Recovering from the weekend...

I'm tired!
Yesterday I was more tired then I've been in a loooooooooong time. God love Amber and Terri for accepting my completly braindead ways. I was pretty much useless. Nonetheless we had fun! One of our new goals is to hit more concerts in the park. Especially free ones. We all love music and its summer - so duh - why not right? Anywhoo - yesterday was lovely. Well, the 2nd part of the day. After a very long morning of a brutal board meeting - voices shouting over each other making my hungover head want to lash out - in fact - Why am I the ONLY ONE that never freaks the fuck out at these board meetings. Oh - right - I'm actually truly a laid back person. Anyway - I had heard of this "Sunsets at the Zoo" thing. It was a bit unclear - 3pm blues, 5:30 after hours jazz...but you paid for admission for one, but it was unclear with the other...um...WTF? Whatever. We made it happen. T, Amber and I showed up with beach chairs, blankets, a picnic basket and lazy moods and listened to a bit of Blues then joined up with my lovely friend Tish for some sunset Jazz sung by Peggy Perkins. Peggy sings at the Bistro pretty often and I just adore her. It was so nice, so relaxing. We even wandered around the zoo a bit. Its definatly a family event, but we got a taste of future plans for summer.
Saturday - running around with Miss Rose then we get dolled up in our Masquerade best for my brother and his wife's 30th birthday Masquerade Ball. I helped decorate, and worked my ass off for this thing, but it was a ball. Rose and I looked fabulous! Melita hand painted a mask on me and it was beautiful!! I love that I have such artistic creative friends!! We got ready at Beatty's house, so of course after we were all set he took a few artsy shots. Again - my creative friends - I love them. I drank too much and didnt eat enuff. I was to be set up with a friend of my bro's - after an awkward meeting - he and his friend took the banters of us sassy mouthed girls. It was fun. So much fun!
4th of July weekend is coming up - I plan to be very summery. Hell its hot enuff too. I'm trying to focus on the fun free times of summer right now. BBQ's, friends, lazy days. I need it . I yearn for it. Ya its hard. Ya its frustrating. My previous blog can tell ya that. But the nice thing is the distractions. The friends. The good fight right?
I thank the universe for bringing so many fabulous friends and family into my life. That is one thing I will never ever take for granted!

Trekkin Thru....

As a dear friend has written - "All we can do is try our best". Aint that the truth. This is exactly what I'm doing. I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best to deal with our economy taking a dive. I'm trying my best to fight off the tickling teases of depression. I'm trying my best to be motivated. I'm trying my best to be pro-active. I'm trying my best to not let the world take over my already overloaded mind.
I'm broke. I'm broke because I have never been able to get ahead since my ex-husband raped and ruined me financially. I'm broke because I live in SoCal and am determined to continue living on my own. I'm broke because I like good wine, and I like to eat out. I'm broke because I'm a single women, with a job, living in a rental. This is not fair. I voiced this today. My roomate said - "Well, life isnt fair". No. I will not accept that. I retorted with "If we try to be positive, pro-active, etc we can make it work". He said "That only goes so far". No. I will not accept that eithier. Its not fair goddammit. Its not fair! This is not a "poor me" speal. This is me declaring that its not fucking fair. I work hard. I'm a damn good employee. I'm a good friend. I come from good people. I'm not a bad person. In fact I'm a pretty damn good person. So no - its not fair what has happened to me.
But you know what, I'm going to keep fighting. Yes, it gets exhausting. Yes, its hard as FUCK sometimes. Yes, it seems like sometimes its pointless. But I wont give up. I haven't this whole year. I will stay positive. I will stay focused on trying to move foward. If this means I have to pick up something like the Artists Way again I will. I will keep fighting. I am determined to get to a point where I can sit back and say - "I'm actually ok, and I'm going to be ok". I will get there. If I die before then at least people will know I never stopped trying.
Life can be unfair - but you can fight it. You can fight it will all your being. I have to admit (begrudgingly of course) my change in attitude has helped. No - it has not made the problems go away. In fact I'm getting a bit scared because thier getting worse - but it has helped me deal with it better. Mel said to me one day "I think you still have the same frustrations that you've had before, but now your taking them head on instead of just crying about them". Shes right. People have noticed a difference in me. This is good.
The economy maybe going down the shitter. It may be getting hard to make it as a single working woman living in a rental. But somethings got to give. There HAS to be something I can do. Currently the answer seems to be to make extra money somehow. Not a 2nd job - I refuse to kill myself working 2 jobs like I tried to do last year. I will not make my body pay for my financial situation. So what is it. Sell stuff? Get some commercials? Get fucking something. I'll find it. I have to. I have no choice. So life may not be fair - but I expect it to give me what I deserve. And goddamit it will.

Rome - The 1st Season

I was going to talk about it after I watched both seasons, but I figure the way I ramble I should hit em separatly. So I decided a couple of weeks ago to watch the HBO series Rome since Mark has it on DVD. Low commitment, only 2 seasons, looked cool, heard raves. Well, I popped in the 1st DVD and was completly lost. Sadly I realized later - I watched the 1st episode of Season 2. FUCK. So unfortunatly I knew who died in season one due to that episode. Oh well, shit happens. ***Spoilers below***

First I want to touch on the acting. Its fucking brilliant. There isnt one weak link in the whole damn thing. From the leads all the way down to the walk on parts. Everyone is brilliant. Lucius Vorenus is played by Kevin McKidd. At 1st I thought he was an asshole, but you grow to really like him. The character is moral, hard, a true soldier. He loves his family but doesnt know how to be soft about it, he learns and its lovely. He continues to prove himself as loyal, steadfast - just your typical respected bad ass soldier. His relationship with his wife Niobe played by Indira Varma is my favorite couple. She's stunning. The shitty thing is - she's the one that dies!!! So all thru season 1 I'm growing to love this gal, and I know she gets axed at the end of the season. I think it made me love her more tho. She does have a dark secret - the kid that Vorenus thinks is his daughters is actually hers from another lover - BUT - she thought he was dead. So I'm sorry, I was totally ok with that infidelity believe it or not - I mean she thought he was dead - and when he came back she loved him and stood by him. Oh I just adored those two.

Next up we'll talk of Titus Pullo. This is my new boyfriend. He's fucking HAWT. But not only that, his character is a thug, he's sweet, he's stupid, he's loyal, he's a true friend, he's a total guy. He's a bit of the comic relief. He does have some great lines, and he's always doing something that makes you giggle. He becomes Vorenus's great friend and thier friendship is amazing. I loved how it grew throughout the season - and climaxed during the gladiator scene. This scene made me cry. Pullo is sent to death (fight the gladiators) and he kicks all thier asses - screaming "13" the whole time (This was thier soldier's unit), Your watching Vorenus watch this crying and wondering if he's going to step in - he does and I died. It was so noble. My heart soared. Pullo also has the hots for his little slave - Eirene played by Chiara Mastalli who is GORGEOUS mind you. The 2 of them are adorable - I hope to see them grow together in season 2.

Then we have Caesar played by Ciaran Hinds. He is outstanding. I start to like the character of Ceaser and respect what he's doing, then I start to believe he actually is a tirant as they say. But he's smart as hell. The decisions he makes I think are fucking brilliant. It hurt to see that tirant die.

The 2 women - Atia played by Polly Walker and Servilla played by Lindsay Duncan. Atia is Ceasers great niece and lover to Mark Antony. Servilla is Brutes's mom and lover to Ceaser. Both these women are what I've heard called as shadow rulers. Women had no place in those days - but "behind every great man is a great women" and this is so true. Both these ladies are conniving, evil, sinister, yet gorgeous, sexual etc. You LOVE to HATE them. Both of them. I honestly dont like one better then the other - they both made me laugh, gasp and hate.

Some of the men are Brutus played by Tobias Menzies, Mark Antony played by James Purefoy, Octavian played by Max Pirkis who are worth mentioning. Mark Antony of course is an arrogant ass, but he's loyal to Ceaser and in love with Atila. Brutus does a fine job showing the torment he goes thru before his betrayal to Ceaser. Octavian is this interesting kid. He's smart as hell, somewhat Ceasar's advisor in a way, has amazing intuition.

All in all this series is fantastic. It shows things that happen that lead to huge events, that make you wonder - what really went down. Everything is very real to the time. The brutality, the loyalty, the sexuality the religion. Its all spot on. I'm always fascinated by this time - they will lop your head off, or stab you in the street and no one thinks twice - yet if you go against morale - WTF. People are treated as objects - the slaves especially. I watch this wondering what it was like to be a slave to be a slave to the rich - to hear and see what they saw. I wonder if slaves somtimes made shit happen. (Seen Gosford Park?) The way women are treated, I mean the whole time period was a fucking trip. The gods they worshiped, everything. I loved it. I cant wait to get started on season 2!!!!

Rockstar

Thats me. I used to party like a Rockstar. Hell, it was my slogan for years. I did alot of drugs, I pulled all nighters, I drank, I was a fucking rockstar. People always counted on me being the last one standing. And I was. I could go into stories here of shit you wouldnt believe, but not today.
As I've gotten older, I've calmed down a bit. I'm trying to cut back on smoking (not successfully at the moment), I no longer do drugs, I drink socially now - not to get wrecked, I get sleep, I walk in the mornings, I try to eat better, etc etc etc.
I still throw killer parties. People still count on me to throw a rager. I have alot of friends. They all come. My parties average from 50-over 100 people. When I choose to go out now - I go out. I stay out. So its not like my rockstar days have nessasarily ended, but they've certainly slowed down.
What I found funny - was after last night, I've decided that I'm still a fucking rockstar. I may be older, I may be a bit more careful - but I still have that "party" blood running through me. My little brother turned 30 yesterday. This is a big deal! (Now, Shane and D are having a co-bday big ass bash for thier 30th). But on Shane's actually birthday, D told some friends to meet at O'Hara's (Shane's watering hole - my old watering hole - yes, we're Irish) for a surprise. She'd show up with Shane and he'd have no idea. This is exactly what happened. We brought over pizza, it was a ball. Shane was surprised and happy. Now, for the part I find funny.....
I'm apparently the 1st to show up. I walk confidently into the bar expecting to see my dad, or some of Shane's buddies. Nope. But the entire rest of the bar is looking at me like "Whose this chick wandering in here alone?". I hop on a bar stool at the bar and wait for the bartender. I can drink alone...what?! I order Greygoose Vodka (ya good stuff, I dont drink cheap shit) and Cranberry. I pretend I dont care that I'm alone at this dive bar. Finally dad shows up, then slowly some of Shane's friends start to trickle in. Danelle shows up with Shane, its a surprise, we drink and smoke and laugh and chat. Then...everyone starts leaving one by one. "I'm tired" "I have to get up early" "Its a monday night" etc etc etc with the excuses. I'm thinking - "Bitches!!! Its Shane's 30th, you all live locally, its not even late yet!!!" I say nothing. I've now had 3 Greygoose and Crans. Eventually the ones left are me (who drove all the way from Costa Mesa and had to work today), my dad (drove all the way from Fullerton), and Shane/D. So - I make us do birthday shots. Us 3 kids to chocolate cake shots and Dad does Patron. Then - SHANE turns to me and says "Well, I'm fading".
I cant fucking believe it. Out of all Shane's friends and himself and his wife - my dad and I are the two that would have partied a few hours more, if the guest of honor hadnt wanted to go home. I drove home and was in bed before 11pm. Ya. Thats how early all the others bitched out.
I just found this funny. So - all in all - I'm still a rockstar!

Darcy's...

Thank you D!!!!

1. I'll respond with something random (and probably nice) about you.
You look great in hats.
2. I'll tell you which movie you remind me of.
There's Something About Mary
3. I'll pick a moment where you got a reaction (loudly or quietly) out of me.
First time I went to RG and had to see you nudey
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
Hey Mrs. Morrison ... did you see who was floating beside you
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you (if good) or lie my ass off (if it's bad).
When I came and saw you in "Bash".
6. I'll bluntly ask you something I've always wondered about you.
What's a "guilty pleasure" show you'd secretly love to do
7. I'll challenge you to try something.
I think YOU should try playwriting.
8. I'll tell you something I like about you.
You're always willing to smoke, vent and let vent.
9. I'll tell you what book or song reminds me of you.
Meredith Brooks' "Bitch" (in a good way).
10. I'll gladly share a fault that I've observed and do so in front of everyone reading my blog.
You don't seem to know just how awesome you are.

Misha's

I miss you Misha!!!!!!!!!

1. I'll respond with something random (and probably nice) about you.
You have always had an amazing ability to bring fun and life into a room.
2. I'll tell you which movie you remind me of.
I've never seen it, but I'm thinking Thelma and Louise.
3. I'll pick a moment where you got a reaction (loudly or quietly) out of me.
When you were crying about something in particular. It broke my heart to see you hurting.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
Louder, faster, funnier! (I don't know!)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you (if good) or lie my ass off (if it's bad).
It was Vampire Lesbians, and you and I were face to cheek with Rick's butt, painting on a heart, though I'm sure I must have seen you before this. In fact, it was in a big floppy beach hat in a J. Marx production at OCC!
6. I'll bluntly ask you something I've always wondered about you.
Why do you have such crap taste in men?
7. I'll challenge you to try something.
Find someone to love, who loves you, and live in sin.
8. I'll tell you something I like about you.
Your smile, your energy, your exuberance, and your plain insanity.
9. I'll tell you what song or book reminds me of you.
Can't do it. My brain don't work like that!
10. One word that describes you
Nuts.

Today's Thoughts....

• I've been loving reading the responses I'm getting on this blog game thing some of us did, thats why I've posted them here, so I can go back and read what my fab friends have said about me, most of the time making me laugh which we need every day.
• I think the sun landed on earth - ergo the heat...
• I feel like the popular girl in school - I seem to have plans every single day/night and I love it
• I'm looking foward to tonight - dinner and a show with a bunch of my girls
• Then doin not a damn thing tomorow until I attend another show...
• I only walked 3 days this week, which dissappointed me but I was just so damn tired yesterday and today I couldnt get up. I hope I'm not getting sick.
• I have alot coming up this summer....Illinois for a week (What will I do without my girls for a whole week!!!), 2 weddings, Vegas, Shane/D's big party, Gramma's big party, meeting 2 boys, and then fitting in beach, outdoorsy stuff and the fair.
• I'm really tired of our slug infestation we seem to have....2 of those bitches now have gotten past the salt!!!!
• My girls get cuter every day
• I'm finding out alot about myself lately and I'm really liking it. I'm also liking the fact that I'm so loved by all my friends. It makes my heart swell a bit....
• My eyes are stingy today...am I still tired?
• I had nightmares about a report I fucked up
• I'm starting to get antsy to get back onstage again, but there's nothing goin on so I'm fighting it and I'm starting to lose
• I want to be proactive with auditions in LA and what not but with gas prices I dont think I can afford it
• Ahhhhh....soooooo bored at work...so bored.....