Time...

Time is an interesting thing.

I swear that this year has gone by faster than any year yet.  I am told that the older you get the faster time flies. 
No joke.

It’s August.

ALREADY.

August.

I’ve been going back and reading lots of old blogs I posted years back and they seem like lifetimes ago.

Is this normal?

It’s so bizarre to think that I’m 37 years old.  I mention my age at 32 in one of my older blogs and I thought “32!?  That’s so long ago!” 

I just finished reading The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom.  Great book by the way if any of you want a really cool quick read.  It’s a great book for people who currently take time for granted.  It talks about how Father Time came to be, and how some people are greedy for time and others don’t care and cut it short.  I want to say I’ve never taken time for granted but I feel I actually have.

I look back and think about my life before today and how I spent my moments.  Where my thoughts would wander off to.  How priorities have changed and shifted. 

My stint last year has left that nagging “I’m on borrowed time” feeling lingering in the back of my subconscious.  I feel being given a second chance I don’t want to fuck it up.

Practicing meditation and mindfulness is making a difference I believe.  If anything it stops me for those moments to just breathe.  Just be. 

I think a lot.  My mind wanders a lot.  

I drove out to Indio/Palm Springs on Saturday by myself.  

I must say I love the desert.  Even in the large community my friends live in, when you walk outside it's so quiet.  It's as if the sound is sucked up into the abyss.  I have a feeling if I make it to retirement I'll end up out here.

When I came home as the sun was beginning it's descent into the earth, I found myself at total ease.  (Yes my truck had made it out there with no issues, so I felt much more confident it would be fine coming home).  The desert is beautiful.  It's so very quiet.  The time of day I was heading home was perfection.  It's as if the world had slowed down for my drive home.  I tried to gaze at the landscape without swerving and actually almost pulled over to just look but decided not to.  But it was so pretty.  So serene.  I tried to snap a shot but it's a bit difficult while driving :)

I know I’m happy.  I know I appreciate every second I am granted on this earth. 

It’s so fast though.  Sometimes I want to just grab time and hold it still for just a minute.  There’s a moment in the book where time stops and the characters keep going. 

What moments would you halt?

All the people in my life that are gone now, I would defiantly want to see them again.  Halt time once more to just look at them, hear their voice, see their smile.

I wish I could grasp feelings and hang on to them.   The butterflies from the first kisses.  The laughter that causes you to turn into a silent, wheezing freak.  That inhale when your nose is filled with the salt air and the sounds of the ocean is crashing around you. 
I would stop yesterday as I held onto my Papa’s hand when for those brief few minutes I was left alone with him and he looked at me and was there with me.  “Remember the desert house Papa?”  “He tried to smile.  “I do.”  “Remember when you found me and Susan after being gone too long and you scolded us?”  He nodded.  “Susan still remembers that” I said laughing.  “I love you honey” he said.  He always says he loves me.  His mind may be gone most of the time, but it’s those moments he’s there that I want to just hold.  Just for a moment longer.

The book teaches you that time is precious because it’s limited. 

I would never want to live forever, but I really do wish this lifetime would slow down a bit.