Ex: "Do you want this?"
Me: "What's that?"
Ex: "Ok, I'll take it."
Ex: "Do you want this?"
Me: "Is that a kitchen utensil?!"
Ex: "Ok mine."
We had about 25 of these exchanges.
I grew up with my mom. I love my mom to pieces, but she was never much of a cook. (I love you mom but seriously I still have nightmares about that meatloaf). Our dinners mostly consisted of the nightmare meatloaf, porcupine balls (meat balls with rice sticking out of them) and waffles. So my foodies sense didn't really develop until I got older and started eating out. A lot. In my mother's defense though she was an outstanding baker. I used to love to help her make cookies. I'd shape the dough or knead it or play in the flour or decorate them after, etc. She made the most amazing breads, cookies, muffins etc. I also remember watching how long it took. And the amount of work she put in. So my lack of cooking skills is a combination of not growing up around a lot of it and pure laziness.
When I married, my husband cooked. When I divorced, I lived with my dear friend Mark who was the ultimate bachelor and our refrigerator was always empty except for beer, condiments and left overs from take out food. Our freezer on the other hand was jam packed full of microwavables.
When the 2008 economy crash took my job and sent me back home to live with my mother, she had broadened her cooking a bit and she always cooked. When my gramma landed in the hospital one Thanksgiving and my mom told me I had to make stuffing and she started to explain how to do it I had stop and ask her what a casserole dish was we both pretty much thought I was a hopeless cause.
If someone wasn't cooking for me I ate out. Plus I'm always friggin hungry and I don't want to take the time to cook something.
This was my life up until my last move into my current residence.
I now live alone. No husbands, no roomates and eating out is getting costly. So - I was introduced to Pinterest. I started trying little simple things - like fancy sandwiches. I'm not going to lie, the 1st year in a half or so of living here I ate a lot of fancy sandwiches. Well - here comes last December and a cold snap from hell. Yes I know, I'm in SoCal, but when you live in a shipping crate like thing with no insulation and the nights drop into the 40's and I get up in the morning and can see my own fucking breathe and my phone tells me it's 32 degrees in my bedroom - that's damn cold.
After about a week of this I was trying to find ways to stay warm. My multiple space heaters weren't doing the trick and I remember when my mom used to bake and how warm the house was and it smelled so yummy and I thought...hmmmmm.
Christmas was coming up and I figured I'd make the Tastefully Simple Chocolate Pound Cake I had a mix for. I can do this. I have a loaf pan from the Tastefully Simple party so why not? Plus if it wasn't perfect I was going to put raspberries and cool whip on top of it anyway...sort of dull the bad taste? I was terrified but I tackled it. And guess what - DELICIOUS!
It was a bit of a cheat because it was a mix, but I did have to mix in eggs and a few other things!
A few days later the damn cold was getting colder and I noticed some rotting bananas I hadn't gotten around to eating and I still had left over chocolate chips from the Peanut Butter Balls I had made for our Xmas Cookie Exchange and..well...Pinterest.
I found a recipe for Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins. Now this was from scratch people! Like all ingredients and stuff!! I of course had to go to the store to buy friggin everything it needs because I don't own things like sugar, flour and butter (I did find Vegan Butter!) and away I went. And guess what - I DID IT!
And they were good!!! I couldn't believe it!
Here's the recipe: Banana Muffins
Now, I'm not a fan at how long it takes and how much work goes into it. My kitchen is also the size of a closet with no counter space so I have to do some pretty creative work arounds. So - this won't be a common thing I don't think.
But I'm doing it randomly!
Another cold snap hit not long after and I thought I'd try muffins again. The recipe I found called for apple chunks but I used apple sauce instead and BAM:
These were by far my favorite. So good! Everyone that tasted them raved about them which made me glow. Here's the recipe: Apple Muffins
A few weeks ago I thought I'd attempt a bread. I do have that loaf pan....
So I made a Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Loaf and guess what:
Here's the recipe: Pumpkin Bread
So I'm now starting to feel pretty confident that I can actually bake! I stick to the recipe and amounts sort of. For instance when I scoop out a tablespoon I don't measure it perfect it's more like "Yea that looks fine." And I don't own a half cup thing so I always just fill my 1 cup thing half way - ish. There are also times when I think "maybe I didn't put enough of that in so here - another bit won't matter..."
So this week I thought I'd attempt a non-dairy alfredo sauce so I could make some pasta that I could eat for a few days.
I busted my ass in the kitchen cooking, simmering (I had to look up what simmer actually was), stirring and trying to make this work. Um...Fail. The sauce was like water. I kept throwing in my flour and stirring more thinking it would help but nope. It never got thick. Defeated, I stuck my finger in for a taste. Well, it tasted ok. So I poured it on my pasta which of course pooled at the bottom of the bowl and then I pretty much would smoosh the penne in the water sauce trying to soak up a flavor. It was a sad site. I stuck the rest in the fridge thinking it would thicken overnight but the next day it looked like a weird paste and smelled funny. So - major fail there.
I then was going to try Lemon Bars because I was trying to do that warm lemon water thing every morning and realized it's just too damn nasty and wasn't doing anything so F that nonsense. But I have these extra lemons...so....
I looked up a recipe. I had to ask my mom what Lemon Zest was. Who knew it was the peel!? Fascinating. I headed to Target to buy a grater and guess what - it said on the label - great for Lemon Zesting! I guess this is a thing.
I started in making the bars and this was becoming much more work than I had originally anticipated. I didn't know what a 9x13 baking pan was exactly, and me taking out the tape measure and measuring what I did have wasn't quite helping so again my mom comes to the rescue and drops off one of her old ones for me to use. I can hear her silent laughter and head shaking from here. So with my new pan I'm having to smoosh the crust into it. It's like playdough. Did I mention no counter space? I almost launched the pan at my cats 3 times as I'm trying to to this delicate balance of partially on a table and partially on my leg since there's no room and smoosh this stuff in there. Then you have to make a whole separate bowl for the lemon part!! Lord.
Here I go. This was not going well. The damn eggs kept breaking weird and half the time I was fishing egg shells out of the bowl. Unfortunately there's a little bugger I couldn't get so I'm hoping that's the bar I bite into and not someone I give it too. Sigh. Move on. I start the Lemon Zesting process. I zest part of my thumb right off. Thank GAWD it didn't make it into the bowl. Jesus. I continue after I've bandaged my thumb. I launch the lemons multiple times in the process. Good lord. Mind you my cats are sitting there watching me with curiosity and confusion. I swear they're laughing at me. Then I start to squeeze the lemon juice into the bowl when every 2 seconds a seed falls in. DAMMIT! I certainly hope I got all the seeds out.
Finally into the oven it goes. Later on my house starts to smell like lemons. Yummy! I pull it out and it doesn't look anything like the picture. Oh hell. I stare at it for a moment slightly heartbroken and also want to cry because I don't have any powered sugar like I thought I did to sprinkle on top and maybe hide the weird looking bar. The picture has it looking like a jelly, mine is not a jelly. It's baked. I'm confused. BUT, I taste a piece and it's really good!
I bring a bar over to my landlady to try and her neighbor is also there and shares it. They love it! Yay!! So it may not be pretty (Hence no photo) but it's super tasty! I can't wait to give some to my dad tomorrow since I know he looooooooooooooooooves lemon stuff!
Here's the recipe: Lemon Bars
So ladies and gents - Hell has officially frozen over. Jami is baking. I'm not sure about the whole cooking thing - I did try something in the crock pot a few weeks back that didn't quite work as well so we'll see. But - on to new adventures!
No comments:
Post a Comment