Still not smoking. I will admit I’ve had some weird cheats though. I won’t smoke at all for days, and then have a day where I’ll smoke 3 or 4 or a few more. I haven’t had many of those days, but I can’t lie – they do exist. But from my former pack a day habit, I’m not beating myself up about it. I’m also the jackass who mooches them now, because I haven’t broke down and bought another pack since I finished off my “emergency” pack. I’m doing f-ing amazing. I can’t believe I’ve been able to actually do this. I guess its time. I think that really is the key. When you’re ready to do it – it’ll happen. I’m sad to report I don’t think my sis-in-law was ready. She was supposed to quit last week and it hasn’t quite worked out. She was also telling me she doesn’t think she is actually ready, so there ya have it. Bummer. I’m really hoping I can keep this up successfully. Another friend of mine quit a while back and pretty much did it the way I am – cold turkey but had some cheats – especially when drinking. She’s completely cut those now too, and is a successful non-smoker. I’m hoping I get to where she is.
I have some big changes rumbling in the shadows. I don’t want to talk too much detail about them yet, because I don’t want to jinx them. But I have to admit – it’s the 1st time I’ve been really excited and of course terrified. I’ve had such a run of bad luck over the last decade I’m scared to actually feel this hopeful. It’s nice, but at the same time if things don’t fall into place it may be a harder blow then normal that I’m not sure I’ll recover from. But I’m thinking good thoughts. I’m trying to be positive and pro-active and for once it may actually pan out! More on that later. I’m also trying hard to do something active each day. Unfortunately its hard in Orange – it’s just as pretty as Costa Mesa. Walks are just not as lovely. I got a major wild hair up my ass yesterday and had planned to meet a girlfriend for dinner at Sheiki. Well I walked. I figured that’ll be my “walk” for the day and she can then drive me home. This seemed to only sort of work – I have 2 huge blisters on my foot because I was dressed for dinner, not for walking. Maybe I should start carrying a backpack with changes of shoes/clothes if I decide to walk to a nicer event. I’m also trying to ride my bike more. Again – so not as nice as Costa Mesa, but still. I find it hard sometimes to drive my car somewhere I can ride or walk to on a nice day. I’m trying to stay in my little bubble as of late – working on getting these changes in my life to actually happen and work and not vomit good thoughts and positivity on everyone like some people around me are doing. I mean seriously. Have some tact. Yes, it’s good to be a happy person and yes its good to be positive but shoving that down people’s throats hour after hour and day after day is the complete opposite of being a good person. People go through rough patches, people are having very hard times right now – back off! Sorry…little annoyed tirade. SO back to me and my life since that’s what this blog is about at the moment – I’m really really trying this time! I’m really really really trying to get some good in my life. My closest around me know how important this is to me and thank gawd for those friends. Those of you who understand me. Thank you. In the meantime – changes are a comin I hope, reading more, writing more – just trying to not be stagnant. And I promise – I’m not going to turn into an annoying new agey freak! ;)
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