California is officially "Re-Opening"...

June 15th.

The apparent magic day for us Californians. 

Basically all the mandates in place are being tossed and it's a damn free for all.

I felt I needed to throw out a blog.

It's been really weird since we crossed over the year mark a few months ago of when this damn thing hit.  I go back and read the blogs I wrote about it and Jesus have we been through it!  Pat yourselves on the back.  We fucking made it.  Not unscathed, but we're here.

As the vaccine roll out has been happening it has made a huge impact.  Our cases and deaths have gone way way down and hospitals are back to normal again.  I'm actually pretty impressed by how well we seem to have done.  We're not out of the woods yet and the pandemic isn't over, but I am finally actually feeling a bit hopeful and not just cautiously optimistic.  

From my understanding - no more social distancing.  No more capacity limits - except I do believe there is some rules and what not in place for any type of huge events.  No more masks for vaccinated people.  Now - you still will wear them in medical places, schools, public transportation and if any business is still requiring it.  I have no clue how people plan to respond to this.  Personally I'll always still have my mask on me, and plan to still wear it if any business I go in have a masked up staff.  I just feel it's polite.  I think we'll still be wearing them here at Chapman.  Chapman is requiring vaccines now for all returning in Fall when they plan to fully re-open back up.  Those of us vaccinated don't have to get weekly tests anymore thank GAWD.

It's such a trip.  I hated the word "New Normal" but that's where we are.  We've gone from total lockdown and terror to opening right back up with some changes.

I must say though - being able to see my people again (slowly but surely) has been amazing.  I would say 90% of my friends and family are vaccinated.  So we've been easing back in.  Here's some precious highlights:

 

Mother's Day!  We got to hug all up on our moms!  We had them over for a Sunday Brunch that we made for them.

Moms!

Moms!

My monthly brunches with Julie!

Love my Julie

My Photo Adventure Group had a Park Day!!

Couldn't have asked for a better group to have my 1st group gathering!

I get to love up on my 95 year old Grandad!!

Elise got to have an in person 6th Grade Promotion!  Socially distanced and masked but still!

Other moments not captured on camera - Monthly Happy Hours with friends, Friday lunches with dad, eating inside a restaurant, and really just being able to hug people again!

So yeah - it's weird.  It's a new normal.  But thank you to Science and the Medical World and people finally getting on the ball, we're making progress. 

We still have a long road ahead.  Lots of complications with so many things.  Lots of political battles.  Lots of people just being dicks.  There's also a huge mental health toll.  In fact there was a great article I was reading about "Languishing".  It's a new term you can read about here.  I found it fascinating and right on to what so many of us are going through.  Business are having new struggles - a lot of folks are staying on unemployment right now since there's been so much "stimulus" help they don't want to come back.  I'm pretty sure that's coming to an end soon though.  Lots of people getting breaks on rents/mortgages will be ending.  Depression is at an all time high.  Alcoholism is on the rise (I need to cut back my damn self)  There's just a whole lot of so much shit to deal with still.

But I'm so glad we've at least turned a massive corner.  I feel there is a light now.  We've been in the dark for a bit over a year but my hope now is we keep moving forward.  Fingers crossed.

In the meantime - be grateful.  Take nothing for granted.  And for gods sake be kind.  Too many people are going through too much shit and we have to be kind to each other.  

Love you friends!

Scream for Vaccines...

 So we have a tool to fight this COVID bitch!

2 Vaccines came out in December and a 3rd one followed shortly after that.

I wanted to document my experience because this is just going to be a weird/awful time to look back on in history.

Pfizer and Moderna are the two that came out first -  both are a two shot process.  Pfizer 3 weeks apart, Moderna four.  Then Johnson & Johnson came out with a one shot punch.

People eligible for vaccines are coming out in waves/tiers.  The 1st round was Healthcare workers, first responders and folks over 65.  The next one was Education peeps (me!), essential workers and folks with underlying conditions.  I'm assuming the last phase will be everyone else.  That one hasn't opened yet as I'm typing this 1st part of my 2 part blog.

There are 3 huge pods here in OC.  Soka University, Anaheim Convention Center and Disneyland.  These are all booked through the Othena website/app.  You can also check pharmacies, Kaiser and maybe a few others but they're a bit difficult to book.  

I was holding out for the Johnson & Johnson because I ALWAYS have horrible reactions to things, and post hemorrhage I basically barf at everything.  So I was hoping for just the one shot.  But after the scare I had and the fact that once it opens up to everyone  it'll be harder and the fact that everyone is getting them and I'm starting to feel left out and the fact that in order to fight this bitch we need to just do it - I bit the bullet and signed up for Pfizer at Soka.  Hearing peeps experience with all the different shots it seems like Pfizer has the least side effects.

I booked my appointment for a Sat morning and headed out, praying I don't have bad effects afterwards.  So far so good but it's just day one.

I must admit the process was pretty easy.  I was a little worried when I drove up and saw a huge line of cars to get in, realizing I was not going to make my 10:15 but I was texting Carol who had done it already and she said not to worry

Holy Crap

But also - look at all the people getting vaccinated!!!

Once in, they direct you to drive through or walk up  - depending on your capability I guess, then you go through a drive through temperature check.  Once directed to park there's folks everywhere telling you where to go you get in line.

We registered at tables where they scanned our info (I had all my documents proving I worked at Chapman but they never looked at it) checked your ID and sent you off to que up.

Social Distance Line Queing

I'm a bit anxious at this point

Once in you're directed to a station where they check your ID again and scan your stuff - they also make your 2nd appointment.  There was another women - a gal that seemed like a little gramma who asked me which arm.  I said left and the next thing I knew she was putting on the band aid.  I didn't even feel the shot!

They explain the next steps then you're directed to an area to sit for 15 min, then you're off!

Shot 1 Check!

That's it.  It was so organized and easy!

Now my hope is I don't have any reactions or side effects.  I plan on posting this blog after shot #2!

Ok!  Here it is a few weeks later and I'm post shot #2!

I feel like this time I wasn't as anxious for the unknown, but still anxious about the side effects.  I was hearing everyone gets nailed after shot #2.  Ugh.

So - exact same process as above except this time there were way less people!  I'm not sure why, but the line of cars was super short and I didn't wait in any line to get in to get my shot.  Literally just walked right on in.

The drive thru area

This time I felt the shot.  No biggie, but there was a bit of a pinch.  Then sat for my 15 minutes.  This time I got a sticker!

This bitch is VACCINATED!

So - my arm pretty much immediately starting feeling pretty sore when I got home, and as the day progressed, I felt ok but the arm was really hurting.  No big. I can handle.  

I noticed I was starting to feel kinda more sore and tired, so I took an Epsom Salt bath that night and went to bed really early.  I had a rough night.  Tossing and turning all night.  Body starting to ache.  Just felt crappy.  Woke up Sunday realizing this second shot was going to be rougher.  I still got up and did my Sunday morning grocery store trip, but made Pat unload the groceries since my arm was hella hurting.  Then was basically useless the rest of the day.

I took 3 naps I think, and just lounged around.  Body aches, fatigue and sore arm were what got me.  That night I slept way better and Monday did deal with a base of the skull headache most of the day but that was it.  It wasn't pleasant persay but I was stoked I didn't barf and stoked that was it.  I never had a fever or chills, just the achey all over-ness.  

But here I am a few days later and feeling just fine!  And - fully vaccinated!!  Or will be in another week, but still - I feel like we're turning a corner.

 I know there's a lot of hesitancy on getting these vaccines but I trust Science.  I trust Doctors.  And this is the only damn thing that's going to get us out of this pandemic.  I mean that's what stopped Polio and the measles and the mumps, etc etc.  SO - I know not everyone will get vaccinated but hopefully enough of us will that we can stop this bitch once and for all.  I feel proud that I did my part in this fight against COVID.

I'm looking forward to hugs!!!!

COVID Scare...

I wanted to share this because I really don't think it's being talked about enough what a mental toll this thing is taking on everyone.  I can't even imagine what people are going through who have lost loved ones to this thing or are battling it themselves.  But there's this unspoken rest of us who are dealing with something we've never dealt with before.  And it fucking sucks.

 So, we're finally, after a year of this damn thing, starting to turn a corner.

Cases are down, vaccines are being distributed, we're doing better.  In fact we actually moved into the Red Tier last week.  So even though there is a still a ways to go (Fingers and toes crossed we don't retract again) there's some hope on the horizon.

After a year of this thing I had my 1st scare.

We had a little scare around Christmas when we, masked up and socially distanced and very carefully saw our families but one member who was not part of our family pod waltzed in unmasked with his unmasked kid and proceeded to talk to everyone - hugged me before I knew what he was doing and infuriated my boyfriend.  Later that week we found out he tested positive.  Now the timing of it all and the fact that we were masked up and safe we weren't super worried, but that weekend we cancelled any errands or anything we were going to do just out of precaution because you know - we give a shit.  All was well though so bullet dodged.

The real scare I had was just this week.  We have to get weekly tests at work.  Every Monday morning I go get my nose swabbed for our "rapid" test and then stare at my phone for the next half hour hoping they don't call.  They only call you if you're positive.

Monday I got that call.

"You have a "faint" positive" the guy on the other line said.  I felt my cheeks flush and my blood pressure skyrocket.  "Do you have any symptoms?" He asked.  I squeaked out a little no.  He told me I had to come back so they could do a PCR test.  These are the more invasive ones and you have to wait 24-72 hours for a result.  I was then sent home and told to quarantine until I got the results.  I drove home sobbing and told my boyfriend what happened.  We were both totally weirded out not really sure what to do.  He told the kid when she came home from school and she was weirded out too.  I got a call later with the girl asking me all kinds of contact tracing questions and how I should quarantine.  It was so awkward.  She was nice as hell and said she was pretty confident this was nothing and this happens...blah blah BUT STILL!

Pat decided he'd cook instead of me.  I ate with them but not at the table with them.  I then went upstairs and stayed in the room the rest of the night, away from them.  He thought I was over-reacting a bit but I just didn't know what to do.  I had to send a text to the 3 other people I did a social distance film shoot with on Sunday.  I had to text the friend I walked with on Friday morning.  I'm always safe but still.  I was mortified.  Everyone was super supportive.  I couldn't stop crying.

Over and over in my head I was trying to figure out what we were going to do if the results came back positive.  The kid wasn't going to be able to go back to her moms house which she would not be happy about.  Who would come in to work and get the checks?  Should I just hide in my room every night?  Should we all wear masks in the house?  We were already probably exposed to each other right?  If my test came back positive then Pat and Elise would go get tested.  If they were negative then I'd def have to stay away from them.  Pat tried to make me feel better saying it's not necessarily me that brought it in, I just happen to be the one that's tested.  But even still - I felt like I had the plague.  

I'm a hugely social/touchy feely person.  I need hugs.  I need touching.  I need human contact.  I need social interactions.  I know it's only a 10 day isolation if your positive with no symptoms but isolation is a word I hate.  I don't do well.  My moderate to severe anxiety is amplified.  And boy was it.  I didn't sleep at all that night.  Horrible dreams.  I felt sick to my stomach all the next day.  Pat kept asking if I'd heard yet.  I know he was antsy too.  I was an emotional wreck.  I emailed the people twice but they kept saying no results yet.  It could be a few days.  I wasn't going to make a few days.  I was spinning out of control.  People just don't talk about anxiety.  I called my mom and she said I wish you could just relax until you know.  Me too mom.  Me too.  But unfortunately anxiety doesn't work that way.  It's a nasty bitch who sets you off.  I took a bunch of CBD oil, was trying to do breathing exercises, was trying to stay busy with work but I was a mess.

Then it came.  I was in a meeting at 3:15.  I saw the phone and shouted into the computer I had to take a call.  "You're test is negative"  I actually started shaking.  I was so relieved.  I had worked myself up into a frenzy.  I ran upstairs to tell Pat and Elise.  I then text the peeps and called my mom.  I can't believe how much my body let go.  I was shaking and crying.  I've had to accept the fact that my anxiety over the years has got way worse.  But you guys - this kind of shit SUCKS.  I basically had a 2 day anxiety attack because I "might" have been positive for COVID.  This pandemic is kicking our ass in so many different ways.  

We need to talk about this.  We need to share our stories.  We need to know we're not alone.  COVID is deadly but it's also damaging to our mental health.  People need to understand and empathize with that.  I'm exhausted today because of the turmoil my body went through the past couple of days.  Mental health is no damn joke.  

Pandemic Ponderings are still.....pondering...

 Welp.

Here we STILL are.  

We just had the year anniversary of the 1st person who contracted COVID in the US.  We're rolling up on the year anniversary here in a little over a month of when our country shut down.  And here's the count as of today:

Orange County:

236K Cases   2,638 Deaths

US:

3.19m Cases   37,203 Deaths

World:

99.4M Cases   2.13m Deaths.

Awesome right.

I'm so done you guys.  

Every day - wake up having massive anxiety.  It has subsided a bit thanks to the CBD oil my friend sent me from Vital Body Therapy.  I tried a bunch of different ones and this one seems to help me a bit, but damn.

We get tested weekly now at Chapman.  So once a week I get to walk over to our health center, sometimes stand in line, fill out a form, get sent to a room where a nice nurse has me tilt my head back and they swab both nostrils.  I'm always happy when I get the gentler lady as oppose to the aggressive one who seems to like to really get in there.  I then go stare at my phone for the next 15-30 minutes having heart palpitations hoping they don't call me.  (They only call you if you test positive).   So that's a fun weekly routine.  Yes, I'm grateful I work for an institution that offers this - but JESUS it's really anxiety driven ya know?!

I then wander back to my empty offices and basically empty building to work through the day, blasting music out of my computer to drown out the depressing silence and wonder if anyone else exists anymore.  The two days I work from home, I do everything in my power to try to stay focused in my uncomfortable make shift work corner.  It's basically impossible.

Every other week I have a Zoom "Booze Day" with 3 other co-workers that I miss dearly.  It's been such a saving grace to at least have a drink and see their faces through a computer screen.  

 

The pets join too sometimes!

 

It's just so depressing.  I feel so disconnected and alone and un-appreciated because I'm basically now the UA bitch since only "essential" peeps can come in, so my job is now doing random shit for everyone else they can't do from home.  "Parking Lot Pass-Off's" is the only time I see anyone in person for a nano second behind masks from their car windows.  I did see a co-worker whose on campus the other day when I picked up a check and we ended up talking for like 45 minutes.  We were both just so happy to have contact with someone! 

Our state is a fucking mess.  Our Governor can't seem to make up his fucking mind and bounces back and forth with total shut down to sort of shut down with colored levels.  But no one gives a shit.  The last shut down people just kept on doing business as if there wasn't a shut down.  No Outdoor Dining?  Fuck you guys we're doing it anyway!!!  So when he lifted the latest "Stay at Home" order it really doesn't seem like anything will change around here because no one was listening to it anyway.  Plus it's so confusing!  We got put on the Order because our ICU's have 0 capacity.  Um....they still do?!?!  Why are we re-opening?  Should we have never shut down?  There are no clear answers and it's making everyone confused and crazy and pissed off.  Fingers are being pointed as to the reason we're skyrocketing in cases and numbers...Gatherings!!  Restaurants!!!  Grocery Stores!!!  Not strict enough Mask stuff!!!  But seriously - WTF is it?!?!  Why can't someone in charge figure it out and make it fucking right!!!

The only hope in sight is vaccinations are starting to be distributed all over.  They have a couple of big pods where people can go, but it's also a bit of a shit show at the moment because of course everyone is super overwhelmed.  Apparently the app to make appointments sucks.  It's a nightmare to get through, etc etc.  It's just over 65, healthcare workers and first responders on the list right now but still.  It sounds like a mess.  Hopefully that will get under control soon?

We also have a new president.  THANK GAWD.  I know things can't get fixed over night, but just hearing normal press briefings, seeing Fauci's face back up there and an administration that's listening to science and doctors and saying - "Yeah....we gotta fix this shit" is hopeful.  But damn there is a long way to go.  I saw posts of so many of my people crying with joy and excitement and happiness during last weeks inauguration but honestly I'm still having PTSD from the last 4 years and until shit starts actually changing I just can't cry tears of joy yet.  I will say this though - watching a woman be sworn in as VP did make me happy.  The fashion was amaze-balls.  Lady Gaga's side eye to Pence was brilliant.  The Bernie image (which is all of us) was glorious.  It was a good day.  But still - let's see it happen right?!

Pretty cool...

I'm trying so hard to be safe, but to keep my mental health on track, but to be respectful, but to do the right thing, but you guys - IT'S EXHAUSTING.  I have friends who have not left their house since March.  I have friends who judge people who do.  I have friends who honestly seem a bit careless.  I have friends who say you should do this and not that and this is right and that is wrong and how dare you!  But you know what?  I'm at the point where this is no right or wrong.  I mean yes - be safe.  Wear a mask.  But if you have to visit people for your mental health - do it.  I'm sorry if some think that's wrong, but there are those of us in this world who NEED SOCIAL INTERACTION.  I wear a mask.  I keep my distance and keep the visits outside.  But even my therapist has told me - do it - be safe but do it.  You need to.  I miss all my social interactions because I had many and will again, but there are a few I just need to see now.  So I do.  Safely.  But it's just a couple.  I still see a lot virtually but it's just not the same.  But it's needed for sure and godamn if I'm not grateful that we have the ability in today's age to do just that.  Thank you Zoom and FaceTime!

 

Pat and I were trying to still have date nights on Friday nights, but it's just not the same ya know?  We're home.  We tried dressing up a few times even though we were at home, but it gets old fast.  I never realized how much going out was such a thing.  My brother and sis in law did sign us up for a Murder Mystery thing you do at home with clues and internet, etc but the damn thing was so hard we ended up getting super frustrated.  It was fun at first and talk about a weird way to bond....getting pissed off but not at each other. Ha!

My hottie smart boyfriend

It started out fun!

Lately we've kind of started a park trend.  We try to get out once a weekend with the kiddo to a park so she can ride her bike, we can take the dog and I can geocache!  It's been a really nice excursion and we've found a whole bunch of new parks which is also very cool!

I'm super grateful to not be living in the caboose anymore.  I can't tell you how amazing it is to be warm!!!  I've got back into my morning stretch routine.  I try to get out and hike or walk every day if I can.  I'm trying to work meditation back into my life.  I'm sending more mail which seems to bring people joy and me.  We're all trying.  

It's tough though.  Major fatigue is setting in.  I'm so hoping we see a legitimate light at the end of the tunnel real soon.  Never in a million years did I think I'd be writing blogs like this.  For a damn year now.  Hang in there my friends!  All we can do is just weather this storm together.  Love to everyone!

 

Another Pandemic Pondering Blog...

I don't know how this is possible but it seems to be getting harder and harder to deal with this damn thing.  Is it just me?  How are you all out there?  Hanging in there?  

So here we are 8 months into this thing and it's actually worse than when we 1st started.  How's this for current stats:

Worldwide: 61.4 million cases.  1.44 million deaths

US: 13 million cases.  264K deaths

OC: 73,152 cases.  1,559 deaths

Yeah.  You read that right.

It's insane you guys.  I wake up every morning between 3 and 4am with massive anxiety.  I just spin and spin and spin.  I'm going to be giving some different CBD things a shot.  I can't handle this.

 

I will say I feel like we're handling it better - sort of.  Like - the hospitals and doctors have found many ways to fight this thing with drugs and what not and are doing a better job and keeping people off ventilators and alive, but they are filling up again which is scary.  There is a couple of vaccines coming that look promising, hopefully by early next year?  California has a mask mandate in place so basically everywhere you go you have to wear a mask if you're indoors or outdoors and can't socially distance.  There are actually people giving a shit (I feel most, but there are still jackasses) and trying to be safe, not have parties or big gatherings, keeping visits outside and socially distanced, wearing masks and washing hands, etc.  So we're like - taking it better?  But the virus is kicking our ass.

It's taking a huge mental toll too.  My therapist says therapy has of course tripled.  Her patients, including myself, are really struggling.  My poor sister in law who has never dealt with anxiety has has like 2 panic attacks.  People are angry.  Depressed.  Exhausted.  It's so awful.  I come into work still 3 days a week, and yes it's kind of nice and quiet to be the only one here but it's also hard and sad.  I'm doing a million things that aren't in my job description just keeping this office kind of going and helping everyone get what they need, etc.  I don't mind it most of the time but it's really difficult and being under paid and under appreciated doesn't help.  And it's just fucking sad and lonely.  I really miss people!  Chapman had to pull back to full remote again because:

We've actually backtracked.  Governor Newsom made this colored tier thing.  Based on what color tier you're in - depends on what can be open, etc.  We were in the Red Tier for a while (The second to worst but not the worst!) but just a couple of weeks ago we rolled backwards and are back in the Purple Tier.  That's the worst one.  Outdoor dining only, no gyms, no movie theatres, amusement parks have never opened back up.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

 

Right before shit went down I did attend a tea.  My mom had bought tickets for us a couple of months ago, and it was set up super safe - tables way spaced apart, everyone masked.  Very safe and very comfortable.  The 4 of us who went are in the same quarantine circle and all very careful so we all felt totally fine to go and I'm glad we did.  It was safe, fun and a nice break from the world burning.

 

The theme was Enola Holmes.  They had it set up super cute, we played a little game with our spunky masked host and got a grateful thank you from Paris in a Cup at the end thanking us for keeping them in business.  I feel so damn bad for all the restaurants right now.  But they did it right and did it really safe.

Solving Mysteries

Yum!

Prettiest little soup

My best "Holmes" outfit

Goodies to take home

 

The holidays are upon us.  LOTS of people aren't giving a fuck and traveling and seeing family anyway - so I'm sure we're going to just continue to spike and not get better until who the hell knows when.  Pat and I were having a hard time figuring out what we wanted to do since both our families were still doing Thanksgiving.  My family was doing it outside and we're really small so I was leaning towards that, but we ended up deciding to just have our own Thanksgiving at home.  Just the 3 of us.  His point - when the hell are we EVER going to do this again.  Fair.  And honestly was probably the best and safest choice.

 

It ended up pretty good I'd say!  We ordered a half of a Peking Duck (None of us care for Turkey) and made some of Pat's favorite Thanksgiving side dishes.  We watched Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Tower Heist!

Here we go!

Even Elise contributed

Father Daughter Cooking Lessons

A staple

Ready to eat!

We done good for our mini stay at home Thanksgiving!

 

It breaks my heart that all theatre is basically shuttered right now, I've seen so many close their doors including 2 I've worked with - Attic and Stages. I have so many friends out of work because they work in the business - or at Disney which has currently laid of 32K of it's employees.  People are making do of course - finding other jobs, odd jobs until we can come back but I so worry who is going to survive this.  A friend of mine who both he and his wife are Broadway Actors are now making bracelets they sell on Etsy.  I purchased a couple for Xmas gifts just so I can help support.  It just sucks.  But there are some people trying new stuff.  For example - the night before Thanksgiving we went to a Stranger Things Drive Thru Experience!  I was so impressed!  You never left your car - kept your windows up and tuned your radio into a certain station.  You heard everything through that.  You drove through a few areas and basically watched a show!  It was so neat and felt amazing to be watching theatre again!  The whole thing was super theatrical and the actors were great!  The logistics were also super impressive!  We bought a bit of merch after and they way they parked you, you electronically bought stuff and they brought it to your car in a bucket so it was contactless.  So great!

 

Little pre-show

She was great!

Dustin!

Flying Eleven!

Decked out in our Stranger Things attire

 

We got out hiking a bit too.  Weather has been off and on but nice lately so we even got Elise out!  Pat and I also hid our very 1st geocache!  You can read about that in my next geocaching blog but that was really cool.

 

 So here we are.  All trying to deal.  Trump is on his way out and the transition is finally able to move forward for Biden so all we can hope is that he can get things moving in the right direction.  It seems our country has just turned into one big dumpster fire.  I'm sure cases are going to continue to spike with the holidays and people just not taking precautions but what can ya do.  We try to be safe.  Keep our social circle small and distanced when we do see people.  Wear masks.  Wash our hands.  But try to find the safe fun when we can.  We do still eat out sometimes but only outside (which is all you can do right now anyway) and we do things like that Drive Thru when they pop up.  

I'm so fucking over this though.  Yes it's taught us all to taking NOTHING for granted.  To slow down.  To get creative.  But I'm done.  I'm tired.  The toll on our mental health and the economy is getting worse and worse.  I'm ready to take the lessons we've learned and get back to our lives.  Hopefully as a kinder society.  

Hang in there my friends!