Coachella

I have never been to Coachella. I finally sucked it up, and despite the fact of not really being able to afford it, I went. I actually didnt go all 3 days, just Saturday and Sunday. I stayed in an RV with Terri, Jenny and Roy. What a blast!!!!!
I arrive hot, sweaty and out of it Saturday morning. The trio is just getting up, happy, hungover and reminising about Day 1 of Coachella. I felt like the outcast who didnt get to go to the cool kids party, but I'm getting excited because today is my Day 1. Terri hands me my coconut and Jenny proceeds to make cocktails. Its 11am. Scott and Charis stop by on thier way to Ryan's spot. We say hi. Ryan comes by and brings me my tickets. "We'll party!" We actually never ran into each other again! Our little group rolls out about noon-noon thirty. We pull in, we tailgate. Its hot. I'm ready tho. I've mentally prepared myself for this desert heat. We sit in the parking lot for awhile, drinking, laughing, chatting, people watching. On our way in a group is grilling hot dogs - 3 for $5 - we all grab a dog and proceed into the festival.
Upon entering, I'm already blown away. The place is huge. I mean - HUGE. Photos are taken of my virgin entrance into my first Coachella experience. I buy my Coachella tank top. We head in. The massive art. All the stages. What people are wearing/look like/doing. Its all so overwhelming and I want to see it all. Terri is rattling off what some of the tents contain, whats here whats there. I'm like a little kid. So excited. We start to wonder around. Now...its already getting fuzzy of the order of things that were done, so I'm just going to reminisce what I can....
The E-Tard Tent. This is what we lovingly call it. Its full of little E kids. Its actually called the Do-Lab. There are performers there called Lucent Dossier. They're all made up in crazy costumes, make-up, some on stilts, etc. They had a band or they'd DJ or they'd have a silk dancer or dancers or would just bounce around on the stage covered in water and blast you with these water blasters. Loved loved loved them! I found myself in there often to get a nice blast of water to cool off and to watch this wacked out tribe of peformers.
At some point we ended up in the Heineken dome. This was air conditioned and a crazy DJ was spinnin some heavy drum/bass. Fun images and lights played across the top of the dome as we relaxed and zoned out for a while. This is also the time some fellow hit on me - giving me his phone number and promising if we hook up with him later he'll be throwing the best after party around.
The people watching was an experience in itself. Most were like me, shorts, tank, hat. Others in cute sundresses. Some in bathing suits. You had the goths, the emos, the rockers, the e kids, the ravers, the hip hoppers, the stoners, the meth heads, tree huggers, hippies, we had a fellow in the lime green borat bathing suit thing, a group of brits dressed as Indians, folks in kilts, people in huge space boots, there were quite a few asses hanging out of shorts, people in netting, a dude in a tie-die onsie, crazy colored hair, one guy was walkin around in tightie whities with a belt - carrying his clothes, there was an interesting group of larger rounder fellows in tights and bathing suit looking things. I could go on and on and on.
Some of the bands....Kavinsky- this DJ was off the hook. We'd actually arrived to see a different one and Kavinsky was finishing up his set so we saw the last bit. Rockin. In fact, we didnt like the one we'd come to see since Kavinsky was so kickin. We stopped at the stage where Man Man was playing. I want to see them again. This group of crazy guys with 2 drum sets, jumpin around, shakin thier heads. So much fun! DeVochka - silk dancers down the sides - very cool. We then saw Death Cab for Cutie. I enjoyed them for sure, they gave me what I expected. A surprise for me was Kraftwerk. I know they've been around forever from what I've been told, but I'd never seen them. They were killer. 4 guys standed up there makin it rock. The screens behind them portraying all kinds of wacky machine/robots/signs/etc. Then they dissappeared and had actual robots on the stage replacing them. Roy's face was priceless...so confused...."Wasnt it real guys?!" "Its robots!" "I dont understand!". The little E-tard kid behind us flippin out the entire show was also somewhat entertaining as well. After Kraftwerk was Portishead. My group wasnt too thrilled but I really did dig it. She's great. Emotional, chill, beautiful voice. She played 2 of my favorite songs. I found myself movin to the sway of the music and getting lost in it a few times. Then of course we finished the night with Prince. My God. He truly lived up to his reputation. I've never seen Prince perform live. Morris Day shows up - they danced. I screamed. Shelia E shows up. She drums. I'm in awe. She's looking hotter then ever. Kickin MAJOR ass on those drums. He sang Creep. As much as I loved his cover, I think my favorite was Terri's reaction when she realized it was Creep. He sang Purple Rain. I wanted to die. His backup singers were amazing. The one gal singin Angel with her melodic sweet beautiful voice floating up to the heavens. Then the other gal tearin the shit up. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms when both these women sang thier hearts out. Prince did not dissappoint. He played until 1am. I couldnt have been more thrilled. Terri had tears in her eyes. The rest of us agreed - DA BOMB.
Since we stayed for Prince's entire set, we then had to leave with the masses. I cant remember the last time I walked out with thousands and thousands of people. My back ached, I was beat from the sun, my knee was stinging, my feet were barking but damn was I thrilled. We sat in the parking lot for god knows how long, I actually had this vision that there was no way we'd ever get back. But some time after 2am we all rolled into our RV and passed right out.
Day 3 (2 for me). Happy, hot, worn out we got up to go. We all moved much slower this morning. Baby steps to get there....we actually made it outside the RV then sat for another 45 min or so before we finally got in the truck to head over. Poor Brett Dennen - we wanted to check him out but just couldnt get there. So Sunday - here we are again - ready for the day.
We camped out this time in the beer garden - a bit to the side of the main stage, figuring we could try to catch a bit of shade and still see the bands play. At the begining of Gogol's set we see something coming towards us..."What is that!" Terri shouts. We begin to realize its a swarm of something. WTF? We watch. It gets closer. The people are now starting to grab thier gear and run, screaming from the swarm of now we realize - BEES! The swarm moves our way....we start to slowly gather our stuff along with the people around us ready to run...the swarm just swarms. All right above us....then starts to fade away. Where are they going??? "Look!!!" Terri shreaks - and points to a hat that was hanging on the fence...all the bees - and I mean hundreds and hundreds of bees - decided to take home on this hat. The damn thing actually started bending and bowing from the weight of the bees. The poor fellow who owns it is slowly pulling the rest of his belongings away from the now hat/hive. "What was on the hat!" someone asks. "Just water" says the confused fellow. People are surrounding taking photos - no one has seen anything like this! The security arrives. They too taking pictures - fascinated. A truck pulls up - KILLER BEE TRUCK painted on the side - they put in a bag and move on...like it was nothing. WTF!
The music: First up we saw the Shout Out Louds - so fun! So young! Next was Stars - this was a band that R had told me she loved after seeing them in Denver - I can see why. Amazing. I would have to say my highlight of the day was Gogol Bordello. They were so much fun! Crazy! Jumping around! I fell in love. I'm a new fan and cant wait to check out all thier stuff. Terri and I have decided too that we want to join the band. We want to be the hot gals who play drums and scream and have so much damn fun up there! They put a base drum into the crowd and it crowd surfed with the gal standing on top of it!!! So awesome! Jenny's must see was Sia. I had no idea who this person was, but she was absolutley adorable! A ridiculously amazing voice. They came out at first in all blacklight in crazy smiley face costumes then stripped down to a normal set. She sang her heart out and was so grateful and thrilled when the fans roared. Roger Waters - I've seen him perform quite a few times, I've seen Pink Floyd perform a few times. We only stayed for a few of his songs - but damn. As usual phenominal. They played one of my favorite songs. I got lost in it, I started flashing back to all my years of listening to Floyd albums over and over and over again. My heart swelled. The trio got a taste of the side of me they've never seen. We headed out before they could see that side in its entirety.
As we're walking out the lights glow looking like something out of a dream. Roger Waters music filling the sky. I was so happy, hot and exhausted as we trekked towards the parking lots. The vibe in the air was full of excitement and wonder. I felt like I was walking out of a fantasy world.
Back to camp, drinking, hot tub, excitedly chatting about our experiences, what we liked, disliked, loved, laughed at etc etc etc. Monday morning I thank my gracious hosts Terri and Roy. Give Jenny a squeeze and drive off into the desert towards home, humming different tunes I'd heard over the weekend. Excited to look up all these new bands I'm now a fan of and wondering whose on the bill for next year!

Today's Thoughts....

- I seriously think I'm addicted to sushi. People are addicted to crack. Alcohol. I'm addicted to sushi. I think I have a problem.

- I really wish these mosquito bites from my photo shoot would clear up. Why are they still here?

- I really want to go into the next room and punch the opera singer thats doing scales.

- I'm excited/dreading going to Coachella on Sat/Sun.

- I'm so excited to have the house to myself today and tomorow.

- I am completly unmotivated to work today, but is that really different then any other day?

- I find that if you stare at something long enough everything around it turns that same color as what your staring at.

- I have a test tonite in my class and I've only watched 2 of the 4 movies I was supposed to. I'm going to try to squeeze one in before class but I dont know...

- I dont understand why my body is achey...am I that out of shape?

- I cant believe its going to be May. I swear I just celebrated my birthday.

- That being said I wish summer would get here faster.

- A lady bug landed on my nose this afternoon. I'm sure my reaction was similar to the picture of the cat crosseyed staring at a bug on its nose.

- I think some of my co-workers are seriously mental, alot of them talk to themselves more then me...

- I think I need to visit my chiropracter.

...sigh....boredom....

Peace of Mind

She sits on the sand feeling it slide between her toes. The waves hit the shore with a thunderous force each time silencing all other noise around. She stares out at the last little line across the horizon as the sun falls into the dark ocean below. The heavens glow pink and orange across the sky. A seagull screams out into the night. Crash. The waves hit again. A slight breeze ruffles her hair. She closes her eyes and breathes in the salt air. Crash. Peace. Peace of mind. Her thoughts slowly slip out of her head and she embraces the quiet. Please quiet my mind. Just for a moment. A moment to breathe. A moment to smile. A moment. Crash. A child laughs in the distance. She opens her eyes again. The sky is now a purplish rose. Crash. She could sit there for hours. For days. For years. Forever.

This is my peace. This is the only thing that can quiet my mind. Quiet my heart. Quiet my soul. I love the ocean. I love its power. I love that it soothes the soul. We have a time share in San Clemente with a balcony that overlooks the San Clemente Pier and the ocean. The last time I went down there, mom was there for a week and I joined her for a couple of days, My first day there I sat out on the balcony all day and into the night. Mom would sit with me for a while then go inside. She'd pop her head out every now and again - "Want to do something? " "No" I'd say. "I just want to sit out here". Thats the first time in my life I spent so long just sitting and staring out into the sea. We broke for dinner. But when we came back, I found myself out there again, late into the night. My silence disrupted only when the train would come thru. I always like to sleep out in the fold out bed in the living room area so I can go to sleep to the sounds of the ocean. The next day I was wound up and mom and I did more walking around, playing, etc. But that one day - I needed it so bad. Just to sit. Just to silence the goings on of life for one day. Now I try to get to the beach sometimes alone to just sit and decompress for awhile when life gets a bit overwhelming. I love the ocean. I feel one with the ocean. I need it. Its getting around that time I'll be heading there again just to sit. Just to quiet.

Oh and by the way...

If any of these particular fellows are available - I'm already yours!

My Man...

People ask me "What's your type?". Well, if you look at the past gentlemen I have been invovled with you will see that I dont really have a type. But I do know what I want. So maybe if I write it out the universe will take all these ingredients and send this fellow my way? Maybe? Eh, eithier way its fun to day dream. So here it is - my letter to my man:
I want you to want me. I want you to be funny. You've got to have a sense of humor or we'll never get along. I want you to be passionate. I want you to be good in the sack. Yes, I said it. I want to be satisfied. I want you to accept my independance, my sarcasm, my goofiness. You MUST NOT be allergic to cats. You need to be someone who likes to have fun, who doesnt take life to seriously. You MUST have a job. I will not support you - we will support each other. If you read my previous blog - BE FAITHFUL. I'm wary, I cant help it. Life has thrown me some bullshit and earning my trust will take some time. If you cant be faithful we cannot be in a relationship. I hope you like wine because I want to go wine tasting, and up to Napa. I hope you like to travel so you can take me to fun, beautiful places. I hope you enjoy the OC Fair - we must go every summer. I want you to be an artistic, creative soul. To love life and to help me love it more. I hope you like to eat - because I am not one of those "salad and water" girls. God blessed me with a high metabolism and I love to eat! I'd like a little romance. I dont need alot, but enough. Last but not least I want that spark. I want to meet you and we both know. I want that instant attraction. I want you to take my breath away. I want you to make me feel giddy and nervous inside. So there it is. CALL ME!

Relationships vs. singleness

When I was a teenager, first experiements with boys and feelings and kisses etc. I never knew what I was doing. I was always a tomboy, "one of the guys", never one of the pretty or popular girls. I went into the those awful years of Junior High School and High School longing for a boy to like me. For a boy to think I was pretty. For a boyfriend. Like all the popular girls. The pretty girls. The girls I will never be. College was similar. I played a bit, but almost always involving drugs/alcohol/desperation. Nothing real. I still felt like the outcast. The girl whose not as pretty as the other girls. Etc Etc Etc. Then I got married. I thought I had found the one. I finally had a boy. Someone finally loved me and thought I was pretty. Well - as you readers know - that went down the shitter. Since the divorce I never really went back to feeling like that "ugly" girl. That tomboy. I mean I did to an extent. I'm always going to a tomboy. Edgy. Feisty. Opinionated. I adore my friends for trying to help me girly it up. Do stuff with my hair, new tricks with makeup, dress to impress - etc. Yes I've grown out of that "Pining for a boy" stage. That longing for a boy to like me. Now its different. Its weird. I have not been in a real relationship since my divorce. I've "hooked up". I've "dated" - sort of. But I have not had a "boyfriend". Lately I have been having that lonliness nag at my soul. Poke at my heart. Laugh at my misery. After the divorce - honestly I didnt want any sort of relationship. So its my own doing. I think I'm ready now, I'd like someone to call muh man. Or do I? I think I want someone, but then I look around at what I seem to be surrounded by. My roomate, his girlfriend broke up with him yet he's still clinging on to the whole thing. They work together, they lunch together, they still go places together. This bothers me because I'm watching him hang onto false hope. He just wont let go. Then another friend of mine just filed for a nasty divorce. She's finding out STILL people he was involved with behind her back. People I know. People I respect er did. A very dear friend of mine is calling it quits with her boyfriend of years and years. About 5-6 other friends of mine have broken it off or gotten it broken off in the past couple of months! Spring hit and relationships started falling apart. I talk to people, I watch shows and it seems like no one is faithful. I was lied to. I was finacially raped and ruined in my marriage, making it almost impossible for me to trust another man ever. Yet I'm recently trying to open up. Then I look around. I want to crawl back into my little untrusting shell. Then on the other spectrum - Jess just got married for the 2nd time to a man who loves her to death. Jenn/Alex are one of the cutest couples in my life. They're real life Charlotte/Harry from Sex in the City. My old friends Cori/Tom have had their troubles but are goin strong and have been for years. It goes both ways. Yet for me - at least today - I have no idea where I belong...in a couple or on my own forever. Both sides have ups and downs. But which one will I fall into? At this point one doesnt seem better then the other. Will I trust again? Will I be like my friends who are happy and in love? Will I be one of those women who just bangs and moves on? Will I end up as the crazy cat lady? Who the hell knows.

9th time in a wedding...

Yes. Its true. I have been in a wedding 9 - count them - 9 times. One of those actually a bride! (Worst mistake EVER). Anywhoo - this past weekend Jess & Steven came together in marriage out in the middle of nowhere at some place called Padua Hills. Jessica wanted it forest like expecting fairies to jump out of trees. It was. She looked breathtaking. The bridal party looked fantastic. Her ring is BLING. The whole thing was very elegant, beautiful and fun and I'm sure cost more money then I'll ever be worth. I still find it hard to attend weddings (let alone be in them). It makes me sad in a way. Remembering how my day was so spectacular and beautiful only to end in disaster. Makes me sad being a single 32 year old. There's something about weddings that bites people. Makes you want someone. Is it the love in the air? The romance? It seems like hooking up with someone at a wedding is a given. Not for me. I have yet to experience that. I've been to more weddings then I can count. I always have that moment of sadness. That moment of loneliness. Lately that feeling turns to irritation at the fact that I still get sad/lonely in these situations. This time around - I started getting that feeling so I took a walk. I went out a spot across the street that had a little bench and overlooked Claremont. The lights of the city twinkled and winked at me. The night sounds filling the air around me. The faint sound of the wedding in the background. I sat down. I smoked. I gazed out into the night and smiled. I fought that feeling and I won. I have to admit - I am disappointed that I cant say - "Ya - me and that one hot guy totally hooked up!". But whateva. In fact, I'm going to post below the highlights I posted on myspace. I've decided that here is where I'll spill a bit more. Vent a bit more. I'll try to keep that off the myspace world. So - highlights....
This past weekend Jess and Steven came together as hubby and wife. I was a bridesmaid. Here's some highlights...
- Rehearsal Dinner - Such awesome Greek food
- Rehearsal Dinner - Hot belly dancer - I considered becoming a lesbian
- Terri and I realized we can conquer anything thrown at us - ergo - Team TJ was born
- So many lovely compliments on how I looked. Thank you
- Jessica looked like a princess
- Darcy and I climbing into a tree in heels and satin bridesmaids dresses for a photo. Jess so excitedly exclaiming "Your my fairies in the trees!!!!!!"

- Listening to frogs, birds, wind whispering thru the trees during the ceremony
- Excellent Pinot Noir
- Pre-wedding singing of Depeche Mode songs to keep Jess calm
- Actually making it thru the treacherous walk down the aisle in heels and not eating shit
- Terri and I sharing a plus 1. Yay Keith!
- Alexander teaching me to swing dance including picking me up and flipping me thru the air as I squealed in terror
- Looking for Bears in the forest
- Amazing steak
- Table 18
- Dancing
Congrats to Jess & Steven! Woot!

I look like a rockstar bitch:

Favorite picture of the whole night: