And almost the middle of July...

Remember that time thing I mentioned?
Seriously it’s fascinating to me how fast it sails by. Yes, I'm abnormally a very busy person but still. Sheesh. July 10th. Anywhoo....
So I got blind-sided by another dude. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just really stupid, really clueless, or really repulsive. So we hung out a few times, had fun, connected, had some nice lil kisses, flirted, etc etc. Um...we made plans to have dinner and see a couple of shows and I get the "Oh, I should mention I'm dating someone text". REALLY?! WTF!!! You couldn’t have mentioned this sooner????!!! I seem to have the problem of hitting it off with some guy then driving him into the arms of someone else. I don’t get it. I'm not gonna lie - it fucking hurts. It’s like taking my already bruised ego and kicking it right in the face. Hi! Fuck you! Luckily we only hung out a few times, so the getting over it process lasted about 2 days. Remember the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte says getting over someone takes exactly half the time you were with him or something like that? Well...there ya go. But it still hurts. But it hurts because I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, or why I end up with dudes that feel the need to be all into me then magically have someone else. Sigh.
Moving on.
I'm hitting rough patch. (Yes the prior paragraph was also a nice kick me while I'm down). I'm ddddddyyyyyiiiiinnnggggg to start smoking again. Last Tuesday was my 4month anniversary of stopping (NOT EVEN A PUFF!). Yet it’s not getting easier! My nic withdrawals are getting a bit easier thank GAWD. I haven’t projectile vomiting in at least 2 weeks! Yay! It’s fascinating how much my body reacted. I'm thinking of writing a mini short. Maybe a horror. Anyway...hello focus. Losing alot of that lately! (Oh ya...thats a fucking withdrawl sympton) I'm trying so hard to be good. To be positive. To be healthy. To be...well I don’t know....me..but happy? It’s harder then I want to admit. One thing I have noticed about myself, is I've stopped apologizing for who I am. I'm a tomboy. I'm strong. I'm independent. I'm mouthy. I'm not negative but I'm realistic. I have more balls then most men I know. And I'm not sorry. I'm not a girly girl, I never will be. I can’t try to change that anymore. Now the challenge is finding a guy who likes that, loves that actually and a guy who doesn’t feel the need to run off with someone else 2 seconds after we start hanging out. Sigh. Did I mention EVERYONE is pairing off with someone now of course?!. Sigh again.
Moving on.
I still heart my boss. My job is super boring and annoying at the moment, but my boss is awesome and I do love working where I work. It makes such a difference when you’re working for an organization that actually gives a shit about their employees. Well at least in my department anyway. I'm still acting, but being way way more choosy. I loooooooooooooved my burlesque show - and those of you who came out - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You know how nervous I was. And I did it!!!!! You got to witness me actually dancing in front of people and not falling on my face!!!! My father who is Mr. Critical (and actually came to an 11pm show in LBC with mom, Shane and D!) loved my performance. I mean LOVED it! I was so stoked that those of you who came out enjoyed my stint. I did too, and I remember how much I love to make people laugh. It’s been so long since I've done a comedy and I'm reminded how much I love it. Sadly, I looked into a few to audition for, but they actually aren’t that funny
:( But I'm joining up with this burlesque troupe and I'm sure it will have more interesting challenging situations coming up! I do feel good with the acting right now, since I was criticized a bit too much for a while, and realized I need to not take certain people's opinions as truth. I was pleasantly surprised to get some awesome feedback as of late on my acting abilities. By quite a few people!! This made me feel better, and much more confident.
That being said, I HAVE TO get on the creativity train again. I'm torn. I'm trying very hard to share myself with creativity and active lifestyle. I have found my nitch in being active again which is awesome, and I'm also going to embrace my tomboy strong nature and pursue martial arts, or capoeira, or something where I’m hitting something. Because you know what? I love it. I do. That’s me. (Note to self...get 85lb ever last back from old roomie....)
On a good note, another thing I realized about myself, is I think one of my purposes in this odd life we have here is that I'm to bring people together. It happens all the time, and I'm actually now trying to make an effort if I see people who have similar interests I try to at least introduce then they can go from there. Its kind of rad actually because its happening.
So I'm trying folks. I'm running into some very interesting walls, but I'm bashing through them. I'm becoming more accepting of who I am and I think that’s good. I may be looking into therapy tho...so if I do I will of course try my best to humorously report on it!
Wish me luck my comrades!