Rough times...

I have to say, 2012 has been a lot rougher than I was hoping. We are almost in June now, the halfway point and this year, my year, the year of the dragon has been a bit brutal. I was told today that my Papa is going to be put on hospice care. We knew it was coming. But the doctor actually saying it was like a punch to the gut. My mom is a wreck. I'm so sad. I have watched him deteriorate as this year has moved forward. 1st his body and now his mind. He's withered. He's not happy. He's emotional. He has ups and downs. It's weird. And awful. And yes its life. And yes he's 97 and has lived a full life. But still, he's my Papa. He's my superman. I've been told watching him go downhill like this may make it easier on me when his time comes. Bullshit. It's worse. He's aware of everything and he hates it. I hate it. We are alike in many ways. We don’t like weakness, we don’t like to be helpless, and we don’t like to rely on other people for help. It's so hard. It's just so fucking hard. Moving on. I cant write about that anymore. To me. I had to have a colonoscopy on Thur/Fri. They wanted to do an upper and lower. All day Thur I was on a liquid diet then drank the stuff at 6 and again at 2:30 am Fri morning. I couldn’t keep all of it down the 2nd time. This may be TMI but I swear that this process is just fucking mean. What you have to go through before this procedure is just wrong. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. The procedure went fine; I meet with him next week for results. Today I was referred to get an MRI on my hip injury. They think I have a laberal tear. I've been going to physical therapy for a few weeks and it hasn’t helped so this is the next step. I may be going under again. My wrist is crunchy and my knee is grinding. Almost like they are teasing me gently saying "After you have hip surgery we're next!” I keep running John Wooden's quote over and over and over again in my head. "Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do” I haven’t. I'm still doing everything; I just alter the parts that hurt. I'm told to slow down. To do lower impact stuff. I cant. I would crumble. The only thing I think that is keeping me going right now and not screaming at the universe while pulling out my hair is activity. My boxing boot camp teacher can tell when I have a bad day. I'm still going to therapy - yes the head kind. My buddadist therapist is trying to help me be a better person. It's sort of helping I think. She's given me some nice ideas to work with. It seems I've always been going in the right direction, just needed a little guidance and pushing which is what she's doing. I'm doing things I poo poo'd before. That's right kids...I may even be learning to meditate soon. I know. I surprise myself. My life is changing. I know change is good, but the process is extremely painful right now. Literally. I'm finding I don’t have as many friends as I thought that I can count on. But at the same time those friends I can count on mean even more to me than usual and I didn’t think that was possible. It is hard though because I feel lonely a lot of the time. I'm also in the financial pit again. My mom has lost her unemployment and needs more support from me and with the cost of all this medical crap I'm dealing with (Insurance doesn’t cover everything) my goal to move out at the end of summer has been moved to the end of the year. I'm hoping end of year is actually a possibility but unless things change it's not looking good. This is the halfway point of 2012. There have been some great things though - Doheny Blues was amazing. My trip to San Francisco was fantastic. Even though I seem to be breaking apart I'm actually a lot stronger. I'm finding out new things about myself that I like and don’t like but I know that is part of this all. I didn’t mean to be too much of a downer in this blog, but I'm not going to lie. It's been rough. I'm not giving up though. I'm still moving in the direction I think I need to be moving right now. But I am starting to think I may have put a little too much stake in the year of 2012.

Doheny Blues Festival 2012...

I tried to convince my dad to go both days this year but as per usual we only made it to one. He had never seen Steve Miller live and I was dying to see Buddy Guy so Sunday was the day we chose. Dad was hell bent on getting VIP tickets this year and since he is being so generous to pay for them who am I to argue. Shane and D were the only ones who joined us this year and spent their 6 year anniversary listening to phenomenal music with us. We headed out early as we always do, about 7am, so we can park in the close lot and get a good place in line. We were off to a rough start since dad was in a grumpy mood and I seemed to be the only one out of the four of us bouncing off the walls with excitement. When we arrived we were directed to park in the far lot which is what we have been able to avoid every year except our 1st. This lot is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back there FYI. They have shuttles, but of course barfy mcbarfs alot cannot ride in a shuttle so it's a bitch of a walk lugging all your shit on top of it. We were a little beat by the time we finished walking. Dad was not pleased. He was continuing to bitch that VIP is supposed to include parking. We grab our spot in the VIP line - still seems to be the same exact distance we always get no matter what time we get there. Dad is now on a mission to talk to someone about parking. I noticed it was set up differently this year, so something was going on with the parking. I looked up on my handy dandy phone and pointed out to dad that parking was in fact NOT included. He was also informed that it was only permit parking. (I'm making a note in my head to find out how to get my hands on a permit for next year). Dad and I decide to wait in the now forming line to exchange our tix for wristbands since it's supposed to open in 20 min. It opened in 50. Dad was fit to be tied. When we sat back down and Shane/D headed off for their exchange I snapped at dad to chill out and smoke which he did and all seemed right with the world. We relaxed for a while as we always do waiting for the gates to open. When we finally shuffle in we dash to the VIP area to grab our spot. It's already full. Holy Shit! We do find a nice open area near the back and promptly spread our blankets and chairs and stake our spot. Sunblock on, drinks in hand, settled in we are ready. 1st up was a kid. That's right. A kid. I read about him in the program and his name is Ray Goren. He started out playing guitar at age 8. He discovered blues when he accidently typed something into YouTube that pulled up BB King. He was mesmerized and begged his folks for a guitar. I swear to GAWD this kid was amazing. He has his own band and he actually played the blues!!!! How this little 12 year old has been on this earth long enough to know - he did. Kind was phenomenal. Up 1st on the 2nd stage was Trick Bag from Sweden. Dad and I wandered over and caught about a fourth of their set. Very cool. Great harmonica player. Food. Wine. Stocked up on our kettle corn. Dad and I also took this time to wander around and check out the festival. There was a cute little kids section with the giant hamster balls in the water. There was a great canvas area where you could paint on it and they just kept replacing it when it filled up. The usual fun vendors and a neat blues walk that had big photos of a bunch of the artists that had played in the festivals past. Up now on the mainstage was Joe Louis Walker. I caught the 1st part of his set, he was great but I wanted to see Otis Taylor who was playing at the same time on the Backporch Stage. Shane joined me this time and we couldn’t get up too close since it was packed but we parked off to the side and watched a good portion of his set. He was a little under the weather but still pulled it out as he always does. More food. More wine. Rod Piazza had begun on the 2nd stage but we stayed in our spots and listened. Very Brian Setzer like. The of course who I had been waiting for - BUDDY GUY!!! He tore it up!!!!! He plays very similar to BB King, pausing alot to tell a story or make a comment. He has a smile that is so adorable. His gruff voice and ridiculous blues style made my heart sing. He was absolutely stellar!!! I have wanted to see him live forever and finally here he was. He's 75 years old and truly gives BB King a run for his money. You can feel it when he plays. You join him in his stories and his playing when he's up there. Amazing. Just amazing. Trombone Shorty started on the 2nd stage and I had read up on them a few days prior and wanted to check out their set. Dad and I headed over. As soon as we stopped we knew we were in for a treat. There were a couple of saxophone players and the main guy was tearing it up on the trombone. Very funky. Reminded me a bit of TOP. Then this dude whipped out a trumpet and played what I didn’t think was humanly possible!!! That damn thing didn’t leave his lips for an entire song. I have never in my life seen someone play the trumpet like this guy. Fucking incredible!!!!!! Dad couldn’t get over them. He kept saying "I'm so glad you wanted to see them!" We bobbed and grooved to their entire set. Then Taylor Hicks (Apparently and American Idol dude) came out and shredded on the harmonica! We always seem to stumble across a band we were not familiar with prior to this festival that blows us away. Today it was Trombone Shorty. We headed back to our seats and settled in for Steve Miller. He opened up with Jet Airliner and Dad turned into and excited little kid. I think the highlight for me was seeing dad get so excited. I have seen Steve Miller perform about 4 or 5 times and he's always stellar but dad had never seen him. He did some preaching encouraging people to help get a Blues Hall of Fame going and support the Blues Foundation and continued to play an absolutely fantastic set. Some new songs and full of old favorites. He was spot on. Doug Hamblin came out and played his magic on the guitar alongside of Steve and they were amazing. The crowd was singing along and one funny side note - there were about 5 sheriffs standing off to the side of us ready for riots or something and the guy on the end kept singing along to every song. We also caught him dancing a bit. Shane and I were dying. Steve came back out for an encore ending of course with Joker which dad and I danced our asses off too. We packed up our crap and headed out and took the long hike back to our car but got out with no problems. The VIP included us the closer seating area, $1 off drinks and nicer bathrooms. But what made it worth the price was we didnt get swarmed with people because the VIP area didn’t add anyone if that makes sense. Usually at the end of the night the last set or two it gets a little harry with people trying to squeeze in and tromp over your area with little or no respect, but being in the VIP area - everyone was already there. At one point I looked back and saw everyone crammed up against the fences that blocked off our area. So that made it worth it and I have a feeling my dad my spring for VIP again next year :) Yay! All in all it was yet another brilliant day of outstanding music, spending quality time with fam, fantastic people watching and a perfect perfect day out the sun watching some of our blues greats. I really hope kids today understand how important and influential blues our to our music. There is nothing like it. One of my favorite days of the year. Now 6 years running!

Childhood friends...

What is it about childhood friends that makes you have a bond stronger than no other? I have a few friends with whom I have never lost contact. I also have a few friends with whom we only see each other once in awhile. I also have a few friends with whom I didnt see for years and years and we re-connected and it was like no time had passed. It's truly amazing when you have a connection with certain people. I wonder sometimes why it seems to be so incredible with old friends. Maybe it's because we met each other at such a young age, where differences didnt matter. Innocence was still hanging on. Life hadnt happened to us yet. I love it. I love that I have so many of these friends. My two oldest friends actually are boys. Mike and Paul. Mike and I played in the sandbox together in pre-school. Paul and I were boyfriend/girlfriend when we were 3 years old. Then there's Libby. My best friend in the whole world. We were neighborhood kids who became friends due to her one eye'd cat. We have been best friends ever since. Yes, you get older and have lots of best friends but Libby will always be THE best friend. She hasnt changed. Our friendship is stronger than ever. Then I have Robin. We met because she got held back in 4th grade and we clicked. I love this girl. She gave birth to my godson who is now a teenager. I've always protected her. I always will. Susan I met in girl scouts about 3rd grade. We used to collect lady bugs out in the field in elementary school and make bracelets out of flowers. I remember when we both got sent to the principals office because she brought her pet mouse to school one day. Her mom and my mom now take yoga together. This girl is one of the strongest women I know. And speaking of strong women, there's Cori. We met in High School and got in a world of trouble together. This girl and I have been to Hell and back together. I would do anything for her. Then there are the friends I have re-connected with after many years. Ceasar. A popular boy in High School. We were friends but not super close. Now we hang once in awhile and laugh and I try to get him to keep up with me in my boxing bootcamp. And of course Kasi. Our personalities are so similar. We were tennis partners in High School and were fucking amazing at it. I remember getting suspended from a couple of games because I hurled my tennis racket at an opposing team because they kept hurling balls unfairly at Kasi. She's a spitfire and I'm thrilled we've re-connected. Then of course now adays there's facebook where I've gotten back in touch with a crap load of childhood friends and we see what each other is doing and comment on each others accomplishments. It really is interesting. But there is something about those friends that have stayed friends. Those friends whom I trust with my life and those friends with whom years can pass and it doesnt matter that bond is still there. I truly feel honored to have so many friends from my childhood still in my life. We've been through alot together. I love each and every one of you.

I left my heart in San Francisco...

I kind of did. Paul is my oldest friend. We have known each other since we were toddlers. We were boyfriend/girlfriend when we were 3 years old. Oh yes. Such a love. But really - I love him dearly. It's rare to have a friend your entire lifetime like that. Paul doesn’t stay in one place very long, so as soon as he was old enough he was off popping around all over the place. But whenever he was near or in town he would come see my shows or attend the random party. We have always kept in touch. He met the lovely Genelle four or so years ago and I was instantly in love. They are meant for each other in every way. They contacted me a few months ago and asked if I would read something at their wedding. I of course was honored. Mom and I were invited, but mom not able to leave her parents right now left me in need of a date. Who other to bring along than my best friend. Lib and I have been friends for a very long time and she is and always will be my best friend in the whole world. This was her 1st trip away from her hubs and daughter so we both were excited to hit the road on a much needed few days away from it all. I had met with AAA and got a trip tix and tour books and Libby and I planned to just sort of wing it and stop at random places and enjoy our time up - there - and back. Thursday: Lib arrived at my house at 4:15 am. We wanted to hit it early and blast through LA before rush hour. Our intention was to hit up Solvang 1st. On our way up the 101 detoured us to a random outlet and we ended up on some random stretch of coast somewhere. We laughed and shot some photos and took a moment to take in the beautiful morning ocean air. It was quiet and lovely and a bit serene. We hit the road again, finding our way back on track and headed out to Solvang. We pulled off at one of the Vista Points and shot some gorgeous shots that of course don’t do the landscape justice. We take for granted the beautiful area that we really are surrounded by here in California I think. I wanted to take it all in and remember the lush greens. I'm thinking it's time to start getting back to nature....Anywhoo - we arrive in Solvang and realized our 1st mistake. Nothing opened until like 9:30-10am. It was about 7:30am. Crap. We found a place that was open for breakfast though and settled in. Libby ordered the abelskeevers and I had eggs benedict. Why not start off our vacation with a punch to the gut? I wanted to enjoy these few days before I start looking into a better diet so I stalked up on antacids’ and tums and was ready. We wandered around the town for a while, trying to stall until something opened up. We walked down into a neighborhood and I took a shot of the green mountains surrounding the town. I don’t know how to explain it but it was almost like it was out of a storybook. It looked so beautiful and green. We finally gave up on stalling and stocked up on pastries, fudge and peanut brittle. I also swung into a candle shop that had just opened and bought a few 70% off Solvang candles. We hit the road. As we drove along the 1 we continued commenting on the gorgeous drive. The weather was perfect, blue sky and the ocean got bluer as we got more north. We stopped in Cayucos and pulled into Hoppes Bistro per the recommendation of a friend of mine. The setting was darling, a little garden surrounded by flowers and charm. We sat in the sun and said hi to Bo the yorki that was wondering around looking for snacks. I ordered my 1st glass of wine and sat back and tried to soak into vacation mode. Luckily we were not in a hurry because the service was the slowest I have ever seen. It seemed a much slower pace around there anyway, but we hadn’t planned on being there that long and were starting to cook in the sunshine. The food was ok, not spectacular. I have to admit I was a little disappointed. We hit the road again, Lib slathering lotion on her now sunburnt arms. We drove a bit more along the gorgeous coast and pulled off the road at Harmony - another recommendation from the same friend to try this tiny winery in this tiny town with a population of 18. We pulled up and strolled in. The man was super friendly and very knowledgeable about wine. We purchased the tasting to get a glass (I love doing that!) and chatted about wine and the weather. He gave me a very thick booklet full of all the Paso Robles wineries and suggested we stop there on the way back. I loved a couple of my tastes and promptly bought a Cab and a Malbec. We left a nice tip and hit the road. I wanted to find the place I had stopped at years ago and seen seals - we found it alright. It's now a tourist attraction. I guess I'm not surprised. It's probably better because you can’t walk down on the beach anymore but they have a parking lot and a look out area where you can see all the seals bathing in the sun. I love seals. I don’t know why but I think they are the cutest damn things. The wind was insane and we didn’t stay too long. I wasn’t too impressed now that it’s all touristy. We did have a hilarious squirrel situation. There were about a dozen of the little guys - obviously being fed regularly by the tourists and they have no fear. In fact - they are a little scary. They shot right up to us and wanted food. I was trying to snap a photo or two but one of them started to try to climb up my pant leg. Um - sorry little guy but no. Libby was shrieking and running way because she made the mistake of handing one them a nut. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Off we went again. We jokingly decided that we commented on how gorgeous and beautiful the coast was at least 382 times. We played the "Name the actor" game and Libby swore that River Phoenix's name was Phillip Rivers. Yes had to be there, but again - laughter so hard it hurt. We drove along the stretch through the mountain from Morro Bay to Monterey. Lib attempted to eat her cream puff from Solvang that promptly turned into a huge mess and again mass laughter. Although I was never able to see out of the passenger side mirror again since it was covered in whip cream. We took much longer on this road that we had anticipated. We seemed to always get behind the not so courteous drivers that drove at a snail’s pace and didn’t pull over. We also got stopped at one point for road work (I still don’t think they were actually doing anything) for about half an hour but at least it was a beautiful drive. Since we were running behind now we skipped Big Sur and Monterey which really disappointed me. We hit the road hard again and shot up to San Fran arriving sometime around 8pm. Traffic was gnarly from Monterey up it seemed so it was quite hairy getting into Burlingame where we were staying. We checked in and unloaded our many many bags and shoes and name it we had it. Paul and Genelle were at the hotel and stopped in to greet us with hugs and presents and excitement. We chatted a bit and off they were again with pre-wedding plans. Lib and I decided to just have a late dinner at the hotel since we were road tired and passed out pretty soon after. Friday: We got a bit of a late start - sleeping in was so nice. We also learned that we were going to have a battle of the snoring for the next few nights. The altitude and change in weather seemed to affect both our sinuses. At least we have a sense of humor about it. I inhaled one of my Solvang pastries for breakfast - so good! Off to Pier 39 we went. Libby had never been to San Fran and I wanted to make sure we hit Pier 39/Ghirardelli and she wanted to hit Haight/Ashbury. Today was the 1st. We hit mass traffic coming in. (I guess I have forgotten how shitty the traffic is) and paid a very shady looking person to park our car. Yes - it was weird. It was a structure...but odd...but we didn’t know...but it was right there and other people seemed fine. Honestly I think they may have just charged us more, but our car was fine. We hit the pier and Lib turned into a shopaholic. I loved the idea of bath salts outside on the pier so I purchased a few bottles that you got to fill up yourself then shot some pictures while Lib was in and out of kitschy shops. We watched the seals for a while laughing at a fairly large one that kept shoving the other seals out of his way. I don’t know why they didn’t lay on other platforms...anyway. We had a lovely lunch at Boudin. We went upstairs to the fancier restaurant and I ordered oysters, wine and clam chowder in a bread bowl. This was probably my favorite meal of the whole trip. So so good!!!!! We also ran into a friend who I knew was up on vacation but never thought we'd actually see! Too funny! We then walked along the wharf and hit up Ghirardelli Square. Libby bought a cupcake that was seriously the best cupcake we had ever tasted. Seriously. Amazing. I almost tempted her to stay an extra day if I bought her a dozen. We bought way too much chocolate and some drinks and popped a squat in Hyde Park. I could have sat there all day. The weather was perfect. I didn’t want to leave. But - we were here for a reason and I had rehearsal at 6pm - so we headed back. Traffic was crappy, but we managed back in time. We freshened up and headed down for the rehearsal. It was quick and painless then off to the rehearsal dinner we went. I had Paul's mom, boyfriend and niece in the car with Lib and I and unfortunately we got lost and were a little late to the dinner. The dinner was at a Mexican Restaurant called Hola! and wasn’t bad. The room we were in was a little small for our big group and the night went on a little longer than I would have preferred but being chauffer I had to stay. Paul and Genelle seemed happy and that's what mattered. I enjoyed chatting with her sister in law and family at our table for sure. Such a lovely group of people. Back to the room - crash. Saturday: We ordered room service just for the sheer fun of doing so and paid way too much for not so good food. Dammit. We then tried to get out the door a bit sooner and we almost did. We rolled into San Fran again searching for Haight Street. We unfortunately read the map wrong and parked waaaay farther than we should have and ended up hiking up some very large hills to find the Haight District. We did come across a little park that looked like it would have been great to explore, but we were on a time limit. We strolled through Haight and my camera didn’t stop clicking. I loved all the wall art and random things and colors. It was a spectacular sight. We snacked and shopped and Lib got her hippie fix. We needed to trek back in plenty of time for the wedding. We got back to the hotel a little early so we took advantage of that time and lay out by the pool for a while. So nice. I still can’t believe I was laying out by a pool in San Fran. It's ALWAYS cold! We showered and got ourselves all dolled up for the big night. We arrived on time and I was sat in the front row. Genelle looked stunning. Everyone looked fantastic and the wedding was so sweet. The colors worked, there was so much love, a friend of theirs married them and he teared up, I got through my reading brilliantly but fell apart as soon as they did their vows. Paul caught my teary face and lost it as well. So happy. So amazing. Loved seeing all the love in that room. Cocktail hour followed then came the reception. They had a slide show and our table was full of some of Paul's family who were so much fun. I'm in love with his Aunt Sharon now. We ate and laughed and drank. The toasts were all so heart felt and sweet. Paul's mom even mentioned me in hers which made me cry again. The DJ was great and everyone seemed to have a great time. When the dancing got to full blown, Libby and I slipped out. We were both exhausted and not used to wearing heels. We headed up to the room and crashed. Sunday: Up and out. We checked out and decided to snack on the road for breakfast. We had a few stops we wanted to do coming home. Santa Cruz was 1st. This is such a ridiculously beautiful city. I would like to return and go somewhere other than the Boardwalk - but that's what we hit and did have fun. We wandered around played a game, got some ice cream and funnel cake and Lib made a mental note to bring her daughter back up here. Such a great place for kids. We found a great little walk way/train track that we wandered around and just took in the beauty of the area. Off we went again. Our next plan was Paso Robles. I wanted to hit up a few wineries. Unfortunately bad planning and timing got in the way. We mistakenly ended up in downtown and had lunch at a not so good bar. The food grumbled around in our bellies and we were told we went the wrong 46 route. Who knew there were 2 exits? We headed out, found the right one and stopped at our 1st winery. Hunt Cellars. Won’t go back. The woman was a total bitch and I don’t think she smiled once. As we walked out annoyed, I realized they closed at 5. I grabbed the brochure and realized they all closed at 5. I started to cry. This was my thing. The one thing I really wanted to do and we didn’t plan it well. I pulled it together and saw one was open until 5:30. We shot over to Castro Cellars and had a great experience. The guy was really nice and friendly and I ended up buying 3 bottles from them. Libby even bought 2 bottles and she's not a wine fan. We headed out, met a cat and hit the road. We were determined to have a nice dinner to end our vacation and this landed us in Santa Barbara about 8pm. We had a very comical moment of her and me trying to change into nicer clothes in her car and we arrived at Emilio’s. Great little Italian place on the strip along the ocean. I'm sure it's a gorgeous few in the day time but we were there at night. Our food was outstanding and we got a mousse for dessert that was divine. We got home about 11:30 tired and happy. I realized some things on this trip. #1 Fuck Spontaneity. I know, I know. But seriously I am sticking to being a planner. I will find out when things open and close and where the hell they are before I head out. #2 I need to vacation more. I don’t vacation much due to finances and time. I also don’t vacation because it's so hard for me to fly. Well - we have a zillion things to do right here within driving distance. I want to go back and stay at Big Sur and Paso Robles and Santa Cruz. I want to take more mini vacations and just hit certain hide a ways. #3 I need more time. Yes - Libby and I had a great time, but I wish we had more time. There was so much more I wanted to do. I would like to take another trip to San Fran and just hit all the parks. Do a bike ride over Golden Gate Bridge. It's really not that far away. #4 Have a sense of humor always. Libby and I do and we did and that is what made this trip so fantastic. We laughed so much and relaxed and enjoyed everything. All in all it was a great trip. We had so much fun and I'm so happy for Paul and Genelle. California is a beautiful place and I plan to explore it even more.

Falling apart...

I am.
Literally.
My best friend today made a comment to me that was hilarious but sadly somewhat true it seems.
"Your body is not meant to handle a healthy lifestyle!" she said with a chuckle.
This lately seems to be the case.
I have quit smoking. I am trying to eat healthier - haven’t had a soda in years. Haven’t had fast food in months. Don’t eat too many sweets. Have learned to not over eat or drink. My biggest fault I think is carbs. I do love my bread.
I exercise much more often and much more vigorous styles.
I'm seeing a therapist who is Buddist who is trying to help me change my way of thinking.
All sounds good right?
Ok - begin of bitch session:
My gut has gotten way worse. Yes I have what we lovingly like to call "The McCoy Gut". But mine has gotten worse. I have been sent to a specialist who wants to do that horrible violating procedure you are not supposed to have done until you are at least in your 50's. He wants to do the upper and lower version. I won’t go into details but let's just say the last weekend in May I'm going to be out of sorts.
My knee has gotten worse. I'm not sure if I need a better brace, but my father and chiro have harped on me about surgery. It's time to clear out that scar tissue from all the damage I know I have done.
I have jacked up my left wrist. Yes I wrap it now before my boxing boot camp, but it's weird and crunchy.
And last of all my hip. Yes my hip. I am 36 years old and may have to have hip surgery. I may not - but at the moment I'm being sent to physical therapy to try to fix it. If it's not what they think (apparently a month of PT would fix it) I then have to get an MRI because they are concerned I have a lateral tear.
WTF????!!!!!!!
I'm being told to slow down. I don’t think I'm going fast! I take a boxing boot camp a couple times a week - it's vigorous but not crazy. I'm going to take a few "Get ripped classes" but again - not crazy. I take zumba, I ride my bike, I walk/jog, and I take random things I sign up for on Groupon and Living Social. Like a Barre class I took today which I loved!
I'm told I'm training like an athlete again, but I'm not an athlete anymore so I'm asking for major injuries like this stupid hip thing.
I'm pissed.
How the fuck is it that I am moving in a healthier direction and it's fucking me up!!!???
What makes this all worse is my insurance only covers part of it so I have some gnarly medical bills heading my way. Remind me again why I pay extra for PPO.
Jesus.

Ok - yes I'm working on "acceptance".
I accept I'm older. I accept I will eventually need to probably slow down a bit. I do accept these injuries and no I'm not stopping but I am being very careful. In Barre today - I did what I could, but if my hip barked I didnt push it.
I know health insurance is not what it used to be.
Another good friend of mine chatted with me yesterday getting on my ass about not giving myself credit. I recently made a huge move for me regarding depression - I handled something a different way and she harped on me that what I did was huge. She is right.
I did make a better decision.
There are some things going on in my life right now that there is nothing I can do about them. Those of you who know me well know the stressful heartbreaking situation we have to deal with in my family right now with my grandparents and mom and money. I need to realize that. I'm in a really tough place right now that has nothing to do with me personally.

This blog is part bitch session but part honesty. I'm trying. I'm trying so damn hard and I do seem to be suffering physically somewhat. But I'm not stopping.
I feel great when I'm active.
I know one of these damn days I will feel the benefits of quitting smoking and eating better. I'm just very impatient I suppose. I'm trying to be strong. To be smart. To make the right decisions. To be a good person.
It's hard. But I know it will be worth it.
Thank you to those who are holding my hand.

April Foolishness...

Last Saturday evening I attended KROQ's Kevin & Bean's April Foolishness.
I have been a fan of stand up my whole life. I have had multiple people tell me I should do stand up. I f-ing love comedy. Why I don’t see more stand up shows is beyond me. Kevin & Bean do this show every year. I always hear about it and think, "Man I would love to go to that" and when I finally get around to doing something about it, it already went on sale and promptly sold out as it always does. This is one of my problems. I think of great things to do then wait too long to actually do them. I just have too many things going on in my mind at all times and when I finally have time to focus - ah well.
Anyway - this year I was on it. I heard the announcement on the radio and then heard Eddie Izzard as part of the lineup. I flipped.
I realized the on sale time was a time I was in a meeting at work, so I emailed a few of my friends I knew loved Eddie and T promptly volunteered to buy the tix and we'd pay her later. I also love that she is a snoot when it comes to seating because she got KILLER SEATS.
I have been looking forward to this ever since I got the email saying we were in. It ended up being me and T and Jules. Two women I adore. We met up at 5 and headed up to LA in the lovely LA traffic. I hate LA. I seriously will only deal with that city for something worth it. We got there a little later than we had hoped but walked into the 1st restaurant we saw which was a steak place and put our name in. We hung around drinking wine and beer waiting for our table and caught up. That's when I snapped the shot of the 3 of us below.
Our names were called, we sat and promptly ordered. We had an outstanding waitress we tipped well and my steak sandwich was AMAZING! We downed the last of our alcohol and booked it over to the Gibson.
As we sat our asses down Larry King started his set. First of all Larry King? Stand up? He was alright. He was ok. He introduced his very young wife which was odd. But whatevs.
Next up was Felipe Esparza. Hilarious. T was crying next to me. This guy actually won the Last Comic Standing show apparently. I can see why. My only critique of him was he kept moving around. He was obviously nervous, but he needn’t be because the crowd loved him.
Up 3rd was Bob Saget. Now, I know he's known for how offensive he is. And it's pretty much impossible to offend me. I guess his bit is everyone thinks of him as the nice Full House dad but he's totally off color and offensive. The thing is - he wasn’t funny. And I mean at all. I wasn’t offended, but he was just bad. It was if ragging on his fellow co-stars and calling everyone gay was all he could muster. The crowd wasn’t into him either. People were getting up to get food or go to the restrooms or whatever, but he lost the crowd. I was quite disappointed. The only good part of his bit was when he was ragging on John Stamos and then he walked out and they bantered a bit back and forth. Can I just say John Stamos is so damn pretty.
After Bob was Brad Williams. This guy KILLED IT! He's a midget, so of course that was most of his material, but he had me in stiches!! I was crying half my make up off I was laughing so hard. He was absolutely brilliant and the crowd loved him. He also lives in Fullerton!!!! I hope to run into him someday and tell him how hilarious he was. He ended his set by giving Lisa May (one of the DJ's on Kevin & Bean) a lap dance. I died. He was my favorite of the evening. I don’t remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did at his set.
Next up was Tim Minchin. This guy is a trip. I have seen him before. He's sort of like a blonde Russell Brand. He's a brit and he's odd and he plays the piano and makes up these random hilarious songs. He also does the weirdest faces but they work. He was great.
After him was Eddie Ifft. Sucked. Again - it was like this guy was trying too hard to be offensive and it was just stupid. He wasn’t funny at all. I actually started to doze a bit during his set.
After that guy was Jay Mohr. Jay is one of my faves. I love him. He's odd and funny and I just love him. His set was great. It started a bit slow and he got quite a cheer when he said "It's pretty apparent we're all fighting for 2nd place after Brad!” Awesome. He moved along smoothly and kept me laughing the whole time.
Then we had Jim Jeffries. This guy is an Aussie and was hilarious up until the end. Now T loved him and actually cried off her makeup during his set. He was funny, but at the end he just went a little too far for me. His shtick was pretty much saying things that the audience response is "Oh he did not just go there..." sort of thing. Again - I wasn’t offended, but it did seem to go just a little too far for my taste. But for the most part - dude was frickin hilarious.
Last but defiantly not least was of course Eddie Izzard. He was fabulous and hilarious as always. I would have liked to hear some new stuff; he did pull out a lot of his old stuff. The other bummer was he wasn’t a crowd pleaser. See Eddie is highbrow humor as T puts it. This crowd is a little more poop and fart joke kind of crowd. So I don’t think they appreciated Eddie as much as those of us who were obviously there just for Eddie. I love him. I thought he was brilliant as always. I laughed and laughed.
All in all it was a fantastic evening. I had two fantastic girlfriends, I had a great meal and I laughed my ass off which is what I need so much right now.
We headed home, tired and happy. I took a couple of shots of Jay and Eddie. Had I not been laughing so hard I would have tried to catch Brad. These are with my iPhone so the quality sucks but I posted them anyway!
Laughter truly is the best medicine!!

Warrior Dash 2012...

I had to sign up for Warrior Dash again, because this was the race that kick started off my bug to sign up for a bunch more similar type races. I LOVE OBSTACLES!!!
Last year the race was in April. When registration came around I signed up and didn’t pay attention to the fact it was in March. Half way through the rehearsal process of my show I realized I had the race the same day I had my closing night. That sucked. But I wasn’t about to cancel out of something I love so I sucked it up.
This year our crew was the ridiculously fit Tully, D and my friend Susan. Court was originally part of our crew but had to have a surgery that kept her out of the race but didn’t keep her from being there with us at the finish line cheering us on. She pretty much rules. Susan has been doing a crazy boot camp every day and has gotten into probably the best shape of her life so I knew she was going to kick ass.
Warrior Dash has grown. It's one of the largest races and they are all over the world. They had more people and more wave times this year. The waves were every hour from 9-5. (Last year was like 9-2). We had signed up for the 1st wave. I love being 1st. The course isn’t thrashed; you get it done and still have the day. We arrived in Lake Elsinore in plenty of time but lordy lordy was it cold!!!!!!!
We checked in, took some pre-race photos, I finished my coffee and power bar, we stripped to our running gear and headed to the starting line. The announcer was great - keeping everyone pumped and teaching them the "Warrior Sign". I tried to make sure I stretched as much as possibly could since it was cold and I knew this was going to affect my knee. I unfortunately had a bit of some injury issues this year. The Thursday before we had a situation at my grandparents that resulted in my lifting my Papa for almost half hour. I torqued the left side of my body and screwed up my already damaged wrist. I also have been having some weird thing going on with my hip do the point I can’t even do a butterfly stretch and I can’t get in to see my Chiropractor until April 9th. So I had my wrist brace on to protect my damaged wrist (He's going to kill me when he finds out I did Warrior Dash anyway...) and my usual knee brace to protect my failing knee.
The flames went and off we went. I always start out jogging even though I know I'm going to end up in my power walk. Tully and Susan took off since they are studs and runners and D and I stayed together. D realized my power walk is the perfect speed to her pace jog. Have I mentioned I have a really crazy fast power walk?
Unfortunately my knee went before I even hit the 1st mile. This is the earliest my knee has gone. I know the cold weather wasn’t helping, but I also know that I'm getting closer to the point I'm going to have to have surgery. So I didn’t run really at all the rest of the race. Just my famous power walk. Which honestly is fine - I end up passing half the runners anyway because so many people burn out so fast. I was laughing at some comments from people I was passing saying "How is her walk fast than our run!!!!" or "Come on don’t let the gimp beat us!". My limp was becoming worse.
We hit the 1st obstacle which was tires. I popped through them best I could but I kept getting stuck behind slow people. See, one of the things that drives me crazy is since I'm usually at the back half of the mob I'm with a lot of the more un athletic folk. Not to be rude, but I kill the obstacles. I just can’t run! I really want to power through the obstacles and challenge myself and see how fast I can do them but it's so hard when I'm held up by slow pokes. (Honestly my dream race would just be just obstacles. No running, just the next obstacle - I would win!!!!!!)
Anywhoo - after the tires we hit the hop over the wall/then crawl under barb wire like 5 or 6 times. I pissed off a couple of people because I went in front of them. I'd like to point out I didn’t cut them off but it's a fucking race and I was better than they were so I went around them. D had my back :)
From here on out the obstacles get fuzzy because I would have blogged the same day had I not had a show, but here we go in a nutshell: There was a wall you rock climbed up which D and I both smoked since we've been doing that indoor rock climbing. There were poles you slid down on the other side. There were a couple of rope things you climbed; there was a wall with a rope (that last year had knots! Not this year), You had to have good upper body strength for that one. I rocked. You went up and down a few hills. And you pretty much were always climbing over a wall of some sort or meandering over weird rope contraptions.
Near the end was the hardest and funnest obstacles. So last year you jogged down to the lake, into the lake and rolled over these logs. This year there was a ginormous slip & slide down to the lake!!! SO much fun! I noticed people seem to keep getting stuck halfway and would walk or scoot down the rest of the way so when I ran up and launched down the slide I didn’t expect to go flying down the thing. I started spinning and was completely out of control. I took out 2 people on my way down and crashed into the lake. I have no idea why my ass when flying down the thing and no one else's seem too. It must have looked hilarious because D was crying with laughter. When walked/swam up to the water obstacles I realized this wasn’t going to be easy. They looked like floating water coolers all tied together. There were 3 sets you had to get over. But there was nowhere to grab! I was too short to hop out of the water - it was up to my chest at this point. I tried jumping best I could but my arm wouldn’t reach the other side. There were volunteers helping people but I of course am stubborn and want to do it myself. I finally figured a way to grab the edge; flop I up out of the water like a seal and then flop onto the cooler things. I then reached over and grabbed the other side of them dragging my soaking wet freezing ass over them. The other challenge was it was so fucking cold I could barely catch my breath and by the time I got to the 3rd set I was blue and didn’t thing I was going to make it. I did, but damn.
I waited for D who was way behind me at this point but didn’t mind as I need to catch my breath.
We then headed off to the home stretch. We came up to the fire and leaped over. Then into the mud and under the barbed wire. Just like last year, my knee brace came off in the damn mud. I really need to get a better brace. It's so smooshy!!!!!! I love it!
One neat thing this year was the Travel Channel apparently has some show where they build these huge sand sculptures. Well they were there and filming and had made this huge Warrior Helmet and in front of it a pit with little monsters inside. Well after the mud you ran into the pit then over the helmet to the finish! It was so cool!
As we came up to the finish line I was limping worse than I have in a long time. D screamed my name and the announcer heard. It was so cool when over the loud speaker I hear "Come on Jami! Look at her! She's broken and still kicking ass!! Come on Jami! That's a true warrior!". I'm not gonna lie - I felt special. He only knew my name cuz her heard D scream it! :)
There at the finish line was Tully whom I adore and love nothing more than seeing his smiling face knowing he finished like ions ago.
We rinsed off, took some photos, I loved seeing Susan's beaming face - knowing I have got her hooked now too, and headed to the car where we changed into warmer/dryer clothes and joined the party to have our beers and food. (Well - they had beers - I watched)
All in all as usual I had a blast. I got much more banged up this year, and my knee is so unhappy as well as the wrist but dammit it was so worth it. I really do wish they would come up with something that is just the obstacles though.....
I'm looking forward to the Sport Photo pics - I hope I get some good ones, but below are a few Courtney took. It was so great having her there!
So on to the next!!!