Good Friday...

Today is Good Friday.  And it is just that.  Good.



I have the day off and figured why not visit my old friend the BlogSpot.  I realize I haven't been blogging as much as I used to, but I've also figured I've been doing a bunch of other stuff that you readers don't know about. 



Are there readers?

I wonder that sometimes.  Who out there is reading my pointless ramblings on the internet.  I of course know a few, my faithful friends, who seem to like to read my silliness.  My dad used too, but I think my horrific grammar has turned him away.  Sadly I write like I talk.  Punctuation?  Paragraphs?  Unnecessary.  I'm also a horrible speller.  My favorite word I miss spell is forward.  I usually leave out the 1st r.  ALL THE TIME.  Because that's how I say it. Ha!  Anywhoo...I'm rambling.



Notice I'm trying to make more paragraphs?  I went to a grammar workshop the other day and although it was more focused towards business writing, not blogging, I figured I'd try to improve here.  We'll see how long that lasts.  Sorry dad :)



So - an update on what I've been doing and how I've been feeling post hemorrhage.  That's how I like to refer to things now.  Pre hemorrhage and post hemorrhage.  Since I have officially become a cliché and my perspective on life has completely changed, I figure why not?  It's an interesting place this post hemorrhage.  It's happier.  More relaxed.  More grateful.  More open to trying new things.  Oh and by the way - did I mention I'm blogging on my spankin new laptop?  It's a shift (Windows 8, Office 2000 something in the future) but it's mine.  Thank you again daddy! 



Let's start with my fitness.  I haven't stopped.  I love it.  Boxing Burn Mon/Wed/Sat.  Bowling Tuesdays and Zumba Fridays.  I'm usually on a hike or a walk with a friend Sunday mornings and my new pad is a good walk from the Orange Circle and the local Saturday morning Farmers Market.  I love it.  I still have to be careful due to the tumor (more on that later) but I would say I'm pretty much back full speed.  The difference now, though, is I'm not obsessed.  I work out to feel good, not to look good.  Yes - I really do want this damn muffin top to move along, but it's just not the same.  Every work out I do, I think to myself, "I am so lucky and grateful that I am able to do this."  Because I am.  I recovered like a champ.  It really does seem forever ago that I was laid up, and crying, and recovering, and wondering if the pain in my back and head would ever go away, and yearning to be outside in the summertime, and feeling so guilty and embarrassed that friends had to bring me food and come visit me while I was in bed flinching at every move.  That's over.  I've also signed up for 4 races and excited for them all.  Warrior Dash in a week, ROC race in May, Run for your Lives (as a zombie) in Sept and Rugged Maniac in Oct.  I'm not going to lie - I'm a bit nervous for Warrior Dash. This will be my 1st race back, but finishing it will now have a whole new meaning I think.



Next up we have the mind.  I'm doing the Deepak Chopra 21 day meditation challenge.  I'll do a separate blog on that later, but I'm enjoying it.  I also say my "metas" every morning and am trying to bring more acts of kindness into my regular routine.  I've also sparked up an awesome ongoing dialogue with an amazing friend of mine about faith.  More on that later as well.  Still working out how I feel about that one, but I am actually getting somewhere I think.



Lastly - food.  This one is tough.  I consider myself a pretty healthy eater for the most part.  I don't drink soda, don't eat fast food, limit my sweets, etc.  But the lingering muffin top makes me question that there's still something I'm missing.  I've always hated vegetables.  I put kale or spinach in my smoothies to get some sort of green in my diet, but that has always been a toughie.  Well - for some reason, I seem to me more willing to try stuff.  Again - I chalk it up to post hemorrhage.  My friend Cesar, who makes me dinner sometimes, God love him, got me to eat cauliflower.  Now - I'll eat cauliflower if it's cold and I can dip it in ranch or something.  Well, he did something do it that made it like mashed potatoes and it had garlic (love) and onion (love) and it was amazing!!!!  I also have another friend of mine, who is a phenomenal cook and has started a new business with her hubs that makes organic healthy food for you to pick up weekly.  And there's a drop off in Orange!!!!!  So, once I realized how easy it actually was - pick out however many or less meals you want, order online, mail them a check, bam - healthy food available for pick up just down the street.  She even got me to eat brussel sprouts!!!!!!  www.bitemekitchen.com is the place.  I advise you check them out.  Another funny thing, I hate broccoli.  We went to lunch yesterday for a co-workers birthday and there was broccoli in my wok chicken thing I ordered.  Guess what - I ATE IT!  It had enough sauce on it that it was yummy!!!  So - who knows - I may eat my vegetables regularly yet.  My next step is cutting back on my carbs, which is tough because I love me some bread and pasta, but I'm going to try.  But, again, I'm not obsessed.  I love food and I will always enjoy it.  But I seem to be finding healthier ways too do so, which is awesome.



So here we are.  I've had to adjust my life slightly due to the schwanoma.  Little bastard.  I still have random nausea attacks that we THINK is positional, but not sure.  So I try to be careful.  I'm so friggin aware of how I turn my head, stand up, bend over, what I watch on TV shaky wise, ANYTHING that I think may set it off.  So all you folks trying to be more aware of your body - wait till you have something that will knock you on your ass unexpectedly and it's fascinating how aware you become.  I'm not one for meds, but I finally landed at my primary doctor to get something to try when one of these attacks happen.  It's an anti-nausea drug of sorts that hopefully will help curtail when one of these happen.  They don't happen often, so that is the blessing, but I'm hoping I'm more prepared now if one comes.  Next January will be another MRI to see what is next.  But in the meantime I have a new approach now on hand if one of these happens.  Well in my purse anyway.



So there it is in a nutshell.  I'm also journaling a bit a night, treating myself to a pedi now and then, loving my new little pad, soaking up time with loved ones, just enjoying life.  Still waiting for that fabulous man to show up, but he will.  I know it.  I'm still seeing hearts ;)



It's weird when your outlook changes, I move slower, enjoy moments more, get angry less, smile easily and laugh a lot.  I thought my life was already like that before, and it was a bit, I was on a path that was going in that direction, but I've landed there now.  I feel my purpose in life is to make people laugh, to smile and hopefully inspire.  Bizarre ya?  But cool.

My Birthday

So I’m finally getting around to writing about my birthday! I would like to say I’m doing this on my brand spankin new laptop, but I’m still trying to figure out how to work the thing. Le sigh. I am no techie that’s for damn sure.


Anywhoo – My birthday! For weeks I have been going back and forth on what to do. Since the whole head thing last year I feel I need to grasp every moment and hang onto it because I don’t know when it will happen again. I am so grateful to be here and felt I should certainly celebrate! I used to throw myself birthday parties all the time, as well as Halloween parties, Xmas parties, themed parties etc. But I must admit, as I’ve gotten older and broker I’ve backed away from throwing as many because they are just exhausting and a bit pricy. Some years I have ignored my birthday not wanting to acknowledge the fact that I’ve turned yet another year older and not moved forward in life at all. These were of course in my more depressing years. But this year it’s different! Now, it’s not a special number – 37 – not exciting – but still. I’m alive. So began the anxiety of what I should do. I’m moved into a fab new little pad and really wanted to have people over, but unfortunately my summer loving ass was born in the coldest part of winter and it would be outside because my place is too small. Plus I was going to a matinee show that day and wouldn’t have much time to set up, etc. My bday fell on a Sat night, meaning I wanted to do something even more but the thought of going anywhere on a Saturday night just made me cringe. I thought of a dinner, but know I’m the type to worry that everyone will pay enough and enough of a tip and I didn’t want to assume someone would pay for me but would they because I’m broke and on and on and on as my mind tends to do sometimes. I also was hesitant to have people over due to the fact that I have no money right now and I’m known for my parties and I can’t spend anything so this literally would have to be a “You bring me food and booze” party. Sigh. I’m exhausting just re-typing what my head was doing a month prior February 23rd. Which is what happened about a week before. I finally said fuck it and sent a text to some closer friends inviting them over for a mellow chill night to celebrate m bday and did a FB post day of. Keri had a fire pit and mom was bringing a heater so let’s just do it. And so came to be one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had!

I woke up and went to my Boxing Burn. Kris made me work harder as a happy birthday, which I love. I came home showered and got prettied up go see Wicked. My boss had given me her 2 subscription seats and I was bringing my friend Susan who was obsessed with the show. All throughout the day I was trying to keep up with my fabulous FB bday wishes and phone calls and texts, smiling giddily at each one. When we arrived, Susan promptly bought us drinks and booked our drinks for intermission. Our seats were incredible! This was our view:

The show was fun. I wasn’t blown away, but did enjoy it for sure. The little gal who was Glinda had me in stiches with her physical comedy and the green witch had an incredible voice that gave me chills at times. Susan was in tears many times and the part where the girlfriends are singing to each other that they are better people since they have each other in their lives I took Susan’s hand and we cried together. I mean we have been friends for like 30 years or something. When the show was over Susan asked me if I wanted socks or a raffle ticket for my bday present. I was thinking the socks, but we passed a stand that was overcharging people to take this silly photo. Since it was dorky and a photo I opted for this instead:

I rushed home and bundled up and people began to arrive. Many bottles of wine and some presents were brought. Food and love as well. I ended up with about 30/40 folks coming and going. At one point I stood by myself and looked over the many different little groups chatting and laughing together and it hit me. I bring people together. I’m one of the few people in our world of friends that crosses over into so many different groups – family, theater, kickball, bowling, work, childhood pals, etc. I realize why so many people love to come to my gatherings – they get to see people they don’t get to see all the time. As I was realizing this, Mel came up to me and gave me a big hug. “I’m so glad I came and got see everyone! I haven’t seen Norm in ages!”

And there it was.

Later in the evening T, Susan and Robin pulled me inside to open their gifts which included a gorgeous Calvin Klein sweater, a photo collage of my now teenage godson and me and of course – Wicked socks. Sneaky Susan. As the last two girls stumbled into their ride home (they got picked up, no drunk driving) I returned to my new little pad and cleaned up, opened all my cards and set out all my goodies. It was 12:45 at night and I started to cry. I am so grateful. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face. It was the perfect birthday.

PS Did I mention I ended up with 11 bottles of wine, even though we drank 7 at the party!

The next day it didn’t end, I headed to my grandparents to visit and get my present that my gramma was itching to give me. I spent time with them and even got a smile out of my Papa when I teased him that he had an almost 40 year old granddaughter. “No! “he shouted with a twinkle in his eye. He held my hand with tears in his eyes and told me he loved me more than I will ever know. I smiled through my tears and kissed his forehead. Next stop was my dad’s. He and Lori had come to my shin dig but my present from him was a laptop. He wanted to take me to buy one. YAY!!!!!! At the cash register at Fry’s I broke down again. “Are you crying?” my dad asked laughing. “Yes” I muttered. “Stupid head explosion has made me a sap”. “Are they tears of joy?” he asked. “Yes” I said trying to wipe them away. “Then good. Happy Birthday Honey”.

Now I have the task of figuring out Windows 8, how to move my iTunes over and what kind of free photo program I should download so I can re-size my pictures. Oh lord. Ha ha!!!

So that’s that. My perfect birthday weekend. I am so very lucky. So very loved. So very grateful to have so many wonderful friends and family in my life. Thank you.