Papa...

This past Thursday night we celebrated my Papa's 95th birthday.
I love my Papa so much. So much, that I'm writing a separate blog on love (I just deleted the love tangent I started on), because this one is for Papa.
My Papa is an amazing man. You may think I'm bias because he's my grandfather, but its true. The way people talk about my Papa, the things they say, the respect they have for him, the admiration, the love - you know he's touched so many people throughout his life.
He's 95. My heart breaks, and it tears me up inside to watch him battle these late years of life. Papa was always the strongest man I knew, and will always be. No one can touch him. He would paint his entire house, on his own. He did everything and would fight you off if you tried to help.
He changed alot in the Fire house when he served as a captain of the Santa Ana Fire Department. No one crossed "Woody's" path. NO one. When I took Papa to the 125th anniversary of the SAFD, you could see his eyes light up like a little kid. "I drove this across country" he said proudly, pointing to an old fire engine called a drill something. The people that knew my Papa or actually worked with him came up and said hello, and passed on thier admiration for him. They even had him stand up when they talked of one of the old skool boys and he waved modestly.
When I was a little girl, I was told I was Papa's girl. I'd jump in his lap, I'd follow him around, I always wanted to be with Papa. There's a photo my dad showed me once - Mom and dad are walking in the back - Mom holding Shane (he must have been 1), in the front is Papa walking his usual quick stride and right in the middle is me about 3 years old chasing after Papa. Dad told me once "Thats how it always was, you had to be with Papa. You'd run after him - 'Papa! Papa! Papa!'".
I've never met a man like my Papa, and I dont think anyone will ever be that way. He's so loyal, so stalwart, so strong and loves my grandma more then anything. I've never seen a love as strong as the two of them have.
Watching my Papa struggle these past few years have hurt me more then I ever want to admit. In fact, getting through this damn blog is hard. I think its because I'm scared. I'm scared to lose him. I dont know how I'm going to handle losing a man I love so dearly. His last stroke he had took its toll. His driving privlages have been taken away and that in itself almost killed him. He shuffles when he walks and argues with us he doesnt need a cane. I watch him get so frustrated when he's gets confused, or physcially has an issue with something. It tears me up, because I know I'll be the same way. Watching the man of steel struggle is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life.
But I will not end this on a sad note, but I wanted to just put it out there because as much as some people know how much I love my Papa, I'm not sure if people are aware HOW MUCH.
Papa has had an amazing life. Like I mentioned before, the amount of people he has touched is fascinating. He showed me an old picture the other day, of when he was young (maybe 20's?). He was so handsome! "This was a princess" he said of the little girl in the photo with him. Behind the photo was a newspaper clipping of this little girl. She was a princess. Some daughter of an King of India or something. I guess she stayed next door to my grandparents for a while and would visit. I looked up from the picture and saw that twinkle in Papa's eyes I love so much. The same twinkle you see in the picture.
He's a gentleman. Probably the most chivalris man I know. Always opens doors for the ladies, pulls your chair out, etc. He always tends to Grandma first. He doesnt understand sometimes men who arent like this. It cracks me up.
Papa also has a killer wit. I sometimes think he's using his age as an advantage...prentending he doesnt here or is paying attention when a bunch of people are talking, then will throw out a zinger of a one-liner usually bringing the room to silence then erupting into laughter.
He's fascinated by technology now. I show him pictures on my little sure shot digital camera and he cant get over how all the pictures fit in that little thing. He still cant grasp we can pretty much get anything he needs right off the internet. For his birthday this year, mom and I got him a digital picture frame. Both he and Grandma were thrilled and couldnt get over of course how it all worked.
I love my Papa. I love him so much. The man of steel.