How about another dating update...

So.
Wondering how I'm doing with the e-harmony journey?
Wondering if I've found love and it's been so fun and so rad and just lovely?
Yeah.
No.

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So the last you heard was this right?

So a month or so after that - that guy TEXT ME AGAIN!  I get this "How's the new fella?".  Well, I had deleted that guys number so I had to text back "Who is this?!"  It was ginger!  WTF?!  So we text a bit...I was totally up front and told him why I peaced out.  He's like well if you want to go out again I'm here. (AGAIN WITH THE NOT COMMITTING)  Bite me.  He then texts me again a few days later so I thought - you know what?  It's not like I'm having any luck so why not?  I text back "In!"  DIDN'T HEAR BACK!

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So there's that.

The latest trend (which I've learned from other poor saps trying to online date) is we get to texting, we hit it off, we're having some good texting convo, but then the second I mention trying to get together they're busy, or have to check their schedule, or I don't know it's kinda crazy right now.  So basically - I just want to fucking text you and keep you hanging on a string but I never want to actually go out with you because I have no balls and I'm a fucking loser who likes to hide behind my phone.  Eat a dick dude.

I'M SO FUCKING DONE!!

Also - random side note - why do guys send selfies?  I just start texting you and I get a "Hi!" followed by a selfie.  Or "Happy Friday!" followed by a selfie.  I mean - It's not a horrible thing but isn't that weird?  "Hey I'm walking around the city - here's a selfie".  Did I ask for one?  I guess I should be happy it isn't a dick pick.

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So - I'm pretty much done.  And want to cry. And I wish I could just turn it all off, but I paid until March.  But then......

Went on a date.

It was a good one.

He was cute and nice and we have stuff in common AND HE PAID FOR MY DRINKS!

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We've only been on one date.  We have not committed to another one, but we have a tentative talk of one.  We'll call him sleeves.  (Yup.  Tattooed dude.  Love it.)  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, even though I drove home after the date and thought "Just fucking marry me and be the one so I can stop dating because I really really really don't want to fucking do this anymore and you seemed nice and normal and it was only little awkward and please please please!!!!!""

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Sigh.
Take a breath.
One date.
One date went well.
OMG.OMG.OMG.OMG.

Seriously though.  This is exhausting.  I changed my shirt like 10 times because this is a date in cold weather.  I don't look as cute in cold weather.  It'd be weird to go on a date with a beanie right?  I don't want dress up but don't want to be too casual.  I straighten my hair.  I start stressing and having tummy aches.

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It's exhausting.

I swear it's harder when the date goes well because then the over thinking and over analyzing starts in.

So here's to hoping.  Fingers crossed.  Accepting good vibes.  OMG.

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Meditation as of late...

I really want to be consistent at meditating.
I really want to be able to sit my ass down, quiet my thoughts, be in the moment and meditate.
I have not succeeded at this yet.

It goes like this.  I do really good for like 2 weeks - or sometimes even a whole 21 Days if I stick to one of Deepak Chopra/Oprah Winfrey's Meditation Day Challenges.  But then I fall off.  I'm too tired.  I was drinking.  It's too hot.  It's too cold.  Then I have random days where I do it and not do it and so on and so forth.

I know - in order to notice a difference in my life I need to stay consistently meditating for a longer period of time.

I'm trying.

I thought I would share an example of my struggles.  I'm currently (and totally failing as I've missed like 5 days) doing another Chopra/Winfrey Challenge.  Deepak chats at you for a bit then you sit for about a 10 min meditation.  You're given a little phrase to chant silently in your head.  Sweet music plays in the background and a little bell dings to signify the mediation has ended.  I usually curl up in my chair, cross my legs, hands resting on my thighs, palms up in the little ok symbol, eyes closed, deep breath and then this is what happens in my head:

Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya.  Om Ram Ramaya.
Godammn it's hot out.
Om Ram Ramaya.
WTF is that noise.
Om Ram Ramaya.
I can't believe Trump got elected.  (Vision of me assassinating him comes through).  Jesus Christ Jami you're meditating!  Violence shouldn't be filling your head.
Deep Breathe.  Re focus.
Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya.
I'm so fucking sad.  Maybe I can get more involved somehow to help my friends who are scared.
Jami!!  Focus!!
Om Ram Ramaya.
WTF IS THAT CLICKING NOISE?!
I really like the music they play.  It's so soothing.  Is that a flute?
FOCUS.
Om Ram Ramaya.
I think I'll go grocery shopping on Sun instead of Sat.  That way I can get over to my moms and say hi before I head to Fullerton.  Ugh.  That party is going to be at my house.  I'll have to make sure to close up so the cats don't freak out.
OMG JAMI FOCUS.
Om Ram Ramaya. Om Raym Ramaya.
That's a loud airplane flying over.
Om Ram Ramaya.
Ugh it's so dry out. I think I just heard Tweaks get shocked.
 Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya.
I need to remember to balance my checkbook.  I have to get Maryanne's wedding gift too. I can't wait to eat the prime rib.
Om Ram Ramaya.
Why is something in my house clicking!? WTF.
Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya.
Was that a dog whining or a child shrieking?
Om Ram Ramaya.
You know, this would make a really funny blog.  I think I'll write about this madness in my head tomorrow.
FOCUS!
Deep breathe.
Om Ram Ramaya.  Om Ram Ramaya.  Om Ram Ramaya.
SERIOUSLY THAT CLICKING.
Om Ram Ramaya.  Om Ram Ramaya.Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya.
Oh my gosh, I'm actually feeling a little relaxed.
*Cat jumps on lap and scares the shit out of me*
Fucking cat.
Om Ram Ramaya. Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya Om Ram Ramaya.
I can do this.
DING!

Fuck.

Noches 2016...

One of my favorite events of the year.  This year was just as touching and beautiful as always.  I've started a photo group and this was also our 1st Photo Play Date so there was a great group of us that all went out and shot together!  We met at C4 Deli for drinks and dinner around 4.  Brenda was able to join us for that, but ran off to shoot the altars on her own since she had to leave early.  Terri, Julie, Renee Noel and Amber and I hit the streets at dusk and started to wander.  What a really great night with a really great group of people!!!  So full of love for them and that evening.

None of the shots below are Dr'd.  Just using my night setting on my fancy pancy camera.

Meat

There was a huge altar set up for this boy Josh

There were random people up on top of one of the buildings.  They looked kind of creepy cool

Loved this

Lots of wisdom here

I never knew all the different colors for all the cancers. #fuckcancer

Really loved the traditional altars

For my "Photograph Street Signs" series.  Thanks Renee for pointing it out!

This is all made with beans!

For Dave

Miss you Robin

Alot of altars had this book!

This got me

Then this killed me

After Altar Walking we of course had to get churros.  Smelling the cinnamon all night was such a lure!

Amazing Flamenco dancers