Just kidding...

Well, you won’t be reading any humorous posts about math. I had to drop the class. And no it wasn’t me giving up, it was the teacher recommending me to and honestly also realizing something that makes me physically ill is just not worth it.
Here's how it went down:
So you had read that Labor Day Monday I yarfed from starting to do my homework and stressing so hard it got me sick. Unfortunatley, I've also come to realize that when stress hits me, it hits me harder than it used to and sadly more physically. So Thursday class rolled around (This would have been Day 4 if I continued). The teacher started her usual teachings with me sitting there completely lost and trying to ignore the annoying children around me. She then said we were doing an assignment in class. She passed out something from our workbooks and we were to do all the problems. I have never in my entire life had this happen to me - but I froze. I stared down at my worksheet and didn’t know shit. One of the problems could have been what's 2 + 2 and I don’t think I would have known the answer. I have heard about people freezing up when taking tests and always thought, well that's silly. Just relax and get through it. Well I had my first experience. The numbers blurred and my mouth started to water with that familiar feeling meaning I'm going to throw up. I started to break out into a cold sweat and my head start splitting. "SERIOUSLY!!!" I thought to myself. "This is ridiculous, calm down. Get a fucking hold of yourself". I took deep breaths and tried to focus. It wasn’t working. The teacher came over and tried to help me. She might as well have been talking in Russian. I had no idea. She came back and wrote down a tutors name for me. I stared at the problems and seriously could not do 1 fucking problem. I just stared down at my blank answers and fought off the tears and nausea and humiliation. I wanted to die. She came back and knelt by me. "I've been watching you, and I see you not getting it. You’re not going to pass this class. (She knew my situation). These kids just came out of pre-algebra, so they understand but it's been too long for you". I just silently nodded praying to anyone that I would not have an Exorcist moment with this woman and yarf in her face. "I think you should drop the class and take a pre-algebra somewhere. Then come back and I promise this will be a breeze!". She was very sweet, and very right. I nodded numbly and stumbled out of the class my face red with embarrassment as I felt the eyes of all the kids wondering what the hell just happened and the few within earshot who knew.
I got back to the office, tried to get it together, failed and promptly ran to the restroom and lost my breakfast. I came back to my desk trying to pull it together, but I couldn’t. After 2 more trips to the bathroom, my sweaty pale dumbass slinked into my boss’s office and thru tears of humiliation and embarrassment told her a very short version of what happened and could I go home.
I love this woman so much. She's extremely understanding, and sent me off, me promising to see an internist. (Which I have an appt. October 3rd, because I have had some tummy issues going beyond this stress situation, but more on that later).
I came home, slept for 4 hours, woke up and cried for 2.
The next day after getting myself together, I dropped the class, returned my books (which was a feat in itself, but we won’t get into that) and told my co-horts the news.
I've never felt like that. I've never reacted like that. I know the world is full of so many worse things and this is probably petty to most people, but I've learned over the years not to discount my drama because it's important to me. Yes I'm aware of all the worse things, but right now this for some reason completely fucked me up. I really don’t know why. I guess my angst for math was way deeper than I thought.
But - not all is totally lost.
I still haven’t made up my mind what I want to do yet, but I had lunch with the gal in admissions who helped me out and she told me about a self-paced math class at OCC. She also said, if I get through that (It would cover the 2 elementary classes I would have taken at Chapman), I could go straight to statistics and knock out my math completely. So we'll see. I plan on looking into it for sure, but will make a decision when this awful experience isn’t so fresh on my mind.
The positives are the admissions gal seems pretty cool, she's my age and single so I may have made a new single friend since all mine seem to be dwindling at a very rapid rate. Don’t get me wrong - I'm super happy for my friends who are moving in with significant others, having families, getting married. It's just starting to get a little lonely.
The other positive is I did actually survive, and realize how bad off I really am when it comes to math. So if I decide to tackle it again, I need to do it a different way.
I can focus more on the sketch comedy I have coming up next weekend which I'm super excited about and I still have 2 more races coming up that I'm ultra-excited about. My boxing burn classes have started up again, and it looks like I've joined a bowling league!
So thank you all for the support and I still may be calling on you math whizzes next semester!

Math Woes...

So, in my usual form - when I have something I despise in my life, or something that pisses me off, or makes me not the happy wack job Jami you all know and love, I'll try to humorously blog about it!
Here we go.
It starts like this. I work at Chapman. I can get an education for free. I never got a degree, so here's my chance. I was going to finish my BA in Theater - but I've come to realize you really need to be a full time student to do this. And - sorry Chapman Children - but I can act circles around you. Don’t get me wrong - I do plan on taking a few acting classes here and there if I can, but for a major it just won’t work now that I'm at this age with a full time job. So - I'm going with my other love - Creative Writing. It's going to take me a helluva long time to get this - but that's totally fine with me. I 'm really in no hurry; I just want to learn more and actually have something of substance in my life at the end of it.
So - in order for me to do this - I have to take math. Not only math - but 4 classes of math. I hate math. I have anxiety about math. In fact - fucking math made me actually puke yesterday. Yup. I was trying so hard to figure it out, it caused a migraine then causing me to barf and lose an entire day. Labor Day at that.
I'm not gonna lie - I'm still back and forth whether I'm going to drop it or not. But fear not - it wouldn’t be a drop and forget it kind of thing...more of a drop it - learn the basics and try it again. I haven’t taken math since I was 14 years old and I failed it then. So when I was told I have to take math, I told them to stick me in the lowest and not even bother with a placement test. Sadly the lowest class isn’t low enough I'm realizing. I should have a basic knowledge of algebra - which I don’t. So - I'm giving it one more week or two, to see if I drown before I decide if I can power thru or should stop - re learn how to add and start over. I'm hoping with the support and help friends have offered, the survival guide my boss bought me, and the website a friend showed me - I may be able to squeak through. We'll see.
So in the meantime - I'm of course going to try to humorously talk about it sometimes here on my rambly blog that I'm still flattered and floored that alot of you still read :).

Day 1.
Holy Shit. I'm sitting here in a remedial math class at Chapman U. I, of course, am older then all these kids. I'm listening to some of them (so far all girls) complain to each other that they don’t test well. One gal said she took this class once already. It seems pretty unanimous that everyone is embarrassed to be in this class. Most have lap tops. I'm starting to feel like Reese Wetherspoon in Legally Blonde with my Composition notebook. Damn where's my fuzzy pink pen. I can’t explain the feeling I'm having being a 35 year old sitting in the lowest math class with a bunch of (still all girls) kids who probably are not even of legal age yet. They all check each other out and introduce themselves. But not to me. I have my nose buried in my notebook writing this. I didn’t test into this class. I 'm here because I don’t remember shit about math. There are 2 girls very pissed off they tested into here. Oh please get me through this. There are alot of excuses I'm hearing about why they are here. How the hell do I explain my situation? "Hi there! I'm a 35 year old actor who never finished school. Now I have the opportunity to go here for free (I'm sure their rich parents would love that one), so I'm attempting to actually obtain one of these things you people call degrees!". And in walks in this little Polish Woman with a fantastic accent. I'll skip to the end of class here - I cried the entire way back to my office. I didn’t understand shit. She kept saying this was crap you should already know. As I looked around at the kids annoyed expressions that they were having to go over this again - I realized how little I really did know. I almost quit right then. But - there were lots of encouraging emails, phone calls and a happy hour with some co-workers that kept me from giving up right then.
The next day.
Since I decided to go through with this, my little posse and I headed to the registrar and I signed up. I also went to buy my books. $400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually know what an anxiety attack feels like now. My chest tightened and I started swaying as I stared at the price. John/Bri searched the area for a cheaper version, and then tried very hard to keep me from flipping out. "Math are the most expensive books. Once you’re done with math, none will be this high" John said. "At least it covers 2 classes?" Bri said unsure. My chest tightened more as I grabbed the stack and got in line. Glad I brought my Visa (I just fucking paid off!!!!). Funny side bar - a kid asked me a question then replied with "Werd." He was completely serious. I made a comment about it in the daily report I sent out and sparked all kinds of fun discussions. Anyway...so the gal at the counter asks me "How'z your day?" "Well it was just fine until I saw the price of these books!". She wilted behind the counter and meekly said "You can sell them back later..." For maybe a third of the price I find out. I want to cry.
Day 2.
I take a deep breath and hope hope hope it makes more sense today. Now the kids are getting to know each other, and one girl is really annoyed she's in the class and doing everything in her power to get out. I again avoid eye contact and doodle waiting for the teacher. She pops in. I have to say - as much as I have no idea what the hell she's talking about - she's hilarious. She tells little stories makes the class laugh. I leave the class, and call my lil bro giving him an earful of how much this sucks.
In between.
So I'm trying to do the homework (Seriously so much!) and Bri is helping me at lunches, and I'm running things by Court (Rose you'll be getting emails soon), etc etc etc. It takes me probably 10 times longer to do a problem than it does one of the kids because I have NO IDEA. Proof - Monday I barfed from the anxiety.
Day 3 was today.
The angry girl cant get out of the class, so she's not happy. The kids must have just started doing the homework because they are all mortified how much there is and how long it takes. The pissy girl says "Oh it's easy, just time consuming". I wanted to punch her.
My boss ordered me a book called The Survival Guide to Algebra. I'm starting to read it and it's a kick. I'm hoping it'll help me out and I'm feeling good that it will somewhat. Bri is determined to see me through and probably already ready to kick my ass 3 different ways because I'm such a pain. But god love her - she's sticking to helping me. I still didn’t understand shit today in class, but I finished my homework - sort of tonite, with many question marks to ask Bri at lunch tomorrow. There's a few things I get, but most things I dont. I'm hoping with enough help and patience from myself and my friends I can get through this.
Wish me luck.
I'll try to keep humorous tid bits throughout. I think the 1st test will really be a test of me being able to grasp this crap.
I'm trying.
Lord am I trying.
To those of you helping me now and that will be helping me in the future - I fucking love you.