Men in today's society...

I've been wanting to jot some thoughts down on this subject ever since this whole movement has started.  I've been chatting with a few people about this.  I've seen some media about it, read a couple of articles and watched an interesting TedTalk or two.  I'm seeing and hearing this come up a lot and although I have no answers, rather questions, I do have some thoughts.

I'm not even quite sure what to write here other than maybe ask "What can we do?"

Women are starting a movement again and it's long over due.  We are tackling gender pay gaps, sexual harassment, equality and more bullshit that women have been putting up with for years and are finally in a position where we can fucking say something and people are starting to listen.

There's a long road ahead, but at least we're on it and actually behind the wheel right?  Oh and yes - we'll stop and ask for directions if we need too.

A lot of men are just shaking their heads and saying "Those bitches are just whining about shit again."  A lot of men are worried and wondering if they've ever done something that would have made a women feel uncomfortable.  A lot of men don't understand what the problem is.  A lot of men are stepping up and learning how they can help and what they can do to be an ally in this movement.

Personally I'm seeing a hell of a lot more support from men than I ever have in the past.  Men are stepping up, listening, supporting.  Some people may disagree with me, but I really think there's more than people realize.  I also think there is a lot of confusion on what to do.  From both sides.  Hell I'm having a hard time.  I shared one of my many #metoo stories.  I participated in a fantastic show on International Women's Day.  I marched. Both years now. I plan to find ways to get more involved, but is that enough?  Is that all I should be doing?

I really think we are in a very tricky place right now.  I believe that an actual cultural shift needs to happen and this will be years and years in the making.  We've all been raised to believe that boys are the strong species and women are the weak.  Boys are not supposed to show emotion or play with dolls or show weakness.  Women aren't supposed to play "real" sports or be outspoken (then you're a bitch) or be scientists.  There are so many BS expectations from Men/Women that I could keep listing.  Yes, this is changing and there are great things out there happening to get away from this kind of thinking - but it's still there.

Men still don't feel they can really talk about their feelings.  It's still looked at as weak.  Women are still considered a bitch if we get too mouthy.  I watched this super touching TedTalk that I recommend checking out - especially men.  It's beautiful and honest and raw and what a lot of men are dealing with right now.  It's a start.

It's hard though right?  I mean - how much has to change?  Yes - men are physically, structurally stronger than women.  It's just how we're built.  Women are built to be more nurturing and emotional.  It's built into our DNA that Men are the providers and women are the breeders.  But just because we are built a certain way doesn't mean women can't be strong and not want kids and be independent and that men can't be emotional and cry and talk about something that's bothering them.

Why the fuck is it so wrong?

It is possible people.  It is!  I have some really great men in my life.  Men who have beautiful, compassionate hearts.  Men who I have seen cry and not thought any less of them but appreciated the fact that they are in tune with their emotions.  Men who stand by women fighting this battle.  Men who want to know how to help and what to do.  Hell I'm dating one!  It's amazing and it warms my heart to know there are men like this in the world.

The dating scene is a fucking trip right now.  Other than it SUCKING because dating in the digital age is like sticking a hot poker in your eye, but it's kinda weird.  I mean - there are some men now worried about wanting to kiss a girl.  Do you ask first?  Well yes...but now they're more aware.  This is a good thing right?  But don't freak out about it.  It's ok for men to pay for a date right?  It's ok to go dutch too, but is there a right and wrong now?  Should there be?  I'm not going to lie - I love when men pay - but you know what?  It's because I actually don't make a lot of money, and I'm not great with it and I don't have a lot of it.  So when someone wants to pay for me I'm thrilled but this has nothing to do with me being a woman or the fact that it's a man paying for me.  It's just that I really appreciate when the person who actually makes more money than me likes to pick up the tab more often because they know it's harder for me.  Because of my financial situation, not because I'm a woman.  But it's still a weird subject ya know?

It's appreciated when men are chivalrous but how far do we go now?  I mean  - just be polite.  Is that a men vs women thing?  I'm not offended when a man opens a door for me but I also open doors for people just to be polite.  To be a considerate person.

There are women out there who do like to be "romanced" by a man.  To be swept off their feet.  To be a little more "old skool" when it comes to relationships - and that's not a bad thing at all.  But I feel like it shouldn't be expected.  There are other women out there who can't stand that stuff and want to be very self reliant and take care of themselves.  That's ok too.  Hell there are men who would like to be romanced, but God forbid they say that.  Why is that wrong?  You meet a person and you find out what that person likes, not what's expected.  I feel like there shouldn't be these expectations from men and women.  Isn't that part of the problem?  Personally I'm a little more independent but I do love romance and I don't feel like anything is wrong with that.

These are the kinds of questions I'm not sure how to answer.  As Justin says in the TedTalk - "I think the main goal is to just be a good human."  I agree with this 100% but we need to stop raising boys to think it's weak to cry and girls to be quiet and look pretty.  We need to raise good humans.  To raise people to learn how to be an individual.  To raise people to not have to even fall into a "Man" or "Woman" label, but rather to be who you are and revel in that.  I mean - Be You.  We should be encouraging people to be themselves - whatever/whomever that may be and not judge.

It's starting.  I feel it.  But we have a really really long way to go and I honestly don't know how much of a cultural shift can happen - but it can right?  It seems to be.