Positive Injection Please...

I need it.
I'm feelin a bit low lately - not like I used to though!!! Lets just clarify that right now! Pretty much for the season of winter has always been a hard time for me, fighting through the cold crappy dry weather (yes for SoCal...) is a big part, but for some reason depression usually hits the hardest around this time. BUT! For the last...probably 3 years or so I havent had that problem. I was JUST talking with my roomie about that the other day, how glad I am I dont go through those really low points anymore. I believe growing and changing has stopped that but there are a few moments like now that I'm just feeling a little blue. So I'm going to whine a bit on this blog because I can.
I've slacked on the photo taking but there actually hasnt really been anything all that exciting going on anyway. I'm having a bit of a rough patch. I know being sick YES AGAIN!!!! is not helping. A little over a week ago, I got my yearly sinus infection. Unfortunatly I get these once a year it seems around this time. The left side of my face feels like mini knives are shooting through it, my left glad swells slightly and I get the awful ugly god forsaken fever blister on my lip. This is the only time in my life I become completely vain. I feel so ugly and embarrased (even though its not that bad, friends who know how much I want to crawl in a hole convince me its not that bad but still). I hate it. Then for some reason this time around - the fucking cold followed it up. Fri nite I started feeling blargh and bam - cold. Awesome. So here I type - sniffling and annoyed. I did actually to to my Dr. today - I had made a yearly appointment and happen to get sick beforehand. He's not too worried about the cold, doesnt know what to do with the sinus infection and thinks I'm peachy keen. I get bloodwork this week, but I'm probably fine. Except for the foot - I am to go to another Dr. to get that looked at and dealt with. Fuck. I'm not gonna lie...a lil freaked out about that.
I'm still in the show I am not enjoying, but only one more weekend left THANK GAWD. I didnt get cast in a show I really wantd to be in, I'm only a bitty part in this fundraiser I am really looking foward too so I'm fighting the acting inferiority complex and wonder if I've been wasting my life all these years. I've barely touched my camera and my notebook lies empty. Needless to say my creativity is not flowing right now and that is killing me. I'm lonley and confused with the boy scene as per usual and I did decide to go to Coachella which I'm excited about but did of course take a financial hit. Plus all thats going on in the world right now is ripping my heart apart.
So blah. There's the purge, a small portion of it because I dont even want to hear myself whine too much. Ugh. I do hate these phases, but this too shall pass right?
Lets some up some good stuff....A couple of people have noticed my working out paying off. I've gotten a couple of surprise compliments which makes me feel really good. (more please). A dear friend of mine is preggers with her 2nd...which weirdly I knew before she told me...then another good friend is preggers with her 1st...I had a dream about her being with kid before she told me...and did I mention I knew one of my co-workers was preggo months before she told me? She's calling me the baby whisperer. I surprised another dear friend for her bday dinner one nite - surrounded by ALOT of children and handled it quite well I might add. I caught up with a dude I love so much who I used to work at PSO with and we caught each other up on our new jobs, etc. A few dinners with other friends, catching up and celebrated my Papa's 96th birthday Fri nite. So its been a decent few weeks aside from fighting the depression.
So on ward and upward I hope. I know once I'm not sick and dont look like a diseased whore I'll perk up a bit. I'm thinking its ok I didnt get cast, because I'm trying to focus on me right now and look what No Exit did to me. I'm also trying to convice myself its ok to be single, because I'm FOCUSING ON ME. I never realized how friggin hard it is to focus on myself. I've got to throw myself into some new stuff, something I need/want. The problem is I just dont think I know what that is yet, but I need to take the time to find out.
I can get through this.
I can.