A moment of sadness...

I had it last night.

As you readers know, we're putting on a show at the beautiful Casa Romantica.  As you also probably know, this is where I got married in August of 1999.

When we had our 1st walk through back in October, a few friends in the cast asked me if I was ok, knowing this was where I got married.  I laughed it off and said "Of course!  That was a lifetime ago!  The wedding was awesome, it's the marriage that was a sham.".  This is a true statement.  But I had a feeling that it would hit me at some point even though it was, in fact, a lifetime ago.

Why is this I wonder?  Why after almost 16 years does my failed marriage pop up and bite me sometimes?  I almost never think about him.  All I know is he's remarried and apparently really religious now.  I know he and his wife run a photography business.  And that's it.  That's all I know, and more than I even want to know.  I don't hate him anymore.  I don't even stress about the fact that I still (yes still) am paying off the last of his debt he left me in.  I don't relive the lies and the drugs and the awful bullshit that was indeed our marriage.  Sadly I don't remember the good times though.  But I do remember our wedding.  Maybe that's why it panged me last night.

Last night was the night.  I truly believe that'll be it.  That last night it tugged at my heartstrings but it won't again.  I guess it's ok to still get sad about this right?  I mean back then on that beautiful August day I thought I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  That day I was happy.  That day I believed in love.

Last night rehearsal shifted and everyone was running the 2nd act room scenes.  This is when my death takes place in the bathroom where I once had a bridesmaid hold up my dress so I could pee.  This is also the same bathroom that the wedding coordinator would guard the door so I could sneak a cigarette out the window so my grandma wouldn't see.   Now I'll be cutting my wrists and singing the Beatles while I die.  Ironic?  Seriously.

I ran it by myself a couple of times and got a bit emotional.  I went outside and noticed no one else was finished so I wandered out into the back that overlooks the ocean and sat down, staring out over the ocean under the most beautiful moonlight.  I breathed in the salt air.  It was so beautiful.  So quiet.  Then I looked around the area where almost 16 years ago was filled with white chairs and an arch full of flowers.  A packed crowd cheering on as my soon to be husband and I exchanged our vows in a very simple, cute ceremony with twists of theatre jokes and smiles.  I remember the sun blinding me and my bridesmaids.  I remember my grandma wouldn't let me wear sunglasses.  I remember lots of laughter and my girls crying behind me.  Everyone was so happy.  I remember just before our kiss, his best man squirted mouth spray into his mouth as a little joke and we kissed and laughed.  I remember walking back down the aisle to The Best is Yet to Come by Frank Sinatra.

The memory faded with the cheers of the crowd and was replaced by the silence except for the crashing of the ocean.  I realized I was crying.  I got up and wandered around making sure I was still alone.  My heart ached.  I missed that happiness.  That glow.  That knowledge that I had a man in my life that I could share everything with.

As you know, I haven't really had much in the relationship world since then.  A smattering of fellows.  One that stayed around almost a year.  But that's it.  The loneliness took over and took my breath away.  It grabbed my heart and squeezed.

I heard voices coming from inside.  I wiped way the tears, took a deep breath and pulled myself together.  That's it.  That's all you get.  That one moment of sadness.

Rick and Jeff had finished their scene and they walked out breaking my moment.  I was glad.  We commented on the beauty of the place and enjoyed the the view.  We heard voices of others finishing up and headed back inside.  My moment of sadness was gone.

Mainly Rehearsal Pics...

I realized I missed a whole slew of pictures that Brenda took, so this is mostly just that.  Rad Brenda rehearsal photos.

I'm still recovering from the plague.  The strep has cleared up but this upper respiratory is hanging on for dear life.  Aside from some gnarly coughing fits yesterday I think I did ok.  I pretty much crashed out when I got home.  One of the Shadow Hamlets is also fighting a cold and our poor Hamlet was still in a pretty weakened state yesterday from his plague.  Ugh!  But the show must go on!

We had our all day rehearsal yesterday at the McCoy-Rigby studios and it went quite well.  We do apparently have some dance number we're doing in the beginning and oh lord...you should have seen that clusterfuck.  Only a couple of the cast members are actually good dancers so the rest of us were tripping over our own feet.  Bryan and I were smashing into each other the whole time.  Hilarious.

I love this picture. 

Um...I'm confused.

Bryan was doing some weird Peanut Butter Jelly Dance.  Totally freaking me out yet hilarious.

The nunnery scene is finally and hopefully set.  I was really uncomfortable and just not getting Dave's vision for it.  But he explained that he wants it a little "off".  So - Brenda and I went at it.  She was super patient with me as I tried to put together some ideas.  When Dave came to watch it afterwards he was super happy with it.  Yay!!!!  It's still a bit weird to me, but if it works I'll work with it.

When we ran the mad scene Dave gave me a thumbs up.  That made my heart glow.  I've really been trying to come up with levels in that one.  I can't wait to work it more on site.  There's so much more room!!

Here's my little collage from yesterdays rehearsal:

It really is starting to come together!!  Jeremy and Alex are coming up with some really great bits as Rosencrans and Gildensteren.  And the Shadow Hamlets along with Jeffrey's physicality are making for some really rad creepy scenes!  I can't wait to see it grow and grow from here!  I love when you start to see a show shape up!!!!

Brenda just posted a bunch from Sunday as well!  Check em out below!!

Alex and Adam

My mad scene

I'm apparently either going to bite Jeffrey or plotting his death.  Seriously...what's the face?

Jeremy

My brudder

Ok, that's better!

There seems to be alot of this shot! Ha ha!

Who you texting??

Below are pictures Brenda took last week from rehearsal!

Rosencrans and Gildenstren played by Alexander Makardish and Jeremy Hohn

Stage Manager Petey!

Jeremy

Bryan Jennings as Claudius

Jill Carey Martin and Jeffrey Kieviet as Gertrude and Hamlet

Me and Craig Johnson as Laeretes

1st make out session and yes - totally threw me off, blushing like a moron and forgot what play I was doing. 

Hamlet

Adam Poynter as one of the Shadow Hamlets

So serious

Me and my pops Polonious played by Rick Kopps

 I'm starting to get nervous!!!  We open in less than a month!!!  Eeeeeeek!

1st Onsite Rehearsal...

I had really been looking forward to rehearsing at Casa Romantica so we can get a better feel and idea as to where exactly we're going to be and what we're doing.

Last night was it!

Sadly I came down with Strep Throat AND an Upper Respiratory Infection this week so I've been down for the count.  I still have a horrible cough so rehearsing outdoors probably didn't help all that much but we powered through.  Oh - and side note - our Hamlet just came down with strep.  Jesus.  I'm sure I infected the poor boy.  So he wasn't even there last night.  No making out for us for awhile and that's my favorite part!!  *blush*  Yes, I may have a crush...

Moving on -

My carpool consisted of Gertrude and one of the Shadow Hamlets.  We headed out about 5:30 not sure what traffic would be like getting down to San Clemente.  We flew there.  Arrived an hour early.  Oops!  So the three of us chatted and chilled for a bit until our director and his carpool showed up.  We almost had a whole cast.  Our Hamlet being down (sorry) and Jeremy weren't there but all the rest of us were!  The grounds supervisor let us in and he and the new program director Bethany wandered around throughout the night peeking in on scenes and working out some logistical stuff with Dave.

I chatted with Bethany a bit and she's a peach.  Has a theatre background too so that will be super helpful!

Before we got started the view was breathtaking and the sun was just setting.

Casa Romantica

Petey

Brenda and I headed to our nunnery scene area which was outside in the cold wind!  Yikes!  Before we got started though we of course had some photo fun!  Brenda took the B&W photos.

The little photographers

Shadow Hamlet catching the sun!

Then we got down to business.  We ran it a bunch of times and worked with the elements (train, wind, ocean) and it seemed to come together!  It got super dark though, so we will need to figure out some lighting solutions.  Dave came out to watch and now wants to change the whole damn thing.  Sigh.  He's back on the movement thing, so I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and we're to work on it Sunday.  This is the 1st time in the process I'm frustrated and not happy with something.  So hopefully Sunday (we have another all day rehearsal) will remedy that.  He shooed me inside and I wandered around shooting a few shots and made this collage:

Since my next scene to work on is the bathroom suicide scene I didn't really have much to do.  Tonight's rehearsal was "room rehearsal" but Dave said to go ahead and work on my Mad Scene in the area so I did.  Bryan was able to join me so it was good to get to run that a few times.  I have a lot more room to play with now of course, so that's going to be fun.

We then shifted to the 2nd act room scenes and I wandered around the teeny tiny bathroom for a while trying to figure out some ideas.  Dave came in at one point and sat down on the top of the toilet while Jill squeezed into the little corner of the shower to watch me.  I'm glad they did because it was nice to get the feel of being a bit claustrophobic which it's going to be when my scene is live.  I ran through it once relatively emotionless since I was just getting my bearings but Dave's not worried.  He liked it and wants me to add some of my mad scene poetry in there which I like.  It'll be interesting to see if people actually walk into the bathroom or just watch from the next room.

Everyone worked in there rooms and we nailed down where things are actually going to happen.  Defiantly some moving around and re-staging a bit but it's all going to be really cool!

We thanked the folks keeping an eye on us and headed out.  Brenda took a few pretty atmosphere shots:

She's quite the little photographer!  You'll probably be seeing much more of her photos in my blogs rather than mine since she's shooting more and they're awesome!



Anywhoo - done for the night.  It's going to be such a trip once this thing is up and running! 

Irish Spirit Run...

Last year was the 1st Annual Irish Spirit Run.

My good friend Bob is the brainchild behind this.  He set it up, coordinates it, makes the "medals", takes care of fucking everything.  And it's rad.  It's a 5K, 5 Bars, 5 Beers.  There's a group of walkers and a group of runners.  (He tops it off at 30 participants) I was supposed to lead the group of walkers.

Last year I had one of my "attacks".  Barf attacks if you will and was sicker than a dog and had to miss it.  I was crushed.  The lovely T-Mow took over my job as walker leader.

This year - I was thrilled to be able to go.  Then I got sick.  WTF!!!  I thought it was just a cold or angry allergies and sucked it up that I was still well enough to do it.  Maybe sweating it out would do me good?  So even though I wasn't 100% I went.  And loved it!

This year Bob threw in a wine option for those of us who are non beer drinkers.

We arrive at Stadium Tavern at 10:30 am decked out in our Irish Swag.  We give Bob our $20 and he checks us in.  Pitchers of beer are served.  (I pass).  Bob has also initiated that at each bar, a name will be drawn, and that person is required to do a toast.  Better be prepared!

Bob and I in our Irish Swag!

My socks are actually from Ireland! A gift from my bro and D!

My brother and D are also a part of this brigade and took my very 1st selfies with my new phone here:

I love us

As we hung around we took more shots.  Here's Keeney and Darri and I:

In addition to this fun run, Bob has initiated that a name is drawn and each bar and that person has to give a prepared toast.  The 1st toast of course was Tully and it was a musical toast that we all had to sing along too:

We all gathered outside and off we went!

It was quite fun watching everyone look at us wondering what the hell a bunch of decked out green folks were doing running around downtown Fullerton!

I was with the runners group since no one was running all that fast, but as soon as we started my throat felt like I was swallowing razor blades.  I realized I wasn't as well as I thought.  I had to take it pretty slow and this was my view most of the run. Ha ha!

The group was mixed with runners, drinkers, and those of us who are athletic most of the time but just not today.  Ha ha!  Keeney had to be careful due to a recent eye surgery so him and I were often bringing up the rear!  Great chance for us to visit!

The 1st bar we hit was Joes.

Beers were waiting and wine - full friggin pours!

Now Joes isn't really much of a wine place, I mean it's more of a dive bar and has rad beers.  So I didn't finish my glass (no that I could of if I wanted too!)  We pretty much stayed for no more than 10 min and we had to be off again!  Patti had the toast here and roused us all into laughter.

Off we were again!  Next stop - Hopscotch!  Now this place has good wine!!  Another full pour!  Our booze awaitin (Bob would put a call into each bar when we were on our way):

Shane had the toast here!

We took quite a few pictures here.  I think the run/heat was starting to get to people - Oh did I mention it was about 90 degrees?!

Delicious wine!

Schweaty!

We so cute!

Bob then led us on a detour in the parking lot where his truck was, with a cooler, full of jello shots, water and water balloons!!

I'd like to point out a brilliant moment when Julie hucked a balloon at Roger who caught and threw it back.  Amazing.

Off again!

3rd stop - The Olde Ship.  Another full friggin pour!!!  I was never able to finish an entire glass of wine.  Even if I was feeling better!

Schweaty!

This is also the bar that we took our giant group photo!

Irish Spirit Run 2015

After this stop we were sent out back, through and alley to a friends place.  Suzanne had whiskey shots, water and tattoos all set up out in front of her place for the crew!  So rad!!

Thanks Suzanne!

I heart this picture

I don't know..

Ya, I was grabbin a water!

Now the last leg of the "run".  By this time people are dying.  I will say most folks were smart with the pacing, some not but everyone made it to last stop which was Branagans.  We were given our "medals" which are fucking awesome and took a finisher shot of those of us out there:

We then headed inside where snacks were served and all plopped down for some eats.  Everyone was famished so in addition to the included snacks I think everyone ordered a meal.

One last toast:

And that was it!!  We ordered food, laughed, visited then were surprised by a bag piper!

Dude was rad!

I left a bit earlier due to still feeling a bit under the weather but has an absolute blast!  Cant wait for next year!!