Turkey Day has come and gone, Xmas lights and decorations are amuck, everywhere you go the holiday music is playing. I'm always a mixed bag around this time of year, but I will say this - its better then last. Granted I'm broker then broke - Thank GAWD we decided to draw names this year so we only get one gift. I have a handful of angel gifts I'll be spending most my holiday monies on - my heart breaks for these people who have no one. I was thrilled when 10 of my friends jumped on board and participated....still hopin they all pull thru...otherwise I"ll be getting a few more...
Last year at this time I moved back home. Thanksgiving weekend to be exact. It was an awful year, gramma was ill, I was down, D and I both recently unemployed. Our Turkey day was a bittersweet gathering of us eating bad prime rib and drinking. ALOT.
This year has been rough. I'm still not where I need to be, but I'm trying. Trying so hard. But the best thing as always is being surrounded by friends and family. The holidays may get commercial, and make people crazy, and some days I do just want to throw a Xmas tree thru the window, but there is the good.
We had a typical McCoy Thanksgiving this year.
D and the bro hosted and decided to attempt to deep fry a turkey for the 1st time. The entire process seemed a little too much work in my opinion but was comedy to watch. Bro with the giant rubber gloves, dad shouting instructions then both of them staring at the fryer wondering what was going to happen next - but of course playing it off like they knew what they were doing. Gramma didnt make again, but I did pick up my 94 year old Papa. He happily had a couple of beers (gramma not there to nag him) and watched the game and the deep fryer comedy. Mom brought so much stuff as well and our friends Nat and roomie were there also. Our holidays tend to always include a few of our friends whose family isnt local and I love it. We all ate too much, watched the Cowboys win and laughed the night away. The later crew - Nat, bro, D, me and another friend joined us later - played cranium. We did drink alot again this year but topping it of with hours of cranium was just the entertainment I needed.
The rest of the weekend was lovely. I drank mimosas while I watched mom and the roomie decorate for Xmas, I got alot done, I slept, I ate.
Going back to work was rough. I'm so unhappy there and I'm waiting and hoping this economy will turn around. I need something that makes me happy.
Still no answers from my shooting star, I'm a little frustrated but I'm trying to be patient. Life goes on. I'm battling the bad days but embracing the good ones. Now if I could just find a little motivation I'd be golden....
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Coincidence...?
I dont know what I believe in.
I pray to God. I ask things of the universe. I want to say I dont believe in coincidence...but I'm not sure.
Tonight was too interesting not to at least write here...
Mom and I were sitting in the hot tub.
I've been extremely frustrated with my life lately.
I try to be positive. I honestly do. I've tried so hard.
I'm a good friend, I've done alot for others, I'm a good person. (Thank you to those who have told me lately...).
I'm still frustrated.
I'm at that point where I'm not sure if this is the right thing to say at this point, but I really need something good right now. Some significant positive change, etc. I could go on and on...I wont.
Here's what happened:
Mom and I were talking as we do sometimes, sitting in the hot tub. We were talking about life and religion and work and friends, etc.
I got frustrated. I vented. I told her how I feel, and that I'm unhappy and its getting more and more frustrating each day.
We laughed like we do, she teased my sarcasm.
I told her I need something. Something positive. A job I love. SOMETHING.
I shit you not:
I turned up to the universe or God or I dont know and shouted -
"THROW ME A FUCKING BONE!"
Mom laughed.
I saw a huge shooting star. Seriously. Like 1 second after I shouted.
My jaw dropped.
"I just saw a fucking shooting star"
Mom laughed again.
"See - there's your answer" she said. "I've never seen a shooting star out here, and that happens".
I could only blush.
That was fucking weird.
I can only hope.
I pray to God. I ask things of the universe. I want to say I dont believe in coincidence...but I'm not sure.
Tonight was too interesting not to at least write here...
Mom and I were sitting in the hot tub.
I've been extremely frustrated with my life lately.
I try to be positive. I honestly do. I've tried so hard.
I'm a good friend, I've done alot for others, I'm a good person. (Thank you to those who have told me lately...).
I'm still frustrated.
I'm at that point where I'm not sure if this is the right thing to say at this point, but I really need something good right now. Some significant positive change, etc. I could go on and on...I wont.
Here's what happened:
Mom and I were talking as we do sometimes, sitting in the hot tub. We were talking about life and religion and work and friends, etc.
I got frustrated. I vented. I told her how I feel, and that I'm unhappy and its getting more and more frustrating each day.
We laughed like we do, she teased my sarcasm.
I told her I need something. Something positive. A job I love. SOMETHING.
I shit you not:
I turned up to the universe or God or I dont know and shouted -
"THROW ME A FUCKING BONE!"
Mom laughed.
I saw a huge shooting star. Seriously. Like 1 second after I shouted.
My jaw dropped.
"I just saw a fucking shooting star"
Mom laughed again.
"See - there's your answer" she said. "I've never seen a shooting star out here, and that happens".
I could only blush.
That was fucking weird.
I can only hope.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The too close for comfort little hummingbird...
Such a random occurrence I had to share.
T and I were chillin during one of our normal Wed eve’s together. We came out onto my patio to have a cig before ANTM.
Buzz, buzz.
T looks at me. “You hear that?”
“Its probably just a bug” I reply.
Buzz, buzz – this time louder.
I too realize its something other then a bug.
I notice the sound coming from a netting overhang above the papsan.
There he is. A little hummingbird with a red chest, caught in the netting. This is the 3rd little bugger this has happened too. I holler for my mother, not in the mood to dodge a freaked out bird like the last 2 times. She comes out and frees him.
He darts through the patio and lands on the plant stand a few feet away. Mom returns inside. You’d think this would be the end.
No.
As T and I are sitting out there, this little dude flies back and forth, freaking out. He’d either land on the plant (RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD), the plant stand or the stand up fan that’s standing pretty much between me and T. We also have bloody handprints on the kitchen window for Halloween that he seems to think is food. Back and forth. Back and forth. This is a little unnerving, if only for the fact he could care less that there’s 2 people chillin out there with him. T and I continue to dodge him but are fascinated. I start to feel bad. We’re thinking he wont leave due to the fact that its dark and he has no idea where he is. This continues on for quite a while. After another attempt at the hands he falls to the ground for a moment, but then back around.
At one point, when he’s on the fan – his long clear tongue comes whipping out. Now, I’ve never been this close to witness this sort of thing. I stare in awe as T is mortified.
My guilt takes over, so I climb up to unhook the hummingbird feeder that he cant seem to find and I hang it over the plant stand he seems to favor. It takes him a few flutters around but he finally finds it. He drinks and drinks and drinks. This seemed to be the answer. He lands again on the plant stand and actually does a little happy dance.
T and I mosey back inside to watch our show and when we return he’s gone. Hopefully the little bugger found his way, but I must say it was quite an interesting thing to watch.
T and I were chillin during one of our normal Wed eve’s together. We came out onto my patio to have a cig before ANTM.
Buzz, buzz.
T looks at me. “You hear that?”
“Its probably just a bug” I reply.
Buzz, buzz – this time louder.
I too realize its something other then a bug.
I notice the sound coming from a netting overhang above the papsan.
There he is. A little hummingbird with a red chest, caught in the netting. This is the 3rd little bugger this has happened too. I holler for my mother, not in the mood to dodge a freaked out bird like the last 2 times. She comes out and frees him.
He darts through the patio and lands on the plant stand a few feet away. Mom returns inside. You’d think this would be the end.
No.
As T and I are sitting out there, this little dude flies back and forth, freaking out. He’d either land on the plant (RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD), the plant stand or the stand up fan that’s standing pretty much between me and T. We also have bloody handprints on the kitchen window for Halloween that he seems to think is food. Back and forth. Back and forth. This is a little unnerving, if only for the fact he could care less that there’s 2 people chillin out there with him. T and I continue to dodge him but are fascinated. I start to feel bad. We’re thinking he wont leave due to the fact that its dark and he has no idea where he is. This continues on for quite a while. After another attempt at the hands he falls to the ground for a moment, but then back around.
At one point, when he’s on the fan – his long clear tongue comes whipping out. Now, I’ve never been this close to witness this sort of thing. I stare in awe as T is mortified.
My guilt takes over, so I climb up to unhook the hummingbird feeder that he cant seem to find and I hang it over the plant stand he seems to favor. It takes him a few flutters around but he finally finds it. He drinks and drinks and drinks. This seemed to be the answer. He lands again on the plant stand and actually does a little happy dance.
T and I mosey back inside to watch our show and when we return he’s gone. Hopefully the little bugger found his way, but I must say it was quite an interesting thing to watch.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Our bodies...
Yup.
I'm gettin older.
I'm 33.
Life isnt quite where I planned it on being at this stage in my life, but I continue to roll with the punches.
I'm trying to motivate myself, hell force myself to start taking better care of myself physically and emotionally. Obviously I'm failing miserably at the moment - but I'll get there.
A dear friend of mine had a massive stroke. He is 37. He's recovering wonderfully but still - slap in the face. I read the news all the time about people's lives snuffed out at such a young age. Gone. Death scares me. I'll admit it. I'm afraid to die. I dont lie awake stressing about it, but I certainly would like to avoid it if possible. At least for now. You think that would be a good kick in the ass to take better care of myself. Alas no. The funny thing is - I'm not all that unhealthy. I eat decently, I dont drink myself into an oblivion every night. Yes I smoke. I smoke heavily. I was at an oral surgeon today filling out paperwork (I'll get to that in a minute) and I had to write down that I smoke. For how long it asks. I thought about it and guesstimated 15 years. Jesus. Yet I plan on having one after I write this. To sit outside and ponder life like I often do. Yes, smoking is one of those things I need to stop.
I seem to be finding myself a little less invincible these days. I worry more. I dont want to die. I'm seeing a new dentist now. Apparently my prior dentist my mom worked for most of her life sucked, and now I'm seeing a good one that she works for now. I have cavities on both sides of my mouth. I got the right side done already - actually survived my very 1st shot in the mouth and massive drilling. I dont recommend it. I need to make an appt. for my 2nd side. Still have yet to do so. He referred me to an oral surgeon because I have a little flap of gum on my back wisdom tooth (Yes I still have them). Could be a pollup. Mouth cancer. I honestly wasnt worried, nor was my mom and the oral surgeon confirmed that. Its just a tissue tag, no big. But it makes me think. What if it was. I also have a doctor's appt this friday because I've been having stomach issues for over 2 weeks now. My grandmother died of colan cancer. I cant help but worry a little. I'm sure its stress related and I probably have IBS. But still. I worry. I also need to make that damn appt. with the dentist for the other side of my mouth. I also need to make a dermatologist appt for some angry freckles. This getting old stuff blows.
I had planned on this week starting into really trying to take better care of myself, especially by excersising. I cant because of said angry gut. (And the fact that Gogol Bordello 3 hour bouncing makes for very pissed of calves)
I dont know why I wrote this blog really, I just think our bodies are odd. I hear of these super health freaks dropping of a heartattack at 30. I hear of smokers dying at 98 years old. One of the oldest men in the world is quoted when asked what his secret is to saying "Whiskey, smoking and women". I mean who or what is to say makes it all better? If I quit smoking, become a vegetarian and stop drinking - I could still drop dead. Yet, I know filling your lungs up with smoke cant nessasarily be a good thing. I dont know. I think I'm just more annoyed that being "healthy" seems to be a pain in the ass. But I will make the attempt. I will. These extra pounds I've put on are not flattering, and I really want to "feel better". I'll just have to wait until the doctor tells me I'm ok I suppose.
Stupid gut.
I'm gettin older.
I'm 33.
Life isnt quite where I planned it on being at this stage in my life, but I continue to roll with the punches.
I'm trying to motivate myself, hell force myself to start taking better care of myself physically and emotionally. Obviously I'm failing miserably at the moment - but I'll get there.
A dear friend of mine had a massive stroke. He is 37. He's recovering wonderfully but still - slap in the face. I read the news all the time about people's lives snuffed out at such a young age. Gone. Death scares me. I'll admit it. I'm afraid to die. I dont lie awake stressing about it, but I certainly would like to avoid it if possible. At least for now. You think that would be a good kick in the ass to take better care of myself. Alas no. The funny thing is - I'm not all that unhealthy. I eat decently, I dont drink myself into an oblivion every night. Yes I smoke. I smoke heavily. I was at an oral surgeon today filling out paperwork (I'll get to that in a minute) and I had to write down that I smoke. For how long it asks. I thought about it and guesstimated 15 years. Jesus. Yet I plan on having one after I write this. To sit outside and ponder life like I often do. Yes, smoking is one of those things I need to stop.
I seem to be finding myself a little less invincible these days. I worry more. I dont want to die. I'm seeing a new dentist now. Apparently my prior dentist my mom worked for most of her life sucked, and now I'm seeing a good one that she works for now. I have cavities on both sides of my mouth. I got the right side done already - actually survived my very 1st shot in the mouth and massive drilling. I dont recommend it. I need to make an appt. for my 2nd side. Still have yet to do so. He referred me to an oral surgeon because I have a little flap of gum on my back wisdom tooth (Yes I still have them). Could be a pollup. Mouth cancer. I honestly wasnt worried, nor was my mom and the oral surgeon confirmed that. Its just a tissue tag, no big. But it makes me think. What if it was. I also have a doctor's appt this friday because I've been having stomach issues for over 2 weeks now. My grandmother died of colan cancer. I cant help but worry a little. I'm sure its stress related and I probably have IBS. But still. I worry. I also need to make that damn appt. with the dentist for the other side of my mouth. I also need to make a dermatologist appt for some angry freckles. This getting old stuff blows.
I had planned on this week starting into really trying to take better care of myself, especially by excersising. I cant because of said angry gut. (And the fact that Gogol Bordello 3 hour bouncing makes for very pissed of calves)
I dont know why I wrote this blog really, I just think our bodies are odd. I hear of these super health freaks dropping of a heartattack at 30. I hear of smokers dying at 98 years old. One of the oldest men in the world is quoted when asked what his secret is to saying "Whiskey, smoking and women". I mean who or what is to say makes it all better? If I quit smoking, become a vegetarian and stop drinking - I could still drop dead. Yet, I know filling your lungs up with smoke cant nessasarily be a good thing. I dont know. I think I'm just more annoyed that being "healthy" seems to be a pain in the ass. But I will make the attempt. I will. These extra pounds I've put on are not flattering, and I really want to "feel better". I'll just have to wait until the doctor tells me I'm ok I suppose.
Stupid gut.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
San Clemente
Ah Day 1.
Arriving in one of the few places I can find a bit of peace. A bit of relaxation. A bit of ahhhhh.
Waves crashing onto shore. The screech of the train in the distance as it arrives loudly and feverishly. The sound of children laughing. The taste of the sweet red wine. The buttery magnificentness of the bucket o mussels. The lone electric guitar player filling the evening with his sad songs. The look of pure relaxation on mom's face. The excitement of Keri's brief escape from her harsh reality. The local kids surfing in the dark blue ocean. The shimmering pink shock of the sunset. The familiar condo that is starting to feel like a 2nd home. The colors, oh the colors of the blue sky, the puffy white clouds, the harsh sunlight that eventually fades into a beautiful pink, the sharp white moon, the dark shimmering blue ocean, the lush green palm trees, - its like a photograph. I try to shoot what I can. Capturing the essence of one of California's unknown cities. Its a perfect first day. Sigh.
Arriving in one of the few places I can find a bit of peace. A bit of relaxation. A bit of ahhhhh.
Waves crashing onto shore. The screech of the train in the distance as it arrives loudly and feverishly. The sound of children laughing. The taste of the sweet red wine. The buttery magnificentness of the bucket o mussels. The lone electric guitar player filling the evening with his sad songs. The look of pure relaxation on mom's face. The excitement of Keri's brief escape from her harsh reality. The local kids surfing in the dark blue ocean. The shimmering pink shock of the sunset. The familiar condo that is starting to feel like a 2nd home. The colors, oh the colors of the blue sky, the puffy white clouds, the harsh sunlight that eventually fades into a beautiful pink, the sharp white moon, the dark shimmering blue ocean, the lush green palm trees, - its like a photograph. I try to shoot what I can. Capturing the essence of one of California's unknown cities. Its a perfect first day. Sigh.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
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