David Sedaris...

I met him Wednesday night.
David Sedaris is one of my favorite authors. I picked up his book Naked, after reading some excerps from Holiday's on Ice. I fell in love. Here was a guy who writes about the mudane turning into glorious humor, or taking life's bullshit and turning it around to make you laugh out loud. It's my style. I love when someone can take some crappy experiences and turn them into humor. He inspires the way I write. I hope that all my trials and tribulations have been at least amusing. I found sometimes when I would bitch or vent about something people would be laughing in response. I loved this. I loooooove to make people laugh.
My 2nd or 3rd day at Chapman University - my new boss was showing me how to use the "My Window" feature we have and I saw that he was coming to do a reading and book signing in October - I flipped out. Just a little. I immediatly purchased my ticket and eagerly awaited the day to come when I could meet one of my favorite authors. I've never been to a book reading/signing so I was excited for this new experience. As the day arrived, and musical tickets ensued now that I've made a few friends at work - my office mate and I had dinner (I introduced him to Saki - he's now obssessed) and we arrived an hour early. I had heard he was going to do some signings before the show and I wanted to make sure I got my book signed. I was 3rd in line.
Around 7:30 he arrived and I stood nervously clutching Naked. He was shorter then I thought and a little older looking. I had chosen Naked since it was my favorite and 1st book of his I ever read. When it was my turn I walked up to the table like an excited little teenager. "Hi!!!" I think I actually shouted. "Its a real pleasure to meet you!" He looked up at me and smiled. "Hi there, would you like a peanut?" He had just poured a pile of peanuts onto the table to munch on while signing books. "Um...sure!" I took a peanut and started crunching away as he began to draw in my book. "A penguin maybe?" he said, then put To Jami and signed his name under the bird. We talked a little more about peanuts and I shook his hand and thanked him probably a little too much.
I promplty walked over to the stand where they were selling his latest book (The only one I havent read) and I bought it.
A bit after 8pm we sat in the small hall as James Doti (Our Chapman Prez) introduced David. He came out and started chatting to the audience, read a story about a rabbit from his new book, played some audio from his books on tape and proceed to tell some very rauncy jokes. I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face, my mouth and my cheeks ached. I think one of my favorite moments was when he talked about how Hugh (his partner) and he had thier little chores they did around the house. Hugh would replace the dry wall while he would dress bees up in tiny suits of armour made out of tin foil. He also turned a bit about a pronuciation of Nicuragua into a 10 minute speel. He was amazing. He was funny, he was charming, he was real, he was exactly like he writes.
I dont know if I'll ever go anywhere with my writing, but I have to say he's a huge influence on my and I was so happy I got to see him live and meet him in person.
I do apologize tho, I will never be loaning out Naked. :)

Here we go again...

I'm getting restless.
Part of it is because I'm sick. Ya, you get stuck at home, hacking up a lung and feeling like your head is full of cotton tends to grate your nerves. But I was getting restless before this damn flu settled into my body. I havent done a creative project in a very long time - this has to change. I'm sure thats part of it. Actually I'm sure thats a big part of it. I've been on this crazy kick of getting organized that I think I've let my creative needs fall by the way side. Of course life has its way of making some creative decisions a little difficult - New job, takin care of Papa, cutting back on funds, etc etc. Not that I'm complaining by any means - but I think I've forgotten how much I need creativity in my life.
I have a hefty set of goals I'm trying to accomplish at the moment, and I may be over doing it a bit. The smoking thing was obviously an epic fail - BUT - I havent gone back to smoking as much as I did. In fact, probably less then half of what I did before - which is good. I never did that before. Plus I've felt like a complete jackass and a failure - so that overwhelming guilt is helping. Being sick at the moment a cigarette is the last thing on my mind, so we're trying again. A friend of mine "cut back" smoking then got sick and quit. I'm figuring maybe that will get me over the little hump to actually officially become a non-smoker.
This new job is a big deal too. The job itself is not glamorous, but its such a great place to work. My boss is fantastic, my office mate is a kick and most of the people are pretty cool. I feel at home there. Its a trip. This is the 1st step to things falling into place for me I believe. I have been miserable for so long at my last couple of jobs and here this one lands in my lap. I feel so lucky and hope to turn this into something amazing.
The new job will also be bringing back my education. I've been dying to go back to school and although I'll have to take a few math classes before I can completely enroll (insert major freak out here) that will be coming in the near future.
I'm also excersising. I actually really missed not going yesterday (due to death flu). Me!! Missed excersising!!!! Thats a 1st! I'm not noticing results as fast as I'd prefer, but when was I ever one for patience? I was also feeling more motivated to start walking again, and doing something active on the days I dont work out with the trainer - stupid flu knocked that back for a bit, but once that fucker clears out - I actually am finding myself almost wanting to be more active. I sure hope that sticks. Luckily my body is getting used to the beating now. I still get sore as hell, but I'm not curling up in a fetal position crying for my mother like before. I've also been hearing alot about this P90X thing. In fact just read a blog about it that a friend posted. I'm tempted....although an hour a day for 90 days straight....damn. But its a possibility. I know the sis-in-law wants to do it because someone told her she cant...that actually may be entertaining to hop on that train.
The debt is still looming. I did the money move to cover my car repairs and wanted to cry. For the 1st time in so long I was actually starting to see the debt go down. It was such an amazing feeling. Watching it go right back up was like a knife to the heart. Damn. That really did hurt. But - back to square 1. Well not totally square 1, but it was a doozy.
I'm really really scared for my Papa. He's declining so fast and its ripping me apart. Mom is taking care of them full time now which I think is so good. He wants to buy a bidet. I think thats amazing. I believe mom ordered one today.
I'm lonley. I'm not gonna lie. Its been so long since I've felt the warmth of a mans embrace. I'm scared I'm going to forget what its like. Forget how to feel safe in someone's arms. Forget how to love. I dont know. This is a hard one. So we'll move on...
Anywhoo - I dont know if I'm trying to fix too many things right now, I dont know if I'm on the right path, I do know I've got to get some creativity back in my game, I do know I really do want to stay on this path as overwhelming as it is...hell I want to keep piling on more. I guess thats not a bad thing - I've always been an extremist right?
I feel pretty good focusing a bit more on me. Now if I could just kick this godamn flu....

San Clemente...

San Clemente means so many different things to me. It's the place I think I'm meant to bee - maybe I'll retire here - Someday - I'm not sure.
I was concieved here, yes...I know that, it maybe be odd but I do. At San Clemente State Beach on a rainy night in a little tent trailer I was created. My mom has been camping here for 45 years or so. Grandma & Papa used to camp w/mom and her sister. Here I come along and mom and dad continued the tradition. We camped here when I was a child up into my adulthood. I brought friends and boyfriends and even the ex husband. My ex-douche & I were married at Casa Romantica - so perfect as the city means so much to me. Although the marriage fell to pieces the wedding day was perfection, ending with red tide at Casa Tropicana in a jacuzzi with a bottle of wine gazing out into the ocean. As age dealt its bitter hand to grandma & papa - they & mom purchased a time share right above the pier. We have come down a week a year ever since. Mom & I always, sometimes together, sometimes alone. Grandma & Papa always down for a day or two or three. This is the 1st year they couldnt come down. Mom stayed the week with her friend and I joined for Sat into Sunday. Due to the new job, that was all the time I could do this year.
As I sit on our balcony listening to the waves crash on the shore drinking a glass of one of my favorite reds my mind wanders. Many friends have come down in the years past and boyfriends too, getting a taste of my true peace. I dont know what it is about it but I love it here. I love to hear the ocean and go to sleep with the sound of its power filling my ears as I drift off. I love to have my oysters at Fisherman's Wharf. I love to drink my wine all night on the balcony. I love to watch the sun set into the vast ocean filling the sky with pinks and oranges. This is where I get away. Where I escape. Where (and probably the only time) I can relax. I hope someday to share this with the love of my life. I yearn for that, I do. I think of friends who I have lost, who have fallen out of my life and how much I think they would love this. It hurts my heart. I think of my friends I've shared long conversations with out here and I smile. I'm so thankful for those who love me. The ocean crashes. The sea calms me. I'm ok. I know that someday I will find that peace, that happiness that I long for, that I get a taste of in moments like these. I have a very strong feeling that some how San Clemente will play a huge part in that. Because it makes me happy. I could sit on this balcony all night long. God do I love to hear the song of the ocean. My home. My love My peace.

My body is PISSED...

I've started working out again. I mean crazy-like. I mean Personal Trainer.
Now, those of you who know me, know I'm not some un active slob. I used to be crazy fit! Remember back in the day when I worked out hardcore, had a body like Linda Hamilton from T2, was in awesome shape...oh and did I mention I was lik 19-21.
Ya. I'm 34 now. Things are different.
I've always tried to stay active, took morning walks along the Back Bay when I lived in Costa Mesa, hot yoga, kickball, biking. Well since I moved back to Orange finances and location have been against me. Its boring to walk around my neighborhood so my walks have become less. I have that gargantuin hill so biking is a bit more of a chore and finances has not allowed me to yoga it up as much as I used too. I tried doing DVD's at home but that takes motivation and will power which at the moment I somewhat lack...have I mentioned I havent quit smoking yet?
So my bestie was the one who used to be crazy fit bitch like me years back and her bro is now a personal trainer - so - we decided to do it. He's cutting us a sweet sister deal and we're going 2 or 3 times a week.
I'm thinking to myself - cool - I'll lose some weight, get back in shape, wont be too hard...I mean I'm not TOTALLY out of shape right?
WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 1:
He has us switch off, so when one of us is killing ourselves on one death device, the other is doing the same on another - then we switch - then we switch - then we switch. HOW MANY F-ING REPS DO WE DO??!! We dont stop, he yells the whole time "GO GO GO!" "Faster!!!!" Then he puts me on this crazy sit up contraption. I think an ailien crawled into my stomach and ripped my muscles apart. Good lord. My bestie is bright read and I'm wheezing like a dying fish.
The next day I was sore. Very sore. The 2nd day I couldnt walk. I mean literally. If I sat down for more then 2 minutes my body got pissed and I couldnt get up. WTF.
Day 2:
A few days later. "Are you sore" he asks? "Actually I think my muscles fell out of my body" I respond. "Do you notice I'm walking like I have a stick up my ass". He laughs. "We're doing upper body today"
Ok, I think. I have a really strong upper body. This wont be nearly as bad.
WRONG AGAIN.
I'm not wheezing as much, but I'm stumbling around like I'm drunk. My muscles have pretty much just said fuck off we're done. I'm now on the bicycle looking around at the people around me that I swear are laughing and thinking "Look at that sad little blonde girl who thinks she can keep up with us".
The next few days consist of not sleeping because I'm in so much pain, I cant lift my arms, I cant walk and I still AS I WRITE THIS BLOG cant stretch without my stomach screaming. I think its broken! I really do!!! Can you break a stomach????
Before my 3rd day is our 1st kickball game. Oh god.
I arrive trying to lift my arms and stretch to no avail. The team is wondering if I got in a massive fight and got my ass kicked. Sort of. I stretch ALOT, trying to loosen up for the game. When I try to catch the ball it feels like bolts of fire are shooting through my arms. I can do this. I actually kick and make it to 1st. I'm not happy about this because now I have to actually keep running. I make it home only tripping twice. Wheezing again. Seriously. What is wrong with me? I ride home with my sis in law who constantly asks if I'm ok. She's worried. She's not used to me like this. Ya me eithier. Did I mention the creature that ate my stomach muscles?
Day 3:
This is the other night. I come in angry and cursing the joint as I walk in. I climb ont the treadmill since I'm early and start in. After a good trip and looking like a drunk nimrod, I get my pace going.
Here comes the Devil. "Ready??!"
I'm starting to wonder if he's actually doing his job or just taking his revenge out on me and the bestie from childhood past.
"Push this weight across the floor"
I look down at a 45 pound weight that you usually put on a machine. That cant be too hard I think.
WRONG A FUCKING GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's yelling, I'm sweating trying not to puke.
Bestie is worse off then me.
OH MY DEAR GOD. I THINK I MIGHT DIE.
As I'm starting to write my will in my head, he asks me why I'm so mad.
Um duh!!!!!
He actually turns nice for a split second and says "Jami, this is hard. What your doing is hard. Most people die after 10 minutes - your making it through the whole session. I promise in a month you wont be in this much pain"
I smile. I hope he's right.
I'm now going to sign off as its hurting to hold my arms up to the keyboard to type this damn blog.
But I'm doing it. I rule.
Wish me luck people!