Pub & Grub Fail...

You can imagine how super excited I was when I saw an advertisement for a Pub & Grub.

I mean - hello!!!!  FOOD!

Tickets were a bit more than I'd care to spend, but why not!  Let's do it!  Libby and Taylor decided to join as well and we were really looking forward to a Saturday afternoon of entertainment, food, booze, vendors and games!!!

Nope.

Epic Fail on their behalf.

The check in staff was super friendly and offered us our map making it sound like it was so much more than it actually was.  We walked in and there was an adorable vendor to the right selling little handmade purses/keychains/etc and ended up being the sole vendor.  Yup.  Just her.  Then we passed 3 food trucks.  There was a stage set up, then off to the left were games, and off to the right was the "All Access Area" which is what we dug into our pockets to pay for.  It was a fucking joke.

The all access didn't start for a bit so we played some of the games set out.  I mean - for such a crappy event I couldn't have been with 2 better sports.  Libby, Taylor and I will make the best out of any situation!

We spent more time chasing the golf ball

Ladder Ball!

Pretty fun actually, I kinda want to purchase one of these

Then we took our hopeful selfie.  We were really hoping the site we saw behind us was more than we saw and we were just missing something....

Please let there be more food....

Nope.  That bare bones you see behind us was it.  This was it from the other side:

Nope

Lord.
Welp - let's taste the teeny tiny amount of samples that we can!  I will say this - the event blew and the amount of vendors in the Bullshit All Access Area was just that - BULLSHIT.  But - the few that were there were great!  So here they are:

First up was Black Market Bakery who I am familiar with and love.  They did not disappoint.  The gal was super nice as well.

There was a delicious caramel sauce at the bottom that you dipped the pretzel in! Yum!

Mini Cheesecake and Smore Sandwich. The cookies on the sandwich were like molasses! So good!

Although the Smore Sandwiches were really really delicious, they were sticky as hell and my friend Mel got it in her hair and made for quite the entertaining "Something About Mary" moment.

I love her

Next up we hit the 1 wine stand.  Multiple wine samples were advertised.  Nope - 1.  And it was Prosecco (which I can't stand) mixed with some red liquor and sparkling water.  It was disgusting. All 3 of us threw away our beverages after a couple of sips.

This smile was before I took a sip

Libby and Taylor tried some of the beers and said there were a couple of good ones.  But nothing stood out.

There was the Iron Press which was serving up these little waffle tacos.  They were pretty good but the staff was having a hard time keeping up with the demand so I only got one.

Yummy little waffle taco

Next up was these little chicken sandwiches.  They had a yummy sauce with a slight kick and a pickle.  I ate like 4 because - hello - there wasn't really anything else to fucking eat!  This place was Two Birds and were popping these out like hotcakes.  Yummy!

These were so good!

There was Shuck Oyster Bar which I was excited about but curious since oysters aren't in season right now.  They were serving these little shrimp sliders.  Unfortunately the slaw was super spicy so I couldn't partake but they made me one without the slaw.  It was actually still pretty good!  But the others had the actual slider with the slaw and said it was delish!

Spicy goodness

There was also this place called Juice Mi that were giving out samples of a bunch of their different juices.  HELLO YUM!  All the varieties were great!  If I want to get me some healthy juice and/or maybe do a juice cleanse, these are the people I'd hit up.  The gal I chatted with was super friendly as well!

Possible 3 Day Juice Cleanse anyone?

And that's it.
Yup - THAT WAS FUCKING IT!

There were a couple more but they didn't have food yet.  Seriously WTF.

So - the three of us meandered over into 4th Street Market which is one of my favorite DTSA hot spots.  (I actually thought the event was in here, so sad it wasn't!).  We just sucked it up and ended up buying ourselves the good food and drink we were hoping to fill ourselves up with at the bullshit event.  Grumble.

But of course - we had a blast.  I adore these two and we ended up spending the afternoon drinking, eating and playing Connect Four!

Now this is fun!

Connect Four!

Seriously so much fun!

Hella good ice cream sandwich!

So in conclusion - Pub and Grub - TOTAL BUST.

Afternoon with two of my favorite people  - SUCCESS!

5 Years Later...

The anniversary is looming.

I feel it.  My emotions are a bit up and down, I'm in a sort of funk and I find myself extra weepy.  Figured it was time to put it into my blog.  Mom is on edge.  I had a tension headache yesterday and she text me this morning to make sure I was ok.  I know dad and I will talk about it tomorrow on our weekly lunch date and he'll retell the memory of when he drove to the airport in Illinois not sure if he was going to get back to California to a dead daughter.  Harsh?  Yup.  It was.  He's retold that story a thousand times and it still haunts him.  Hell it still haunts me.  I still panic if I have a sudden headache.  I still tear up remembering sometimes.  I still wonder why I was spared.

5 Years ago my life changed.

I now refer to life as BSAH and ASAH.  Before subarachnoid hemorrhage and after subarachnoid hemorrhage.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember standing up from the bicep curl machine at Fitness 19 on Chapman that Wednesday early evening.  I remember the very odd and very painful headache wash over my head causing me to stumble.  I remember actually driving the short distance home feeling like I was going to throw up.  I remember breaking into a sweat and shaking and realizing something was very very wrong.  I remember trying to call my mom 1st but got her voicemail.  Then making the decision that saved my life and dialing 911.  Staring at my phone a minute before hitting send, not sure if I really wanted to do this.  I remember hearing the paramedics come into the house as I was throwing up in the bathroom. I remember the ambulance ride.  I remember the awful ER treatment.  I remember Danelle arriving.  Then my mom.  I remember getting a CAT Scan and I remember the mood changing after that.  Another CAT Scan with dye.  It gets fuzzy.  I'm now in dark room surrounded by windows of nurse stations and my mom is talking to the nurse who just brought her a blanket and pillow so she can sleep on the bench next to me. Then it blurs.  I remember being scared.  Being angry.  Being confused.  I remember my nurses Eva and Maria.  Maria would give me foot rubs. I remember the MRI.  I remember the Angiogram. I remember Libby crying over me.  I remember Robin bringing me a balloon.  I remember Terri's reaction when I was brought back into the room.  I remember my dads face, trying not to look like the color just drained from his face when he walked in and saw me for the 1st time.

Recovery was awful.  Probably the most pain I've ever been in my entire life.  Blood pooling in the base of your spine from your head is no fun.  Nor is landing back in the ER because your gut has been ruined by all the pain meds.

But - I bounced back.  I did water exercises in the Jacuzzi to build my strength back up.  Mom took care of me.  Dad came by almost every day.  Friends brought food and flowers and gifts and kept my spirits up.  When the time came for my 2nd Angiogram all was well.  The Dr. came into my recovery room and said the magic words - "You're perfect."  I'm in the 10% of people who actually survive one of these.

And here I am today.  5 Years later.  A very different person.

There have been some after effects that have come to light. The schwannoma in my head, chillin on my inner ear balance nerve.  I have a specialist watching that via yearly MRI's.  Then my new "condition" that a different specialist is working on.  Let's just say it's like motion sickness on steroids.  He's confident it's neurological and confident the SAH did trigger it.  Unfortunately still dealing with that one and may not ever be able to fly but not ruling it out yet.

But friends - I'm alive.  I'm happy.  I'm grateful every single day.  Having your perspective on life change is a trip.  I've learned to deal with being an empath.  I'm working on living in the moment.  Accepting everything about me and not trying to change anything.  I have anxiety.  I'm very emotional.  I have OCD.  And that's all ok.  I have a therapist that helps me deal with the emotional roller coaster that sometimes comes along with knowing I survived and being ok that I'm not perfect. I'm still finding who I am.  What brings me joy.  But what I've learned so far is this:
Treasure moments.  Cry.  Love.  Hug.  Practice kindness and compassion.  Be a good friend.  Be good to yourself.  Accept your flaws.  Life is so fucking short and none of us know when it's our time.  I'm still learning how to balance everything but I'm enjoying the process.  It's a delicate dance and you'll fall but just get back up and keep going.

I'm surrounded by amazing family and friends and hope to be an amazing person back!

Thank you readers for coming along with me on my journeys.  Looking forward to many many more!

Holy Shit Online Dating Almost Worked...

 ***UPDATE***

I want to keep this blog up, because before he turned into an asshole it was pretty damn cool.  So - this just turned into a practice relationship run.  Apparently all the fun stuff you read below was just part of the beginning courting phase.  I really thought he was a good guy but alas no.  Turned out to be a very cold person with some unresolved issues.  You can read about the demise here.

But for a few glorious months, the below blog was real.

I can officially say it now.
I have a boyfriend.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!



I can't friggin believe it.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you I enjoyed Online Dating.  OBVI - you saw my adventures.  Not great.  Anxiety ridden.  BLAH.

But just as I was about to throw in the towel here came the Viking.

My e-Harmony was just about to run out.  I had gone on my brief stint on Tinder to write about it, then was convinced by my friend to do the same for Bumble which I did.  I was so friggin jaded by the time I did these two that I was actually kind of an ass because I just didn't care.  The Viking was apparently intrigued so we made a date.

The night of my birthday my friends suggested I take a break from online dating for a while since it was really turning me quite bitter towards the male species.  I mean I was at the point of thinking all men were cowards.  And/or Assholes. And/or children.  And/or crazy.  I was so fucking done and my friends were feeling it.

I agreed and said THESE WORDS - "I will.  I have a date with this guy on Sunday and after that I'm turning off all my dating apps and throwing in the towel."

Welp - I did - but for a good reason.  I actually met a decent guy!

He doesn't live close, bout an hour/hour an a half away but he was willing to come my way for date 1.  I suggested DTSA.  He researched (He actually researched you guys!) and started suggesting places.  He got points for that alone.  Not being familiar with the area he was suggesting places that were closed.  Me, knowing DTSA well as it's one of my favorite places to hit up, I offered up Robbins Nest Wine Bar.  One of my favorite joints and an easy date spot.  We agreed to meet for a drink and if we hit it off we'd have dinner.  Our date was for 5pm on Sunday February 26th.

Now  - his epic beard and Viking like haircut is what stopped me when I was flipping through the deck of dudes on Bumble.  Then our brief app convo/into texting was good.  He mentioned something about being on the short side and as I walked up I saw this nice looking fellow standing outside looking at his phone.  Hmmm.  Not bad.  Not tall but not a midget either.  Height doesn't bother me all that much anyway but presence is important and he had it.  Then he looked up at me and smiled.  I was super nervous and my usual jittery self on a 1st date, but that smile made the butterflies flutter more.  He reached out his hand and I went in for a hug.  "I'm a hugger!" I said nervously. 

We headed inside and the poor guy almost got punched by me because he came up behind me to...are you ready for this guys.....PULL OUT MY CHAIR!



Yes.  I was that blown away.  He almost got smacked because I didn't know what he was doing.  Holy. Shit.

The rest of the date went swimmingly.  He is super chivalrous, very cool, respects women (alot), paid for everything, made me laugh, easy to talk to and I could get lost in his eyes.  We had our 1st kiss (which he actually asked permission for) before we headed to dinner and yes - chemistry was definitely there.  Dinner was at Eat Chow after I gave him my usual tour of Downtown Santa Ana.  Um - also - he walks on the street side.  Chivalry is not dead friends!

I drove home happy but not getting my hopes up at all because - well - we all know my constant dating fails.

Date 2 we met down in San Clemente which is a good halfway point for us and had dinner at my favorite - Fishermans Restaurant and Bar on the pier.  We then walked around for a while and ended up sitting on a picnic table on the beach and chatting with of courses kisses in between.  Delish.

After we parted ways this time there was going to be a big break in between our next date since he had to go to Alaska for work.  A month.  I was so bummed and totally ready for it to go south because that's exactly what happened with Sleeves.  2 really great dates - he goes a way for a few weeks - comes back and HELLO ASSHOLE.  You all know where that went.  This guy was going to be gone even longer so I was really trying not to get too excited but it was hard because I dug him.

The whole time he was gone we stayed in touch.  He sent me pictures from his trip which was rad and it really seemed like he wasn't going to ghost.  I had a few freak outs via text but he took it well.  We were really getting to know each other through our phones.  I really missed him and wanted to see him again and was hope hope hoping he wouldn't ghost!

When he returned I had planned for our date 3 at Descanso Gardens up in Pasadena.  I was really looking forward to this date because we would be together all day (and possibly all night...wink wink) and could really see if we click ya know?  1st of all I'd like to point out that HE BROUGHT ME PRESENTS!  That's right.  Not a bottle of wine or something like I thought (he had been asking me about my tastes in wine so I had a feeling I had a bottle coming) but presents - plural!  2 bottles of wine, a fun little snow hat and wine opener that says Alaska and a scarf.  He said he got the scarf because I wore a scarf on our 1st 2 dates.



Holy. Shit.  You paid attention to what I was wearing and then got me something?!!?!?!?!  Apparently thoughtful dudes still exist.

We then had a lovely date at Descanso (which you can see pics here), followed by Portos, followed by dinner in Fullerton, followed by....well....you know.

We have since gotten together every weekend since his return from Alaska.  Another lovely gardens trip you can see here.

The second time he came to my house for a date he brought me FLOWERS!

The 1st time I went down to his place he had a bottle of wine for me.  He also has a pint of my favorite Non Dairy Ben & Jerry's ice cream in his freezer for me.

WHAT?!




Since we don't live close, and he has split custody with his little, and our jobs etc we are limited in our time with each other but we really shoot for at least once a week.  He joined me for moms annual Easter Party (which we had to stop on the way because he wanted to get flowers for her!!!) and got to meet some of the fam and some of the friends.  I have met a couple of his friends who I adored.  I'll be meeting a few more of his friends in a few weeks and I'm hoping to introduce him to the rest of my crew soon.  We have a music festival coming up and a road trip to see my lil bro in August and guess what - we are FB official!  The amount of love that blew up for me on that made my soul and heart smile.  I do love that so many people are happy that I found a good dude!  My friends and family make me feel so damn loved.  Thanks you guys!

It's a total trip.  I know I'm super public with my life, hoping that my stories and adventures can relate to you readers on some level and make you giggle and so far it seems so with the awesome feedback I receive!

But the Viking seems to be a real guy.  I question him sometimes and all he says is "You can pinch me if you want."  He respects me, is honest with me, pays for stuff, has included me into his life more and more (I met the little last week and she's so cute!), is thoughtful and my latest experience which has made me adore him even more is HE PLANS SHIT!  He's already been researching and planning our road trip when all I've done is look at a map and think..."Hmm..the Grand Canyon isn't that far from my little brothers place".  He's an adult.  I'm dating a fucking adult you guys!!!!  Plus we even talk on the phone.  That's right.  You all know how I feel about the phone.

So it's true.  I'm currently a smitten kitten but I'm being careful too.  I try to check my emotions now and again.  I have no idea where this will go, but right now it's awesome and I'm taking it day by day and enjoying every minute.  I have a boyfriend.  I can't believe it.  As always:

Last week...

Just a little lovely week I had.


Dad and I went down to Agua Caliente Casino last Sat night to see Average White Band and Tower of Power perform.  We saw TOP's newest singer Marcus Scott who killed it.  Both bands brought their A-Game and blew us out of the water.  My friend Sean hooked us up and got us a photo with the band.  Marcus and I are obvi the most entertaining.

My dear friend Mic and his girlfriend were popping through town and he text me with the dates they were here.  We scheduled a sushi eve and it was so friggin rad to meet his lovely lady and catch up with a man I adore.  It had been 6 years since we saw each other.  A perfect night of chatting and laughing over Saki and fish.

Thursday night Chapman hosted a panel about preparing for disaster.  There was a tongue in cheek zombie theme which is what brought mom and I there.  Max Brooks - the author of How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse and World War Z.  There was also Sarah Wayne Callies who played Lori on The Walking Dead, Ann Gordon, Jeffrey Bratberg and Jaiver Moscoso.  The moderator of the panel was our Wilkinson Dean Patrick Fuery. Here's a little blip.  It was super interesting.  The 2 hours flew by and mom and I were engaged the whole time.  Max Brooks also signed books after so I had him sign my How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse book.  So cool!!!

Also had another date night with the Viking.  He brought me flowers!!!  Flowers you guys!!  I don't think any dude has ever brought me flowers except maybe my ex hubs on a holiday.  So that was a lovely surprise!  So far so good with this one :)

I love when I have a week full of random fun! 

A Disney Egg Hunt...

So mom wanted to go to Disneyland one day during her birthday week.  We planned on being there just a few hours, knowing that the Spring Break crowds would be nuts.  She was thinking of doing the Food/Wine Festival but the prices were a bit high and we hadn't heard it was the greatest for the cost.

Well guess what - when we were walking in we saw a sign that said "Redeem your Egg Scavenger Hunt Here".  Um what?!  We were so in.  You could buy (of course buy) a map (Only $6 though, but still) and there were 12 eggs (Big ones) Hidden around Downtown Disney, California Adventure and Disneyland.  So you had the chance to get 3 hunts and your prize was a character egg.  So cute!  So we decided to do the Downtown Disney and California Adventure one.  My phone camera was on the fritz a bit so I missed a couple but got most othem!

So for those of you planning to do this, I'm going to spoil where all the eggs are!  Don't read anymore if you don't want to cheat!

First one we did was California Adventure!

She's ready to go!

Egg up high at Carthy Circle

Well hi Mickey Egg!

The Bugs Life Egg was tricky

Miss Daisy blending in

Pluto chillin at the Corn Dog Castle

Dale!

Chip!

Way up high!

Even higher!

Lil red dude

Mom pretty much spotted every egg.  In the midst of all this she bought us ears!

We then hit Downtown Disney for lunch and their version of the egg hunt!

This was difficult...this store is massive!

Coffee Egg

Love the White Rabbit!

Reflections of Chip

Fancy Daisy

Thumper!

Chillin in the planter

Lego Egg

Pluto on top of Rainforest

Also...randomly came across someone had swept the leaves into a Mickey!

We finished the hunt and mom got a Cheshire Cat Egg and a Tramp Egg!  So cute and so much fun!

Winner Winner!!!

It was so much fun!  It was the perfect little adventure to take today that we didn't expect.  I love my dates with mom at the Mouse House.  She loves it so much!

Some good dates...

So I felt I should throw out a blog about the very few good dates I actually had via this online hell.

We didn't work out romantically, but it's not that the guys were assholes or anything - we just didn't click.  Just...I don't know...

Remember I'm not very good at this.



So ladies - there is hope for a few good dates at least!

Good date #1: Disney Dude.  He lived in San Diego so that was already a flag, but you never know.  If you really click I think you'll make a distance thing work.  I've seen it done.  I mean think about it, you can be all like "I miss you!!!!"  Lots of creative texting.  You know.



Anywhoo - he had talked about being a Disney fan on his profile so of course I had to promptly give him shit for it.  He invited me to a party in LA, but I wasn't comfortable going somewhere with someone I didn't really know to a party with no one I knew.  I made the suggestion of meeting up beforehand for a drink or something on his way.  He was down.  We jokingly talked about Disneyland and guess where we landed.  Yup.  Totally random.  But a first that's for sure!  Could be a good story?

We met up and ended up spending the whole friggin afternoon, night there.  He skipped his party.  We pretty much just bar/food hopped a bit then went on a few rides near the end of the night.  The thing is - I had a feeling it wasn't going anywhere.  We had a fantastic time.  He's also an actor so there's that. (You non-actor folks may not get it but we usually all just get along).  There were a few things I raised my eyebrow at and he was already hemming and hawwing about the distance so I just had a feeling.  We had great chemistry and had a really fun, awesome long epic date.  It's the only dude I've ever invited back to my place on a 1st date and no we didn't DO THAT!! (Get your mind out of the gutter)



 But we did have fun.  A few days later I sent the "Let's call a spade a spade text" but I went on to say how much I dug him and could we stay in contact as friends? (We also had already Facebooked each too!).  He said I took the words right out of his mouth.  So there it is - a new friend!  And a new friend in the biz.  He's already chatted with me about an audition.  Totally a dude I could see myself hanging out with again.  This hadn't happened yet in the dating world, but I'm really glad it did.

Good Date #2: Weirdly enough, 2 of my better dates came out of Tinder.  This guy we'll call Moby.  He was also another one that lived a bit far, but he came down to meet me for dinner/drinks.  We spent a couple of hours together chatting about life, politics, art and more.  He was very cool and we got along well but just no spark.  I had a feeling it was mutual but I wasn't sure.  I mean we all know how clueless I am with men.



So we ended the evening with kind of an awkward kiss and off he went.  A couple of days later I got the "You're just a bit too far distance wise" text.  I thanked him for actually not ghosting.  I mean this guy actually had balls.  At least not every single man I meet is a coward.  I was starting to wonder.  But again - super cool guy, we had great convo and I would totally go like to an art show or something with him if that ever came about.  Just didn't click romantically.

Good Date #3:  This guy happens to be a Professor at my work.  Look at that!  Local!!!!  We went out a few times.  Super smart guy.  Very passionate, very political.  But again...I just wasn't feeling that click I guess.  I was thinking of going out with him a few more times to see if something got stirred because not a jerk!  But it just didn't happen.  So, I did the "Can we be friends" bit and he seemed down with that.  Because AGAIN - met a new cool guy I'd love to have in my life on a friendship level.  I have a lot of guy friends, so it's not like that's unusual and I guess some of them were dudes we tried to date, didn't work out but stayed friends.  So I guess these good dates turned friends is the same thing?

But anyway - I'm loving that so many of you lovelies have really enjoyed reading about my dating adventures.  If my mis steps can make you laugh - I have done my job.  :)

So here's a good one.  I wanted throw a shout out to these guys in this blog because you're all awesome and thank you for giving me hope that not every man is a total asshole.