I had an interesting revelation the other day.
I haven't been truly taking care of me.
I mean I haven't been totally neglecting myself but there's been a shift. I moved in with my boyfriend and his little and then a month later COVID hit. Combine trying to navigate our way through a pandemic and adjust to living together turned into the longest but shortest but weirdest year that I've officially decided to just look at as one big long bad day. Honestly 2020 was truly a blur of depression, anxiety, fear, etc. Yes we of course had good times and good moments and I'm very grateful and all that but this blog isn't about that. It's about the fact that I realized I lost myself a bit and that's not good.
Our trio has now adjusted to living together I'd say, and we do have some pretty regular routines - especially with COVID when those options are super limited. I think for the first part I was always concerned about entertaining them. Making sure they were happy. That everything was always kosher. Little did I realize I fell down that path and that's all I've been doing is worrying about everyone else.
I've learned how to navigate running a household, because yes - I kind of run it. I make sure it's clean, orderly (without being too naggy), try to make sure the boy and his kid and the dog are happy and dinners happen on time and etc etc etc. I do feel like I've brought a caring women's touch to the place and I of course plan to keep it up and I like it, I do. But I need to start fitting in some true "me" time.
Throughout the pandemic I was constantly trying to not sink into a giant pit of despair and depression, and this did consist of some self care but it was more about surviving. We seem to be starting to see the other side of this thing and I need to start focusing on myself more and stop worrying so much about everyone else. I mean - I'll always worry about everyone else, but let's put some Jami in there shall we?
The other day I was standing in my bathroom staring at my ginormous tub. I realized I haven't take a bath in almost a year. So one night of our usual TV watching I opted out for the last couple of hours and ventured upstairs, closed the door, put on a facemask, turned on some soothing music and soaked in my huge tub. It was glorious. I remembered how much I love how relaxing baths can truly be. I then meditated rather successfully and had one of the best nights sleep I've had all year.
I realized - I need to do this more often. Not only more bathtime fun, but just taking the time to do things that I truly enjoy. Just do them. So that's my goal.
My birthday ended up being a product of that goal. I also realized it had been over a year since I had set foot on a beach. I love the beach. I used to go all the time. But again...pandemic...depression. Plus Pat isn't a huge beach guy so when he and I do get out it's hiking or some other just as lovely outing, but not usually ocean. So - I decided to take the day off work, grab my camera and hit the beach. Here's the result of that! Beach Day
Which is another thing I have missed this year - taking photos. I so miss the hell out of my little photo/adventure group. We were hitting up some cool places and having so much fun and I know we will again, but it's been so hard to not see that crew. When I took my camera to Idyllwild and Julian last year when we did safely escape for a few days - I loved it. My pictures came out so good and it was so fun to shoot again. My dear friend Amber ventured out with me a couple of times - masked and social distanced of course - and we did some mini photo days. I loved them. Here's a result of one of them. Oak Canyon Why am I not getting out and shooting more? This is also a goal. Just do it.
I need to take care of myself and my mental health. I can still love on all my people and care and worry about everyone else and still care of me. I've lost a little of me and I need to get her back.
I did have a just lovely birthday! Quarantine or not. I made the best of it! All throughout the day I was receiving texts, posts, calls and all kinds of love. It made so happy and even though I was alone most of the day I felt the love. The night before we celebrated a little at the house since the kiddo was here. Pat got me a delicious rich cake and they sang happy birthday to me!
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| So rich and so good! |
On the day you'll see in the link above the pictures I took! It was so nice and quiet. I drove down to Capistrano Beach to look for rocks/sea glass. I had seen a friend post about it a few months ago and I've been wanting to get down there and check it out myself. So lovely!
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| This is 45 |
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| I collected rocks and sea glass and now have it on my makeshift desk to remind me of the lovely day I had! |
I then hit up Dana Harbor and treated myself to a lunch, looking out over the boats. The waiter was so sweet when he found out I was alone on my birthday but I assured him I was having a lovely day.
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| Got to have some bubbly for my birthday! |
Then I drove to the other side of the Harbor and did a little geocaching! There were a lot of people so I only found two - but I found two!
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| The 2nd pic didn't come out - but I found 2! |
Around 2pm or so I headed back to Orange and mom wanted me to stop by so I could have birthday fun with them. We sat outside and visited and she, Stacy and my Grandad showered me with gifts. She even decorated the dining room knowing I would be walking through there to the outside!
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| So apparently my mom was trying to blow up the 4 and it blew up...so - Happy 5th? LOL! |
When I got home some friends had sent me a Bunt Cake!
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| Flowers from moms garden, bundt from friends and baked goods from mom! This birthday is gonna get me fat! |
Then when Pat finished up his workday he took me to a yummy sushi dinner! Because of course - that's what I must have for my birthday dinner.
I truly had a lovely birthday and I look forward to getting out of this pandemic, finding myself again and ready to tackle 45!
