It's done.
We started talking about this project last fall. Had our 1st walk through of the grounds in October and began rehearsals in January. 4 performances. Done.
This has been an amazing experience. The way I approach artistic projects has completely changed and I love it. I got immersed into the role of Ophelia, reading about her, looking at artwork and interpretations of her, I made her my own. I was able to take this character and feel her frustration with her father, her playfulness with her brother, her absolute love for Hamlet, her heart being broken when Hamlet shuns her for no reason in her mind, the grief of her father being murdered and the eventual depression/madness it drove her to that finally made the decision to end her life.
This was the 1st time I was able to get to a level of emotion I've never been at before. Every since the brain incident of 2012, my emotions are on my sleeve. When it came time for the mad scene and especially the suicide scene where I had to cry, sing and slowly bleed out over and over again for half an hour I went to a place I didn't know I could get too. Golden Slumbers is a song that tears at my heart. I chose this song knowing the lyrics would be heartbreaking in this scene, knowing how much it tears at me and knowing in the not so great movie - this is where they carried out a body. It was too perfect. After being shunned and physically assaulted by Shadow Hamlet #1 played by the ridiculously talented Brenda Kenworthy over and over again for 35 minutes I was on my way there. I then run into the bathroom to "mad" out. Then run into the room completely crazy and distraught. I worked on this scene multiple times at home (My cats watching in complete confusion) and found different levels that I felt were all real. I then do a marathon sprint around the estate to get changed and bloodied up for my suicide scene. I was always placed a few moments before everyone else. This gave me the perfect amount of time as I turned on all my candles, shook myself out, and put myself into an emotional turmoil. People came in and out of the bathroom for that half hour. Some murmuring, some gasping in horror, some obviously not into it and would walk out in disgust, some sounds of pity but mostly just silence. I never looked up. Never connected with anyone. I couldn't. I was afraid I would snap out of it. Sometimes it was difficult if people were talking or rustling around but somehow I stayed in it. When it came time for the cut off and I could shut the door and pick up - I would almost collapse from exhaustion. It was fucking incredible.
I got the most amazing feedback. My dear friend Scottie Barber whom I tease hates everything - loved my performance. He watched my suicide scene twice, the 2nd time he was all alone. I didn't realize it was him at the time, but he said that was the most amazing theatrical experience he's ever had in his life. Mark Coyan, another dear friend who I think is super talented and really respect his opinion, said it was the best thing he's ever seen me do. He was so proud that I nailed the verse (He always helped me in the past). He said "You got it!". He and Scott raved about my performance and the entire show in general. My dad was brought to tears. This was huge. My father NEVER cries. When he hugged me after the show he started crying again, which of course made me start in and I'm crying typing this right now. I'll never forget that. I made him so proud. My friend Lisa loved the looping scenes and said she had no problem with walking in and out of them. She loved it and loved the atmosphere. My brother was super proud of me and loved Jeffrey as Hamlet. So many of our theatre friends came and raved about the show. People thought everyone did such an amazing job, and the venue was gorgeous and oh my god I just can't stop glowing!
My friends Aimee and Kati came and saw me act for the 1st time ever. They loved it and Aimee took some fun stalker pics:
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| "...and words of such sweet breath composed..." |
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| "...I have remembrances of yours I have long longed to redeliver..." |
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| "...I was the more deceived!" |
Part of Nunnery Scene
Part of Mad Scene
I just can't get over how fucking awesome this performance process was. I'd like to single everyone out now so here goes:
- Jeremy and Alex as Rosencrans and Guildenstern. They were such joys! A couple of absolutely charming boys. I heard nothing but great things about the little pre-show bit they do before the crowd is let in. My boss Carol adored messing with Jeremy and my mom totally messed with him, hell bent on getting the Ace Cards so she could see my scenes first. I got to dance with them in the beginning but that was all we got to do together. I loved working with them though and they brought a lot of laughter and creativity.
- Brenda and Jill as Shadow Hamlet 1 and Gertrude. These two woman know how to do Shakespeare. The words flow off their tongues like pure magic. Working opposite of Jill in my mad scene was incredible. She was completely broken hearted and it only fueled my angst. The scene with her and Jeffrey (Hamlet) was one of my all time favorites. Brenda is a fucking amazing actress and I was so thrilled to have a scene opposite her. She was perfection. I had friends say they want to see her play Hamlet. Yes. She's that good.
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| Hamlet x3 |
- Adam as Shadow Hamlet 2 and Bryan as Claudius were wonderful. Adam did a great job bringing the dark side of Hamlet in the scene he had with Alex. Bryan was an absolute joy to work with. He's seriously the worst dancer ever and knows it and embraces it. He cracked me up everytime we rehearsed the dance number never remembering to "Go Left!". He also has a wacky side that is hilarious to work along side of.
- Rick and Craig as Polonius and Laeretes. What a family we are! Craig was always so energetic and passionate in our scene together. Rick was the appropriate condescending father and his monologue from the after life was another of my favorites. The boys were also always so sweet as we waited to begin when we had to mill about while patrons entered and I was freezing. They would put their arms around me and distract me. I loved them to pieces. Rick and I also had a couple of wine/lines nights which I know are going to continue...of course with just the wine!
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| Family portrait |
- Jeffrey as Hamlet. Oh my sweet Jeffrey. I fell head over heels for that one. He brought such an incredible dark physicality to Hamlet. He was fantastic. And the bitch came in late and still pulled it off!! Such an amazing actor. I was so impressed watching the levels he brought to the character. Of course our makeout scene was a lot of fun and quite embarrassing but it seemed to work! Ha ha! It's been a while since I had chemistry like that onstage with someone. I really hope to work with him again and actually have lines.
- Petey and Amanda our behind the scenes crew. Petey was our choreographer and kept us on our toes. Literally. Amanda was our fabulous costumer and so very patient and on top of it all. They were both there everynight and traded off getting me all nice and bloody for my suicide scene. Pete would then escort me to the bathroom making sure I was all set. Thank GAWD for that.
- And last but of course not least - Dave. Our fearless director. Wow have we come such a long way from "Jami! I want you to be my Ophelia and kill yourself in the bathtub!" We all worked together and contributed to this project but Dave was at the helm. He helped direct us to some pretty fucking awesome places. He's so proud of me and that means the world to me.
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| I'm actually considering coloring my hair... |
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| Last bathroom set up |
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| Ready for my last mad scene |
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| Last fight call |
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| Ready for the last shadow play |
Some backstage antics:
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| Jeffrey is so goth |
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| Gertrude and Ophelia selfie |
After the show Saturday after visiting with the friends and family who attended we were given pizza and booze then told to head over to the Laguna Marriott for a donor party. They didn't seem to mind that none of us were dressed or prepared for that so off we went. It was fine, slightly awkward and I took my final photo which I love.
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| Love these boys |
I just can't say enough how rad this was. From start to finish. Frustrations and all. This was a highlight in my theatrical career. It was such a different and unique experience. It was so well received. So well in fact that I can't stop glowing! I'm just so happy! I was able to hit a whole new level in my acting. I worked with such an incredibly talented group. We were in one of the most beautiful locations in SoCal!
I'm also super thrilled I documented so much of this process. I sure hope you have all enjoyed following along!
I won't miss the long late nights and long late drives. I won't miss the nervous tummy battles. But dammit am I sad it's over! I already miss the crew knowing I won't see them next weekend. But of course it's a bitter/sweet. It's an adventure that I will always keep in my heart.
I can't wait to see what's next!
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