How art in my life has changed...

I have found I need to have some sort of art in my life. 

Period.

This is a fact.

This is also no real surprise to anyone who knows me, but it's been an interesting journey as of late.

Back in 2009 my back to back theatre days came to an end.  Rude Guerrilla being my constant theatre home had closed it's doors.  I popped around and did some other shows here and there.  But what I didn't realize at the time was my creative streak inside my soul wasn't getting satisfied.  I did some writing projects, jumped on the Pintrest bandwagon and hosted some craft nights, picked up my camera now and again, but what I didn't realize, was it just wasn't cutting it.

In 2011 was when my Papa's health really started declining and eventually hospice was brought in, so I ended up taking an involuntary hiatus from theatre entirely.  I did a one night show here and there but didn't want to commit to anything I couldn't pull out of last minute.  Again I filled that void with the above mentioned stuff.  This time I was really beginning to miss life on the stage.  Although I do have this fun little ongoing project I still do if you want to check it out - Jami's Photo Blog.
It started out as a photo a day and has turned into a color a month!

When my Papa passed in the end of 2013, it wasn't long before friends/family were gently asking me when they would see me onstage again.  I looked around.  Inquired at theaters but nothing was getting me excited.  After my own little medical stint in 2012 time has become much more precious to me and I didn't want to work on a project unless I felt passionately about it.  I also hate to say this, but I have been seeing some really bad theatre way too often and it was killing my spirit a bit.

It seems like things have changed for me and my outlook in the artistic world, and it somewhat has all come together over the last couple of months.

I signed on to do the A'Dolts Only Xmas Pagent that I've done for a few years now.  It's just a one night silly romp onstage that usually has a drunk audience and half drunk cast.  It's totally fun and offensive and I love being a part of it.  This year I had a monologue.  What took me by surprise was how nervous I was.  Now don't get me wrong - I always get nervous - but this was different.  I felt like I forgot how to act.  When it was time to perform I was awful.  I sped through my lines, didn't know what to do with myself onstage and didn't get nearly the laughs the piece deserved.  I came off stage heartbroken and confused.  What the hell was wrong with me?!  Well - duh Jami.  Acting is just like anything in life.  If you're not doing it on a regular basis you get out of practice.  Now - us old pros can pull it together so you as the audience don't realize we're off our game, but we know.  I felt it.  It was weird and foreign.  I also didn't give as much as a fuck as I should have.

Now, here I am working on Slings and Arrows that I'm super excited about.  As I mentioned somewhere in an earlier blog, it's a re-imagination of Hamlet that we (Monkey Wrench Collective) will be performing at Casa Romantica in April.  The audience will walk around from room to room and watch the show unfold.  I'm extremely excited/nervous about it in a great way!

But what's weird is it feels totally different to me.  It hit me the other day like a brick in the face.  I'm a completely different person now.  Yeah, yeah, you're probably tired of me bringing up the hemorrhage but it shocks the hell out of me every time I realize how much it changed me.  And guess what - it's changed the way I approach my art.  And it's fucking cool!  Yes, it's been forever since I've done a show.  Yes, I've been antsy to get back onstage again.  Yes, this is super different and unique.  But still - it's a new feeling.  In my heart.  In my soul!

I think it all comes together when I take a step back and realize how I look at life now.  Time is a gift.  My emotions and feelings are right at the surface.  I'm more at peace.  I'm also very picky about where I put my time.  If it is not something I want to do, forget it.  It's a total trip guys!!!!

I've only had a couple of rehearsals for Slings and Arrows, but I have a feeling you will be hearing about the process more and more here.  I want to document it more for sure.  In fact - a shot from last week's rehearsal!

I'm hugging Jefferey Kieviet who is our new Laeretes.  Keith Bennet had to pull out unfortunately but I adore Jeffrey so we'll have fun.  Heather Enriquez our fabulous costumer then Dave working with Jeffrey and Bryan Jennings (Claudius).

Last weeks rehearsal went very well.  Dave told me to be confident in my performance.  I got it, he said.  I have never felt this kind of confidence coming from Dave in regards to my performance before.  He and I joke that I can be more emotional now since all the feelings seem to be right fucking there but all joking aside it's true.  My personality has always been laid back and it's a challenge for me to play the more dramatic roles.  Comedy has always been my stronger suit.  I feel my best dramatic performance came out of Beirut in 2008 but I know the reason was because it was my baby and I threw my life and soul into the piece and was so proud of how it turned out and the reviews were wonderful and people loved it.  In fact, here's a shot from it.

That would be my dear friend Alex Walters who played Torch to my Blue and was one of his best performances to date.

Anywhoo -  Here I am again.  Thrilled beyond belief working on something I'm excited about and feeling so much different.  I concentrate more.  Research more.  It's like I've grown up or something.  Last nights rehearsal was no exception.  We'll be showing Ophelia's death in our production and Dave asked me to pick out a song to sing.  I chose Golden Slumbers by The Beatles.  That song has always broke my heart for some reason and I felt it would work well.  I had to sing it last night and I HATE singing in front of people so I was really nervous.  I had an idea of how I wanted to do it and it actually brought Dave and Pete to tears.  YES!  This makes me confident I'm going in the right direction.  My nunnery scene I'm doing with Brenda Kenworthy (Shadow Hamlet) took a different turn and it's great.  Jeffrey and I have fell right into ease with the brother/sister dynamic and at last weeks rehearsal Conor Turoci (Hamlet) and I ended up choreographing a fantastic opening bit that was rad.  In fact here's Dave's status update from the MWC facebook page last week:

SLINGS AND ARROWS Rehearsal 2: 2B or not 2B speech with 3 Hamlets arguing the merits of suicide. Brenda and Jami running the "Get thee to a nunnery" scene (with some very creative ideas coming out of that one...). An introductory moment between Hamlet and Ophelia that gave me chills. Laertes-forgiving Hamlet at end or not?

This thrilled me to no end.  I'm not the only one getting excited.  But you guys - I feel it!!  That spark!  That creative breath I've been missing for years now is back and it's glorious!  I'm so excited and terrified and nutty about this show I may burst!

It's not just me either - I'm getting more excited and into my friends stuff.  I've always been supportive yes, but those pieces I know someone is extra passionate about or excited or doing something new.  Watching them perform makes my heart swell.  My friend Amber is in a show currently running at Stages in Fullerton called The North Plan.  She's brilliant in it!  I enjoyed the show so much and laughed until my sides hurt at her performance.  This is her in the jail below.

My friend Monica whom I've know since childhood has a husband that jams with friends.  They call themselves Hall Pass and never performed really except in friends garages but were always fun.  Well he's joined a new band now called El Duderino and they performed the other night at a tiny little dive bar in Santa Ana.  Watching Monica's proud face as her man jammed onstage was so awesome.  They do a lot of original stuff and were super fun to watch.

The creative juices are flowing.  I look so forward to see what comes up.  It's so awesome to feel that spark in myself again.  I've missed it so much more than I realized.  I'm also so excited to see where this new feeling will take me.  I guess it's a different path now when you feel all the damn feelings!  Ha ha!  Life is certainly a trip when you look at it in a brighter light!

And remember: