Women's March OC...

I, among what's now looking like almost 3 million other people took to the streets and marched in one of the largest US Protests in history - oh and I did I mention not one incident of violence?  This my friends is the Women's March.

The entire election process this time around was awful.  I saw so much division among my peers.  Although most of my circle falls to the left, I do still have dear friends and family that fall to the right.  But this time around everyone was divided, on all sides.  Right and Left didn't matter. My heart broke into pieces watching the hate, the sadness, the fear. I could make this paragraph go on and on but that's not what this blog is about.

This blog is about the experience I shared this past Saturday with about 20K of like minded people.  And this experience was amazing.

Let me back up and say - I needed something.  Something that I felt mattered.  Something that wasn't fueled by hate or violence.  I've gone into this year with more of a fighting spirit as I mentioned a few blogs ago.  I want to do more.  I need to do more.  This march was just that.  It wasn't a bandwagon thing.  It meant something.  And then it grew and holy shit - we made our voices heard.

I read up on the march a couple of weeks ago and when I found the mission statement I was on board.  A bunch of my friends were starting to say they were also attending and then it just grew.  This organization is already starting it's next campaign and I plan to be involved.  I'm in.  No more talk.  It's time for action.

You all also know I'm a big pile of love.  As sarcastic and mouthy as I can be (Hello Irish side) when it comes down to it I want peace. Unity.  Joy.  Equality. You know - people caring about each other.  Compassion.  Love for fucks sake.  We are all human beings.  Race, religion, sexuality, gender - IT DOESN'T MATTER - we're humans.  We should treat each other with compassion, love and respect.  But I digress....Women's March:

The night before, mom came over and wrote out the message I wanted to carry then I painted over it.

A bunch of my friends were hitting the LA march but I wanted to represent the OC.  I figured it'd be like a baby version compared to the bigger cities but I wanted to be here, in my town.  Um...20K is not baby.

Ready to go Sat morn!

I packed my car with my dear friend Brenda, my coworker friend Hallie and her mom and the lovely Shelly.  It was a tight squeeze but we did it!  I came in the back way to DTSA and we sailed right into one of the parking structures.  I was thrilled for the ease of it and thought, oh this event wont be that big.  We followed the stream of women heading towards the meet point.  Here's our amazing car load of ladies:

The Fab Five

We were directed into the street where the march was gathering and then basically just hung out for an hour and watched the crowds streaming in.  I started to realize  - there's alot of people here!!  There were friends all over and not all of us met up but knowing they were there made me so happy!  When I saw one of my guy friends coming - he said "I can't do nothing".  I burst into tears.  So much support from everyone.

I also want to stress how amazingly positive this was.  Every single person I encountered was polite, friendly, happy - It was fucking amazing and I don't even know how to put into words the inspiration and love that filled my heart.

Waiting to March

The front of the march

As we started to march, there were folks chanting and cheering.  The crowd control people were joining in, cheering us as we walked by.  The police were smiling and waving as we marched by, some people shouting thank yous to them. The entire thing lasted maybe 30/45 min or so and was only positive.  I saw no hecklers, heard no negativity and most importantly not once shred of violence.

These ladies

My heart swelled at this older couple.  That's a good man right there.

And this couple too! He had his arm lovingly around his lady as they marched on

When we saw this, that's when we realized this march is truly huge - that's like 20 minutes behind us!

After the march, we headed to the Gypsy Den where 2 other friends met up and we had a fantastic long brunch with mimosas!  Thank you Jessica for treating us!


Here's some shots from my FB friends all over the US posting from their march.  I've never seen my feed blow up with so many of the same wonderful event from all over.

 From friends in LA:

 Friends in DC where the main march was:

My friend in Alaska!

My friend in Chicago

My friend in Philly

My friend in New York

I could go on and on.  If you google the march you'll see thousands and thousands and thousands of people all over the US.  These are just from my friends on FB.  It was something to see.


You guys - it was amazing.  It was peaceful.  It was glorious.  We made an impact and this is just the beginning.  I know some people are poo-pooing the march saying these people's time should have been spent doing something else, or this doesn't matter, or it's just a bunch of angry liberal women, or do this or that instead of marching if you want to make a difference.  To all of you  - I say you're just wrong.  This made a difference.  This brought millions of people together, peaceful, to protest and stand up for our rights.  I know it certainly inspired me to do more, to fight back and to still have faith in humanity.  Right now that's what I needed and I'm only 1 person.  This was a great thing and I was honored to be a part of it!

Not the pretty girl...

I'm not the pretty girl.

I do have hot friends though.  And I'm reminded of that ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

Alot of my friends and family will say "What are you talking about?!"  "You're gorgeous!" "You're amazing", etc.  And I thank you.

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But in all actuality I'm average.

I'm not the "pretty girl".  I'm not ugly either.  I'm average.  I'm right in the fucking middle.  The place where no one notices me.  Where I pretty much feel like I'm wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter like all the goddamn time.  Especially when I'm out with my hotter friends.  Which is pretty much everyone.

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One of my hot friends once said to me "You just don't understand how hard it is to be this beautiful.  We have just as many problems as other people."  Do you really?!  DO YOU REALLY?!  No you don't.  You have no idea what we deal with because you have never had to.  And as hard as being beautiful is - I wish I had that fucking problem.  Really I do.

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I love my hot friends, I do - but hanging out with them is interesting and quite the study in the male way.  Men stop in their tracks and stare at them.  When we ride bikes together, I watch men almost crash their bikes staring at them.  I'm usually behind them so I get to witness all this.  Hell half the time they almost crash into me.  My own father talks of how stunning and beautiful and breathtaking they are.  And you know what?  They totally are.  They're totally fucking gorgeous.  But you know what sucks - being that invisible friend next to them.

This blog was sparked by today's incident which ALWAYS seems to happen to me.  So I figured why not just share it. I mean this happens so much that I've gotten pretty good at noticing it and just getting out of the way.  The scenario goes like this:

I get together with said hot friend. We have a great start.  Then we run into some dude she knows - or there's some hot guy wherever we go that notices her.  They flirt.  They totally have chemistry and hit it off and it's so obvious that I am now officially in the way.  In fact - today's perfect example is I can't tell you how many times he would pour our drinks without even looking at me but staring at her. (FYI he was our waiter)  I was hoping at least for a cut on our check but nope.  Anywhoo - point is - we were there forever because he kept refilling our endless mimosas.  They were flirting the whole time.  He finished his shift and plopped down at our table and joined us.  Yup - time for me to go.  Obvi - he and hot friend are into each other and I'm in the way.  Thing is - I'm not pissed at all - because said hot friend totally deserves to get some.  More power to her and fuck if I wish I didn't have that magnetic power she has.

This was just about one more time I was pushed aside because I'm not THAT girl.  I'm not a barbie doll.  I'm not gorgeous.  I'm not super brilliant at flirting.  I'm not anything.  I'm just average.  My entire life has been watching everyone else hook up.  Match up.  Get married.  Get hit on.  Get love.  Get whatever.

I feel like it's getting harder.  I'm 40 years old and I've never shaken that "Ugly Duckling" feeling.  I wasn't an attractive kid.  I had braces.  A mullett.  I didn't know how to wear my hair or makeup.  I was a tom boy.  I was never ever one of the pretty popular girls.  And guess what - I'm still not.  I've grown up into a decent looking adult.  I sort of know how to do my hair.  I wear makeup.  I try to dress attractively even though comfort is usually priority.  I'm so flattered when folks tell me I'm pretty but I just don't get hit on.  I don't get looked at.  And I'm always, ALWAYS the invisible friend when others are being showered with attention and affection.  I know I'm whining, but I guess I'm just tired of being that girl.  There is obviously so much more horrid things going on in the world than "Jami never feeling pretty", but I feel like us gals never talk about this because we may sound whiny or bitter or jealous.  But there it is.

This blog is dedicated to my fellow average funny ladies that always find themselves stuck in this situation.  You're not alone.  There's apparently a shit ton of us.  We're funny and delightful and most people dig us, but we're not hot.  We don't have that magnetism.  We're just us.  The forever funny average friend.

May someday we shine.  Someday.

Sigh.

Another blog on dating...

"Bitter table of one?"
That's me you guys.
Bitter and will be at a table for one for the rest of my damn life.

This morning in the shower I started having a lot of thoughts on dating.  (The shower is where I do my best over thinking) so I decided to jot them down in hopefully in a humorous way with pics and memes and ways other ladies may be able to relate.

How I feel right now:



WHAT THE FUCK?

I have literally tried it all now.  Friends have supposedly been looking for someone to set me up with.  A sparse few actually came through.  One I actually dated a year back in 2007.  I know right?!  The one and only dude I dated more than a nano second since my divorce.  The only reason we lasted as long as we did was I was bound and determined to try to make it work.  Even though I wasn't into him. (I mean he was a conservative republican you guys!)

I have a bunch of different social circles.

I have tried to meet people when I'm happy go lucky Jami.  The few years right after my head issue I was like:



I met people before that when I was more of a Negative Nancy and I have now met people with where I'm at now which is still grateful, loves life Jami but the Irish kiss my ass sarcasm has returned.
Henry Rollins reminded me that you can still be a tough bitch and practice kindness and love unicorns and shit.

I have volunteered places.

I have tried to approach dudes in public places and smile and make eye contact and have a conversation even though most of the time it's more like this:

The one thing I hadn't tried was online dating.  I dabbled in the free sites but never gave it a go.  So last year - as you all have read because I wrote 4 blogs about it - I did it.  Has it worked?



All I've learned is how much I HATE DATING.  I have also learned some new terms - "Ghosting" and "Benched".  I'd like to say I don't ghost but I have mutually ghosted which I have found isn't that bad because dude did it 1st.  Example - text text text - nothing.  So I don't care enough to keep trying.  Or - date - date blew- I ALWAYS send a "thank you or had a nice time" text because I'm not an asshole but if I don't hear back I don't reach out either.

BUT - if I think things are going well via texting or dating I have constantly been shocked when I get ghosted.  I'll go back and re-read texts to see if I said something or seemed too needy or to short or something and I swear I can't see where I went wrong!  This last one hurt.  2 fantastic dates (I thought) with Sleeves.  Even though he's been traveling we texted here and there.  All of a sudden - nothing.  I've been fucking GHOSTED AGAIN!  People wonder why I am so jaded.



Maybe he was robbed, or left his phone somewhere or whatever fucking excuse - but goddammit if I don't believe there is a way to get a hold of a person if you really want to. Borrow a phone, find a computer.  When I was in the mother fucking ICU and a dude I hadn't been out with yet text me "Are we still on for Thur" -  I RESPONDED!  (He sure wasn't expecting that excuse) but still.  I have the common courtesy to find a way to at least let someone know whats up ya know? I just can't believe in our current world there isn't a way to just say - "Hey - not dead" or something. And the thing is...with this one in particular...if it's going well (like I thought) don't you try? This hurt my heart. Alot.  Am I crazy?  Am I too nice?  Too gullible?  Too stupid?  Too jaded?  Maybe I am.  Maybe that's why I'm still single at 40.

I have an update on Sleeves.  So - I heard from him...like a week later.  Yup - Oh I'm so busy, blah blah blah so I figured fine - You don't have time for me.  It's cool.  You're not into me like I thought.  I was already chatting with another e-harmony dude and had gone through my tears and anger for you.  Moved on.  The next week - he asks me out.  I wanted to say no - but remember - I really liked this guy!  So I said "Ok great! Sunday night?"  He was like "Great!  I'll figure something out and get back to you."  I was cautiously optimistic.  Sadly of course though I started thinking how excited I was to see him again.  I could look past the ghosting and too busy.  I text him a day or two before Sun asking what the plan was.  Guess what - FUCKING NOTHING!!!!  This is even worse than ghosting I think!  I had gotten past you and moved on - you pop back in and make plans and then you ghost again?!?!?!?!?  What the actual fuck dude?!  I text once more and nothing.  How dare you get my hopes up again and then be an ever bigger jerkLet me tell you about "Benched" which I just recently learned and figured that's what the goddamn Ginger did.  Benched - like in baseball - you're put on the bench until someone hotter doesn't work out.  FUCKING REALLY?! 


I mean I guess I knew...but didn't realize it had a name.  So that's what so many dudes have done to me in the past.  I can't tell you how many times I got ghosted then weeks later a "Whatcha doing?" text from long gone dude. Boy have I fell for that one alot.  And here I thought "Oh...maybe he really likes me and just realized it?" UGH!!!

I put this out there in the world, showing my vulnerable side, which used to be really hard for me, in hopes that other women can say "YES!  I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!" Or at least get a chuckle.  Or maybe even have a solution for me I have not thought of yet.

So hear I am friends.

Please don't tell me "It'll happen when you least expect it."  There have been times I have not been expecting it and he has not arrived.

Please don't tell me "You'll meet someone someday".  I'm fucking 40 and any chance of having a kid is pretty much on it's way out the biological window.

Please don't tell me "You're so awesome, I don't understand why you can't meet anyone."  ME EITHER!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't talk to me about cookies fucking baking, Mr. Right is right around the corner, You just need to be patient (FYI it's been 14 years), he's out there you just haven't met him yet, it's a numbers game, BLAH BLAH BLAH.  I'm here right now.





Can someone please teach me the secret to not want to be in a relationship?  To not get lonely when I'm surrounded by couples and families?  To be perfectly happy being alone the rest of my life?  Can I please be Samantha from Sex and the City?!

2016 Recap...

Ok....
2016 has been a pretty shit-tastic year for everyone.
Trump is our new president.  Hell...typing that sentence makes me feel like this:
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So let's just hit the good highlights here shall we and just close our eyes to the bad (ugh all the bad) for just this blog.  Shall we?  Maybe add some good pics.  Happy?  Ignore the fact that most of us want to do this?

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Moving on....

The good of 2016 - for me anyway! :)

• Had a very cold but fun trip to D-land with the ladies

• I turned 40

• I met Henry Rollins

• Did an Undie Run for charity

• Did Tully's Irish Spirit Run and wasn't sick!

• Saw Shan tie the knot!

• Saw Susan tie the knot...well...binded...

• This one was bitter sweet....it was my lil bro's 10 year wedding anniversary but also a goodbye party.  So-obvi - thrilled about the 10 years, not happy about the goodbye.

• Probably the top highlight of 2016 was Bottlerock Napa.  You read the blogs.  EPIC.  If I could afford it I would so go again.  The lineup announcement is in a couple of days and I may cry because I know it's going to be so hard not to whip out my credit card and go again but dammit if I didn't have an amazing time with the 2 T's!

• Rugged Maniac is always a favorite race.  And this may have been my last...but I went out with a bang - doing it with all the boys!

• Did another race with one of my favorite couples

• Saw the Dead & Company with my fellow Deadhead girlfriends

• Halloween is always my favorite time of year and this year the top 3 were Delusion, Horror Nights and WeHo.  Such a blast!

• Got my Phoenix tattoo.

• Started a photo group that I'm really hoping continues.  It's brand new and we have some awesome regulars so far (If you're interested - contact me).  I'm posting my photo challenges on my other blog. So there's a smidge of creativity!  http://jamikatphoto.blogspot.com/

• Took a super fun cooking class with T

• Had a perfect Thanksgiving

• Saw Maryanne tie the knot

• Got to have Xmas for a second with Shane and D

So there it is friends.  The highlights.  The good.  All of the above have corresponding blogs that you can go back and read for deets.  If I start talking about the bad I'll burst into tears.  We've lost a lot of beautifully talented artists.  I lost my gramma.  My dating game is a joke. I lost my brother to Oregon.  Politics are UGLY.  The world is a mess.  But you know what -

It's been a rough start -

But dammit - let's do this.

2017 - I'm ready.  I'm going in a little more on the ready to fight mentality and the focusing my anger towards good.  We'll get through this.  My friends I love you.  My family I love you.  It's time to focus on bettering myself, accepting myself for who I am, for not worrying about what others think, for learning how to live my life without a partner, to get out of debt, to move to a better place, to maybe take a different career path, to get more art in my life even if I can't get onstage, to love, to learn and to laugh.  Let's what 2017 has to offer.