Friday was the last night.
I swung by the store and brought champagne, blueberry lemonade (a favorite mixed drink of Danelle and I), a cooler, ice, snacks and arrived prepared to do whatever was needed for the last night. Mom was at wits end. She kept working to keep her mind off everything. I could see it in her eyes. Friends came by. Wendi was there helping. It was a bit of a blur.
My duty came when D was stressing about how they were going to pick up Shawn, pick up Becky, go see gramma and finish everything. I offered to pick up Shawn which would take a huge chunk of time out of their hands. I drove out to Long Beach hoping I had enough gas. We were early (I was sent off in a bit of a panic so I didn't argue) so Shawn and I ended up at Pint House for drinks and some grub. We headed back to the house when Shane called and said they were in route. It was almost 10pm when Shane, D and Becky rolled in.
The five us sat around in a circle in the empty patio on folding chairs. I looked around at the backyard where so many of us had spent the last 8 years or so having pool days, game nights erupting into constant laughter, long conversations over drinks, holidays and so much more.
Everyone was tired and it was starting to show. Midnight was creeping up and it was time for me to go. I gathered up my stuff and said goodbye to Shawn and Becky then went inside. I scooped up Svetlana and she nuzzled into my neck. I said goodbye and gave her furry face a kiss. She then scurried off into the other room sensing the sadness. Shane and D came into the empty house. It was time. The moment I'd be fucking dreading for over a month now since the bomb was dropped that they were leaving.
D & I hugged longer than we've ever hugged. Tears streamed down both our faces. Shane kept saying "It's not goodbye - it's see you later", as he uncomfortably crossed and uncrossed his arms. We hugged for so long but not long enough because I wanted it to be forever. D scolded me for making her cry. We laughed through the tears and hugged again. As I walked of the house for the very last time I felt their eyes on my back. I tried to hold it together but I was failing. As I sat down in my car my body started to shake. I took a deep breath and turned the car around to head out. There was Shane standing in the driveway. I stopped the car and rolled down the window. He came over smacked his head as he reached in my window to hug me. We laughed and hugged through the window and I rubbed the top of his fuzzy shaved head like I always do. We said we loved each other and that was it. I drove away from the Flower Street House for the last time watching my brother in the rear-view mirror wave goodbye.
As I struggled to drive home through the streaming tears and hysterical crying and pulled over about 5 times before I got home my heart broke. Our family is so small. It's always been so small. It's only my dad and Lori and sometimes my stepbrother Jon and then mom & gramma. Then there's me & Shane & later D. That's it. Special occasions, trips, adventures, holidays - there's no more of us than you can count usually on one hand. This is the 1st time someone has moved away. I think that's part of the reason I'm taking it so hard. None of us have ever moved away. Now the 1st one has left and I have a feeling he won't be the last. The future is so uncertain and who knows where we'll all end up but having to adjust to my little brother being so far away from me is going to take some time.
Mom won't fly. I can't fly right now so it's never going to be easy for us to visit but I really hope they fly down often and mom and I will for sure be planning some road trips in the future. We're all taking it super hard but hope this move brings only joy to them as they start their new life up north.
I'm going to miss them so much. Long lazy days at the pool with Danelle while drinking cocktails out of flamingo cups. Shane and I having random sushi dates and spending a mortgage payment on our dinner as we inhale fish. Silly races with one or both of them. Scooping up little Svetie as she cuddles comfortably in your arms. Game nights on the patio with friends. Begging Shane to come fix something. OC Fair/Street Fair trips with Dad. Vintage shopping with D & mom. I could go on and on.
My heart is sad and I'll miss them so fucking much. Love you Shane and D so damn much!
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