Hello 2013!

Recap time. It's weird. I always go back and read my last years recap blog and the whole time I was reading it kept thinking..."Little did I know 2012 was going to try to kill me." Man. It's still bizarre as all hell to think - June 2012 I should have died. Makes for an interesting life turn I'll tell you that. So here's my recap on a year none of us will ever forget. I was rolling into 2012 hoping my lifestyle change and road to positivity and being a better person all around, etc etc was going to continue to move forward. I realized I was not as far along as I actually I thought I was this time last year. I did improve quite a bit yes, but it's just different now. It's so hard to explain. But anywhoo - here we go. I brought in the New Year with a couple of friends at the Bistro. I wanted some of us single folk to get together and have each other. We had a wonderful evening as always and I was excited for the year to begin. January also brought my appointment with a Buddhist therapist. I saw her until May. She was teaching me some good techniques, working on changing my way of thinking, starting to teach me some meditations, etc. Then she started talking to me about medication. I was crushed. I had told her how against it I was and she knew this. We argued, she eventually withdrew but that was it. I dropped her. Jan/Feb/March was filled with many fitness classes, photo classes, shows, dinners, etc. I was still on quite the Groupon kick. End of March I was in the Post Mortem Political Burlesque show. I wasn’t too thrilled with the show, but it was fun and I was funny :). April was a great month. I saw April Foolishness which I blogged earlier about and I took an amazing road trip with my best friend to San Francisco for another dear friends wedding. Blogged about that as well, but that was truly a highlight of my year. This was my official favorite month of 2012. May brought the dreaded colonoscopy. I know, who blogs about this shit right? Pun intended. I mention this because I find it ironic that amidst all this fitness and the few races I did make it too earlier in the year I was getting Physical Therapy for a hip injury that was looking like surgery was in my future and was seeing a specialist and going through hell with gut issues. Then came June 6th. We all know what happened then. I still remember that moment in Fitness 19 standing up after doing my 3 sets of 12 bicep curls on the machine and having the most gnarliest headache of my life. I still have not been able to return to the gym. I know it's not why it happened, but I think I may have to cancel the membership. I just don’t think I can return. It always takes me awhile for things to sink in. When I was in ICU I refused to believe I could have died. When I was in recovery I was so impatient and annoyed that I was in so much fucking pain. And was I. I thought I knew pain but man was I mistaken. When I was starting to feel better and I started researching the statistics on how low the survival rate is for my SAH I still had a hard time processing it. When people ask me "Is your life changed?" I hesitated thinking "I guess?" Well, it's here now. I'm a changed person. I am officially clique. Yes ladies and gentleman - I almost died - this has made me look at life completly differently. I can sum up the rest of the year pretty much as surviving and recovering and accepting things the way they are. My medical bills were enormous. Thank GAWD for insurance. My dad helped me with some of them. I made it through. My mom took care of me. My friends wouldn’t let me push it. I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm different. Summer was a blur, obviously. I've been easing back into life. Walking, cycling, and taking it easy. Halloween wasn’t as "Halloweeny" as I'm used to. Jay did throw a lovely party though. Thanksgiving was bitter sweet as you see in my last blog and the holidays have been filled with my heart breaking as my Papa is withering away and me moving into the little caboose I now reside in. I did briefly date a boy for a little over a month here at the end of 2012, somewhat hoping it would turn into something special but alas no. I’ve also been through an array of awful and weird tests as the lovely specialist people try to figure out what to do with the tumor in my brain, or schwanoma as I have found it’s called, so I’m dealing with that and the nice fucked up motion sick turned weird since the SAH situation. They have said when you have an “event” in your brain it jacks you up. “Event”. Seriously. That’s what they call it. It’s weird to be careful now. Although it was fun directing my lovely strong friends who came out and moved me instead of me lifting anything. New Years Eve was spent unpacking, drinking wine, watching my Sex and the City DVD and trying to help my kitties adjust to the new pad. Quiet. Alone. But not sad. I fell asleep before midnight but woke up a few minutes before. I walked outside and heard the world celebrate. It was a very interesting moment. I heard so many cheers and horns and singing but in the distance, like I was in a bubble and the world was celebrating around me. It was nice. I was glad to see 2012 go. Very glad. I enter 2013 alive. Grateful. Starting over in a way. New place. Happy at my job. I'm hoping to sign back up with my boxing burn class next week. Bowling starts up again. I want my active life back. I fought to survive and now it's time to live. No resolutions this year. No expectations. Just hopes and dreams. May this year bring you all the happiness you can stand. The love that engulfs you. The adventures that inspire you. Live life. I am. (Oh, and PS, I was going to add a few photos but I need a new laptop. Sort of havent been able to purchase that yet....)