Its all comin to a head...

These last few weeks have been tough. Today is the 1st day I'm physically feeling it. The nagging twinge in my lower right side of my back, the throbbing bruises, the exhaustion.
I'm leaving most of my furniture/appliances/kitchenware to the roomie. No need for me to take it and he can use it. When the time comes I'll sell it to him, toss it or store it. Most likely the 1st two. There's really nothing I want to keep anymore.
I spent a day climbing like a monkey on my counter tops, going thru all my cabinets, packing up most my wine glasses, my coffee mugs, shot glasses. Leave the plates, the silverware all the cookware. I took my wine opener and left him one as well. I spent another day going through the living room, all the drawers, the computer desk - taking my candles, kitch, random things I love. My pictures. Thanks to Rose/Mel - my garage was cleaned out and organized. I took all my Halloween decoration to mom's. I"ve made a total of about 8 or 9 trips to mom's by myself, my truck loaded with boxes. Lifting, moving, feeling like the all powerful woman I think myself to be, but not feeling like it currently.
I went thru my backyard and took the more girly yard decor. I gave alot of plants to Rose, and Sharyn and Stephen. There's a few left here roomie promises not to kill.
I made $72 at my impromtu garage sale last Saturday. Thanks to Rose showin up before the sun came up and being one of the best wheeler/dealers I've ever seen. Mom came later and we loaded the remains into my truck and I took it to Salvation Army.
I purchased a 2nd kitty carrier so I can transport the girls at the same time. They worry me most. I hope they adapt and are ok.
T came over today and we packed up my bedroom. All my books, kitch, hats, random shit. We laughed at the ridiculous amount of mini gift books I have and of course hats. "I've gotten rid of some of my beanies, I swear!".
I called utilties today and switched them over to roomies name. My room is full of boxes and echoy and bare now. The big move is Friday. I have 5 trucks if all show up, I'm hoping we can do it in one trip. I'll get the room somewhat set up, then come back to Costa Mesa to get the girls. Saturday I'll come back again to take the last load to Salvation Army, to go to the cable company store with roomie to switch it over, and to vacume and clean my empty room so new roomie can move in.
I sat down on the couch tonight and cried. I wrote a blog on myspace and cried. Its starting to hit me. I've lived in Costa Mesa for 10 years. I worked at Opera Pacific for 10 years. I've had a job since I was 12. I'm starting over.
Its scary. Its exciting. Its sad. I'm having so many different emotions right now my head feels like its going to explode. I have plans. My grandparents desparately need me right now. I'm going to help mom get her life somewhat on track too. Family is priority. We're helping each other. Once I'm settled, I'll be signing up on all kinds of casting websites, hitting up my contacts, starting to network and really try to audition and find an agent. I want to take some writing classes so I can actually try to write a book. I forgot how much I loved photography until I was packing up my ridiculous amount of photography books, all my old photos and portfolios I started years back. Now I have a beautiful new camera I need to learn and start again. I'll eventually hit the pavement and get another day job, but not yet. Its bad times anyway. Hiring freezes, layoffs, shitty economy. No one is safe and nothing is stable. The entertainment industry is still booming tho, so why not try now. And thats what I'm going to do.
But I"ll tell ya readers - I'm so sad, and I'm going to miss this place so much. I"ve had ups and downs with the roomie. I'll miss him dearly, and he'll miss me. I love this little bungalow. I love that I can walk to sushi, liquor store or more. I love that I can ride my bike to the beach. I love that Costa Mesa is the cutest little city. I loved having my own place. I've been independant for over 10 years. Yes - this is temporary - but its still hard as hell and it rips at my heart strings. I'll cry alot more the next few days I"m sure. But its ok. I'm crying away the old life, and starting my new one. Its my time now. Its time for Jami to flourish and dammit - do I intend to!