Smoking...

I miss it...
Oh do I miss it...
October 5th was 7th months.
My body is not reacting as violently as it was. But I'm still having some issues. I had my 1st chest X-ray yesterday. Dr. thinks it'll be fine, but they want to just check it out since I've been having odd feelings in my chest. Personally I think my lungs are confused, because they don’t get the daily intake of smoke. They miss it too.
I remember the 1st cigarette of the day. That burning sensation down your throat. That long exhale of swirly smoke. That smell. That taste. That feeling. Only a smoker will know that this paragraph is like heaven. I miss it.
The cravings have not gone away, really at all. My Dr. said "You'll never be a non-smoker. You'll always be a recovering smoker. It's like alcoholism. But nicotine is the most addictive one you can do." He smiled and followed up with "You were a loser before, now you’re making efforts to take care of yourself. You've given yourself life." Yup. He's my new primary Doctor. I like him.
I still miss it. And from the sounds of it I always will. I still don’t feel any "Better". I don’t notice any differences. I don’t feel any different or better or cleaner or breathe better or any of that. Doc says I won’t for a year. So, guess we'll see. Oh how I miss it.
I have to say - I am proud of myself. I really didn’t think I could ever do it. I still can’t believe I actually did. I'm not exaggerating when I say a cigarette has not touched my lips. I honestly think I'm afraid if I have one puff I'll go back. It's actually getting a bit harder to be around smokers because I miss it so much. Being around the smoke is like dangling candy in front of a diabetic. I really don’t want to become one of those friends to my smoking friends that can’t be around them now that I don’t smoke, but it's getting harder it seems.
Oh how I miss it.
I guess it was time though. This is why I was able to do it. I feel like I lost a part of myself. It's really the strangest feeling. It's like something is missing from my life.
Goodbye my sweet dear friend American Spirits. Your yellow box was my favorite. I can taste you as I type this. Your sweet smell that you left on my fingers and on my clothes. You were always with me. Like an extension of my arm. Just there. You were there for me during stressful times, sad times, happy times. But I had to let you go. It's time.
Oh how I miss it.
Almost a year now.
I miss you.