So my lovely co-worker/friend and I decide to grab fast food and go to the park for lunch today. We talked about the state of the company and what the two of were going to be doing when this place goes down in flames. We arrive at the park down the street that has an big lake and lots of ducks. I've gone here alot over the past 10 years. My other co-worker/dear friend of mine R used to eat here all the time. I thought of her as we pulled up. We get a table under the trees in the shade and are surrounded by ducks. Now, usually these feathered friends are in the lake but today they were all around us. We did have a momentary flash of the Hitchcock flick "The Birds", but they seemed to be uninterested in us. Except for one little black bird. It looked like a miniture raven. He was the loudest little fucker and made the most bizzare sounds I've ever heard come out of a bird. He hopped around us and picked fights with the ducks. At one point I hear E shout "Shoo!" Apparently our little friend landed next to her on the bench. We laughed, but kept a wary eye on him the rest of the lunch. I moved over to a rock next to the table to have stress cig, and not blow my bad habit her way. We chatted some more about the opera and the sadness of it all.
All of a sudden we hear this snap/crackle/pop noise, that sounded quite similar to fireworks, that came from the trees above. I'm starting to turn my head up in what seemed like slow motion to see what the noise was and then I hear E screaming "Move! Move! Move!". Trusting my friend I just leaped up off the rock and ran towards her as she leaped up from the table and was darting away. We turned in time to see a giant tree branch come crashing down behind the rock. I mean a HUGE branch. Like half the size of the damn tree itself. Neither of us would have been crushed if we hadnt hopped up - I may have been brushed by the end of it - but still. Scared the hell out of both of us. We laughed a little shakily, wondering what the hell happened. There was no wind, no birds up there or nothing. It was just as if the tree gave way to its lost arm. Maybe this was a sign of our company coming crashing down.....
:)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Stompin Positivity...
Its so damn hard to try to stay positive right now. I'm starting to think that I should stop reading CNN and newspapers online. I read about assasination plots, white supremisists threating to kill a bunch of people, Jennifer Hudsons family murdered, the hateful comments from Yes on 8 people. JESUS CHRIST! What is wrong with our world!!!??? Our economy is so bad right now. No one is buying, no one is spending, no one is doing anything because everyone is terrified. I havent talked to one person whose said "Yup - I'm totally fine". I listened this weekend to a retired friend who went on about how hurt he got in the stocks. He may have to come out of retirement. I listened to another say she's not retiring now like she'd planned because she cant. People's jobs are gone. Hell you all know my situation. We're hangin by a thread. No decision has been made yet, but we had the most depressing meeting today. No one is hiring. I'm completely and totally fucked. Its like a snowball of hatred and sadness. I see For Sale signs and Forclosures all over the place. I'm watching buisness's that have been around going under - Mervyns, 3 day blinds, the opera, etc etc etc. Its not stopping. Its exhausting. I've had nightmares for the past month. I'm grasping on to the good, I'm trying so hard to maybe not be positive but at least not be depressed. It gets harder and harder and I dont know how much longer I can hold on. So I try to write. I try to get it out. I'll write about the good now.
This last weekend was Drag Bingo. We actually did a lot better then expected. 75 or so were out on Sat nite including my family and the boy. Watching my father bury his face in Iona Trailer's chest while Donna Matrix whipped him was a highlight. All night the queens picked on my family and the boy and they all did so well. The poor boy, I know he was mortified but he did so good. I cant wait to see the pictures when we were called up for a "Couples Spanking". Everyone I talked to had a great time. I was so glad. I had a nice dinner with the fam last nite - it did take an emotional turn unfortunatly due to the fact that I think all is starting to get to me now and I lose it at the drop of a hat. I'm auditioning for Love Song tonite. I expressed my concern to my mom about "What if I do this show, then I move in with you! Wont that be too much for me to handle???!!!" She said "Well - I'll be there to run lines with you". That eased my concern. Hopefully I can get onstage again and at least be able to throw myself into my art in the middle of this economic/life crash. I have my Halloween bash on Friday. We're expecting so many people. Its going to be ridiculous. I cant wait.
I'm trying so hard. I'm hanging on the best I can. Its all I can do. Its all any of us can do.
This last weekend was Drag Bingo. We actually did a lot better then expected. 75 or so were out on Sat nite including my family and the boy. Watching my father bury his face in Iona Trailer's chest while Donna Matrix whipped him was a highlight. All night the queens picked on my family and the boy and they all did so well. The poor boy, I know he was mortified but he did so good. I cant wait to see the pictures when we were called up for a "Couples Spanking". Everyone I talked to had a great time. I was so glad. I had a nice dinner with the fam last nite - it did take an emotional turn unfortunatly due to the fact that I think all is starting to get to me now and I lose it at the drop of a hat. I'm auditioning for Love Song tonite. I expressed my concern to my mom about "What if I do this show, then I move in with you! Wont that be too much for me to handle???!!!" She said "Well - I'll be there to run lines with you". That eased my concern. Hopefully I can get onstage again and at least be able to throw myself into my art in the middle of this economic/life crash. I have my Halloween bash on Friday. We're expecting so many people. Its going to be ridiculous. I cant wait.
I'm trying so hard. I'm hanging on the best I can. Its all I can do. Its all any of us can do.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
(Memoir) Seedy Eve...
I get a call from my friend C. He's in town from NYC and wants to grab a drink - fantastic! I've missed him terribly. We meet at Claim Jumper's bar for drinks. As we start to catch up on life, here comes Enrique. "This is a friend of mine from when I worked at Z-Tejas a while back". Enrique is a large gentleman with thick dark brown hair and a thick mustache. We say hello, and he buys another round of drinks. Sweet! We all wander outside to smoke. C whispers in my ear as Enrique wanders off to make an erratic phone call. "He's one of the head drug cartel guys from Mexico". I laugh. Bullshit. "I'm serious! He came into work one time showing us a picture of his brother on the front page of the Times above a story about a huge bust!". I glance over and Enrique's phone conversation has gotten more heated. Whatever.
A few min later, he re-joins us saying "Lets go to another bar!" and as he turns around a large black SUV pulls up with tinted windows and he climbs in, motioning for C and I to join. Oh hell no. C swears its fine, but I say I'll follow in my own vehicle. I haven't had too much to drink yet so I should be fine. We drive just down the street to Bristol. This little bar I never even knew was there. As we walk in, we're greeted by an older asian man who bows and leads us to a corner of the bar. The place is very very dim. I cant see much of whats going on around me, but no big - we're bar bound. As we sit down food is brought to us immediatly. Little snacky foods of things I cant identify. The bartender asks what we want - I order wine - since I'm being a good girl and not mixing and thats what I was having earlier. Enrique says "Bring her a bottle!". Oh no no no I say. C tells me to let him buy me what he wants, this is how he is and it'd be an insult not too. I agree. The bartender brings over - not a normal size wine bottle - but one of those gigantic bottles that dont even look real. Good lord no! I cant drink all that! "Its ok" Enrique says "Look at that wall over there, you just put your name on it and its yours whever you come back". I look to my right and there's a giant wall with half filled bottles of alcohol and people's named scrawled across them. So I succumb and start drinking my keg of wine. C and I start catching up again, yapping and drinking and laughing. I cant help but notice out of the corner of my eye - Enrique talking secretive things to the owner. It doesnt look like the conversation is going well. Every now and again a lovely young asian gal would come up to us and ask if we were ok.
Too much wine later, I'm startled when Enrique leaps to his feet and exclaims we're going somewhere else. C grabs my arm and we follow. "But I'm not done with my wine, and I haven't paid and our scary snacks are still there and the owner is following us out and...." C says not to worry and I'm shuffled into the black SUV that has magically appeared again. "We may come back later" Enrique says as if to assure me. I've now made the mistake of having enuff to drink where things are somewhat fuzzy and my reactions are a bit too slow. Because now I find myself in the back of this black SUV with tinted windows driven by a very large man whose eyes are shaded by his cap and from what I can see of his face it looks scarred and angry. C looks at me with eyes brimming with excitment - "Nights like this are always interesting!" We pull away from the bar and I'm told we're going to pick up another friend whom I do know - K. We drive all the way to Orange, pick up K who hops in the back and laughs at the look of mortification on my face. "You never know whats going to happen on nights with Enrique" he says excitedly. Are you fucking kidding me!!?? We drive back to Costa Mesa and pull into a shopping center that looks all closed up. I mean it is like 1am after all. We pile out and walk up to a door. They knock. I'm thinking - are we that drunk that we're now knocking on doors that are obviously empty? Oh no. It opens and an older asian man bows and leads us down stairs. We round the corner and are now in a underground karoke bar. WTF! We're seated at a booth and immediatly brought booze, food and about 3 or 4 lovely asian women join us. C and K tell me to relax. I figure fine, its just a karaoke bar. So I drink and snack (apparently if I dont its an insult, but I'm trying to nurse it at this point). We're there about an hour or so - C sings some karaoke, I laugh and try to figure out what the hell is happening. I make a comment that we havent seen Enrique this whole time....before I finish the sentence here he is at the top of the stairs hollering at us to come on. I'm starting to fish in my wallet to pay and C grabs me and says no just go...."But I haven't paid!" "Enrique will take care of it" he says and drags me up the stairs in into the god forsaken SUV again. The owner and Enrique are chatting heatedly about something as we're shoved into the car.
We head back to Bristol. Ok...at least we're going where my car is. Not that I'm in any condition to drive - but I can sleep in the damn thing if I need to. We roll back in around 3 or 4 am I want to say, back to our spot at the bar with our snacks and my keg o' wine. I'm now chatting with K and C is chatting up one of the lovely asian gals. A while later he turns to me beaming saying "Kiwi" is going to take him home. Kiwi smiles shyly at me and draws me a picture. I look at C - he says "She's drawing you a picture of where she lives and where I live - I guess we're really close!" I look at her drawing of a childlike map and she excitedly points to the X's I'm assuming are her house and C's. She then asks me to show her where mine is. I draw a picture of a cat instead. She laughs a bit confused (arent we all at this point) and they head out. I look at K. He smiles. "It's alright" he says. Enrique hops up and annouces he's got some biz to take care of and goes in back. My head is full of fuzz and clouds from too much drink, snacks and confusion. The lights start to come up in the bar. I start to look around now that I can see. There's a man at a table with a little asian gal on his lap, laughing. 2 tables over there's another guy with an asian gal kissing. At the other end of the bar is 2 guys with 2 asian gals talking very intimatly. As I survey the place, this is all I see. I turn to K - "Are we in a brothel????!!!!!" He laughs and tells me its no big deal. "I have to get out of here!" I jump up, K follows and I stumble out the door. The owner and 3 asian gals follow us out thanking us and bowing to us. "Please dont bow, please stop" I plead as I struggle to get out the front door. I get into my car, with K and peel out of there. I drop him off at home and return to my own. I feel dirty. How the hell do I end up in these random situations. Lord.
A few min later, he re-joins us saying "Lets go to another bar!" and as he turns around a large black SUV pulls up with tinted windows and he climbs in, motioning for C and I to join. Oh hell no. C swears its fine, but I say I'll follow in my own vehicle. I haven't had too much to drink yet so I should be fine. We drive just down the street to Bristol. This little bar I never even knew was there. As we walk in, we're greeted by an older asian man who bows and leads us to a corner of the bar. The place is very very dim. I cant see much of whats going on around me, but no big - we're bar bound. As we sit down food is brought to us immediatly. Little snacky foods of things I cant identify. The bartender asks what we want - I order wine - since I'm being a good girl and not mixing and thats what I was having earlier. Enrique says "Bring her a bottle!". Oh no no no I say. C tells me to let him buy me what he wants, this is how he is and it'd be an insult not too. I agree. The bartender brings over - not a normal size wine bottle - but one of those gigantic bottles that dont even look real. Good lord no! I cant drink all that! "Its ok" Enrique says "Look at that wall over there, you just put your name on it and its yours whever you come back". I look to my right and there's a giant wall with half filled bottles of alcohol and people's named scrawled across them. So I succumb and start drinking my keg of wine. C and I start catching up again, yapping and drinking and laughing. I cant help but notice out of the corner of my eye - Enrique talking secretive things to the owner. It doesnt look like the conversation is going well. Every now and again a lovely young asian gal would come up to us and ask if we were ok.
Too much wine later, I'm startled when Enrique leaps to his feet and exclaims we're going somewhere else. C grabs my arm and we follow. "But I'm not done with my wine, and I haven't paid and our scary snacks are still there and the owner is following us out and...." C says not to worry and I'm shuffled into the black SUV that has magically appeared again. "We may come back later" Enrique says as if to assure me. I've now made the mistake of having enuff to drink where things are somewhat fuzzy and my reactions are a bit too slow. Because now I find myself in the back of this black SUV with tinted windows driven by a very large man whose eyes are shaded by his cap and from what I can see of his face it looks scarred and angry. C looks at me with eyes brimming with excitment - "Nights like this are always interesting!" We pull away from the bar and I'm told we're going to pick up another friend whom I do know - K. We drive all the way to Orange, pick up K who hops in the back and laughs at the look of mortification on my face. "You never know whats going to happen on nights with Enrique" he says excitedly. Are you fucking kidding me!!?? We drive back to Costa Mesa and pull into a shopping center that looks all closed up. I mean it is like 1am after all. We pile out and walk up to a door. They knock. I'm thinking - are we that drunk that we're now knocking on doors that are obviously empty? Oh no. It opens and an older asian man bows and leads us down stairs. We round the corner and are now in a underground karoke bar. WTF! We're seated at a booth and immediatly brought booze, food and about 3 or 4 lovely asian women join us. C and K tell me to relax. I figure fine, its just a karaoke bar. So I drink and snack (apparently if I dont its an insult, but I'm trying to nurse it at this point). We're there about an hour or so - C sings some karaoke, I laugh and try to figure out what the hell is happening. I make a comment that we havent seen Enrique this whole time....before I finish the sentence here he is at the top of the stairs hollering at us to come on. I'm starting to fish in my wallet to pay and C grabs me and says no just go...."But I haven't paid!" "Enrique will take care of it" he says and drags me up the stairs in into the god forsaken SUV again. The owner and Enrique are chatting heatedly about something as we're shoved into the car.
We head back to Bristol. Ok...at least we're going where my car is. Not that I'm in any condition to drive - but I can sleep in the damn thing if I need to. We roll back in around 3 or 4 am I want to say, back to our spot at the bar with our snacks and my keg o' wine. I'm now chatting with K and C is chatting up one of the lovely asian gals. A while later he turns to me beaming saying "Kiwi" is going to take him home. Kiwi smiles shyly at me and draws me a picture. I look at C - he says "She's drawing you a picture of where she lives and where I live - I guess we're really close!" I look at her drawing of a childlike map and she excitedly points to the X's I'm assuming are her house and C's. She then asks me to show her where mine is. I draw a picture of a cat instead. She laughs a bit confused (arent we all at this point) and they head out. I look at K. He smiles. "It's alright" he says. Enrique hops up and annouces he's got some biz to take care of and goes in back. My head is full of fuzz and clouds from too much drink, snacks and confusion. The lights start to come up in the bar. I start to look around now that I can see. There's a man at a table with a little asian gal on his lap, laughing. 2 tables over there's another guy with an asian gal kissing. At the other end of the bar is 2 guys with 2 asian gals talking very intimatly. As I survey the place, this is all I see. I turn to K - "Are we in a brothel????!!!!!" He laughs and tells me its no big deal. "I have to get out of here!" I jump up, K follows and I stumble out the door. The owner and 3 asian gals follow us out thanking us and bowing to us. "Please dont bow, please stop" I plead as I struggle to get out the front door. I get into my car, with K and peel out of there. I drop him off at home and return to my own. I feel dirty. How the hell do I end up in these random situations. Lord.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Nothing much...
Thats what I feel like.
Its quiet here right now. The overwhelming feeling of impending doom. When? I'm guessing end of the month - maybe a little into November. Then what?
I sent my resume out Friday. Havent heard a thing. I have nightmares everynight. Last nights were exceptionally bad. My stomach isnt happy today. I'm constantly tired. Eyes sting. Sigh.
So many random thoughts, random actions. I honestly think I'm just waiting for something to happen that will then determine my next move. I hate this suspended feeling. Like I'm hanging from a trapeze and waiting to see if I'll be caught or if I'll fall. Waiting. Wondering.
I made him a little photo montage of our winery trip. It hasnt arrived in the mail yet, I honestly dont even think he'll like it. He's not sentimental. I did it anyway. I wish I could be non sentimental sometimes. Not compassionate. Not emotional. But alas no. I'm an artist. A bleeding heart artist at that. Emotion and passion and sentiment is in my makeup.
I read blogs today. I'm sad that Pool will not be happening now, and that Revengers may now move to October. Maybe its better. I want to do Love Song, but with my scary future maybe its best thats all I do right now. Whats going to happen?
I woke up so many times last night. I woke up crying. I woke up breathless. I dreamed my teeth fell out. I dreamed my car broke again. I dreamed I wouldnt stop bleeding. I dreamed of a girl who was for McCain and going to vote yes on 8 and I screamed at her and she said she was confused and didnt know what to think and I screamed at her for being ignorant and to learn. I dreamed he left me. He said I was useless and broke and had no direction.
My thoughts are so random so busy today. I figured I'd blog it out, but it seems this blog is just as wonky as my head. I guess thats ok. I'm so tired. So spacey. So odd.
He's drinking so much more. He's doing stupid things. Its getting harder and harder. Maybe moving back home will be something. Something new. A fresh start? But to give up my independance? I'm sure it wont be for long, but still. Can I do it? Me and the girls, where will we go? Whats going to happen!? Thats the thing - thats what I go back to constantly. What does the future hold? Whats the next step? Its not all mapped out for me. I dont want to want that but I do. At least some things. Some.
Good things...good things.....I got my costume. Yes Jess its a slutty Marie Antoinette. But its pink! Its pink and pretty and I love it. I'm borrowing Kali's wig and Melita will do my neck - lots of blood! So I may have on a shorty little dress - but it'll be so fun, so creative! So I'll look cute yet get my bloody Halloween violence in there. The party is going to be huge if all come who say. Mom went all out. The house looks so amazing. Look for the little things. We have prizes, fun foods, its going to be good.
Thats actually the only good right now....the uncertainty hurts. It mucks up everything else. I want to write a book. A book of memoirs. Could I do it? I've read Sedaris and Burroughs and thats all they do! They wrote books of memoirs and thier funny! Could I do that? I want to play with my camera. Why cant I make it as the careers I want? Why cant I be a succesfull actor/photographer/writer? I got so comfortable here. Job security. Benefits. Now its gone. What now? I dont have a degree. I'm a fucking artist. For some reason I dont have that gene that goes to school to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer. I went to school and couldnt focus. Didnt finish. Now look at me. 32 years old. Divorced. I want to take back my 20's. Maybe actually go to college. Not ever get married. Where would I be now?
Good things...good things....shit...what do I got - Love Song? I will love to get onstage again. I want to see some shows - Night of the Living Dead, Jess's little comedy, Luva's next show.....Maybe others. I'm going to the dentist today - you'd think thats bad, but its better then being here at work. Being here listening and feeling the sadness. Plus its mom. I'll see mom, maybe I'll stay down there tonight. Visit. I dont know. I dont have much I can come up with....
I want to be ok with all of this. I'm doing better then I would have before. I'm fighting the depression I really am. I dont want anyone to tell me that "When a door closes another opens" or "Something good will come out of this" or "Everything happens for a reason" or "this is just a new opportunity". I know all that I do I really do I swear. But your not in my shoes. You dont know how scared I am. How terrified I am. How sick I'm getting. I'm mostly scared. Scared of the uncertain.
Its quiet here right now. The overwhelming feeling of impending doom. When? I'm guessing end of the month - maybe a little into November. Then what?
I sent my resume out Friday. Havent heard a thing. I have nightmares everynight. Last nights were exceptionally bad. My stomach isnt happy today. I'm constantly tired. Eyes sting. Sigh.
So many random thoughts, random actions. I honestly think I'm just waiting for something to happen that will then determine my next move. I hate this suspended feeling. Like I'm hanging from a trapeze and waiting to see if I'll be caught or if I'll fall. Waiting. Wondering.
I made him a little photo montage of our winery trip. It hasnt arrived in the mail yet, I honestly dont even think he'll like it. He's not sentimental. I did it anyway. I wish I could be non sentimental sometimes. Not compassionate. Not emotional. But alas no. I'm an artist. A bleeding heart artist at that. Emotion and passion and sentiment is in my makeup.
I read blogs today. I'm sad that Pool will not be happening now, and that Revengers may now move to October. Maybe its better. I want to do Love Song, but with my scary future maybe its best thats all I do right now. Whats going to happen?
I woke up so many times last night. I woke up crying. I woke up breathless. I dreamed my teeth fell out. I dreamed my car broke again. I dreamed I wouldnt stop bleeding. I dreamed of a girl who was for McCain and going to vote yes on 8 and I screamed at her and she said she was confused and didnt know what to think and I screamed at her for being ignorant and to learn. I dreamed he left me. He said I was useless and broke and had no direction.
My thoughts are so random so busy today. I figured I'd blog it out, but it seems this blog is just as wonky as my head. I guess thats ok. I'm so tired. So spacey. So odd.
He's drinking so much more. He's doing stupid things. Its getting harder and harder. Maybe moving back home will be something. Something new. A fresh start? But to give up my independance? I'm sure it wont be for long, but still. Can I do it? Me and the girls, where will we go? Whats going to happen!? Thats the thing - thats what I go back to constantly. What does the future hold? Whats the next step? Its not all mapped out for me. I dont want to want that but I do. At least some things. Some.
Good things...good things.....I got my costume. Yes Jess its a slutty Marie Antoinette. But its pink! Its pink and pretty and I love it. I'm borrowing Kali's wig and Melita will do my neck - lots of blood! So I may have on a shorty little dress - but it'll be so fun, so creative! So I'll look cute yet get my bloody Halloween violence in there. The party is going to be huge if all come who say. Mom went all out. The house looks so amazing. Look for the little things. We have prizes, fun foods, its going to be good.
Thats actually the only good right now....the uncertainty hurts. It mucks up everything else. I want to write a book. A book of memoirs. Could I do it? I've read Sedaris and Burroughs and thats all they do! They wrote books of memoirs and thier funny! Could I do that? I want to play with my camera. Why cant I make it as the careers I want? Why cant I be a succesfull actor/photographer/writer? I got so comfortable here. Job security. Benefits. Now its gone. What now? I dont have a degree. I'm a fucking artist. For some reason I dont have that gene that goes to school to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer. I went to school and couldnt focus. Didnt finish. Now look at me. 32 years old. Divorced. I want to take back my 20's. Maybe actually go to college. Not ever get married. Where would I be now?
Good things...good things....shit...what do I got - Love Song? I will love to get onstage again. I want to see some shows - Night of the Living Dead, Jess's little comedy, Luva's next show.....Maybe others. I'm going to the dentist today - you'd think thats bad, but its better then being here at work. Being here listening and feeling the sadness. Plus its mom. I'll see mom, maybe I'll stay down there tonight. Visit. I dont know. I dont have much I can come up with....
I want to be ok with all of this. I'm doing better then I would have before. I'm fighting the depression I really am. I dont want anyone to tell me that "When a door closes another opens" or "Something good will come out of this" or "Everything happens for a reason" or "this is just a new opportunity". I know all that I do I really do I swear. But your not in my shoes. You dont know how scared I am. How terrified I am. How sick I'm getting. I'm mostly scared. Scared of the uncertain.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Numb...
Its interesting to me the way emotions work.
When something horrible happens everything becomes numb. Surreal. Weird. You become an emotional roller coaster. Sad. Angry. Numb. Laughing to distract. Depressed.
This is where I am right now. It made me remember how I felt when I've had things like this happen in the past. I felt the same way.
When I was in high school I had a woman I became close too. She was my neighbor. I used to babysit her kids. We became very close. She was killed on Thanksgiving Day in a car accident along with the baby she was 7 months pregnant with. I remember the phone ringing while mom and I were in the garage. My mom answered the phone and I watched her face go white, her eyes welled up with tears and she turned and looked at me. My heart dropped. She hung up the phone and told me that Kim had been killed. I remember it felt like I got hit in the chest with a brick. Everything got foggy and dreamlike and I collasped to the floor in tears. I remember my mom hugging me, but nothing after that. I just remember flashes of sadness, her funeral, things that would remind me of her. I remember crying over her grave many years after that.
The morning I decided to leave Mark was another time. I remember finding his bag he said he'd left at work containing all the outstanding bills totaling well over $1,000.00. I remember standing in the kitchen in our townhome at 6:45am calling him and asking to explain. He told me he hadnt had a job in 3 months. He lied again. This was the 3rd time. I told him I was leaving and I hung up. I remember walking out onto the patio, my life spinning around me. I collasped onto the pavement and called my mom. My neighbor was blasting "Comfortably Numb" by Lincoln Park over and over again after a fight she had just had with her mother. I remember finding that ironic. I remember how numb I felt. How it seemed so surreal. I remember in a fog packing, paperwork, crying, changing my life, etc.
Here I am again. This is a different blow. My job. My job of 10 years. My security. Its slipping out from under me. Things change by the minute here. People are walking around in a haze, depressed, worried. This week was when I felt that blow by blow by blow and right now I feel so numb. Its surreal again. "They wont sign my contracts" someone tells me. "Dont batch that check, we're not depositing it yet". Its going, hell it may end next week. I feel my chest tighten. I'm sitting at my desk right now feeling like I'm in a bad dream. I cant think. I'm numb.
Its so strange how we react. The defensive mode our body's go into. The release of grief through tears. The feeling that your body just stops feeling, and goes numb.
When something horrible happens everything becomes numb. Surreal. Weird. You become an emotional roller coaster. Sad. Angry. Numb. Laughing to distract. Depressed.
This is where I am right now. It made me remember how I felt when I've had things like this happen in the past. I felt the same way.
When I was in high school I had a woman I became close too. She was my neighbor. I used to babysit her kids. We became very close. She was killed on Thanksgiving Day in a car accident along with the baby she was 7 months pregnant with. I remember the phone ringing while mom and I were in the garage. My mom answered the phone and I watched her face go white, her eyes welled up with tears and she turned and looked at me. My heart dropped. She hung up the phone and told me that Kim had been killed. I remember it felt like I got hit in the chest with a brick. Everything got foggy and dreamlike and I collasped to the floor in tears. I remember my mom hugging me, but nothing after that. I just remember flashes of sadness, her funeral, things that would remind me of her. I remember crying over her grave many years after that.
The morning I decided to leave Mark was another time. I remember finding his bag he said he'd left at work containing all the outstanding bills totaling well over $1,000.00. I remember standing in the kitchen in our townhome at 6:45am calling him and asking to explain. He told me he hadnt had a job in 3 months. He lied again. This was the 3rd time. I told him I was leaving and I hung up. I remember walking out onto the patio, my life spinning around me. I collasped onto the pavement and called my mom. My neighbor was blasting "Comfortably Numb" by Lincoln Park over and over again after a fight she had just had with her mother. I remember finding that ironic. I remember how numb I felt. How it seemed so surreal. I remember in a fog packing, paperwork, crying, changing my life, etc.
Here I am again. This is a different blow. My job. My job of 10 years. My security. Its slipping out from under me. Things change by the minute here. People are walking around in a haze, depressed, worried. This week was when I felt that blow by blow by blow and right now I feel so numb. Its surreal again. "They wont sign my contracts" someone tells me. "Dont batch that check, we're not depositing it yet". Its going, hell it may end next week. I feel my chest tighten. I'm sitting at my desk right now feeling like I'm in a bad dream. I cant think. I'm numb.
Its so strange how we react. The defensive mode our body's go into. The release of grief through tears. The feeling that your body just stops feeling, and goes numb.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Dear those responsible...
Fuck you economy. Fuck you OP board. Fuck those who hate the arts. Our company is going to go under and I blame you. This company I have worked for, for 10 years. This company I have loved and hated. This company that I have seen the ups and downs. Downs almost as bad as now. Downs when we were in danger of not getting paid. I've had 14 different bosses. I've been thru actually moving buildings with this company. I've been in 2 of the operas as an actor. I have watched things happen here that none of you would believe actually went down. My mom has worked as my assistant for a brief time. I've gotten friends jobs. I've made fantastic friends here. Opera is going to die. There will be no opera in Orange County!!! Dont you fucking care!!!???? This is not some little hobby that you rich fuckers supported. Being on this board was not a status/social club. This is an arts company. This is a company that puts on beautiful operas, with world reknown singers, operas that cost usually over a million dollars to put on! Your not just losing your little club or your little sad orphan puppy you supported. Your uprooting lives of people. Yes. Surprised? Are you actually surprised that human beings run this joint? Your going to send a 32 year old actor to move back home with her mom, completly changing her life. Your going to send a family back to the mid west. Your going to send an older widow to scrounge for another job. Your going to emotionally destroy someone who cares so deeply for this company that we cant even have a fucking conversation right now without breaking down. You did this!!!!!!!!!! We have fought and struggled and tried so hard to keep opera alive and we have finally lost that battle. No, its not public knowledge yet but people know. They feel it. We have brought new operas to you, re-vamped others, brought you the old standbys. We've had rave reviews. We've had singers that send shivers up your spine, music that fills your soul, sets that hurt your eyes with the stunning beauty, and so much more. Yet your killing it. I will admit - When I was 1st hired on as a temp for 3 months I thought opera was a boring, long form of art that I was just never going to get into. 10 years later I take it all back. I have seen singers that have brought me to tears. I have seen singers that give me goosebumps. I have heard music - live music - that is so beautiful I find myself holding my breath just so I dont miss a note. And your taking that all away from me and I hate you for it. I fucking hate that your uprooting my life. That your taking away my security, my benefits, my job. I hate that your taking away a magnificent art away from Orange County. So fuck you.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Its hitting....
Today is not a good day. I'm so sad, and my heart is heavy.
I talked to my boss. We will make it thru this opera that opens in a couple of weeks, but probably not after that. We only have a 5-10% chance of survival. So its real. The job I've had for 10 years. The opera thats been around since the early 80's. Its going to die. I'm so sad for so many reasons. Of course I'm going to be losing my job. But the people. The friends I've made. The security I've had. The benefits I've had. The fact that another arts company will bite the dust. I'm so sad. I've emailed some people about other possible jobs, but who knows. The thing is I'd probably be one of the last to go. I'd get some sort of severance. Should I ride it out? I'd move back home with mom if I did. I'd be 32 years old, moving back home. This is not where I saw myself at this age.
I'm not positive right now. I'm sick and tired of being positive. I'm sure there's a "Light at the end of the tunnel". I'm sure this "happens for a reason". Blah blah fucking blah. Not today. Today I am sad. Today I am bitter. Today I am not happy with our world or my state in it.
I have friends who I dont want to consider friends anymore. There's people I would like to cut out of my life because I'm sick and tired of thier bullshit. I'm done with being there for them constantly and never them being there for me. I try to please, I try to be sympathetic but I'm done. Life is falling apart right now - yes I know for everyone not just me - and I dont have any patience left. No positivity left. I dont even think I have any fight left.
Its perfect weather for it too. My least favorite of all. Cold and Windy. I've been battling my allergies all weekend - Sat/Sun being the worst. I feel horrible today. I'm sneezy, stuffy, dry as paper and cold. My nose is raw and sore. I've shocked so many things today I could probably start a fire with my fingers. I hate this. I hate the dry. Its so metalic and shitty in the air.
I'm sick of living in a situation that I'm not happy in. Living in a situation where I'm not treated with respect or consideration. Living in a situation where I"m not appreciated or cared about at all. Living in a situation where I do fucking everything and pay for fucking everything.
I'm sick of the politics. I know who I'm voting for. I know who I want to win. I dont want to hear, read, see anymore about it. Its upsetting and people are fucking stupid and over-sensitive and freaking out about EVERYTHING. I'm done. I'm soooooooooo done with it all.
I dreamed about my ex-husband last night. I woke up so angry. I will never ever be able to forgive that son of bitch. I cant believe he's getting away with what he did too, as if nothing ever happened. Like 7 years of my life just sort of vanished and all I have to show for it is his godamn debt. I fucking hate him for doing something to me that I obviously cant let go of for shit!
What the fuck! I have a beautiful new camera I want to learn how to play with. Yet, I'm so overwhelmed. I have a boy who missed me. Who digs me. Yet I'm so freaked out right now. I have those friends who are right there for me. Family who is right there for me. Yet I want to crawl in a hole and die.
Yes. This is a negative blog. Yes. This is a poor me blog. Yes I'm grateful for all the good things. Yes I know it could be worse. But you know what - right now it fucking sucks.
I talked to my boss. We will make it thru this opera that opens in a couple of weeks, but probably not after that. We only have a 5-10% chance of survival. So its real. The job I've had for 10 years. The opera thats been around since the early 80's. Its going to die. I'm so sad for so many reasons. Of course I'm going to be losing my job. But the people. The friends I've made. The security I've had. The benefits I've had. The fact that another arts company will bite the dust. I'm so sad. I've emailed some people about other possible jobs, but who knows. The thing is I'd probably be one of the last to go. I'd get some sort of severance. Should I ride it out? I'd move back home with mom if I did. I'd be 32 years old, moving back home. This is not where I saw myself at this age.
I'm not positive right now. I'm sick and tired of being positive. I'm sure there's a "Light at the end of the tunnel". I'm sure this "happens for a reason". Blah blah fucking blah. Not today. Today I am sad. Today I am bitter. Today I am not happy with our world or my state in it.
I have friends who I dont want to consider friends anymore. There's people I would like to cut out of my life because I'm sick and tired of thier bullshit. I'm done with being there for them constantly and never them being there for me. I try to please, I try to be sympathetic but I'm done. Life is falling apart right now - yes I know for everyone not just me - and I dont have any patience left. No positivity left. I dont even think I have any fight left.
Its perfect weather for it too. My least favorite of all. Cold and Windy. I've been battling my allergies all weekend - Sat/Sun being the worst. I feel horrible today. I'm sneezy, stuffy, dry as paper and cold. My nose is raw and sore. I've shocked so many things today I could probably start a fire with my fingers. I hate this. I hate the dry. Its so metalic and shitty in the air.
I'm sick of living in a situation that I'm not happy in. Living in a situation where I'm not treated with respect or consideration. Living in a situation where I"m not appreciated or cared about at all. Living in a situation where I do fucking everything and pay for fucking everything.
I'm sick of the politics. I know who I'm voting for. I know who I want to win. I dont want to hear, read, see anymore about it. Its upsetting and people are fucking stupid and over-sensitive and freaking out about EVERYTHING. I'm done. I'm soooooooooo done with it all.
I dreamed about my ex-husband last night. I woke up so angry. I will never ever be able to forgive that son of bitch. I cant believe he's getting away with what he did too, as if nothing ever happened. Like 7 years of my life just sort of vanished and all I have to show for it is his godamn debt. I fucking hate him for doing something to me that I obviously cant let go of for shit!
What the fuck! I have a beautiful new camera I want to learn how to play with. Yet, I'm so overwhelmed. I have a boy who missed me. Who digs me. Yet I'm so freaked out right now. I have those friends who are right there for me. Family who is right there for me. Yet I want to crawl in a hole and die.
Yes. This is a negative blog. Yes. This is a poor me blog. Yes I'm grateful for all the good things. Yes I know it could be worse. But you know what - right now it fucking sucks.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Live Music...
I have been so lucky the past 2 weeks. I have seen 3 bands that are fucking awesome live!!!! I've also been able to actually go, because other people paid for my tickets!!! Thanks to the boy and thanks to Daddy! I cant express enough to you readers how much I love love love good live music. I'm a huge music fan. I used to be a musician. I played piano for years and drums for even longer. I love to dance. I have a very open mind to music. There is very little I wont listen to. I absolutely love when you see raw talent onstage. Dad and I have gone to many blues festivals, jazz festivals, I've been to many many outdoor concerts and festivals, I've stumbled upon fantastic musicians in bars, clubs, on the street even!!! I love it. Music can fill up your soul. It can take you away. It can make you forget or remember. Music is life. I cant live without it. And I wont. Ever. I need it to breathe, to live, to be.
Anywhoo!
3 kick ass bands!!! Live!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A couple of weeks ago I saw Flogging Molly at the House of Blues in Anaheim. This is one of the boys all time favorite bands. Ah yes - here's why we get along....:) I'm definatly a fan of this style of Irish/Punky Fun! The American Wake, Dropkick Murphy's, etc - love them all. Flogging Molly is one of them. I had never seen them live before and they did not disappoint! The music was tight, the energy was high, they were hilarious, talented, fantastic! I would have danced/bounced so much more if not for my damn shitty shoes I wore. We had a nice little knook off to the left, near the downstairs bar. Got to see them very close up and loved every moment.
Last Thursday I saw Gogol Bordello at The Grove in Anaheim. Now, I had not been aware of these faboo nutballs until Coachella earlier this year. Scottie had raved about them, T had as well so we caught thier set in May and I was immediatly a fan. They do remind me - in a way - of the above mentioned bands with the energy and having so much fun onstage and the bouncy nature - but these guys are RIDICULOUS! Their music is deemed - Gypsy Punk. WTF is that you ask? Its good fucking times is what it is!!! This is one of those bands that you'd rather see live. Dont get me wrong, thier albums are great and fun, but seeing them live is a completely different experience. The boy and Ber had never seen or really heard of them, so I was so excited to see thier reactions. They were both floored. They are both now fans. The boy went out and bought a CD the next day. This crew has more energy then most humans. The singer is probably 85 pounds dripping wet, yet the dude hops around like a jack rabbit on speed with the guitar as big as he is. Thier encore was 40 fucking minutes long!!!!!! They never stop. I danced the entire concert. Bouncing and spinning...it was amazing. The boy and I separated ourselves from the mass in the middle and got a perfect place where we could see and I could dance and no one was smooshing me or spilling drinks on me. I never stopped goin....
Last night I saw one of my all time faves Tower of Power, also at The Grove in Anaheim. Thank you T for catching them - Dad, Lori and I last minute got dinner/tix. I have seen T.O.P. in concert probably more then 15 times or so. I've grown up listening to them. This year is thier 40th anniversary. Thats right. T.O.P. has been bringin you soul/funk for 40 fucking years!!!!!!! These cats have the tightest horn section you will EVER hear. LB has a vocal range that is unbelievable. They are the only band I know that can play the off beat as often as they do and with the precise perfection that they do. This time around we did the dinner first, then you stay at tables to watch the show. You dont get to dance around as much, but that doesnt stop us from bouncing around in our seats like fleas on crack. They have a new album coming out in January - which of course I cant wait to get my hands on. They played a few #'s from it and I'm already in love. These guys dance, fall to thier knees and RIP IT UP! The sax solo and piano solo were the highlights -as per usual. Those 2 guys (Tom Politzer & Roger Smith) are absolutley amazing. Larry Braggs tore up "Your Still a Young Man" (why the hell did I not take that opportunity that one time with him......). As they always do - Tower of Power was phenominal!
I love to watch bands that are super talented, that have fun onstage, that put on an amazing show and all 3 of these bands do just that and more. If any of you ever get a chance to see any of these bands live - do it. You wont be sorry - I gaurantee it!!!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Simplicity...
Life is very overwhelming right now. Political whirlwinds. Economy crashing. Jobs hanging by a thread. So many stressed, worried, scared. It makes you appreciate the simple moments. I treasure them now. The moments that are nothing special. Just simple. Quiet. Blissful nothing.
I arrive before he gets home. I crawl into his bed in me birthday suit. I snuggle up with pillows and sheets. He walks in with the libations. He laughs. It gets hot and foggy and fuzzy and fun. We order pizza. Drink. Smoke. Very few clothing. Drink. Laugh. Chat. I help him pack. It gets hot and foggy and fuzzy and fun again. He's gone. Dreamland. He fought it like always. Wanting me to stay, refusing the sandman, but he always loses. I watch for a moment. He's a child again. Sleeping, dreaming, almost smiling. Years gone, a boy. I dress. I tidy. I close up. Not a stir. Soft kiss on the head, I slip out. I drive home, slowly. Its late. Altho I'm not alone on the road I feel isolated. Long drag, smoke spiraling, head tired. The lights whiz by in a blur. Its quiet. The air is salty - I taste the ocean. When I arrive home, I stand outside my truck for a moment, inhaling the heavy air. I hear nothing. Its so peaceful. I try to take that moment and lock it away to escape too when the world gets rough. When the world tears at my heart. When the world terrifies me.
Back. Life. Reading about the debates. Feeling the tension and sense of doom floating around my office. Wondering. Wondering. Worrying. Overwhelming. So tired. I look for that moment. I touch it. I smile.
I arrive before he gets home. I crawl into his bed in me birthday suit. I snuggle up with pillows and sheets. He walks in with the libations. He laughs. It gets hot and foggy and fuzzy and fun. We order pizza. Drink. Smoke. Very few clothing. Drink. Laugh. Chat. I help him pack. It gets hot and foggy and fuzzy and fun again. He's gone. Dreamland. He fought it like always. Wanting me to stay, refusing the sandman, but he always loses. I watch for a moment. He's a child again. Sleeping, dreaming, almost smiling. Years gone, a boy. I dress. I tidy. I close up. Not a stir. Soft kiss on the head, I slip out. I drive home, slowly. Its late. Altho I'm not alone on the road I feel isolated. Long drag, smoke spiraling, head tired. The lights whiz by in a blur. Its quiet. The air is salty - I taste the ocean. When I arrive home, I stand outside my truck for a moment, inhaling the heavy air. I hear nothing. Its so peaceful. I try to take that moment and lock it away to escape too when the world gets rough. When the world tears at my heart. When the world terrifies me.
Back. Life. Reading about the debates. Feeling the tension and sense of doom floating around my office. Wondering. Wondering. Worrying. Overwhelming. So tired. I look for that moment. I touch it. I smile.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Haunt...
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
I love all things that go with Halloween. I love horror movies (Roomie and I will be watchin them thru-out the month). I love Haunted Houses (I'll go to the free/cheap ones I can find). I love having a Halloween Party on Halloween - (Save the date bitches). I also love Knotts Halloween Haunt. I've gone every year since I can remember. Seriously. I've been going since I was like 10 or some shit. When I met Miss Jay - we share the same love - so we've gone together now probably about 4 or 5 years. Our group varies. But Miss Jay and I are the stalwarts. We're both kids at heart and kids who love Halloween and all its accessories, no matter how old we get. So - our annual trip was last nite.
There were a total of 10 of us this year. It was a little different. Its usually chilly and we wear scarves and beanies, its usually dark when we get there, I usually hook up with my off and on before or after the trip, sometimes it rains, its been the same for years.
This year it was hotter then Hates, bright as can be, no hook ups due to relationships, and did I mention HOOOOTTTT!
Anywhoo.
I arrive with the boys, Miss Jay arrives soon after, The Dormans roll up, Becky's late, but makes it. We head in to our Pre-Scare Dinner. Our oversized plastic cups await as do a few monsters cruisin around while we ate. We constantly check our phones for our last 3 late comers - my luva and Harris and his lady. We laugh, eat, take pictures. A monster growls at me attempting to startle me, instead Miss Jay jumps almost launching his deviled egg into the air. Miss Jay passes out his usual goodie bags for all of us. I swear this is one of my favorite parts!! I love his goodie bags! We get candy, halloween dish scrubbies, pencils and super balls this year! Yay!!!!
After a faboo dinner then a very frustrating time trying to get us all together with people rollin in late, we're finally all together and we hit the mazes.Jay is the biggest girl. Always has been. I love it. He shreaks and squeals and grips my arm tighter then any lover I've ever had, usually leaving marks. Harris's lady is new to our group and she's also quite the scardy cat. I'd say Roomie and I are totally immune, the rest getting a little scare here and there.
I love all things that go with Halloween. I love horror movies (Roomie and I will be watchin them thru-out the month). I love Haunted Houses (I'll go to the free/cheap ones I can find). I love having a Halloween Party on Halloween - (Save the date bitches). I also love Knotts Halloween Haunt. I've gone every year since I can remember. Seriously. I've been going since I was like 10 or some shit. When I met Miss Jay - we share the same love - so we've gone together now probably about 4 or 5 years. Our group varies. But Miss Jay and I are the stalwarts. We're both kids at heart and kids who love Halloween and all its accessories, no matter how old we get. So - our annual trip was last nite.
There were a total of 10 of us this year. It was a little different. Its usually chilly and we wear scarves and beanies, its usually dark when we get there, I usually hook up with my off and on before or after the trip, sometimes it rains, its been the same for years.
This year it was hotter then Hates, bright as can be, no hook ups due to relationships, and did I mention HOOOOTTTT!
Anywhoo.
I arrive with the boys, Miss Jay arrives soon after, The Dormans roll up, Becky's late, but makes it. We head in to our Pre-Scare Dinner. Our oversized plastic cups await as do a few monsters cruisin around while we ate. We constantly check our phones for our last 3 late comers - my luva and Harris and his lady. We laugh, eat, take pictures. A monster growls at me attempting to startle me, instead Miss Jay jumps almost launching his deviled egg into the air. Miss Jay passes out his usual goodie bags for all of us. I swear this is one of my favorite parts!! I love his goodie bags! We get candy, halloween dish scrubbies, pencils and super balls this year! Yay!!!!
After a faboo dinner then a very frustrating time trying to get us all together with people rollin in late, we're finally all together and we hit the mazes.Jay is the biggest girl. Always has been. I love it. He shreaks and squeals and grips my arm tighter then any lover I've ever had, usually leaving marks. Harris's lady is new to our group and she's also quite the scardy cat. I'd say Roomie and I are totally immune, the rest getting a little scare here and there.
The monsters this year seem to still be getting thier bearings. They come a little too close too often. For some reason this is the year I get hit on by monsters. I had half dozen blow kisses at me, some blow in my ear, a bunch always in my face making little noises. They seemed to know I dont get scared, so they figured they'd get saucy instead. I even had one very concerned about my well being when I was trying to deal with the blisters forming on my heels. (Seriously - new fucking shoes, half the nite I was in dire pain - I finally bought myself $25 flip flops). Otherwise - the usual good times. Miss Jay only gave me one major injury - (He always seems too cuz he's such a jumpy fucker and I'm always the nearest) - just crushed my already beaten up foot at one point. Hey beats the bloody nose from the Queen Mary year right?!! Ha ha ha!
1st Maze - The Asylum - its cool, same as last year. 2nd Maze - Club Blood - this was a new one, very fun - similar to the old Vampyre one...but more goth/clubby - still hot tho. I"m sure I'll be going out of order here, but now its by memory....We did the Log Ride (Pyromaniac themed). Harris and his lady and me and my luva were in a log together. Lady shouted angrily the whole way, we laughed, we got soaked. Our keychain photo was cute so I bought it. We did the Mine Ride (Spider Maze). Lady hid in her boy's lap flipping out the whole time, I photographed it. The Labrynth Maze was new and very cool - wood nymphs, weird goat things - very cool - very fantasty/forestry like. Went to the Cannibal Maze - also new - this was pretty cool - lots of "Victims" crying and bloody and begging for us to help them. I appreciated the dramatic attempts. The Ax Manor maze was alright, same as last year - sadly we were behind some obnoxious drunk fellows. The Quaratine Maze - new this year and based on the upcoming movie, again they tried to be dramatic, nice - I have to side track and describe a hilarious moment. Miss Jay is our biggest scardy. He and I are in front, he walks into the maze - Luva calls out something to me - I stop and turn, as I turn back around the doors are closing with Miss Jay inside and the rest of us out. "Nooooooo! Jay!!!!" we all shout! The gal laughs and says we have to wait, our friend will have to survive w/o us. I cant describe to you how funny it was to see Miss Jay turning to see us being closed away from him. He done good tho. We played a game right after and I won him a stuffed pumpkin - he was quite happy. Harris, Becky and Luva decide to go on a wacky ride - Harris comes off dizzy, cant drink his water, Roomie photographs it, we all laugh. The Klown Kollege Maze is the same - fun and silly. Half the crew wont go in due to "Clown Fears". Dorman sends some clowns over to terrify Lady, she's not pleased - Harris calls em off. The 3-D Las Vegas maze is way fun - the 3 D is always good times, reminds me of my druggie days.....Another new maze - The Cornstalkers. I dont like this one. Its all fucking corn!! I start sneezing, the smell is weird, its just kinda lame. I then sneeze for the rest of the nite. We play a game. Harris wins a spider for his lady - I wanted that dammit! Harris and Lady head out - he's sneezy and tired and she's done. The 8 of us then watch The Hanging at 11pm with funnel cakes and punch. Its its usual campy silly fun. Becky gets offended and spends the rest of the show in the bar. I laugh. I wont spoil and say who gets hung so my fellow Haunt Whores can be surprised. We all re-unite. The Dorman's head out - preggo mama is tired. She did so good! Hopefully baby will remember that nite! Us remaining 6 go to the last and final maze - Alien Annialation. This is where you get laser guns and shoot the monsters and each other. We do our usual photo - and kick monster ass. It was much better this year - the monsters actually fall down and pretend to be hit. I got to kill this big giant white dragon thing. I felt like a badass. After this - 4 of us go on that crazy sidewinder roller coaster thing. While they do that - Miss Jay and I go and play another game. I win myself a stuffed cartoon zombie thing. I'm happy.
We all reunite, head to the lockers, gather our stuff and all head out. Happy, tired - like a bunch of little kids after an amusement park. I crash into bed at 2am.
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