Fuzzy/Foggy/Forward...

Yesterday was my 1st day getting up and not having a job. Ever. Its weird. Its weird today.
I filed for unemployment yesterday, paid some bills. 10 days from now I get another application that I then have to apparently mail back. All I hope is I can make it to that 1st unemployment check. I have nightmares about moving, working, so much. My mind is full of a million things. I'm moving forward but its fuzzy and foggy and weird. I'm moving home with mom. I'm trying to schedule times with friends, siblings to help me with the process. Help with organizing, help with moving, help with wrapping my head around the whole thing. Its weird. I figured I'd pause a second and blog part of whats going thru my head.
I need to tackle the garage. I dont even know whats out there. Most will be thrown away or set up for a garage sale. Oh - I have to have a garage sale. I need to get some cash so I'll have change when people come hopefully buy my junk. When should I have a sale? Every weekend until I leave? Maybe just Sat. Hell whenever I actually do it. I'm going to leave my Xmas and Halloween decorations. Maybe roomie will want to use them. Thats all I want to leave in that garage.
My house, most stays - on loan basically to roomie. I will take my antique table tho. I dont trust it with boys. Everything else will probably stay, no need to pay for storage. Roomie can use it anyway. Jesus I didnt realize that 98% of whats in this place is mine. I have to move my room - everything in there. I have to figure out how to make it fit into a room half its size. Lord. I'll need a vacume that works so I can leave it clean for the new roomie who will take my place.
I'm so worried about the girls. They are going to freak out. They've never met a dog - Smokie is harmless, but still. Mom has another cat too - mostly outside but still. I'll have to really watch them more due to the fact that over protective mommy keeps them indoors. They may be locked in my old bedroom often. I hope they adapt ok. I'm so worried.
I've emailed fellow actor friends who are pursuing the LA scene. I've gotten info, advice, setting up times to meet with them to pick thier brains and give this a whirl for a few months. Of course this is all pending that umemployment will cover my bills.
Gramma is already dependent on me. I was assuming it'd be after I move home. No. They need me now. I'm taking Papa to the Dr. today actually. I think Gramma wants me to run errands for her tomorow. I'm going to have to figure all this out.
I've got to get off book for my show Love Song. I havent even looked at the script. I have the smallest part! Yet I havent even picked it up. I have to get on that. Now.
I've given Sharyn all the RG board stuff, this is good. I did that last nite - that is one thing off my chest. One less worry. I'm giving alot of plants to her and Ludwig - I think they'll take good care of them and it'll add to thier garden and I wont be here to tend to them.
I dont know when I'm actually going to move - maybe Nov 29? Whatcha all doin that day? I want to be ready to just move stuff over - then I"ll stay there. My last nite in my little bungalow in Costa Mesa that I"ve loved so much. Its going to be hard. Its going to be weird. It already is.
The whole last week at OP I felt like I was in a bad dream. Felt surreal, felt weird. That still hasnt gone away. Its just so strange. I just feel strange.
I believe I"m handling it surprisingly well tho. I havent cried as much as I thought. Just been worried and I'm so tired because I cant sleep at all because my mind is going going going. I think of little stupid things. SO much. I"m trying to make this good. Make this positive. Make this less difficult. I'm ignoring the fact that I'm giving up my independance. Its only temporary. Thank GAWD I have a mom whose like a best friend. Thank GAWD living with her wont make me want to kill myself. She's great, it'll be fun, it'll be temporary.
This will be my break. This is the life change I"ve been wanting. Godammit it better all work out!