that was seriously the best ballgame I have ever attended. The commradory, the competitivness, the faith and love these people have for their cubbies is awesome and I got to be a part of it!!!!!!!!!!! GO CUBS! When we got back into the city we went out for some chicago pizza at Giordanos. We waited 2 hours but it was worth it. Wandered around some more and called it a night. We were all sunkissed, happy, fat and exhausted.

Illinois Day 6...

We all got up and headed out out to breakfast at a place called "West Egg". It was upstairs and we literally waited in what looked like a hallway for a buisness for our seats. There was fun breakfasty art painted across the wall. I ordered a smoked salmon scramble. Amazing. Dad had me try what he swears is the best eggs benedict on the planet. I think he's right. We grab a cab and head to Navy Pier. As we drive there, the scene is beautiful. Its really a trip to see all the high rises, then the scrawling beautiful parks, and if your driving against the lake its like driving PCH but with no waves. People are everywhere. Jogging, walking, families out - I guess you have to if you live in a big city like this. You'd have to escape the insane hustle and bustle. And why not when you have all this gorgeousness right there.
We grab a snack at a place called Bo-Beep cafe. I have some wine and chips and salsa. This place apparently plays/jazz-blues at nite. There's a raised area with a piano and music stand and a mic. I photograph some of the artwork on the wall, I have such a love for blues or jazzy artwork. We trek along the pier. It reminds me of Santa Monica pier actually. Its the perfect day out too, no humidity just warm with a cool breeze. We wander in the Stained Glass Mueseum. This is absolutley stunning. I try to catch a few pictures but nothing will compare to the beauty. We wander the entire pier, shooting photographs and enjoying the scenary. There's tour boats all up and down offering rides, a few seaman walking around, etc. We stop for ice cream. Of course - it was the thing to do (I'm getting fatter and fatter), so good!
After Navy Pier we part ways with dad - the walking is getting to him - so he's off to a bar to watch the game and Jon, Lori and I head over to The Chicago Art Institute. Now I've been here before. The place is so big, you cant experience it in one day. I took a pic of the famous pic you'll all know when you see it. :) We saw what we could in a couple of hours. If I frequent Chicago more often I would love to spend hours upon hours in that place. I bought a few trinkets and we headed over to one of the outside gardens. I didnt see these last time due to weather. They were so pretty! So quiet! This is where you'd probably find me chillin with a cup of coffee readin my book. More pictures then back to the hotel to get ready for that evenings dinner.
That evenings dinner is Smith and Wollenskys. This is the fancy restaurant dad and lori had been dying for us to try. It costs you your mortgage to eat there, but the steak is supposed to be amazing. This is the nite we break out out skirts and look a little cuter. We cab it over and are seated outside. The restaurant is up against the river, surrounded by the high rises - needless to say - beautiful place to eat. We go thru 2 bottles of wine, all ordered our steaks. Mine was "Oscar Style". A filet with crabmeat/sauce. OH MY GAWD. This is seriously the BEST steak I have ever eaten in my life!!!!!! Everything was good! The creamed spinach we ordered, the potatoes, the sauce - even the godamn onion rings!!!! I couldnt beleive it. I think I can honestly say thats probably the best dinner I have ever had. We got pretty fucked up (due to drinkin a bit before as well...) Jon ordered dessert - a coconut cake of some sort that was of course also phenominal. We stumbled out, Jon & Dad let the shoe shine guy do his magic. $8 a shoe!!!
We decided to walk back to sober up and try to walk off some of our amazing dinner. We laughed, shot pictures, enjoyed the chicago nightlife. We ended up back at our hotel quite late, so we called it a nite. I went to bed drunk, fat and happy.

Ilinois Day 5...

Bare with me, I'm attempting this on my brothers laptop. For breakfast as I last left off, Grandad made his famous Biscuits & Stuff and it was everything I could have hoped for it to be. After stuffing our faces and calling my other brother to razz on what he was missing we all got our crap together for the drive to Chicago.
Saying goodbye to Grandad was so hard. I cried but did my best to hide it, but I know Dad noticed. I told him I want to bring mom back next fall and he has to take care of himself in order for me to do so. He promised. I cried for a good 20 min in the car I think, trying to play it off as allergies.
On to Chicago. The drive was long, lots of cornfields but it was a trip watching the countryside and how different of a lifestyle these people must live. As we arrive into the the city we see the skyline. Jon and I start to get excited. After a vey frustrating arguing of 4 people trying to give directions, etc, we find our hotel.
The rooms are ridiculous!!! Its like having my own little bachlorette apartment. Huge King size bed, living room, even a fucking hallway!!! I'm bouncing around with excitement and profusley thanking Lori.
We return the rental car - which was another stressfull, frustrating task in itself. I think we all 4 might have actually killed each other at one point...but all worked out.
We were starving so we headed to a buffet like place and get the most ridiculous sized portions of fried goodness, meat and beer. We stuff ourselves and start to wander the city.
Its amazing here. Its fast paced like NYC and LA. The buildings are so damn tall, the river is beautiful. People are crazy. I love it. I certainly wouldnt want to drive myself around here tho. Too much stress. The architecture is outstanding. We see a few parks, the river, Chicago Tribune building. We walk a bit down Magnificent Mile. My neck is starting to ache due to looking up so much. I"ve snapped so many pictures. We look like dorky tourists. Its awesome.
As we head back to the hotel we come to Timothy O'Tooles. "Beer is calling our name!" Lori says. "Your right I hear it too!" says Dad. We wander into to this fantastic Irish Pub and begin ordering drinks. The Cub game comes on and we watch it in its entirety and proceed to get quite fucked up. As we stumble out, laughing and celebrating due to the Cubs win. We stop back at the hotel and Jon and I decide to go back out.
He and I stumble down the street, laughing, taking pictures and chatting. We saw a few things but burnt out fast and proceeded to Walgreens to get some supplies and stumble back.
Its beautiful here. The weather is lovely. The hotel is sick. The town is amazing.
I slept like a baby on my giant bed with a million pillows. I didnt wake up till my alarm went off this morning.
We have a big day planned today, if we do the internet charge again I'll blog as I can. It may have to wait till I get home. I'd like to try tho, due to everything being fresh in my mind. I'm not sure tho,but we'll see. I'm having a blast! Gawd I love this town!!!

Illinois Day 4...

This morning I got to be awoken by the construction workers starting work on the house behind us. Awesome.
Yesterday started off a bit hurried. We had to be out of the house by 8am due to Grandad's maid service coming. Grandad took Sam and headed out to his sisters. Me, Dad, Lori and Jon piled into the rental and headed out to Arthur. Arthur is an Amish town. Out in the middle of fucking nowhere. We're driving through cornfields. Shocking. Lots of corn around here. The road that takes us to Arthur is closed. Fantastic. We decide to try to figure it out. The next hour consists of us driving thru cornfield after cornfield passing farms. Dad and I start our own narration of the McCoy family set out to visit Arthur, gets lost in the cornfields never to be heard from again.....
I know we're close - we're passing houses with laundry hanging to dry. Amish. A horse drawn buggy passes us. Ok we're close. We find it. Breakfast at Yoders. Its a restaurant/gift shop. FANTASTIC breakfast. Lori & I discuss our escape plan when the Amish find out we're actually the devil's children and they start chasing us with torches. We check out the gift shop on our way out. They have Amish dolls. I almost bought the one that came with a hymnal. Instead I bought cookies. (Did I mention I will be returning to California a total fatass?) We head into downtown Arthur. I tell ya what folks - it aint nuthin. I felt like I was at one of those Civil War reinactments except an Amish one. I bought a kitty bookmark. Lori got all her quilting supplies she wanted. (You get awesome deals here in Arthur) then we headed out. Of course we got lost again and drove thru the cornfields. Dad cursing the whole way - me reminding him we're going back to Decatur in no rush. Besides we're listening to K-DKR and its "Wow Wednesday". I shit you not, thats what they said. We get home.
Dad gives some cash to me and Lori and sends us to get beautified. Lori gets a manicure, I get a pedicure. Mind you we waited almot 2 hours because there's only 1 nail salon in Decatur and only 2 chicks we're working. We come home, laze around then off to dinner. All of us. Yay!!!
We go to a place called the Beachhouse. Its on the Decatur lake. Gorgeous. I see they have something called a Walleye Sandwich. I order it only for the sheer curiousity. Its amazing. We all eat way too much - shocking - and roll out the door. After a lovley stroll thru the park - Lori chasing the ducks - we head back.
Its been quiet here. Jon and I are a bit stir crazy, but I wouldnt trade it for the world. I've got to spend time with Grandad. I truly miss him so much. Honestly Jon and I could have done more, but something happens when you come to this town - Laziness takes over. We accept it. I"ve loved the family time, the bonding time, the laughs, even a cry. The weather's been kickin. Jon and I are getting fatter. Its a different much slower world.
We watched the Cub game last nite. All of us have gotten pretty slaphappy from the lack of sleep. Dad, Lori, Jon and I laughed so hard last nite so many times at absolutley nothing that my side still hurts this morning. I do love when you just lose your mind entirley due to exhaustion.
Today we head to Chicago. I honestly dont know if I can do these daily blogs. I've had a computer being here at Grandads but we'll be hotel bound in Chi-Town. Jon has a laptop, but its touch and go so we'll see.
Now time to go downstairs for some Biscuits & Stuff. Quick history here - Biscuits & Stuff is the most amazing thing you will ever have. My family has been making it for decades. You only get it when Grandad makes it. I havent had it in years. Its the richest, sweetest, ridiculously fatting thing I'll ever eat. But I fucking love it. I hope you all still love me when I come home a whale!

Illinois Day 3...

Everyone, and I mean everyone around here has personalized license plates. Its bizzare.
Still have the bite on the eyelid - its really starting to piss me off. I've also noticed wearing makeup here seems pointless. I put it on and it melts off. I honestly think my SoCal makeup isnt built for humidity and cortezone cream on the eye. Up at 6am today - 4am at home. Ya. For as quiet and slow of a town this is, you certainly cant fucking sleep around here. Almost fell out of bed again, but caught myself this time. Woke up to to 8 million birds, Sam's piercing bark and my Grandad (who always gets up at fucking dawn) movin shit around in the kitchen. Good fucking morning.
Anyway - yesterday. Pretty much family day. Got to meet a bunch of em. Day started off normal enough. Coffee (we drink ALOT of coffee here), wandering around, Jon and I chatting about whatever. Dad, Jon and I head off to the store to get some last minute supplies for the family BBQ while Lori is back making a crazy feast. We stop at DQ. I get a Heath Bar blizzard. I swear to GAWD I"m going to come back home 20 pounds heavier - oh and with powerhouse calves because this place is 2-story. Fuck stairs. Anyway, BBQ doesnt start till 4. Jon and I discuss how bored we are. Seriously. I tried to nap due to the no sleep the night before, but quite unsuccessfull. Jon comes back downstairs - "Least you slept!" I say - "I napped because I"m bored" he says. HA HA HA HA. Again - life stops here.
3:30 or so the familiy starts rolling in. I meet Tom and Shirley (Shirley is one of Grandad's sisters). I'm told by Lori that Tom is a pervert. I avoid hugging him hello. Then we have Wanda (Grandad's twin sister), then Bob and Margie (Another sister), Margie is a sweetheart, then Tom & Lois (Grams (my gramma who passed away when I was 7) brother), these 2 are a trip, and last but not least - Steve - the alcoholic son of Margie and Bob. Wanda is the only one I've met before, so her and I do some catching up. Throughout the next few hours I visit with the others. Margie I fall in love with. She asks me how my mom is, about my life. She's so nice. Steve is nice - interesting - but nice. He called me the movie star. At one point I heard Bob say to someone "She certainly is a California Girl". Tom and Lois and I share stories of our animals. As they leave I say my goodbyes, they all want me to come back. I tell them I"ll drive. As I hug Tom (the pervert) goodbye his hand drifts toward my breast. Yup. I grab it casually and say "Let me help you down the stairs...." ew. Margie wants me to bring mom with me. Wanda cant get over how much I act like dad. Kisses, hugs, waves.
The food was awesome. Lori made up a great spread, and of course all the family brought DESSERTS. Ya, we had brownies, cake, some pecan cocunut thing. Seriously. I'm coming home a fat ass friends - watch out!
The rest of the evening is spent, smoking, drinking, watching baseball. Very low key. Its a different world here. I am enjoying myself tho.
Today - we're off to Arthur - an Omish town....

Illinois Day 2...

Ok. Sleep is impossible. Its about 7:45am right now. Meaning its 5:45am at home. I didnt sleep at all because I'm sleeping on a bed made for a small child (I actually fell out of bed last nite). I went to bed around 1am, but I guess thats 11pm at home....Whatever. I'm all screwed up and even if I wanted to sleep in - I cant. So on with Day 2.
First off all, I want to point out that a mosquito or something bit my FUCKING EYELID on Sunday and its still there. I look like I have a red droopy eye. It itches and its driving me crazy. I'll try to get a picture....
Yesterday. Got up early. Had coffee, lazed around the morning, played ball with Sam, visited with the fam. Dad, Lori, Jon and I went to breakfast at the Decatur Airport. Yup. Airport. Apparently they have great breakfast. Its true. Amazing. The waiter always served me first which I at first took as being polite, but I think he had a crush. Dude looked like the advertisement for Decatur Aiport Breakfast Buffet. Seriously. Total redneck. Moving on....
Dad drove us past the place he grew up. "This is now a really bad part of town!" We drive in. Bad. Please. Its just run down. He made it sound like we were going to get murdered or something. It was very cool, very old. I took pictures. I also took pictures of this street made of brick...weird. We then drove to Downtown Decatur. Lori and I wandered into Talbots, while Dad tried to park our rental (We upgraded from the Hamster to a small SUV). I found a beige linen skirt. Too expensive. Dad came in, said he'd buy it, we argued. He said "If you dont really want it, say Beans, Beans, Beans without laughing". Ya - you try that. I love the skirt. Thank you daddy. We wandered around, I photographed some of the buildings - very pretty architecture. (I"m taking a lot of pictures, I'm being the dumbass tourist, but I love it). We went into Dale's Popcorn shop. Apparently this used to be owned by a family member, we chatted with the folks there now as we bought carmel corn, candy and soda. People here like to talk. They tell you thier stories - its a trip. Wandered over to a pretty fountain. Then to the "Transfer". I learned what this was (Apparently its a place the busses "transfer") I looks like an asian building of somesort. We head home.
This is where life stops. I've started boredom. Its hard for me to not do ANYTHING. I'm trying to get used to it, having a helluva time. The day creeps on. Nothing too exciting. We get pizza. Its so thin and cut into these little squares. Yummy. 6:30 approaches - Dad, Lori, Jon want to go to the movies - I pass. Thank GAWD - here's why:
I"m lounging around, bored, visiting on and off with Grandad, playing with Sam. I'm waiting for the lightining bugs again. Finally about 8:30 comes - I see one. I'm outside watching them when I see in the distance - real lightning. Grandad has me bring in the seat cushins, put the patio umbrella down, close all the windows. It rolls in.
OH MY GOD.
I'm on the porch out back for a bit, till Grandad makes me come in. I'm plastered up against the door watching this spectacle. I have never in my entire life seen lightining like this. Its spiderwebbing across the whole sky and not stopping. NO pause - its like a strobe light. Grandad is laughing at my amazement. We run out front, I'm now trying to make the video on my camera work - I run to the middle of the street and try to catch it. I think I get some....I'll post it when I can. Grandad makes me come inside. I"m running back and forth from front to back watching this phenomina. About 10 or so, I"m on the front porch and the wind kicks up, then the rain starts and low thunder. Now I mean from no wind to 50-70mph wind. Insane. The rest of the fam pulls up - I"m screeching with excitement. Dad thinks I'm drunk. In about 10 minutes the storm intensifies, rain, hail, etc. I notice the lightining is bright as hell, but no more spiderwebbing - Lori says "Thats because its right above us". I'm blinded by a flash. She says "Wait till you hear the thunder and you'll hear the lighting itself". I dont know what she's talking about then as if the sky heard me - blinding flash, thunder louder then I"ve ever heard and an electrical sounding crack. I scream, we all jump. Power goes out. I"m bouncing around everyone squealing with excitement. Candles are lit, flashlights pulled out. We all sit in the living room for a while, then it dies down a smidge, I go to the front porch again. This is where I stayed until about 1am. Jon joined me, we visited, dad joined us. It was amazing. At one point there was a crack so loud I jumped a foot off the porch, and dad said he even had never heard one that loud. Even the neighbors and some of the people have said this morning that they havent seen a lighting storm like this ever or at least in a long time. We got about 3 inces of rain.
It was warm. The wind was blowing, the rain was comin down, and I'm on the porch with Dad and Jon drinking wine. I couldnt have asked for a cooler experience. We finally all go to bed, still no power. After stumbling around with a flashlight I go to bed, cant sleep. Thunder and lightining is too bright. I woke up a few hours ago to no power. Rolled out of bed and downstairs to find Dad/Grandad debating what to do. Dad gets in his car to go buy us coffee and the power comes back on.
Now to begin Day 3.

Illinois Day 1

I'm realizing here in Decatur, I'll probably have time to blog now and again...we'll see, but we'll give it at start! Why not right? Besides, I'm waitin for my turn to take a shower....
So - Day 1 - The flight. HORRIBLE! I was also informed this was a very smooth flight. I've sadly come to realize that I just cant fly. It makes me sick no matter what. I'm quite upset to find this out actually. Jon - my bro - was sitting with me during this miserable experience. God love him. "Should I keep talking? Does that help or make it worse? Just tell me to shut the fuck up". Taking off sucked. The flight was alright, but any movement the plane made I felt. The landing was the worst. Jon had the bag out ready for me, my dad and Lori 2 rows back laughed as they saw my white knuckled hands gripping the seat or my head trying not to throw up. I'm DREADING flying home. But luckily I didnt actually puke.
We land in St. Louis. As we walk thru the airport I"m starting to somewhat recover, little woozy but functional. We walk outside - HOLY SHIT! Now I've heard of this mid-west humidity, but MY GAWD. We get on our Avis bus that takes us to the rental place and are presented with the smallest car ever. Mid size my ass. It's like driving a hamster.
We drive from St. Louis to Decatur. I've never seen so much godamn corn in my life. "Thats why its called the corn belt darlin" my dad says. Alrighty then. We all sing along to 70's music once I figured out how to use the damn radio and drive for a few hours to my Grandad's.
We come in - hugs and kisses from Grandad. He also has the most spastic little pootle I've ever met named Sam. I get the tour. I check out the basement - so cool! I"ve only seen one other in my life. The house is beautiful. 4 bedroom. 2 story. Huge yard.
Ruby Tuesday's for dinner. AWESOME burgers. The humidity is stronger. I"m standing out side with the bro and its like inhaling a steam bath. I'm going to need to buy more hats. Back home. I SAW LIGHTING BUGS!!! I"ve never seen em, my dad points them out - I'm squealing like a little kid! Coolest friggin things I've ever seen!!!
Lori/Jon/I go to Super Walmart to get some nessasasties - this apparently is the place to be here in Decatur. My gawd.
Back home, chillin - I go to bed a bit early, the 2 hour time difference is a little weird. I"m sleeping on what looks like a kid size bed. I almost rolled off it twice last nite. I was kept awake by zecada's. Loudest godamn bugs I've ever heard, and woken this morning by some bird at 5:30am singing a song. Cute, but a bit early. Now I'm off to watch a real thunder/lighting storm, cuz its rollin in as I type!

Headin Out...

So this coming Sunday I leave for Illinois for a week. This is the first time I've been away for an entire week I think since my honeymoon. I'll be gone July 20-July 27. Sunday to Sunday. I'm excited as hell, but also somewhat anxious. I dont have a dime to my name thanks to my asshole, inconsiderate, lying, no remorse, bastard ex husband. (Pardon that bitter rant). My dad and his wife - god love them - are paying for me to go (Flight, hotel, probably food). I'm so thankful and thrilled but at the same time I feel somewhat guilty. I'm also dreading the flight. I've only flown twice in my life. My senior year in high school - to NYC and back and once during my marriage - to Chicago and back. I get terrible motion sickness. I have that damn inner ear thing that makes most "Fun Stuff" a bit of turmoil for me. I called my Dr. today, and they prescribed me some sort of motion sickness pill. I hope its cheap and it works. I'm trying so hard not to work myself up over this whole thing, but I've heard the dreadful stories of flying out of John Wayne and flying over Colordado...Please GAWD dont let me get sick....
Eithier way - I'm excited. My other brother Jon is also flying out to meet up with us, and I'm always so thrilled to spend time with him. I'm going to Decatur. I'll get to see my Grandad whom I havent seen since my brother's wedding. I get to see where my dad grew up. I'm hoping I get to see a lighting bug (I've never seen one!). I've been told I'll probably be bored after the first day, because I'm such a city girl that goes goes goes all the time. I think it'll be good for me. Good to not do anything or think for a few days. Then we go up to Chicago for a few days. We're going to a Cub game at Wrigley Field on Saturday. My job is to get a baseball or two signed for my dad/brother. (Cute short cubbie tank...short shorts....I think I'll get it). I've had some friends suggest some restaurants, jazz clubs, etc. I'm hoping to meet up with the lovely Gretchen if only for an hour or so. I want to go to the Art Museum. (This is the one place I got to go last time I went). I want to eat a hot dog. Eat a pizza. Listen to jazz. Drink wine. Maybe go to SteppenWolf if not to see a show just to see the theater. I plan on taking a lot of pictures. I'm really truly so excited. I'm also so grateful to Dad and Lori for paying for me to go. There's no way I could do it otherwise. I cant wait. I hope I dont get sick on the flight. I hope I can be away from my babies for a whole week and not freak out. I hope I dont come home to a disaster, leaving the roomie alone and all...., I hope I can do as much as I can!
I'm sure the next blog from me will be all about the trip. I'm so excited to get a chance to take a real week vacation!!! Wish me luck gang!!!!

My Counter....

As Amber did recently - my happy blog to counter the negative. (Again with the battling). She's been listing things that make her happy - I do that sometimes too, so here we are for todays:

• My "Help Assistant" on word. I've switched it from the paperclip to the kitty. I love her. I've named her Tiger.
• The LOL Cats website
• Emailing all thru my bored work day with Amber & Rose & Coyan
• The Denist Bill got taken care of
• Mark has scheduled our Draft Day for Fantasy Football
• I get to see Dea tonite
• I'm going to the Fair with Shawn tomorow - maybe I'll actually get a kiss?
• I'm having sushi with Jess today and lunch with Alexander tomorow
• On Sunday when I was on the fwy - some guy went skateboarding across the bridge above that I was about to drive under, facing the fwy, arms up in the air. I laughed out loud. It was so random, and I'm sure thats exactly what he was going for
• When Haley cried on Sunday because she didnt want to leave me
• Bradley Cooper
• I read a script I really like, and hope Jenni gets to do it because I want to play Molly
• I got to play with Alex's new kitten on Monday
• I got to daydream about one of the soccer players
• I sang along to Judas Priest last nite at the top of my lungs in my car driving home
• I love that these bullet points will turn into little daisies when I post this blog

More to come. I will conquer this.

Bitter Sweet

Yesterday was the big party for my grandparents 70th wedding anniversary and my gramma's 90th birthday. Mom has been planning this for a few months. It was held at her house from 1-4ish. I was over all day Saturday helping set up, and early yesterday. I'm exhausted, physcially and emotionally. But my grandparents had a wonderful time and thats all that matters. Why its so bitter sweet:

I'm almost as close to my grandparents as I am my parents. I love them so much it hurts me sometimes. They helped raise my brother and I as we grew up. They've always been a huge part of my life, and I try to do everything I can to always help them/be there for them when they need me, and when they dont. I call them almost every other day abouts just to check in and make sure alls well. Gramma calls me her favorite grandchild. (Sorry Shane, Dyana and Leslie!)

As I've grown up with my grandparents, I've also grown up with thier friends. They have friends like me. So many, and so wonderful. They used to be part of this group called Alpine Andy. It was a group of 10-15 couples that would go camping once every couple of months. I went sometimes. The Hietts had a grandaughter around my age and she would go too sometimes, but there were trips I went alone. I remember Leo Gamas once said to me - "I'm so surprised that someone your age likes to hang out with us old farts!" I just smiled and said I love hanging around with anyone. I truly loved to hear thier stories. I loved to watch this group of older people camping and laughing and drinking and sharing such wonderful friendships. So I was the grandchild everyone knew. I've been to about 35 funerals in my life. A large chunk of these being friends of my grandparents. I show up, and no one is surprised. They've all come to expect me there I think. Bettie's grandaughter. Thats me.

We threw a surprise party for my Papa's 90th birthday 3 years ago. Pretty much the same situation. It rips my heart out to watch all my grandparents friends walkin up in walkers, canes, so old, so frail. These are the same people that used to build fires and camp and cook and drink. At Papa's party I found myself pouring a stiff drink when 3 of the friends I had come up to, to ask how they were told me they were "Waiting to die!". I was horrified. Eventually I found myself with my dad and the 2 other fireman that my papa had worked with who said "Woody doesnt look a day over 50!!!!".

Yesterday was similar to this party, but a little different. First off all we had about a 6 minute DVD that played a bunch of pictures of my grandparents over the years with music. It was so sweet, it made me cry. I really lost it when we watched it with my grandparents before the party started - I glanced over and my papa was crying. My Papa!!!! My stalwart, loyal, dont fuck with, strong, exceptional man. Crying. I left. I walked outside for a cigarette followed by my brother, who also couldnt stand watching my papa cry. A few minutes later here comes mom and Shane's wife. "Jesus!" Mom shouts - "I cant watch dad cry!" No joke. As we stand out there the 1st of the guests start to arrive. I squint to see who just got dropped off. My god its Harold Craig. Last time I saw him was when I drove my grandparents out to see them in Hemet and he was hooked up to a oxygen tank. His wife and thier caregiver come walking up after parking the car. I hug and greet him. "I'm so glad you could make it!" I say. "We wouldnt miss this for the world" he says and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I kiss his wife Ruth and watch them walk in assisted by Elvie (thier caregiver). Tears well up in my eyes again. Mom looks at me and sighs, having the same eye problem. A few minutes later another car pulls out and out drives Dee in her motorized wheelchair with son and caregiver in tow. Jesus. We say our hellos, kisses. Next up Diane in her wheelchair with son and caregiver. Diane hasnt been out of her bed in a year. She actually had 2 fucking strokes over the last week in a half!!!! We hello, kiss. "I would never miss this" she says, hands shaking.

I'm now in the party running around, snapping photographs, checking on gramma/papa, getting drinks or food, doing whatever I can and sweating profusley. Fucking humidity! Here come the Kosmon's. Cecil looks horrible. He kisses my cheek and gasps out a hello. I'm called away by gramma. I get caught up doing something for someone. 20 minute later Margarite Kosmon's daughter Sharon has me by the arm - "Mom has been shouting where's Jami!" she laughs. I run over to say hi to her, she stands gives me a kiss, we chat, she tells me Cecil has dementia. Jesus. I'm running around more. Gramma grabs me - tells Patti and Jane I'm her angel. I kiss her and continue running around. I take cigarette breaks when I can.

This is so hard. I hold it together. As people leave I say my goodbye's, wondering if its the last time I'm going to see this person. I know for some it is. We clean up the party - pack up my grandparents and wrap up the night. Mom, me, Danelle, Dyana and Jody all sit in the patio, smoking, snacking, talking. Its so nice. I miss my cousin Dyana. We used to be inseperable. She's now got 3 kids. They're screaming in the background. No death screams, so she can stay and visit with us. I take Danelle home. I get on the fwy home well after dark. I start to cry. I cry the whole way home. It was a perfect party. Everyone had a wonderful time, my grandparents especially. But aging sucks. As happy as I was that I saw everyone, as happy as I was my grandparents are here to celebrate this momentous occasion, I still have that pang in my heart. It hurts. I think its because I love them so much.

A Mixed Cocktail...

This sums up my past week or so. A mixed cocktail. For many reasons. Little too much drinking, good and bad stuff, etc etc.

Last Wed nite I had my "Ladie's Party". About 12 women or so crammed into my little house to listen to Patti's presentation on our future purchases. We went thru alot of bottles of wine. Every single one of my wine glasses that I owned was used. All with little wine charms I was so excited to finally use. Lots of laughter, estrogen, blushing, giggling, drinking snacking, etc went on throughout the evening. It was wonderful. The party was a huge sucess, I got exactly what I had hoped for! :) When I cleaned up that evening, looking at my counter filled with empty wine bottles and cleaned wine glasses and the smell of oils in the air made me smile.

Thur was a day of running around - cleaning up after that ladie's party and getting geared up for party #2 - the 4th of July BBQ. I realized this day I dropped too much money on both events. Whatever. Its worth it. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to make rent....

I cleaned again, pouring with sweat. I ran around to stores and places to buy more wine, more snacks, a new lounge etc. Thur nite - dinner with Mitzy - more wine. Enuff to sleep thru the nite. Happy. Fuzzy. I love summer.

Fri was our Independance Day. I blew up my kiddie pool, Rose and I brought over her BBQ, food, supplies, etc. People arrived. It was perfect. Low key, relaxed, drank, laughed, chatted, etc. Rose made an amazing spread. Compliments and praises from all. A boy I've recently gone out with came by. He admitted to me later that he was terrifed to come to a party where he only knew me. He got to meet some of the crew - mostly individually as each one would come cursing and shouting into the backyard after an apparent unsuccessfull round of Rock Band. It was perfect. I love my friends. Fireworks began, terrifying me, my girls and others. If my friends had not experienced 4th of July in the white trash central part of Costa Mesa - they sure did Fri nite. Welcome to my Hell I said. After the last trickled home for the nite, I began the late night clean up. At some point I sliced my finger. Blood was pouring down my hand and arm looking straight out of a horror flick. I didnt even feel it. Did I drink that much? I felt it the next day when I showered. Dear god. I hope I dont need stitches.

Sat I had to get up bright and early to be at dad's who was having my tires/alignment fixed on my car. I awoke with a wine headache. I popped 2 excedrin. 2 hours later my body revolted. I was sicker then I've been in a long time. I will not go into the details - but if you've had food poisoning before thats what it was similar too. We came to the conclusion it was a combo of too much junk food, good food, wine, then excedrin and coffee on an empty stomach. I came home to recover. Nursed myself to health in time to attend OFW at RG with Amber. Before the show started I took a dive. Yup. Ate shit right there on the RG stairs in front of the entire crowd. I blamed the fact that I was running on empty - literally. It was one of those beautiful moments when you trip and you think you'll catch it but oh no, down I went. I saw the look of terror in Amber's eyes as she reached out to stop me, but wasnt quick enuff. I at this point had not realized how bad my spill was. I of course popped up into my seat laughing at myself saying I'm fine. 20 min later, my elbow grew and pulsed. My knee ached, my shin purpled. Ya. Totally fucked myself up. Now not only is my right middle finger sliced to pieces, my entire right side is throbbing. Dinner at Pangea. Art walk. Superbad.

Sun. I'm so excited to have a day of nothing. Which is exactly what I did. Recovered from the weekend. Cleaned up reminants. Laid out a tad. Returned Rose's goodies. Got ready for my dinner with this boy. He took me to Gulfstream - fancy and soooooooooooo good (Salmon, scallops, wine, toast points? mmmmmmm). We take a walk after - and here's my topper to the weekend. Again. 3 glasses of wine later. (I'm becoming a true wino). This apparently takes away feelings of pain I've decided. As we walk, I roll my ankle. I of course again - play it off. "Oops I say! Stupid uneven sidewalk!". We continue to walk. By the time I get home, I think....Hmmmm, seems a little sore. Whatever. I'm awoken at 3am this morning by a knarly cat fight outside, I jump out of bed and collaspe to the floor. That ankle - swollen. This is followed by a raging battle with a cockaroach that the girls found. (How Mark didnt wake up is beyond me). I ice the ankle, struggle to get back to bed around 4:30am. I get up this morning. No walk for me. I'm hobbling around slightly with a swollen ankle. Ya. On my right side of course.

So there's my weekend. A mixed cocktail. The good times with friends, food and wine, the bad times with wine and injuries. ....sigh....

I've posted pics from the 4th as well. I love them.

Superhero Help...

I'm going to geek myself out a bit, although I'm probably not a true fan because I admit - I do not read the comic books, but I am a fan of superhero movies, comic movies, etc.
So I need some help. I've seen the trailer for The Dark Knight. I'm quite excited - it looks fascinating. Well, since I'm not an avid comic reader, and I'm pretty much clueless on any backstory - I like to make sure I've watched the priors. I do this with all sorts of things actually...(I watched the entire SATC season before I saw the movie, I re-watched the Indy movies before I saw the new one, etc...). So - I have seen the older Batman movies (the 4 movies with 3 different batmans) but I had not yet seen Batman Begins. Amber and I had our movie night and chose to watch this.
Here's my question - Whats the difference between some of these superheros? I always thought of superheros as people with cool powers and what not. Well, it never really dawned on me - but Batman doesnt have "Special Powers". He's just a ninja, A bad ass ninja mind you, with nifty gadgets. (Personally I think his name should be changed to BatNinja instead of Batman, but thats just me). So I start going over this with Amber whose chuckling at my ignorance, but I'm curious...whats the difference? And whose who? Because now, since I watched the damn thing, I've been thinking to myself..."Who has magic powers?". For instance - Superman can fly - ergo magic power. But then I started thinking of all the Batman Villians - and they all dont nessasarily have magic powers - they're just bad ass with nifty gadgets and crazy. Right?
So is Batman the only Superhero story that doesnt actually have "powers" or is there more? Cuz I know the X-men have powers....but then I think...well...they have powers because they're mutants, so maybe thats its own thing.
Help me out?

Oh and on a side note...I took a "Superhero" test a while back and apparently I'm "Mystique". So I looked her up - and I like this one...I mean - she has a tiger. How bad ass is that!

Heather's...

1. I'll respond with something random (and probably nice) about you.
I think about you every time I go into a thrift store.
2. I'll tell you which movie you remind me of.
Boogy Nights. I always want to costume a show where I can dress you up like roller girl. lol.
3. I'll pick a moment where you got a reaction (loudly or quietly) out of me.
When the back of your dress split during Sleeping Beauty...it was an outwardly quiet reaction, but I damn near pissed my pants.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
Go put your tits in, then let me see the dress
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you (if good) or lie my ass off (if it's bad).
You were Jody's stage manager for Boy Gets Girl. I was sad for you cuz I hate stage managing, but you were very loud and you smoked so I just knew we'd get along great!
6. I'll bluntly ask you something I've always wondered about you.
Have you ever really been in love?
7. I'll challenge you to try something.
I'm having a hard time with this one...I'm guessing as we have much in common, there aren't a lot of things you haven't tried. Oh! If I design a line of clothes, I'm challenging you to be my model (until Bailey grows up and can take over for you...)
8. I'll tell you something I like about you.
Ya got big balls, and I like that in a woman.
9. I'll tell you what book/song reminds me of you.
Baracuda, Heart
10. I'll tell you one word that makes me think of you
Envy...the way you looked in those elf outfits in the Christmas show a couple of years ago...HOT!!!!!