Ramblings....: May 2023

I’m not sure why I’m writing about this. I suppose to share my journey with something that isn’t talked about very often I feel like. But I think it should be.

May 4^th I had a hysterectomy. I had the version that’s done Laparoscopically/Robotically. They took it all except the ovaries. Some women have these due to cancer scares, some due to pain or issues with the area, some (as in my case) with a fibroid party going on in there, and I’m sure there are many more reasons I don’t have listed here. It’s supposed to be out-patient. Like they take care of this and send you home later that day. Which is a damn trip right?!

So here’s my story:

I was put on Birth Control when I was young. Like 16 or 17. I had horrible periods that completely debilitated me, and I have a pretty high pain threshold. They were also super irregular and just a mess. So – the pill it was. I was on it my whole life. They may futz with the doses here and there if I had issues, but been on it since. Then about 5-ish years ago I had some fibroids show up – and my periods started getting wonky again. They told me to continually dose – meaning skip the period week. That was damn glorious! The fibroids seemed to halt, so they just kept an eye on them – my normal yearly exam always being followed with a (not fun at all) Pelvic Ultra Sound. I’d bleed a smidge randomly here and there but they said that was fine. Until about a bit over a year ago. I started basically having wonky periods again, even though I was continually dosing on the pill. I had a Hysteroscopy in October of 2022. He removed a couple of fibroids thinking that would do the trick. Nope. Time to just take the whole kit and caboodle.

Now – I’ve had some friends who have gone through this. I reached out. I got a lot of different experiences back. Most seemed pretty positive. “Best thing I ever did!” “Recovery not nearly as bad as I thought!” “It was brutal” “Listen to your body and recover” etc etc. One good friend of mine had it done basically a few weeks before me, so she was keeping me updated on her progress. I was thinking it wasn’t going to be so bad.

Well – in my case – it was weird. If someone was to ask me how is it – I’d say “It’s fucking weird”. It’s more mental than you’re expecting. Like – I think I’m in my head way more than I should be. But – they took organs OUT OF MY BODY through 4 incisions in my belly. One of those incisions being my belly button – which lemme tell you – already freak me the fuck out. It’s also your lady parts. Like that’s one of the main important things that makes me a lady. It’s weird. Now – let me get one thing straight – I never wanted kids. I just never had that desire/yearning/want/whatever. I wasn’t oppose to it per say – but it certainly wasn’t important to me. If it happened, it happened but I wasn’t trying or needed a kid. So I can understand where some women grieve this. They’ve lost the one thing we have that creates kiddos. That was taken away. Like for real. Like no babies for sure now. And even being someone who never really wanted kids – that’s a weird “final” feeling ya know? But it’s certainly a strange feeling.

Physically – I didn’t do great at 1^st. Anesthesia and I are NOT friends. I’m put under- it’s basically a guarantee I’m going to wake up and puke. Not only did that happen – but I couldn’t wake up. I tried to about 3 times, and couldn’t wake up and apparently yelled at the nurse “I can’t see you!! I can’t wake up!!” and I remember that and it was weird and terrifying. Then when I did finally come too I was so sick. My mouth was so horribly dry. I felt AWFUL. They gave me 5 different anti-nausea drugs, one even a shot in my arm, and nothing touched me. The anesthesiologist did his damn best but it just didn’t work. It got to the point where they had one more to try and the Dr said forget it – she just needs to get the anesthesia out of her body. This resulted in them having to actually admit me to the hospital and keep me overnight. So that was awesome. After much demanding I was able to go home the next evening.

The recovery has been ok. You can’t do ANYTHING for 2 weeks. So I was just watching TV, coloring, reading magazines, making Pat crazy. It wasn’t really painful – in fact didn’t touch the pain meds. I’ve been having more issues with my digestive tract than anything. Being laid up just doesn’t fair well for people like me. There were times I felt a bit sore. Or I felt the incisions – like they didn’t hurt but they were like “Hi I’m here!!”. Sleeping was hard sometimes since you want to stay on your back. Just weird.

Post op went well. He took off the surgical tape. Now I have weird bumpy things surrounded by a bit of bruising on my belly that I assume are the stiches underneath but it’s gross and kinda freaks me out. Guess I’m more squeamish than I realized. He also gave me a picture of my insides before and after. That is really weird. It does also make you realize that there’s a lot of healing that needs to happen inside. This put a little more in perspective when he said you can increase activity by a little each day. I was so hoping for a “Your good to go!”. But after two weeks that’s not the case. I can drive again and do a little, but your innards got a ways to go. There’s another post op in a month. Sigh.

My plan is to walk as much as I can take (you do get tired and/or sore) and maybe start the Peloton again doing easy rides. No core exercises until after the final Post Op though and no real heavy lifting.

Pat did his best trying to keep me idle. I instructed housework directions and laundry from the couch. He yelled at me if he caught me doing something. He was a good housewife. My mom and Libby stayed with me when Pat had to be away. Another friend came and took Poe out for a couple of hours to give me some rest. I received beautiful bouquets that you’ll see below. Cards, texts phone calls checking in. I’m surrounded by wonderful people. And so very grateful for that.

I will say – this was pretty heavy. Those of you that may have to have this procedure – take care of yourself. It’s so hard to just rest. To heal. To be patient. I am one of the most impatient healers of all time. It’s not easy. But it’s a big deal. It’s a big emotional deal too. That’s why I think we should share our stories and talk about it more. As women we do a lot. We’re emotional. We bear children. We have so many more things to deal with than men. It’s damn true. From our yearly exam to anything dealing with these parts of our body to getting equal fucking rights to so much else. We’re magnificent creatures. So it’s hard to lose a big part of our lady-hood. I think it’s down played a lot but goddamnit it shouldn’t be. I do look forward to no more issues, no more pap smears and pelvic ultrasounds, no more BC pill and def no oops baby. Hell it will be nice to not spend so much time at my OBGYN’s office. But I’m emotional. I’m vulnerable. And it’s fucking weird.