I got a job.
I should be jumping for joy. I should be thankful. I should be so appreciate and grateful due to the state of our economy and the state of alot of my friends. Its bitter sweet. I've wanted/needed a job since the sad demise of OP. I've moved back home and wanted back out. Those readers of mine out there may think less of me after this blog. But it ripped into my heart. This has been coming the past couple of weeks. The realist in me has been battling the dreamer ever since October. The realist won.
I tried so hard to look at this as a new opportunity. A new time to start a new life. A time to focus on becoming a paid actor. Getting an agent. Getting out there. Taking photographs again. Writing more, maybe even writing a book. I did none of this. I got to a breaking point and realized I need to give up my dreams. Ever since my divorce I've had this overhanging debt of my ex-husbands. I've never gotten ahead. I lived paycheck to paycheck but I lived on my own. Losing my job and moving back home humbled me tremendously. I've realized I have to get this debt gone and out of my life. I need to somewhat start over. The sad part of this is, I have to give up my dreams to do so. So I did it. I was offered a job in this failing economy. The pay is somewhat less (not much) then what I made at OP. I'm going back into a job I hated. But its a job. I'll have benefits and vacation time. I'll have money. I can now get that debt paid off. I can now actually for the 1st time since my divorce save some money and then move out on my own, by myself. I've become a statistic. I've become a normal boring person. I will have a job. I will have my own place. I will hopefully meet someone and maybe time I should start a family. I dont know. It seems I've never gone this direction and I havent been happy. I should try it. I need to be grateful for what I do have and suck it up. I need to be grateful that I have a wonderful family and a wonderful support group of friends. I need to stop trying so hard to suceed as an artist. I'm 33. Its time I grew up.
4 comments:
Oh, Baby. I have lots to say about this, but for now just know that I'm thinking about you and I love you.
You don't have any energy to give to creativity when you are stressed on paying your bills! Use your free time after working at your 'job' to pursue the things you love! There's always time for photography :)
Hey, it is okay. I know you will still pursue acting and being yourself completely. I hope you can enjoy your new job. Write me an email and tell me what/where it is.
I would not necessarily "give up" on your dreams, but rather simply postpone them for now.
I am the one responsible for advising you and your brothers to find something you love and make that your career.
While not a bad goal, it isn't really that easy. Money, or I should say the lack of it will alter your direction. It has happened to all of us at one time or another. Such is life.
Sacrifice builds character. You have realized your priorities. That in and of itself is huge. No self deprication. Assess and deploy. Your dreams will be waiting. Love you, sweetie.
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