Its been a rough week. Goods. Bads. Nerves. My head is a whirling buzz of madness. My soul aches. My heart hurts. I think about him. It makes me sad. I didnt realize how much I had really wished it worked out. Dealing with those emotions always makes for sad, for tears, for wishing, for wondering. I'm feeling alright today. Tired but alright.
Tuesday I had my 1st job interview in 10 years. He txted me good luck and too relax, the only time I've heard from him but it made me happy that he thought of me. I spent the day searching the net on "Interview Questions" and what to wear, etc. I wasnt that nervous until I started doing that. This is when I realized "Oh fuck, I dont know what the hell I'm doing". I didnt eat the whole day. I went thru my closet 10 times over trying to find something "conservative" to wear. I have made a mental note that I need to purchase an "Interview blouse". I got nice pants but no nice shirts. Anyway - I arrived super early and when the 2 lovely ladies interviewed me I babbled on like an idiot forcing a smile thru my sweaty palms. When she opened the folder and pulled out my resume I saw the huge pile of other applicants. Fuck. I left feeling like I did the best I could and promptly bought myself a giant sandwich now that I was able to eat again. She called me yesterday leaving me a msg saying I didnt get the job, but it was down to me and one other. It was a hard decision. They really liked me and liked talking with me. Their may be a position opening up in a couple of weeks, should she send me the info? They really would love to find a place for me there.
So - I didnt get the job - but I feel really good! Down to me and one other! Out of all those other applicants!!! I plan on calling her on Mon and saying "YES! Send me the info for the other position please!" So it was a bit of a let down, but not bad at all. I feel really good that I did so well on my 1st interview in 10 fucking years. I'd love to work for this company, so hopefully maybe this other position may be more up my alley. We'll see.
My lovely girlfriend came over Thursday night for a sleepover. She arrived with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of orange tulips to cheer me up. I treated her to a sushi dinner, we came home and spent hours in mom's spa finishing the bottle of wine, talking, laughing, catching up. The rain came down on us a few times while we sat in the spa. We loved it. "You look so beautiful right now" she said to me at one point. Its amazing to me sometimes how girlfriends can sometimes say the most perfect things at the most perfect moments. I may be sad to be single again, I may be heart aching over my last failed relationship, I may have my moments where I wonder if I'll ever meet a man who will love me but nothing can ever give me what friendships can - especially girlfriends. She stayed the nite, we went to Target the next morning, then mom, her and I went and saw "He's Just Not That Into You" at a theater in Anaheim. We ate extremly buttered popcorn and chuffed and giggled thru the movie. I'll never take for granted the friends and family I have in my life thats for damn sure. :)
Tonight I'm seeing a bunch of friends in Angels in America in Fullerton, tomorow I'm meeting another girlfriend for lunch, taking care of the grandparents and maybe attending a party or 2.
I'm going into this next week forcing myself to be more motivated, more proactive. Not that I havent been - but I need to step it up. I dont know what my future holds right now and this terrifies me beyond belief, but I've got to start fighting it more. I'm allowing myself to be sad, I'm allowing myself to feel but I refuse to let it consume me.
1 comment:
Wow - even thought I wished you would have gotten that job, that's great that they want you there! I'm glad you have such great friends and I know you'll be all right. xoxo.
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