Rough times...

I have to say, 2012 has been a lot rougher than I was hoping. We are almost in June now, the halfway point and this year, my year, the year of the dragon has been a bit brutal. I was told today that my Papa is going to be put on hospice care. We knew it was coming. But the doctor actually saying it was like a punch to the gut. My mom is a wreck. I'm so sad. I have watched him deteriorate as this year has moved forward. 1st his body and now his mind. He's withered. He's not happy. He's emotional. He has ups and downs. It's weird. And awful. And yes its life. And yes he's 97 and has lived a full life. But still, he's my Papa. He's my superman. I've been told watching him go downhill like this may make it easier on me when his time comes. Bullshit. It's worse. He's aware of everything and he hates it. I hate it. We are alike in many ways. We don’t like weakness, we don’t like to be helpless, and we don’t like to rely on other people for help. It's so hard. It's just so fucking hard. Moving on. I cant write about that anymore. To me. I had to have a colonoscopy on Thur/Fri. They wanted to do an upper and lower. All day Thur I was on a liquid diet then drank the stuff at 6 and again at 2:30 am Fri morning. I couldn’t keep all of it down the 2nd time. This may be TMI but I swear that this process is just fucking mean. What you have to go through before this procedure is just wrong. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. The procedure went fine; I meet with him next week for results. Today I was referred to get an MRI on my hip injury. They think I have a laberal tear. I've been going to physical therapy for a few weeks and it hasn’t helped so this is the next step. I may be going under again. My wrist is crunchy and my knee is grinding. Almost like they are teasing me gently saying "After you have hip surgery we're next!” I keep running John Wooden's quote over and over and over again in my head. "Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do” I haven’t. I'm still doing everything; I just alter the parts that hurt. I'm told to slow down. To do lower impact stuff. I cant. I would crumble. The only thing I think that is keeping me going right now and not screaming at the universe while pulling out my hair is activity. My boxing boot camp teacher can tell when I have a bad day. I'm still going to therapy - yes the head kind. My buddadist therapist is trying to help me be a better person. It's sort of helping I think. She's given me some nice ideas to work with. It seems I've always been going in the right direction, just needed a little guidance and pushing which is what she's doing. I'm doing things I poo poo'd before. That's right kids...I may even be learning to meditate soon. I know. I surprise myself. My life is changing. I know change is good, but the process is extremely painful right now. Literally. I'm finding I don’t have as many friends as I thought that I can count on. But at the same time those friends I can count on mean even more to me than usual and I didn’t think that was possible. It is hard though because I feel lonely a lot of the time. I'm also in the financial pit again. My mom has lost her unemployment and needs more support from me and with the cost of all this medical crap I'm dealing with (Insurance doesn’t cover everything) my goal to move out at the end of summer has been moved to the end of the year. I'm hoping end of year is actually a possibility but unless things change it's not looking good. This is the halfway point of 2012. There have been some great things though - Doheny Blues was amazing. My trip to San Francisco was fantastic. Even though I seem to be breaking apart I'm actually a lot stronger. I'm finding out new things about myself that I like and don’t like but I know that is part of this all. I didn’t mean to be too much of a downer in this blog, but I'm not going to lie. It's been rough. I'm not giving up though. I'm still moving in the direction I think I need to be moving right now. But I am starting to think I may have put a little too much stake in the year of 2012.

Doheny Blues Festival 2012...

I tried to convince my dad to go both days this year but as per usual we only made it to one. He had never seen Steve Miller live and I was dying to see Buddy Guy so Sunday was the day we chose. Dad was hell bent on getting VIP tickets this year and since he is being so generous to pay for them who am I to argue. Shane and D were the only ones who joined us this year and spent their 6 year anniversary listening to phenomenal music with us. We headed out early as we always do, about 7am, so we can park in the close lot and get a good place in line. We were off to a rough start since dad was in a grumpy mood and I seemed to be the only one out of the four of us bouncing off the walls with excitement. When we arrived we were directed to park in the far lot which is what we have been able to avoid every year except our 1st. This lot is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back there FYI. They have shuttles, but of course barfy mcbarfs alot cannot ride in a shuttle so it's a bitch of a walk lugging all your shit on top of it. We were a little beat by the time we finished walking. Dad was not pleased. He was continuing to bitch that VIP is supposed to include parking. We grab our spot in the VIP line - still seems to be the same exact distance we always get no matter what time we get there. Dad is now on a mission to talk to someone about parking. I noticed it was set up differently this year, so something was going on with the parking. I looked up on my handy dandy phone and pointed out to dad that parking was in fact NOT included. He was also informed that it was only permit parking. (I'm making a note in my head to find out how to get my hands on a permit for next year). Dad and I decide to wait in the now forming line to exchange our tix for wristbands since it's supposed to open in 20 min. It opened in 50. Dad was fit to be tied. When we sat back down and Shane/D headed off for their exchange I snapped at dad to chill out and smoke which he did and all seemed right with the world. We relaxed for a while as we always do waiting for the gates to open. When we finally shuffle in we dash to the VIP area to grab our spot. It's already full. Holy Shit! We do find a nice open area near the back and promptly spread our blankets and chairs and stake our spot. Sunblock on, drinks in hand, settled in we are ready. 1st up was a kid. That's right. A kid. I read about him in the program and his name is Ray Goren. He started out playing guitar at age 8. He discovered blues when he accidently typed something into YouTube that pulled up BB King. He was mesmerized and begged his folks for a guitar. I swear to GAWD this kid was amazing. He has his own band and he actually played the blues!!!! How this little 12 year old has been on this earth long enough to know - he did. Kind was phenomenal. Up 1st on the 2nd stage was Trick Bag from Sweden. Dad and I wandered over and caught about a fourth of their set. Very cool. Great harmonica player. Food. Wine. Stocked up on our kettle corn. Dad and I also took this time to wander around and check out the festival. There was a cute little kids section with the giant hamster balls in the water. There was a great canvas area where you could paint on it and they just kept replacing it when it filled up. The usual fun vendors and a neat blues walk that had big photos of a bunch of the artists that had played in the festivals past. Up now on the mainstage was Joe Louis Walker. I caught the 1st part of his set, he was great but I wanted to see Otis Taylor who was playing at the same time on the Backporch Stage. Shane joined me this time and we couldn’t get up too close since it was packed but we parked off to the side and watched a good portion of his set. He was a little under the weather but still pulled it out as he always does. More food. More wine. Rod Piazza had begun on the 2nd stage but we stayed in our spots and listened. Very Brian Setzer like. The of course who I had been waiting for - BUDDY GUY!!! He tore it up!!!!! He plays very similar to BB King, pausing alot to tell a story or make a comment. He has a smile that is so adorable. His gruff voice and ridiculous blues style made my heart sing. He was absolutely stellar!!! I have wanted to see him live forever and finally here he was. He's 75 years old and truly gives BB King a run for his money. You can feel it when he plays. You join him in his stories and his playing when he's up there. Amazing. Just amazing. Trombone Shorty started on the 2nd stage and I had read up on them a few days prior and wanted to check out their set. Dad and I headed over. As soon as we stopped we knew we were in for a treat. There were a couple of saxophone players and the main guy was tearing it up on the trombone. Very funky. Reminded me a bit of TOP. Then this dude whipped out a trumpet and played what I didn’t think was humanly possible!!! That damn thing didn’t leave his lips for an entire song. I have never in my life seen someone play the trumpet like this guy. Fucking incredible!!!!!! Dad couldn’t get over them. He kept saying "I'm so glad you wanted to see them!" We bobbed and grooved to their entire set. Then Taylor Hicks (Apparently and American Idol dude) came out and shredded on the harmonica! We always seem to stumble across a band we were not familiar with prior to this festival that blows us away. Today it was Trombone Shorty. We headed back to our seats and settled in for Steve Miller. He opened up with Jet Airliner and Dad turned into and excited little kid. I think the highlight for me was seeing dad get so excited. I have seen Steve Miller perform about 4 or 5 times and he's always stellar but dad had never seen him. He did some preaching encouraging people to help get a Blues Hall of Fame going and support the Blues Foundation and continued to play an absolutely fantastic set. Some new songs and full of old favorites. He was spot on. Doug Hamblin came out and played his magic on the guitar alongside of Steve and they were amazing. The crowd was singing along and one funny side note - there were about 5 sheriffs standing off to the side of us ready for riots or something and the guy on the end kept singing along to every song. We also caught him dancing a bit. Shane and I were dying. Steve came back out for an encore ending of course with Joker which dad and I danced our asses off too. We packed up our crap and headed out and took the long hike back to our car but got out with no problems. The VIP included us the closer seating area, $1 off drinks and nicer bathrooms. But what made it worth the price was we didnt get swarmed with people because the VIP area didn’t add anyone if that makes sense. Usually at the end of the night the last set or two it gets a little harry with people trying to squeeze in and tromp over your area with little or no respect, but being in the VIP area - everyone was already there. At one point I looked back and saw everyone crammed up against the fences that blocked off our area. So that made it worth it and I have a feeling my dad my spring for VIP again next year :) Yay! All in all it was yet another brilliant day of outstanding music, spending quality time with fam, fantastic people watching and a perfect perfect day out the sun watching some of our blues greats. I really hope kids today understand how important and influential blues our to our music. There is nothing like it. One of my favorite days of the year. Now 6 years running!

Childhood friends...

What is it about childhood friends that makes you have a bond stronger than no other? I have a few friends with whom I have never lost contact. I also have a few friends with whom we only see each other once in awhile. I also have a few friends with whom I didnt see for years and years and we re-connected and it was like no time had passed. It's truly amazing when you have a connection with certain people. I wonder sometimes why it seems to be so incredible with old friends. Maybe it's because we met each other at such a young age, where differences didnt matter. Innocence was still hanging on. Life hadnt happened to us yet. I love it. I love that I have so many of these friends. My two oldest friends actually are boys. Mike and Paul. Mike and I played in the sandbox together in pre-school. Paul and I were boyfriend/girlfriend when we were 3 years old. Then there's Libby. My best friend in the whole world. We were neighborhood kids who became friends due to her one eye'd cat. We have been best friends ever since. Yes, you get older and have lots of best friends but Libby will always be THE best friend. She hasnt changed. Our friendship is stronger than ever. Then I have Robin. We met because she got held back in 4th grade and we clicked. I love this girl. She gave birth to my godson who is now a teenager. I've always protected her. I always will. Susan I met in girl scouts about 3rd grade. We used to collect lady bugs out in the field in elementary school and make bracelets out of flowers. I remember when we both got sent to the principals office because she brought her pet mouse to school one day. Her mom and my mom now take yoga together. This girl is one of the strongest women I know. And speaking of strong women, there's Cori. We met in High School and got in a world of trouble together. This girl and I have been to Hell and back together. I would do anything for her. Then there are the friends I have re-connected with after many years. Ceasar. A popular boy in High School. We were friends but not super close. Now we hang once in awhile and laugh and I try to get him to keep up with me in my boxing bootcamp. And of course Kasi. Our personalities are so similar. We were tennis partners in High School and were fucking amazing at it. I remember getting suspended from a couple of games because I hurled my tennis racket at an opposing team because they kept hurling balls unfairly at Kasi. She's a spitfire and I'm thrilled we've re-connected. Then of course now adays there's facebook where I've gotten back in touch with a crap load of childhood friends and we see what each other is doing and comment on each others accomplishments. It really is interesting. But there is something about those friends that have stayed friends. Those friends whom I trust with my life and those friends with whom years can pass and it doesnt matter that bond is still there. I truly feel honored to have so many friends from my childhood still in my life. We've been through alot together. I love each and every one of you.