A funny date...

Random memory for you readers that may give you a giggle.

So I tried online dating a while back.  Just wanted to dip my toes into the pool a bit and see what it was like.  Many friends/family have encouraged me to try it so I figured why not.

Obviously I didn’t last very long, I didn’t really care for it and it’s pretty much exactly like I thought it would be.  Yes I know it seems to be the way now days to meet your significant other or to find your local hookup but I’m just too damn old skool.  I want to meet someone organically, or through a mutual friend or at a gathering of the same interest.  You know – talk.  Like in person.  Like have a connection.  Those still exist right?  I haven’t had one in so long, that I honestly don’t know if they do still exist.  But – here’s to hoping.

In the meantime, I have funny tidbit to share.

I did the online thing only for a few months, and yes that was probably not long enough but it was long enough to remind me why it just isn’t my thing.  The types of emails I would get were absurd.  The way the system would “match” me up with people seemed to be a joke.  I would see someone who may be of interest, we would email, maybe even hit it off.  Then nothing.  Or it would go weird.  Or icky.  But there was this one particular interesting dude.  He was persistent, charming, and patient and seemed pretty cool.  We emailed for a while.  Then I grew a pair and gave him my phone number and we chatted on the phone a bit.  I wasn’t super interested but wanted to be open.  I figured this would be a good test run.  I will actually go on a date with this guy.  I won’t be too nervous because I’m not awe struck by him but he was interesting enough for me to think about it.  And who knows, maybe turn into something.  I’m trying to be casual about this.  Plus he just seems like a nice guy.  I’ll do it.  We set a date.

We agreed to meet at Black Angus in the bar section for a friendly drink.  Harmless right?  Public good.  I chose a pair of jeans a cute top that hugged me just right.  I arrived early (as I always do) and grabbed a table at the bar.  I saw him walk in.

Oh my lord.

The boy wore a suit with a black T-shirt.  And – a bowler hat.  The suit was also a few sizes too big as was the bowler hat.  Amazing.  I don’t remember that last time I saw someone wear a bowler hat that wasn’t in a 1940’s gangster movie.

We ordered drinks (Vodka straight up for him. When the bartender suggested vodkas he chose Smirnoff.  Bleck. )  and chatted, we decided to order snacks.  He ordered Buffalo wings and I haven’t seen a boy suck on wings that hard since my old roomie.  I opted for fries since they were easy. 

Our conversation felt like I was on an interview.  He told me about all these other dating sites he had tried, and even mentioned an escort service.  Um WTF?!  He assured me after my eyebrow rise that it was a dating escort, not the escort I’m thinking.  Out loud chuckle.  In my head WTF!  He was very intelligent, very political, kind of arrogant, and had weird vampire teeth when he smiled.  D, you are not alone.  The boy was weird.

I rambled on as I do and probably talked too much as I do but near the end of our snacks/drinks he proceeded to tell me I was exactly what he was looking for.  I fit all the criteria.  He said that – “You fit all my criteria in a mate.”  And then he said mate!  I smiled politely and said “Well thanks!”

He paid the tab and we headed out.

He offered to walk me to my car, I warned him I parked in another country, (Which I did!  Seriously Black Angus is apparently the happening spot) but he didn’t mind.

Here’s the best part.

I’m going to try my best to describe this via words and not actions.

So we’re walking towards the country my car is in and we are walking in between cars so we’re single fine.  He behind me.

Those concrete parking lot things are there – the ones at the top of the spot? And we’re stepping over them.

That’s when I hear him go down.

I turn around to find this poor fellow in his oversized suit and hat, on his back, feet facing me, flailing, like an upside down turtle.

I gasp and ask if he’s ok as I offer him my hand to help him up.

He says he is, and doesn’t want my hand and I can tell the poor guy is mortified so I turn around and try not to look at him while he gets up.

I try to make light of the situation and say “Ha!  Usually I’m the one that’s falling over something!  I’m so clumsy! “

He tried to laugh as he brushed off his knees which now had small holes and dirt in the oversized pants.

Now…If you are thinking what I’m thinking, this is the point I had WISHED I had seen him go down.

You see, the position he was in when I turned around was on his back – feet facing me.  I had originally thought he slipped (like on a banana peel or something) and landed on his back in that position.

No.

Dude must have tripped and SOMERSAULTED into the position he was in.  Because his knees and hands had the most damage.  And yes ladies and gentleman, when he was brushing off his knees there was gravel on his hat.  The mechanics of it all only left that SOMERLAUTLING was the answer to how he went down.

It took everything in my power not to burst out laughing at this point.

He walked me to my truck, I shook his hand and let him kiss me on the cheek and off I went.

2 blocks down the road where I pull over and proceed to die laughing.

Who falls like that!?

It was amazing.

When he text me later, and tried to schedule a date #2 I told him I just didn’t have the time to date as I had thought and promptly deleted my online dating account.

So – there’s my online dating date.  Just one.  That was enough.  The amount of douchebags I had to field through just isn’t worth it.  But this cat certainly made for an interesting tale to tell.

He may have looked a little like this...