Dating...or lack there of...

Ok.Here’s a rare blog on dating, because I worry someone will read this and think I’m silly. Or weak. Or dumb. Or desperate. I have been watching a lot of SATC lately. Carrie put it out there in her column all the time! Why can’t I? People do enjoy my honesty right? Well here it is:I’m putting it out there again.They say when you really want something you put it out into the universe right? I think I wrote a letter on here a few years back asking for my ideal man, but I wasn’t ready then. I admit it. I haven’t been ready until now. My marriage ended in 2004. I was jaded. Hurt. Bent. I didn’t want to get into a relationship ever again. Trust was a huge issue. Well – Obviously right? Then I fooled around. I don’t even know if I can call it dating, more like having fun. But I suppose it was a form of dating. Then I tried online dating. Not much, I didn’t make it very far. It’s very weird and foreign to me and the types of people that emailed me were awful and weird. I went on one date only for practice. To try it out, see if I could do it. I wasn’t that interested in the fellow, but he was persistent and seemed nice enough. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. I felt like I was on an interview. It was awkward. I promptly cancelled my online profile after that. At the same time I was going to therapy, thinking that if I bettered myself as a person – maybe I could put a more positive vibe out there and be more attractive to people. I don’t know, I was grasping. I had also made the decision to not have sex unless I met someone serious. Maybe that was my problem? I was sleeping with the person too soon. Well, this made for the longest drought in Jami history. Then my head exploded. Well – we all know that story. Back on the mend, I went out with a friend of a friend. He was nice. Not much chemistry but I was willing to give it a bit more dates to see if it would go anywhere. He apparently wasn’t. He went out of state then totally blew me off. After a few weeks of wondering, I decided to ask. WTF. He was the type of person I expected an honest answer from and figured we had developed a good camaraderie of sorts. I flat out asked him – why did you blow me off? I also asked him if I did anything specific that may have turned him off. He answered very honestly, no chemistry, he apologized for blowing me off and I did nothing wrong. We are friends now. Then I went out with another fellow near the end of last year that did have a lot of baggage and holding onto some anger and I pretty much knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I still started falling for him then - again – got totally blown off. This time I didnt bother following up. Stung a bit.
I’m a horrible dater. I have no game. I really don’t. I need help. So – here I am. Still single. I’m surrounded by people getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying houses, starting lives together, etc. Even my go to boys have all settled into apparent actual real relationships. I’m not saying this is the reason I want to meet someone, but it certainly makes it difficult.SO I’m ready universe! I really am this time. My cookies are baked. 40 is looming. I’m in a totally new place in my life. I’m happy. I’m in my own pad. I’m happy with my job. I am totally enjoying life as much as I can. I am grateful for every second that I am alive and well. I’m not looking to get married or even live with someone, but I would love – absolutely love – to have a boyfriend. Someone who I can count on, who I can snuggle with, who I can act like a total dork with, who I can share my hopes and dreams and fears with, who is a constant in my life. I don’t know if I want to get married again. I don’t know if I want to have a child or two or none. But what I do know is I want to share my life with someone again. So here it is updated:
Dear Universe: I would love for you to please send me my man. The man who will love me and I will love so fiercely. A man who is single. A man who is straight. A man who loves animals and won’t mind my furry children. A man who can financially take care of himself. A man who politically swings to the left. A man who is active. A man who loves life. A man who will love an independent woman with the mouth of a sailor who rambles on about nothing most of the time who is a peace loving hippie who loves her friends and family and cats and who loves to laugh and write rambling blogs that some people actually read. I would love to meet this man and we fall madly in love with each other. I’m ready. Thanks so very much!Love and kisses, JamiPS – To my readers – if you know of this man, please send him my way!