Its so damn hard to try to stay positive right now. I'm starting to think that I should stop reading CNN and newspapers online. I read about assasination plots, white supremisists threating to kill a bunch of people, Jennifer Hudsons family murdered, the hateful comments from Yes on 8 people. JESUS CHRIST! What is wrong with our world!!!??? Our economy is so bad right now. No one is buying, no one is spending, no one is doing anything because everyone is terrified. I havent talked to one person whose said "Yup - I'm totally fine". I listened this weekend to a retired friend who went on about how hurt he got in the stocks. He may have to come out of retirement. I listened to another say she's not retiring now like she'd planned because she cant. People's jobs are gone. Hell you all know my situation. We're hangin by a thread. No decision has been made yet, but we had the most depressing meeting today. No one is hiring. I'm completely and totally fucked. Its like a snowball of hatred and sadness. I see For Sale signs and Forclosures all over the place. I'm watching buisness's that have been around going under - Mervyns, 3 day blinds, the opera, etc etc etc. Its not stopping. Its exhausting. I've had nightmares for the past month. I'm grasping on to the good, I'm trying so hard to maybe not be positive but at least not be depressed. It gets harder and harder and I dont know how much longer I can hold on. So I try to write. I try to get it out. I'll write about the good now.
This last weekend was Drag Bingo. We actually did a lot better then expected. 75 or so were out on Sat nite including my family and the boy. Watching my father bury his face in Iona Trailer's chest while Donna Matrix whipped him was a highlight. All night the queens picked on my family and the boy and they all did so well. The poor boy, I know he was mortified but he did so good. I cant wait to see the pictures when we were called up for a "Couples Spanking". Everyone I talked to had a great time. I was so glad. I had a nice dinner with the fam last nite - it did take an emotional turn unfortunatly due to the fact that I think all is starting to get to me now and I lose it at the drop of a hat. I'm auditioning for Love Song tonite. I expressed my concern to my mom about "What if I do this show, then I move in with you! Wont that be too much for me to handle???!!!" She said "Well - I'll be there to run lines with you". That eased my concern. Hopefully I can get onstage again and at least be able to throw myself into my art in the middle of this economic/life crash. I have my Halloween bash on Friday. We're expecting so many people. Its going to be ridiculous. I cant wait.
I'm trying so hard. I'm hanging on the best I can. Its all I can do. Its all any of us can do.
2 comments:
Yes.
It's a mess.
But what we need to focus on is that we have each other-
friends family- ect.
I had the same conversation with my mother-in-law last night. The stocks are killing everyone.
We relaized; we can grow veggies in the backyard,if all goes to hell.. and we will always have family, friends, and love. Material things are great, but they can not give you family or friends. Try and focus on that. That is what I am trying to do.
I send you hugs.
Hi darlin, jekkia's right. It all sucks and all we can do is hold on for dear life. And yes you can do a show and move in if you have to, it'll be crazy but you can handle it. I have faith in you. And if worse comes to worse, we'll all band together and go start a commune out in the hills somewhere and live off the land. We have to stick together and we can make it. I loves you!
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