Still Pandemic Pondering...

Maybe I shouldn't have stopped my Lockdown Life Series.  Because here we are - like what...5 months into this?  Maybe 6?  Whose counting at this point.

 So where you all at?  How you doing?

I find myself doing pretty ok for a few days but it never lasts.  I still wake up every morning with anxiety - sometimes crippling.  I pretty much cry every day for a little bit.  Sometimes legit sob fests. 

Curious about the current stats coming up on the end of summer?

Worldwide:
Cases - 23.9 million
Deaths - 820,000

US:
Cases -5.8 million
Deaths - 179,000

OC:
Cases -46,642
Deaths - 912

Nice jump eh?  OC has been on the watch list.  Basically a bunch of counties in California got put on the "Watch List" because we suck.  Although - just a couple of days ago we got taken off.  We do seem to have a bit of a down trend of cases/deaths/hospitalizations.  I believe if we can keep that up for 2 weeks straight the kiddos may go back to school and maybe salons/bars can open.

Schools have already started.  Not in person though.  Basically all are starting remote with the exception of a small few.  Elise started 6th grade remotely.  It's such a challenge for her and her dad.  I feel so bad.  Chapman will be starting remote.  Now if staff have to come back to campus you have to do a Safety Training, do a Take Home COVID test and do a daily survey of how you're feeling.  That take home COVID test was way less scary than I thought it was going to be, but when I took it I felt like I was waiting for a Final grade.  I was like "Please let me pass!!!"

 

I passed!

 

Currently restaurants are outside seating only.  Lots of places aren't open yet, including amusement parks, salons, bars.  Some professional sports have started up but with no crowd.  Just players.  You can actually buy cut outs of yourself to be put at the game if you're a super fan.  I shit you not.

 

So weird...

 

We're not doing much at the homestead and it's driving me crazy.  It's like a new level of boredom has been reached.  I honestly don't know how the people who claim they're "thriving" are actually doing it.  I'm glad for them, but they're in the minority for sure.  It's really strange to me the things you miss.  

Honestly I miss just - normalcy, for example: I wanted to buy a new top or two...just to have something else to wear in this heatwave other than the same things I'm wearing over and over again.  But you have to go online.  Some stores are open yes, but you can't really try anything on.  It's all weird.  You of course have to be masked up every time you go out, so it really just takes the enjoyment out of it.  Plus honestly you're putting yourself and others at risk, albeit low if you're masked up and safe, but still.  The few things I ordered online - only 1 out of the 3 fit.  Sigh.  Pat and I have tried to dine out a few times, but it's so odd.  We wear our masks sitting down and leaving and we try to throw them back on when the waiter comes over, but sometimes they come mid-bite and it's awkward.  It's also made us a paranoid...I've never wondered if a table was sterilized before I sat down before.  We've only done this a few times because it's weird.  Sigh.  Dumb stuff like that makes me sad.  It's so weird.

As much as I hate this phrase - we are in a "New Normal."  I honestly don't know how long it's going to last either and I think that's what is hardest on everyone.  I drive by restaurants and see the easy ups so they can get business outside.  But they're never crowded, especially in this heatwave.  What happens when it gets cold and rainy?  I was pulling into the empty parking lot at Chapman thinking of how much money the school is losing without the kiddos here and how much the Orange Circle has lost business not only from regular crowds but all the students and their families that patronize it.  

So so many of my friends are out of work and battling the unemployment system here in SoCal.  Most are "furloughed" but that's still no pay.  No insurance.  What is going to happen to our economy?  I keep thinking of more and more ways businesses are just spiraling and it breaks my heart. 

What happens when we do finally get a vaccine and/or some meds to fight this thing?  Does everything just go back to how it was?  Does it just become like the flu?  How long will that all take?

I'm having some worrisome health stuff I have to deal with and I really don't want to deal with it in today's times.  If my immune system gets down - will I be more at risk and worse off?  Should I hold off on things?  Is it riskier for me to wait or deal with it now?  It's scary.

Almost every friggin person I talk to is having a hard time in their own way.  Different stresses/worries but we're all stressing and worrying together.  I've never seen basically a country wide just sadness/depression.  It hurts my heart so much.

Questions. Questions. Questions.  

BUT - 

We soldier on right?  We are all going through this together.  We're finding ways to get through it.  

I have a few darling notes/handmade cards from friends that arrived in the mail.  They sit at my makeshift workspace when I'm working remote and bring a smile to my face.

A neighbor of ours did a pop up Cookie stand one day.  She runs a bakery business and is trying to find ways to keep afloat.  She passed out flyers, required masks and had everything safely boxed up and sanitized.  I walked over and purchased 3 "Paint Your Own Cookie" sets for Pat, Elise and I.  They were delicious and it was very sweet!  Pun intended.

Finished!

Even the palette was edible!

I'm trying really hard to stick to my shoulder PT exercises, my meditation and my daily writing practice.  This is giving me more time to do so.  I started up my Writers Book of Days again on August 1st to get myself to the page.

We try to have social distance visits with people.  Pat's nephew came by one night.

Hi Isaiah!

Pat and I had wanted to have "Date Nights" on Friday nights, but it's been pretty difficult during these times.  We do pull something out of the hat sometimes though and we were able to complete another one of our Couples Addition Adventure Challenges.  We were to make a fort, make smores and watch a romantic movie.  We were close:

Our kinda romantic movie...

We've bought tickets for a couple of upcoming Halloween Drive Thru Experiences in the Fall - so something to look forward to there.

It's hard my friends.

It's really hard.  People getting sick.  People Dying.  Social Unrest.  Social Distancing.  Mask Wearing.  Washing your hands.  Being safe/aware/kind.  

Please know - all I hear from everyone is "I have things to do, but I just have no motivation to do it", "I'm so tired all the time", "I have good days and bad days", "I just break down and cry for no reason".  We're all going through it.  It's ok to feel whatever you're feeling.  Please know that.  Knowing that (and my therapy sessions) is what's getting me through.  Reach out and call/FaceTime/Zoom/Social Distance Visit your people.  Sleep.  Sleep a fucking lot.  Be easy on yourself and those you share a roof with.  Find what brings you joy and try your best to do it - but it's also ok if you don't. We have got to be better to ourselves and give ourselves a damn break.  None of us have been through something like this.

Just wanted to share where I'm at.  Hoping it makes anyone feel less alone in their worries.  We'll get through this.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.