Not the pretty girl...

I'm not the pretty girl.

I do have hot friends though.  And I'm reminded of that ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

Alot of my friends and family will say "What are you talking about?!"  "You're gorgeous!" "You're amazing", etc.  And I thank you.

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But in all actuality I'm average.

I'm not the "pretty girl".  I'm not ugly either.  I'm average.  I'm right in the fucking middle.  The place where no one notices me.  Where I pretty much feel like I'm wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter like all the goddamn time.  Especially when I'm out with my hotter friends.  Which is pretty much everyone.

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One of my hot friends once said to me "You just don't understand how hard it is to be this beautiful.  We have just as many problems as other people."  Do you really?!  DO YOU REALLY?!  No you don't.  You have no idea what we deal with because you have never had to.  And as hard as being beautiful is - I wish I had that fucking problem.  Really I do.

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I love my hot friends, I do - but hanging out with them is interesting and quite the study in the male way.  Men stop in their tracks and stare at them.  When we ride bikes together, I watch men almost crash their bikes staring at them.  I'm usually behind them so I get to witness all this.  Hell half the time they almost crash into me.  My own father talks of how stunning and beautiful and breathtaking they are.  And you know what?  They totally are.  They're totally fucking gorgeous.  But you know what sucks - being that invisible friend next to them.

This blog was sparked by today's incident which ALWAYS seems to happen to me.  So I figured why not just share it. I mean this happens so much that I've gotten pretty good at noticing it and just getting out of the way.  The scenario goes like this:

I get together with said hot friend. We have a great start.  Then we run into some dude she knows - or there's some hot guy wherever we go that notices her.  They flirt.  They totally have chemistry and hit it off and it's so obvious that I am now officially in the way.  In fact - today's perfect example is I can't tell you how many times he would pour our drinks without even looking at me but staring at her. (FYI he was our waiter)  I was hoping at least for a cut on our check but nope.  Anywhoo - point is - we were there forever because he kept refilling our endless mimosas.  They were flirting the whole time.  He finished his shift and plopped down at our table and joined us.  Yup - time for me to go.  Obvi - he and hot friend are into each other and I'm in the way.  Thing is - I'm not pissed at all - because said hot friend totally deserves to get some.  More power to her and fuck if I wish I didn't have that magnetic power she has.

This was just about one more time I was pushed aside because I'm not THAT girl.  I'm not a barbie doll.  I'm not gorgeous.  I'm not super brilliant at flirting.  I'm not anything.  I'm just average.  My entire life has been watching everyone else hook up.  Match up.  Get married.  Get hit on.  Get love.  Get whatever.

I feel like it's getting harder.  I'm 40 years old and I've never shaken that "Ugly Duckling" feeling.  I wasn't an attractive kid.  I had braces.  A mullett.  I didn't know how to wear my hair or makeup.  I was a tom boy.  I was never ever one of the pretty popular girls.  And guess what - I'm still not.  I've grown up into a decent looking adult.  I sort of know how to do my hair.  I wear makeup.  I try to dress attractively even though comfort is usually priority.  I'm so flattered when folks tell me I'm pretty but I just don't get hit on.  I don't get looked at.  And I'm always, ALWAYS the invisible friend when others are being showered with attention and affection.  I know I'm whining, but I guess I'm just tired of being that girl.  There is obviously so much more horrid things going on in the world than "Jami never feeling pretty", but I feel like us gals never talk about this because we may sound whiny or bitter or jealous.  But there it is.

This blog is dedicated to my fellow average funny ladies that always find themselves stuck in this situation.  You're not alone.  There's apparently a shit ton of us.  We're funny and delightful and most people dig us, but we're not hot.  We don't have that magnetism.  We're just us.  The forever funny average friend.

May someday we shine.  Someday.

Sigh.