I work with some rad peeps...

So, the hits just keep coming.

By this I mean the wonderful, amazing, meaningful, emotional smacks that cause me to promptly burst into tears which I do ALL THE TIME now.  I recently put a Facebook status that said “I am amazed every day.”

I am.  I love it.  My family, my friends, my co-workers, my life, nature, all of it.  Amazes me.  Daily.

So I’d like to dedicate this blog to the awesome place that I work which is Chapman University.

Last year – hemorrhage.  We all know this.  At the time, I was on the Wellness Committee at my work and was part of the planning for the Health and Wellness Fair that we were going to have at our 1^st annual Staff Summit Week.  Originally there used to be a Staff Summit Luncheon, but last year they decided to make a whole week out of it!  So cool!  There were fitness sessions, trainings, prize drawings, etc.  I was thrilled and signed up for a bunch of stuff.  Well, I was in recovery when it went down last year so this year it meant something completely different to me!  But I will mention that last year my boss and two of my co-workers came by to visit me and brought me a whole bunch of stuff from the Summit that I missed!!!  
So let's start with Summit Week:

Our Staff Summit Week started off with a kickoff that had some snacks and beverages.  We were assigned tables and given a neat little backpack bag.  The tables were mostly people you didn’t know.  This was a great way to meet some of the other folks you work with on campus!  We found out later that table is our team for the week.  One of my co-workers who I’m developing a wonderful friendship with was on our team so that made it that much more awesome.  We were Team 5.   Our 1^st way to earn points was to partake in the little trivia game they had at our tables.  We rocked it.

Tuesday was a Food Truck Rally.  We got points if our team got together for a photo.  We didn’t quite get our entire team, but we got most of us!

Sessions began Tuesday as well and continued through Thursday.  We had an event we worked on Wednesday so I didn’t get to too many sessions but I did make the Stress Reduction which was a lovely session about ways to counter stress when it hits you.  I also took a Barre class one evening.  On Thursday they had a popsicles and prizes afternoon.  There were a bunch of prizes that we got raffle tickets for and popsicles for all.  They also had games to play that our team could get more points for.  I kicked ass on the Dice game – you had to roll a 7 or 11 and guess who rolled a 7!!! 

Friday morning ended the Summit Week with an appreciation brunch followed by the awards ceremony.  At the awards ceremony different departments recognize employees who go above and beyond.  They also show photos of the peeps that have been here for 5 years and after that you are called up and you get pins.  One woman has been here for 25 years!  The head of our department announced the winners from our department that we celebrated at a Staff Meeting a few weeks prior.  Which leads me to the next awesome announcement:

I won the UA Teamwork Award!  There are about 60/70 people in our department and you are nominated by your peers.  We give out 3 awards a year.  The Spirit Award (Person most embodies the Chapman Spirit) The Teamwork Award (Self-explanatory) and the Staff Member of the Year (Pretty much kicks ass).  I was so flattered and surprised when they called out my name for the Teamwork Award!  We get a pretty trophy that sits in our office for a year and our names added to the plaques below.  Our names are also added onto 3 large plagues that hang in our department.  It was so cool to win and realize how appreciated and loved I am here!

The third thing I would like to share is what happened to me today.

One of our co-workers who is by far one of our most enthusiastic peeps (He shared the Spirit Award win with Riley!) decided we should have an annual Superhero Spectacular Potluck.  He thought it would be a very cool fun way to honor some more hard working folks.  He and Riley teamed up to put it on and a handful of us chipped in some $$$ for the adorable little bobble head awards we gave out.  These were the Superheroes you could nominate:

·         The Ironman – Innovation, Ingenuity, Clever, Forward thinking, Futurist, Intelligent Practices

·         The Hulk – Bold, Doesn’t take “no” for an answer, Go-Getter, Spontaneous, Makes things Happen

·         The Captain America – Leadership, Good Spokesperson, Willing to be the example, Humble, Loyal

·         The Thor – Epic, Awe-Inspiring, Awesome, Astounding

Again these were all nominated by our peers.  I had a ball writing up my nominations and was excited to see who would win.  Ryan had decorations that he made that were so very cool:

My contribution:

Some of us wore Superhero shirts or at least bold bright colors to celebrate.  Before the awards were announced we were told how it would work.  The winners keep the bobble head trophy for a year, then their photograph will be put in the little sandwich box it sits on to forever live with the award.  So cute right!  Well, the awards were given out to well deserving people and then he announced there was one more award.  I of course panicked thinking I missed something to nominate until I realized what they did.

Ryan pulled out a little Phoenix bobble head and started talking about this person who like a phoenix has risen from the ashes to become an inspirational person who is positive, stronger and willing to always help.  When he went on to say we almost lost her last year my heart dropped.  He said my name and I fought as hard as I could not to burst into tears.  I did pretty good, but did have to rush to the bathroom at one point to ball my eyes out.  I know the trophies are silly and fun, but the meaning behind that was so overwhelming.  Riley told me later that they decided this award will be for someone each year that has a rough time and comes back stronger.  I think that is pretty rad.  Photos below:

The last thing I’d like to share in this blog is that when the Supreme Court ruled DOMA unconstitutional and slapped Prop 8 in the face our very own Nancy Brink who heads up our Church Relations put together an impromptu champagne toast in celebration.  She and her wife were one of the 1^st two couples to start this fight against Arizona a friggin year ago!!!!!  She rules.  The link to that story is here Interfaith Center

So to sum it up – I work with some pretty fucking awesome people.  You don’t realize that you actually touch people and when you see that you do it’s amazing.  Working here is great.  I adore my boss.  I work with some of the most incredible people.  Chapman cares about its employees which is certainly not something I’m used to, but it’s the people I work alongside that really make it.  All the perks like an amazing Christmas Party, random gatherings, random ways to win prizes and free fitness sessions aren't so bad either!

I’m so lucky.  I’m so grateful.  I will never ever take any of this for granted and I will continue to be amazed every day.

This also gets me re-thinking my next tattoo...a phoenix sounds pretty rad.

DOMA and Prop 8 - later bitches!

I feel the need to write a blog about the way I am feeling today.

Today the Supreme Court ruled DOMA unconstitutional and trumped Prop 8 here in California.  When I heard the news I could not stop crying.  Tears of joy.  Tears of relief. 

I honestly don’t consider myself super political.  Yes, I’m a leftie for sure.  Yes, I’m a bleeding liberal hippie who just wants everyone to be happy.  Yes I’m compassionate to a fault.  But that’s how I feel.  I’m not much of a fighter anymore.  I support my active friends 100% and help where I can but that’s the extent.  I’m not out there marching.  I’m not out there screaming.  I’m not out there getting into constant debates with people.  I just don’t have it in me anymore.  I used to yes, but that fight is gone.  What I have realized is that’s perfectly ok.  There are those who are out there marching, yelling, fighting and I stand behind them completely.  I’ve learned to accept who I am and work on changing what is directly around me.  That is what I can do. 

BUT – Prop 8.  This one did get the fires inside me burning.  This one broke my heart.  I have lost one friendship based on my belief and drifted away from a handful more based on this.  I’m ok with that.  I don’t need those people in my life right now.  I cannot wrap my head around why people think it is wrong for two people who love each other to get married.  I honestly never will be able to wrap my head around that.  It doesn’t make sense.  It’s unnatural.  It’s not humane.  I’m sure I wouldn’t have done too well back in the day when segregation was an issue (and blows my mind it still is some places).  AGAIN – WTF?  Who gives a flying rat’s ass what color you are, what your sexuality is, what your religion is, what baseball team you route for.  Seriously people.  Get the hell over it.

We are people.  We are human beings.  We are living creatures.  We should treat each other with love and respect and appreciation.  We should treat all living things this way.  Love.  Laugh.  Live.  Be kind.  Be grateful.  DON’T BE A DICK. 

I cried so hard this morning because we are moving in the right direction.  Progressive action is taking place.  I do think it takes too damn long, but patience right?  Well finally - a big win today.  I am a proud ally and so happy I’m having a hard time putting into words how much this makes my heart swell.  People I love can get married.  People I love have the same rights I do.  I had said I would never get married again until this happened.  Well – maybe love really is on its way to me.  But I will say this – today the energy in the air is so full of love.   You can feel it.  I’m so happy.  So grateful.  So amazed. 

I am loving seeing the good in the world.  I find myself arguing with some that there is still good out there, we just unfortunately glorify the bad.  I do believe, strongly believe, that there is more good people out there than bad.  Today was a great day to see that. 

I’m happy. 

So happy.

DOMA and Prop 8 – don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

One year later...

Wow.
It's been a year.
An entire year that I should have died.
June 6th, 2012.  That damn date will never be forgotten.

I went back and read the blog The day I cheated death...

It was really hard to read this again, and read the following blogs of thank yous and fear again.  Dealing with this anniversary has been much harder than I was prepared for.  I know it will be better now.  I know the 1st one is always the hardest.  I guess I just never thought I would have an anniversary of something that was hard to deal with.

It's so hard to explain how I feel.  I've been grappling with what to write for a bit now (as you can see by the date) and I still don't think I quite know what to say.  I'm overwhelmed.  I'm grateful.  I'm happy.  I'm stronger.  People understand.  This is awesome.  People don't judge me when I burst into tears.  People smile and nod sympathetically when I try to apologize.  I really truly do love the human spirit.

The day before my anniversary a co-worker of mine came into my office with little bouquet from her garden and a card she made with a little milestone pendant in there.  She smiled and said "I know it's sometime around now, so congratulations!"  I burst into tears.  I mean hysterical tears.

And PS - look at the bloom on this beauty a week later:

Later on that afternoon some more co-workers came in with a plate of cookies to celebrate.  I promptly burst into tears again.

On the day of my anniversary I had lunch at my grandparents and my mom gave me a bouquet of flowers.  We both burst into tears.

When mom stopped by and read the card from my co-worker she burst into tears.  Emotions are raw.  But it's good.  They're good tears.  They're thank GAWD I'm still here tears.

I think I've recovered from bursting into tears every two seconds now, but I find myself still in awe.  I'm still trying to grasp things a bit.  I might never quite fully accept what happened.  But that is perfectly ok.

I was on a good path before this happened.  Trying to change my ways, be more positive, change my way of thinking, be a better person, etc.  I was doing it.  People noticed.  People have said they noticed changes in me a year or so before this happened.  I know I would have gotten where I am today, just probably a lot slower.  But June 6th kicked my ass right to where it is now and that's knowing who I am.

How amazing is that?  I can say I know who I am!  I've always had a bit of an idea, but of course you alter things to please those around you.  Not a lot but a bit. Yes you do.   My life is open now.  I'm open to so much more in life.  I'm happy.  I'm thankful.  Every day I am grateful.

I find myself moving slower in everything.  I take more time with things.  I try to take in all what is around me.  I think harder.  I'm more organized than I was (can you believe that?) and more OCD so I don't miss things.  I crave one on ones with my friends or small groups rather than large parties.  I sleep more.  I schedule more me time.  I take more pictures.  Write more notes.  I try to drink up every bit of air I can and be.  You know?

It's really trippy, my readers, really bizarre.  I'm in a new place and I'm learning to live with it.  Time is so much more precious to me now.  My tolerance for negativity and anger isn't there anymore.  I choose to surround myself with people who live, laugh and love.  The bond between me and my mom has grown.  The connection between me and my dad has taken a huge turn.  We've always been close, but now it's even closer.  We all always have that small fear that tickles the backs of our minds.  I almost wasn't here.  I'm not sure if that will ever go away.

I've turned into a huge sap but that's not much of a change.  I mean I'm an actor so I've always had a flair for the dramatics :).  But it's different.  It's raw.  My emotions are always raw and real now.  That's the only way I can think to describe it.  Priorities have shifted.  I see things brighter.  It's a trip.

So here I am, a year later.  Looking back at those blogs and remembering the obscene amount of pain I was in, the constant fear with all the tests and talks and doctors.  The looks on my friends faces when they would walk in and see me for the 1st time.  The pain.  I will never forget that pain.  It seemed to take so long to heal, but really it didn't.  I recovered amazingly well!  I learned how to listen to my body.  I was in the hot tub as soon as I could sort of move trying to water aerobic back some strength into my muscles.  I stopped taking pain meds as soon as I could and tried to work through the pain.  And guess what - I did it.  I've come back.

I will never take for granted how far I've come and I will always hold dear the abilities I have now.  What I can do.  Damn!  I mean I'm back to my active physical live again!  Our time is so short here on this earth.  Savor every moment, every breath and don't take life for granted.  It can be taken from you in a blink.

I'm still working on letting things go, but it's getting easier and easier.

I'm here.  I survived and I made it through my 1st anniversary with flying colors.  I am so blown away as to how far I've come, how much I've learned about myself and what the human spirit can handle.

We are an amazing species my friends!  Cherish life.  Breathe.  Slow down.  Practice lovingkindness. 


So here I am!  Alive and well and stronger than ever!!!